Helen Keller
Wanting
What do you wish for? More money or, if you are like me, at least enough to get by lol. More health? Happiness? A big home? A better job? That promotion? Recognition? A relationship? A healthier relationship? What is it that you want? More importantly, how do you want?
Sometimes we get lost in our wanting.
Though wanting is necessary for our growth and expansion we need to be very mindful of how we are wanting.
If we want from a state of lacking and despair...we focus our attention on the empty feeling of not having what we want. This empty feeling of longing desperately enfolds us like a dark cocoon that keeps us from the light desire is meant to offer.
We focus on not having. We concentrate on what we don't yet have. We dwell on the absence of , creating more and more distance between the thing of our desire and where we are. We focus on the seemingly widening time and space between us and it. We live the experience of being without.
We begin to focus on the very opposite of what it is we want. We concentrate on how little we have in our account now; how small our house is now; how far from wellness we seem to be now; how much we hate our present job and how the boss will never promote us over so and so now. We focus on our loneliness or all the things that are wrong in our relationships now.
When we experience this phenomenon we are lost in wanting. We are stuck in it. We feel abandoned, victimized, left out, forgotten, unworthy, unappreciated, punished, less than, angry, hungry, desperate, frustrated, hopeless and in despair because we do not have what we want.
These feelings bring us down the emotional ladder, farther away from the joy we assume the fulfillment of our desire will provide. Ironically, the more we want from a state of "not having"...the farther away from this fulfillment we seem to be.
Many of us want from this state of "not having." Do you? If you are there...how much do you appreciate? Are you even aware of the things you do have in your life? The blessings?
Wanting is the thing that allows us to grow and expand as human beings. It sets us apart from all other creatures. If we did not want we would not receive. We would not grow. We would not expand. We are meant to want for the evolution of our species!! We just need to be careful how we do it. So how do we want in the healthiest way?
Ten Steps to Healthy Wanting
1. Accept where you are right now. Accept life as it is right now. Accept this moment, whatever is in it, as being exactly the way it is meant to be right now. Do not resist it. Do not focus on all the things you do not want in it...see them...yes... but just let them be. Don't spend your energy building cases against what is. So right now you do not have a lot of money. Like me, you may be struggling just to get by. That's okay...it is what it is right now. Maybe you are in a job you do not like...that's okay, it is what it is right now. Maybe you do not have a significant person in your life...that's okay...it is what it is right now. You do not have to "like" the way things are but you will get no where until you at least acknowledge and accept things the way they are. Resistance of what is will keep you stuck!
2. Know that contrast starts the fulfillment of your desire. It is when we have things in our life that we do not want...that we begin to want. We automatically send out little rockets of desire, as Abraham calls them, when we recognize these things we would rather not have or the lack of something. This is the contrast that sets the wheels in motion. If you are experiencing pain...you automatically send a desire out for pain relief. If you are experiencing hunger...you automatically send a desire out for food. When you experience loneliness...you automatically send a desire out for companionship. When a bill collector calls...you automatically send a desire out for more money (I have a lot of rockets going in that direction lol). You do not necessarily have to be conscious of these desires when you are conscious of the contrast. So think of it this way: the more contrast you have in your life (the more lack you perceive, the more pain, suffering etc.) means the more fulfilled desire you will have when you are ready to receive. The amount of "yucky" you are experiencing now is equal to the amount of "goodies" waiting for you on the other side of this wanting continuum.
3. Recognize the contrast and then quickly let it go. This is the hard part. Know what is missing, what you do not yet have but let it go. So you know your bank account is in the red. You are aware of that contrast. Great...now let it go. Do not focus on it. Do not put a lot of energy into thinking about it, worrying about it or trying to fix it or control it. Just let it go trusting in the universal laws to provide the contrast for it.
4. Replace that feeling of lack with appreciation of what you have. This is the time to count your blessings. Search high and search low for things to be grateful for...and there are plenty. Some days you may be challenged. Be grateful on those days for the fact that you are alive, that you can breathe...those are amazing miracles within themselves. Every time you are challenged by a reminder of how little you have, or what you are missing...focus on what you do have. "I only have ten dollars in my account but I have a house full of love." You need to feel the appreciation...so keep practicing with the blessing replacements that make you sincerely feel the most appreciation. Keep a long list of blessings that you collect over a period of time that you can refer to on those days when it seems really challenging to find that feeling.
5. Be Grateful in general. Practice feeling gratitude. It is the one emotion that can bring us up quickly and take us closer to the fulfilment of our desire. Use the ten second "Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! " reboot throughout the day. This increases a general feeling of appreciation. It is a way of tapping into the feeling of gratitude that comes from simply being alive.
6. Want from a state of having. Know what you have to be grateful for in terms of your blessings but also know that what you desire, you already have. Once you recognized your contrast...your desire was fulfilled. You just don't realize it yet,in terms of your sensual experience, because you created this time space distance between you and it. Know that it is there waiting for you. Affirm to yourself, "I asked so I have received."
7. Be grateful for having the things you want. Say a prayer of gratitude for having the things you want. "Thank you for the money in my account", even though you are in the red. " Thank You for my health," even though you feel like crap. "Thank you for my new soul mate," even though they have not knocked on the door yet. "Thank you for this new job" even though you are still parking in the same parking spot you have been parking in for fifteen years.
Practice being grateful as if what you wanted is already here.
8. Act as if you have what you want. You can also act as if you have what you want. If you want money, for example, act as if you have money. Give some away to the less fortunate...to those who have less than you. One of the greatest lessons my father ever taught us growing up was that, "There is always someone else out there that needs it more than you, so make it a point to give." That lesson has seen me through some of my darkest perceptions of lack. Give to those who need it more than you. You can also keep some money...even if you do not spend it...in your wallet...like a 100 dollar bill. Know it is there and you will perceive a full wallet and abundance. If you want recognition from others...act as if you have it. Walk around with your chin up and a smile of gratitude on your face for all your adoring fans. Act as if until you know what is.
9. Feel like your desire has been fulfilled right now. You assume that once you reach your dreams you will feel a certain way...you will be happy, peaceful, confident etc. You do not have to wait until you get the object of your desire before you feel this way. It is not the thing that you want...it is the feeling that you assume the thing will bring. You do not need the future or things to bring those feelings to you. You want the peace and security you assume financial stability will bring? Find peace and stability in this moment. You want the love you think a soul mate will bring? Feel love in this moment. Things do not bring feelings...we bring feelings. The future is not where our life is...this moment is
10. Make it your priority in life to feel good now. If we want to live the lives we are meant to live, we need to feel good...love, joy, enthusiasm, bliss. Those are the feelings that are meant for us. We also need to recognize that life is right here, right now in this moment...not in the future and it is not dependent on us getting the things we want. We need to feel "better"now, than "good", and eventually "great" . Every moment should be an advancement up the emotional ladder from the feelings wrought by "not having" to the ones blessed by having: acceptance, appreciation, peace, joy, love. It is important to feel good right now, right here. Not only will we enjoy life so much more if we do that...those darn things we wanted in the first place... will actually show up a lot faster the happier we are.
All is well in my world.
References:
Hicks, Ester & Jerry ( 2004) Ask and It is Given. Hay House.
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