I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.
Carl Jung

A Counselling Desire

I do not know if I mentioned this previously in any of these entries but...I always wanted to be a therapist.  I had a fascination with the human experience...the human mind and felt sometimes overwhelming compassion for the perceived suffering of others. I wanted to help in that way.  Something in me told me that I could help. Through my own "brokenness"...I was blessed with keen insight and empathy for the brokenness in others.  I know now I would have made a great psychologist but back then I didn't think I had the intellectual ability or the stamina to do that many years of university! I went into nursing instead and ironically ended up with even more accumulated years of post secondary education than would have been required for me to do a PhD in psych. Go figure :)

The Drive Towards the Helping Profession

Oh, I know there are other reasons for me wanting to enter the helping profession.  I am like most broken people.  Broken women are notorious for this phenomenon...seeking to make right through "helping."  I read somewhere once about a study that showed evidence that 80-90 % of nurses surveyed were survivors of some form of trauma in their life where they adapted the belief that they were less than, not enough, bad, unworthy, deserving punishment etc. It was proposed that nurses subconsciously seek human service to overcome the negative  feelings generated by this belief system.  They unknowingly seek penance and approval  through hard work and recognition that they are "kind, good, selfless" etc to compensate for their lack of self approval.  Hmmm!  Sound familiar to anyone?

My Story

That is definitely my story!  I wrote about this in Beyond Fear and Shame....(a book that I am determined will be published someday in one way or another so that at least a couple of other people  may be able to benefit from the tiny bit of self earned wisdom it offers :)) Truth is, I have never felt completely comfortable in my role as a nurse.  It never felt "right".  I could never completely get my head around the proponents of the medical model or the traditional nursing models by which this profession I belong to operates under.  I am a little more "kooky" than most nurses.  :) Though I am fascinated with the miracle of the human body...I am more fascinated by the power of the human mind.  I honestly believe that most bodily conditions...heck most problems in general ...originate in the mind.  If we want to heal self, others, the world...we need to tap into the subconscious mind where the "broken" belief systems infiltrate.

I know what type of therapy I would offer.  No not psychoanalysis or even behaviour modification.  I would put my energy toward Cognitive restructuring and Rational emotive Therapy.  I truly, truly believe if we change the way we think...more specifically the way we  hold onto to self destructive belief patterns...we can heal absolutely anything! I probably wouldn't be a traditional therapist either.  I would try to see beyond psychology in my understanding of things.

Maybe becoming a therapist is not out of the question yet.  Maybe there is a way to fulfill this dream Maybe there is a way beyond the physical, time and financial limitations.  Who knows?  I have never closed the door on that possibility and I probably never will.  If I intend it with all the energy I can muster ...it will be.  We will see. 

All is well in my world.