The Beauty of Relief

So verily, with every difficulty, there is a relief.
The Quran

Relief

I am thinking a lot of relief.  I see it as a gift and a blessing....a way of experiencing contrast with  appreciation.  After every struggle, challenge, incident of suffering...there is relief.  It is the light that follows the dark times.

We experience this relief especially when it comes after a bout of physical pain.  My back is better.  I mean it is still not 100% but I can move a lot easier and I am not getting stuck in my chair. :)  Realizing it was gone as I squatted to take shots this weekend filled me with such joy.  Relief is a beautiful feeling.

A Boring Personal Rant about Relief

Life wanted to offer a little more contrast so I would see even more acutely the beauty of relief.  While I was shooting those pics this weekend I was in the middle of an angina attack...one of the worst I have had in a while. 

I could feel it coming on Friday.  I had this feeling of being physically wiped and weak.  We were planning on going away on Saturday and I was so looking forward to it.  When the weakness hit, however, it wiped me of any oompf or excitement  I had.  Still I was determined to go. 

So on Saturday as we were driving I was commenting on how my back felt better(I wanted to focus on the positive)  and just as the words left my mouth I got a little run of palpitations...  Just a little tap from the universe to remind me the lesson was not over. 

We got to our destination and the wiped feeling consumed me but I did not want to complain in fear I would make it worse and I did not want to ruin my time with D. ...So I put a smile on my face and off  we went to check out the kayaks at  one of the big outfitting stores.  I could not even consider the possibility of picking up a paddle, at the time,  let alone paddling one...so I was no help.  All I wanted to to do was sit.  We left the store no further ahead in our decision about buying one. 

Obsessed with Doing (shooting)

Later that evening I suggested we go  to the park after eight when the light was the best to get some shots.  Just as we were pulling into the parking lot I was consumed by overwhelming pain.  I quietly told D we would have to wait a while until it passed.  I waited ten minutes...took a shot of nitro...no relief after five minutes...took another shot.

 I should have waited a good ten minutes before getting up but I was losing the light and I was bound and determined to get some photos. I was determined not to let this body ruin it for me again...we came here to have fun and I  was going to have fun!   I was going out into that beautiful park on a lovely day, with great light and to do something I love to do  So I said I was better and off we went in search of water and light. 

I had no idea how big the park was and as I began to walk I knew I was in trouble but man I was determined to get some pictures.  The light seemed to be at the other end of the lake and it seemed like a hundred miles away to my weak legs...so I had to concede on less than great shots.

We headed to the nearest bit of water which was down hill.  I was so determined that the pain would go away once I slowed down and started shooting... that I did not consider the fact that a steep decline would eventually mean a steep incline. Oh well...the pain would go, I told myself.  It didn't. 

Once I have my lens cap off...I become a woman possessed by the spirit of Ansel Adams or something (I said spirit...not skill lol). I had to shoot and I did.  I was so short of breath,  I couldn't hold my camera right...and I had the worst camera shake. I didn't have the light I wanted so I had to compensate for that.

 Don knew I was in trouble then...he told me how pale I was but I couldn't stop.  He offered to carry me up the hill...I wouldn't listen.  I kept shooting.  He suggested going to get the car and driving down over the embank...still I wouldn't listen.  I was shooting!  The pain kept getting worse.  It was hard to breathe.  I had to sit but I couldn't put the camera down.

The Quiet Little Voice

Then finally it was like the quiet little voice inside me got urgent and said:  "Stop!!!" I reluctantly handed my camera over to D.  I took another shot of nitro, waited the five minutes,  and up the hill we went stopping every two feet.  It was pathetic!  Finally we got back to the car and the weakness was all consuming.  Don suggested going right to the hospital.  I thought for a moment that maybe we should go ...but as always...I recall past experiences and I hesitate.

 I told D...we would drive back to the motel and the pain should be gone by the time we get there. Like I know better than that...but anyway.  By the time we got back the pressure was off my chest and I could breathe better.  After a half hour of resting I felt even better.  I felt the relief I was looking for. ...a relief that would have come a lot sooner if I would only listen to my body!!!

The Moral of the Story

Moral of this story...listen to the body.  My back pain becomes chest pain, my chest pain becomes pelvic pain with short little periods of relief between each.  Why?  My body is telling me to slow down...but my mind is telling me I need a bit of adventure, fun, change in my life. 

Is there a battle here between mind and body? 

Relief is showing me what could be once I learn to get the mind and body working together for balance in my life. We are meant to feel relief and to appreciate it...but we have to actually let ourselves feel it from time to time.

Anyway...I am way off topic.  I will post this for now with the belief that it was meant to come out for whatever reason...and I will come back later to make it more reader friendly.  lol.

All is well in my world.