You have one choice to make  in life from where you are standing right now: To feel better or to feel worse.
Paraphrased from the words of  many wonderful teachers

Only One choice

Doesn't that just make everything seem so simple?  To think we have only one choice in life to make, regardless of what is happening to us or what is going around us, makes our attempts to understand what to do as we proceed through life  much less complicated, doesn't it?  I know I feel great relief as I utter those words to myself.

You see, I am like most people (probably a little worse than many) when it comes to my awful habit of paddling up stream.  I forever find myself working harder than I have to to get things done so I can achieve what I think will make me feel better. 

Just yesterday I spent extra hours working on my course trying to get things marked for students in a hurry, thinking that it would please them and make me appear more efficient at my job. (I  tend to feel less than because of my physical limitations. I don't like feeling less than productive and  I tend to overcompensate at work).

Paddle!  Paddle! Paddle!

So yesterday, when my body wanted nothing more than to rest, I paddled with all the might my little arms could muster up stream. It was a struggle. I didn't feel well, got weak a couple of times, frustrated, pushed past that feeling...paddle, paddle, paddle, ...found myself angry and resentful over the lack of appreciation received from students  despite how much work I was doing; angry with my body for not allowing me to put more work in; blaming those outside forces like medicine and the insurance company for not helping me enough...paddle! paddle! paddle!

I started to get more and more negative as I slipped down the emotional scale to guilt and shame for working only a limited amount of hours when the college and students needed  more of me...paddle, paddle, paddle...hours went by and I had chest discomfort and palpitations (my sign to stop)...nope...I told myself, "If I sacrifice myself a little bit more, do more, put more effort in...I will feel the way I want to feel"...which was good or better than (the total opposite of less than) ... paddle, paddle, paddle.

What Did I Accomplish with all the Paddling?

So I finished what I set out to do and did I get what I wanted from the process? Did  I feel the way I wanted to feel?  I did work wise...for a moment I felt efficient and productive but that was it.   I felt unwell physically; frustrated, guilty  and resentful emotionally; and completely fried and unable to participate in a healthy way socially when I got home.  I didn't feel like "more than" anywhere but at work.  Yuck! Now I have a whole other stream of class 5 rapids to get through.

What happened in the above scenario? 

I felt something I didn't want to feel ...this less than feeling of inadequacy.  That led me to realize what I do want if even on a subconscious level...to feel like more than...to feel productive, efficient, like I can do it all.  This more than feeling...I am subconsciously convinced will lead  me to the higher goal of wellness and normalcy I long for.  So with the something I don't want comes the desire for the thing I do want.  Abraham describes this realization of what we want  as "the launching of a rocket of desire." Life Source recognizes, agrees with and instantaneously makes it happen in some vibrational energy field that is yet to become our reality somewhere down the stream. It is there already.  We asked and we received.  Our job is to get to it.  Then it will be a part of our reality.

How do we get to it?

We get it by getting there, by going with the flow of life, by matching our emotional worthiness with the life we want.  It is not about doing.  It is about trusting in those biblical words of wisdom, "Ask and you shall receive." And it is about allowing Life to take us there to what we receive as soon as we ask. We get what we want when we believe we deserve it and when we concentrate on feeling good!  It is that simple! Life wants us to have this desire. The ride there is all downstream.


Getting it all mixed up

Somewhere along the line, however, most of us  get it all mixed up. Most of us do what I did yesterday.  I, like many of you,  am caught up in this belief system that I have to "do" something to get where I want to be. I do not trust life to get me there. I tell myself  if I work really, really hard...and push against the current of my life as it is right now; if I paddle, paddle, paddle with all my might upstream...it may happen. I believe, like most of us do, that working hard, doing more, sacrifice and struggle is  the only way to get what we want from life.

