Much learning does not teach understanding.
Heraclitus ( a pre-Socratic Greek philosopher)

Life Learning

Thinking a lot about these things called "thoughts" and  "feelings" and how they are actually responsible for our lives. I am thinking about the kooky New Age philosophy of deliberate co-creating and manifesting. I am thinking about here and now and how we can make the most of this life experience.  I am thinking about the importance of "feeling good."  I am actually thinking about learning.

 It is not the first time I was here in my thought process.  None of this stuff is new to my writing  either....hey...I can even say "I wrote a book about it" and mean it, lol. Yet... I often find myself  feeling like I am learning these lessons for the first time.

It is funny how this life learning works. I am a true philosopher. I question. (I am forever questioning the meaning of life).  I seek answers. These particular answers show up in one form or another. A new way of looking at life, of living life, appears. I research further.  I read about it, hear about it, study it.... gathering oodles and oodles of information. I write about it again and again. I feel like I understand it, that I know it.  I practice it. I live it.  I eat it; I sleep it; I breathe it.  It even seems to be working for me. Then... for some reason or another...doubt creeps in...I begin to question the validity of my information.

Doubting What I learn

Why?  Because sometimes...the things I learned about and I think should be happening are not happening fast enough or in the way I think they "should.".  "Hey,"  I say to myself.  "They (all those teachers and mentors I happened upon over the years) said it would happen and I would believe once it happened but it never happened!  I am still stuck in this blasted place I don't want to be in."  When I think that way, sure enough, more evidence of just how much I am stuck in the unwanted shows up in my life.  I find myself doing a 180 and going back to old previously established learning. Those old ways of looking at the world are full of doubt.

Doubt also creeps in from the reaction of others when I express what I am coming to see as truth about life.  There is criticism, concern and even fear at times.  People tend to like what is familiar no matter how it makes them feel in the long run. They may not be ready for change in any form.  New ideas about the power of the mind can be uncomfortable and fear inducing.  That is why they and the messengers who carry them are often rejected.

Doubting the Messenger

I doubt mostly though...when I really look at the messengers who pass on this information from a place of preconditioned  perception.  When I look at the teacher,  through such a narrow lens of preconceived judgment, I wonder about what I am learning.

Let's face it... some of the sources the information comes from are  a little too "out there!" for the narrow mind to understand and accept without question. Their  means of retrieving their information can be perceived as a little far-fetched to believe: People who say they are angelic messengers, a women who says she is channelling the energy of several non physical beings; people who preach the Christian faith in a totally new way ; and yogis who say they are "mystics" and have the power to go beyond time and space while they drink cobra venom from a copper cup. 

I realize at times these "messengers" are not what people in my physical reality would call normal, authentic  or mentally healthy.  Some fundamentalists would even go so far as to say they are "evil" and that I am practicing evil magic when I take the time to listen to them, read them, or study what they teach.

I also hear from others and the voices in my own head: They wouldn't be making all this money and living the life styles they are living in...if they were truly spiritual and teaching the "truth".   They are preying on the vulnerability of desperate seekers for their own selfish gains.  They aren't really in touch with God are they?  You can't believe that nonsense?

My past social conditioning tells me that if I believe the messages they offer...I am abnormal, a sucker,blasphemous , believing in magic and/or mentally unwell. These " New Age" and "old age" (some of them were born over 5000 years ago...Patanjali, Lao Tzu etc) healers, teachers, sages do not fit into what many of us were brought up to believe was the time/space reality of North American humanity.  They are different.  How then  can I trust the messenger?  If the messenger is questionable, how can I trust the message?

Doubting the Message because the Messenger is strange

When I or others  question, I begin to doubt...to step away from this learning...to turn my back on these teachers.  I live what I learned from them a little less, practice it a little less frequently, I finally forget about the wisdom they shared and I once again  find myself down and out, thrashing about in a world I think is out to get me. ...a world I am told by the "normal people" around me is what is to be expected.  I find myself in a life situation I don't particularly want and asking, "How the heck did I get here and who the heck is responsible?  I demand to talk to the manager!!!!"

