Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.
No one really knows who said that first :)
I don't know about you but my belly doesn't feel so good. I drank some posion along time ago and it is still doing a number on me.
How do we get rid of all this resentment?
I am still on the topic of resentment. I am really contemplating the best way to release all this stored stuff so it doesn't make me sick, so it doesn't make those cells on the verge of changing change.
As I watch myself from that higher place deal with all this I am amazed to find that in some moments , where there was once so much shame and guilt over my resentments, a certain compassion for myself as well as all those involved. I am getting somewhere in this practice. :)
What Resentment Wants
Resentment, I realize then, is not looking to get revenge, to make others or myself pay, to make others apologize or at least feel guilty for what I assume they did or didn't do. It is simply trying to express itself so it can live out its span here and then go on to wherever emotional energy goes when we let go of it. It wants to be released from the knots it is tangled up in within my body and mind. It wants to be free. Hmmm!
Resentment is just an emotion with a certain degree of energy that is meant to be processed and then passed through our experiences. The "now" emotion would pass through so easily and be relased if only the space it was passing through was clear and there was no old unprocessed pain for it to get tangled up in. When I release the "now" resentment that comes about as a reaction to something I perceive someone else is doing or not doing in this moment, for example, because I am clear and spacious inside ... I am doing something very healthy. I become aware of the resentment, I allow it, I experience it and I release it. What I give off is just a lot of surface level smoke. I and others become aware of the smoke. We watch as it goes up, up, up, then gone... creating a harmless and healthy flow of emotion.
Resentment Lava
I see though how many of us are not clear and spacious inside. Many of us are stuffed to the rim with old emotion. In people who have a lot of stuffed, unprocessed resentment in them, new resentments can get the old resentments rumbling as they attempt to pass through. The new stuff can get tangled up in the old. Strands of the most deeply rooted resentments might be pulled out with the new stuff. What I give off then, if that is the case, could be contaminated by old wound pain and the person I am confronting may be hit by layers of buried lava, resentment that has nothing to do with them, that has been pulled up from the bottom of the resentment volcano.
I definitely do not want to do that. I mean it would feel good to get rid of all that burning stuff inside me, a release... but I would be burning someone else with it. I could also hurt myself with the release of this much heat.(possibly by destroying my property, relationships, fists etc).
So release of stored resentment is a healthy goal for all of us. My question is: if there is so much stored stuff in so many layers, as it is in my case, how does one release such resentment in a healthy way so as to ensure no one gets hurt worse than they already are? How do we release such resentment and still ensure the Greater Good for all?
How Do We Release Layers of Stuffed Resentment?
The first thing I figure we have to do is become aware of resentment when we are feeling it. Don't deny it , don't swat it away...and do not try to stuff any more pain down into that crater. Then we have to be aware and accepting of that fact that we do have resentments from the past that we have stuffed inside and that need to be processed. Denying this reality for the sake of appearing to be the better person or more evolved than we actually are will not help anyone. If the feeling of resentment is there either in surface or buried forms, acknowledge and accept it.
Then we have to make a committment to practice...and learning to let go of resentment is a practice full of failures and successes...We commit so we can release resentment for the well being of ourselves and the world.
Next we need to take the reins from ego and give them back to the wise Observer within. Ego cannot be in charge of the release. That would lead to chaos. We want the higher Self in charge here...we want to operate from a state of awareness and presence not reactivity. We will be able to tell when ego is conducting the release of resentment by how reactive we are, how dramatic we are, how stuck to story we are and our inability to move forward away from our grudges and grievances.
Emotions like resentment are usually attached to thoughts about what has happened "out there" that we wish did not happen and often includes thoughts about what people did or didn't do. Things happened. People did do certain things. Getting beyond resentment doesn't mean we deny what happened or ignore certain things others have done. We just don't get tangled up in them. We remove judgment and bias from them. We remove the "right" or "wrong"; the "Should have, should not have." We seperate from the external situations and look objectively at them. In higher Self consciousness we can relay in perfect detail the "happenings" but without the judgements that create the resentment.
Now, why is this important? I believe it is important because we do need to relay the facts to ourselves about the circumstances or behaviours that have triggered the resentment we are experiencing at the moment or that which has been stored in with the buried resentment so we can let go of emotional attachment to them. We need to relay the thoughts because all emotion, I believe, comes from thoughts. In order to release the emotion we need to remove it from the thought. So we need to create distance, to be able to stand back and observe. In order to detach we have to remove the thoughts from the past or present "happening" .
When we can stand back and observe the thoughts and the emotion attached, we are operating from higher Self. We are not lost or blinded by resentment as ego makes us. We see clearly that the happening, the thoughts we have about it and the resentment are "out there". And "in here" we cannot be harmed by any of it. "In here" we operate on love and compassion and we simply witness the circumstances and emotions . We are not attched to our resentment and we are not lost in it. We are just observing it and the life event from a safe and neutral place.
So do we tell our story?
Yes but we do not tell it with the intention to cling but to let go.
I have been pondering the benefit of story telling for quite a while. What I have found beneficial for me in helping me let go of emotion ...is writing the story (collected thoughts on which the resentment is attached) and then objectifying it by breaking it down into clear objective facts without the drama ego lives on. Create as much drama as you want in the first draft, let ego drive your emotional story wherever it wants ( as long as you are not sharing it with too many at this point) but after that first draft is written be sure to then take the reins away from ego. Begin removing the drama and emotion from the story. Remove the judgement, the expectation, the heavy descriptive adjectives. Strip it down to the bare facts. When you are looking at it in its emotionless factual state you have deatched yourself from it. You have consciously and actively processed through the emotion and then released it.
A Story for Every Layer
Of course, if we have have many layers of stored unprocessed emotions we need to write many stories, a story for every layer. So we write what we remember associated with that stored resentment starting at the top layer and working our way down. Becasue we may be uncovering painful memories we may want the help and support of a professional or trusted loved one as we do this.
Exercise
It is also very beneficial to partake in an exercise regime of some kind to actively assist the stuffed emotions to be released from the body. Walking, yoga ( especially vinyasa) or Tai Chi may be very helpful in moving those emotions out of you.
Be Kind to Yourself
Throughout this process you may find yourself unusually irritable and "resentful". I am sooo irritable lol. You are, after all, releasing painful emotion. Do not beat yourself up . Be kind and compassionate with yourself knowing you are doing something very challenging that will benefit you and the world in the long run. You are clearing yourself out so there is more room for love.
Well that is what I learned from my own resentment freeing process. I hope it helps you in some small way.
All is well. .