So I resist what is and make my way upstream.  It doesn't feel good.  In fact sometimes it feels down right  awful and the fact that it doesn't feel good is Life's way of telling me: "Listen Chickie...you are going the wrong way...what you want is down this way...put down the damn paddle and let me take you there!" But do I listen?  No...I  reply to that feeling..."Stop being so foolish...that is all "fairy hairy nonsense."  Life isn't suppose to be easy.  We need to sweat and suffer a bit so we deserve what it is we are looking for.  The more we suffer, the more deserving we are.  I just have to paddle harder, that's all! " We keep pushing and the more we push in the wrong direction, the worse we feel.  We make a choice out of habit to feel worse.

So here we are paddling upstream, not getting anywhere near the thing we want.  The further away from it and Source we go...the worse we feel.  We feel frustrated.  Then we have to rationalize why we feel so bad...we look for people, circumstances, forces to blame for why we are so far away from what we want.  We blame Life for being too hard.  We blame our past, our present, our spouse, our boss, the neighbour down the street.  We feel angry. We draw our focus even more onto what it is "we don't want"  and those things we don't want seem to keep popping up in little boats all around us. We feel worse.  We feel we need to do more. We travel  more upstream.  We get farther away from our goal.  We begin to feel shame and guilt...farther still.  Despair and hopelessness.  We are at this point so far away it seems we will never get back. What do we do now?

Realize and accept that it is you taking you where you are going. 

You are the one paddling the boat, not the circumstances, not the people, not the luck that seems to be attacking you.  You are the one paddling upstream.  You are choosing, not necessarily consciously, but you are choosing to feel worse with every stroke of your paddle in the direction other than what life intends. You are choosing to feel worse.  Life travels  downstream...it is a natural flow of energy that requires little effort on our part.  God has our backs...the flow God provides is one of grace and ease.  When you have anything but that...you are resisting.  You are choosing to feel worse. I chose to feel worse yesterday when I could have chosen to feel better.

Make another choice.  Choose to feel better. 

That is not a tremendous leap of faith is it?  To simply say to your self, "I am going to choose to feel better."   You are not asking to be taken down the stream instantaneously.  You are not asking for everything you want to be handed to you right away. You are not expecting to go from feeling despair to joy in one split second.  All you are choosing is to feel better.  You put down the paddles and turn ever so slightly toward the loving, abundant, cooperative flow of Life as it is right now...instead of away from it. 

Decide to go with the flow, rather than against it.

So if I notice, as I did yesterday, that after a long paddle I am feeling despair....thinking I will never get to where I want to be....I simply change that thought so I feel better...the next level of better.  What is up from despair? Guilt?  Guilt is an awful emotion but it is a step up from hopelessness. I may say to myself, "Look at what I am doing.  I am not contributing enough.  This is unfair to the students and the college."  So even if I go from feeling  despair to feeling guilt..I am feeling better.  I am now pointed in the other direction, at least.  I am heading toward what I want. I turn the boat around and begin to go with the flow by  going backwards from the thinking I did yesterday. I go from guilt to anger and blame.  I start thinking about how angry I am and how unfairly I was treated.  I definitely do not want to stay here but it is a step up from guilt and shame.  From anger I go to acceptance maybe, "It is what it is." ...from acceptance to  hope "I am not where I want to be right now but I can get there in time."...from hope to peace "I am on my way to where I want to be but I am enjoying the moment as it is right now, right here."  etc etc. When I do this  I am flowing in the stream of Life and I don't even have to paddle.  I will notice that more positive things are coming my way...or at least as I become more positive I will see more positive things in life.  This positive focus will take me down the stream faster.  The better I feel the faster I go. The closer I get to the life I want, the more in tune I am with the energy that is taking me there...the more joy I feel. All I have to do is change the way I think so I feel better, one emotion at a time.

I accept that better is enough and enough is better than where I am.  With every upgrading of emotion into the positive, I am growing.  I am expanding.  I am turning in the right direction.  I am flowing downstream with Life's support rather than fighting against it.  Isn't that  an amazing thing?

All is well in my world.