I am told by the normal people of the world...not to question the manager...it is what it is...They more or less tell me: "Be afraid...be very, very afraid but at the same time suck it up, get the job done, endure the shift which lasts at most 100 years and you can get your break then when it is all over...you can talk to the Big Guy then...He will listen then.  It will all make sense then.  Until then, it is all random experience that you will never be able to make sense of...so don't bother trying to understand what you were not meant to understand.  Just trust us and what we have been told is the truth. This is the truth because we were told it was the truth ...so it has to be the truth.  Don't question it!  It is a sin to even question it!  Believe it the way it is presented.   Believe what you have been taught; what we all have been taught...you are limited, you are sick, you are poor, you are meant to suffer.  This is life."

Wow!  It doesn't take long to  go back to believing such a horrible message for the sake of fitting in to the mentality of the majority.  When I do that U turn on my exciting road of learning...and I go back to this... I find myself once again working myself to exhaustion in a shift I don't want.  I find myself  confused, somewhat hopeless, fearful and stuck in this unhappy place. 

Remembering What I Want

I miss where I was before in my learning. I miss the way I felt when I was learning these new ideas. There was hope, relief, acceptance, the beginning of true trust and faith and belief in that learning regardless of how off the wall it may seem to others. My energy levels were higher.  Here there is fear and shame and doubt  brought on by externally imposed belief that I am not supposed to question. My energy levels are dark and heavy.  It doesn't feel good. I don't like it here and realizing that I don't like it here  reminds me of what I want.  The door to the classroom is opened  for me once again.

Just as I realize I am experiencing and reacting to something I don't want ...I realize what I do want...just the opposite of what I am experiencing now.

 I want clarity.  I want truth.  I want peace.  I want hope. 

The learning begins again. 

Something familiar will show up...a lesson from one of my "kooky" teachers; a book, a video...a reminder of what they taught me and I suddenly realize that all those "strange"...less than "normal" teachers, whether they come from a place of authenticity or not,  are all teaching the same thing...they are all teaching about the need to go inward for the answers; to love self ; to breathe here and now; to be grateful; to be kind and compassionate; to forgive and to feel good. 

They are not teaching evil or magic.  They aren't pushing me toward the psych unit or ensuring I stay sick and poor and limited.  They are offering me a way out of this.  They are teaching me that there is more than this; that I am more than this.  They are holding me responsible for the life that I am living, making me accountable for my education and when they do that they empower me to change, to grow, to develop. They give me the power to change my life.

It is not the teacher but the lesson; not the messenger but the message...that is important

Who they are ( or were) in their earthly form is unimportant.  I have no right to judge them as good or bad, right or wrong, selfless or selfish.  How they teach is unimportant. It is what they teach that is important. 

It is all about the message, not the messenger.  And if the  core message makes sense; if it resonates a truth in me, opens a door for more in me, lifts me up, inspires me, motivates me, guides me toward forgiveness, love, kindness, compassion and joy...how can it be wrong?

 It is never the teacher that is important...it is the learning they offer.  It is not the messenger.  It is the message. That message  ...regardless of what channels it may go through...regardless of how many times and in how many ways it gets interpreted or reinterpreted...comes from One Source. There is only one truth and we will know that truth by the way it makes us feel

If it feels right; if it hits home; if it resonates in your understanding...than it is the lesson you need at the time. It is the lesson you already know so well...but have forgotten... that you are being reminded of. It isn't new information that creates the "aha" moment in learning...but a remembering of what you already know. 

Trust how it makes you feel

Trust how it makes you feel because this whole thing we call living is all about how we feel.  We are meant to feel peace, contentment, forgiveness, faith, trust, belief, compassion, joy, and love.  If you feel good, you are heading in the right direction.  Be sure of that.  When we feel good we are on the path that is best for us and others.  We are living the life we are meant to live.  Life will reward us just to remind us that we are moving forward the way life intends for us to move.  This is what we are meant for and this is the lesson I am learning...the lesson I feel compelled to share.

Maybe, the student is ready to step up to the front of the classroom?  Maybe,  I am becoming one of those "strange", "abnormal", "kooky" teachers that have offered me so much wisdom.  If so, don't bother trying to understand me, analyze me, judge me, or exorcize me...just listen to my message.  If it feels right...know that it really didn't come from me.

All is well in my world.