Awareness is the power that is concealed within the present moment.  That is why we can also call it presence.
Eckhart Tolle


An absolutely beautiful day out there today.  The sky is blue; the breeze is warm; and snow is melting. It is all good. 

Only moments ago I had a head full of problems...looking at the house around me and wondering how I am going to get the energy to clean it, feeling the sting of guilt for letting it get so bad and telling D.  he cannot clean without me because he worked six days in a row and today is his only day off...shooing him away from chores until I feel ready...and God knows when that will be! 

 I knew I had to come here to clear my head and that is what I did.

This is the Moment; Right here; Right Now.

At this moment right here and now...there are no problems...just the sound of my fingers tapping across the keys over  a background of beautiful relaxing music.   There is the  feel of the hot cup of tea in my hands and the awareness of spring light coming through my window. 

Is there thought?  Well yes... but it is coming so quickly and leaving so quickly...it is just like a wisp of wind passing by.  :) I am not attached to any thoughts.   In this moment my body is relaxed in my chair.  My dog is relaxed beside me and there are no problems...

Right now...in this moment ...here.... not the one I had a moment ago when I was lost in remembering and thinking about problems :)...this moment...there is no problem....I sink into the piano chords I hear beneath the sound of my tapping fingers...feel them holding me, comforting me, soothing me...and though I am not completely still...though I am not completely beyond thought...I am attached to nothing...floating freely and comfortably on this flow of life. 

This is Mindfulness

It is life I am feeling and I am grateful.  This is mindfulness.  This is what it means to be conscious and aware.  Of course, I am narrating...and if I were to stop that I would experience even more awareness, more life in this moment.  Of course, I am writing and moving my fingers....and if I were to stop the movement and sit in stillness for a bit I would experience even more awareness and more life in this moment. Of course my eyes are open...and if I were to close them I would experience even more awareness and more life in this moment on an even deeper level of consciousness. 

This is Life

This is what life is.  I need to keep reminding myself of that. 

It is this moment where I will find it...not in the moment that just past or the moments yet to come...but in this moment. 

Life goes beyond the thinking to feeling and the experiencing....thinking just gets in the way.  It is in the thinking only...where the problems can be found. 

In this moment there is no problem...there is just life happening all around me and through me. There is my breath...and the feel of my heart beating in my chest(my condition constantly makes me aware of my heart beating which can be something to be grateful for:)) .  There is my moving fingers and my mind at work allowing for all this to happen.  There is sound vibrating through my ear canal...through the tympanic membrane,  along the three ossicles, to the oval window and through the fluid as the membrane softly vibrates bringing the vibration ever so gracefully to the organs of corti and to the cranial nerve that will take it to the part of the brain that interprets  what I hear as beautiful music.

I am grateful for that.

 I look outside and see a lovely blue sky because of the way  the light hits my cornea, is bent and travels through the pupil to the retina where it will stimulate rods and cones to send a nerve impulse to the optic nerve which will carry it through a chiasm to the visual cortex at the back of the brain...allowing me to see what I see.

I am grateful for that.

I feel the warmth of the housecoat around my shoulders, the keys beneath my finger tips and the smooth glass of my cup in much the same way.

 I am so grateful for that.

 I am using my mind to allow free...unattached thoughts to flow from me onto the page.

I am so grateful for that.

This is awareness

This is awareness and it is not my mind, my body, my eyes or my ears that pick all this up...but that which allows me to hear, see, feel and think.  Life is this awareness!  In this moment I am aware of just how alive I am.

If we want to be well.  If we want to be free of problems...we just have to spend our moments being aware of who and what we are.

All is well in my world.

 Health is the beginning of the proper perspective of life under the guidance of the one Teacher Who knows what life is, being the Voice for Life Itself.
ACIM (Chapter 8: IX: 9: 9-10)

Let's talk a little bit about limitation and disability from the views of A Couse in Miracles.  Disability, according to Travis (1988)  sits at the far end of the health-illness continuum before premature death.  It is what happens when we expand the term illness  to  a lack of ability to function because of it.  Disability is a label one must be proven worthy to wear if help and support from society and its social systems is required during states of perceived illness.  Our world promotes and sanctions the use of this term. 
As I have said a hundred times before, I hate those words: illness, sickness, limitation and disability,  and fear that the more we use them, the more limited and disabled we will become to our minds; the further away from who we really are  we will believe we are.

How Does the Course View Disability?



When we get  lost in this  notion of limitation due to illness we are giving the ego exactly what it wants.  It wants us to over identify with the body.  It wants us to separate the mind from the body to weaken it as well.  It wants us to feel vulnerable.  It wants us to feel weak.  It wants us to depend on external guidance. It wants us to depend on it rather than the Source of Life that flows through us.  It wants to be the boss instead of God! When we give in to this notion of illness and disability, we unknowingly  make ego the boss. So by accepting an other approved and sanctioned  disability label are we  choosing ego over God?

The body is simply a vessel  in  which we travel on this earth.  Its  purpose  is to help us carry on this purpose we were born for...to wake up and wake others up to the truth.  What truth? The truth of  who we really are beneath these bodies, our personalities ( egos)  and all the trappings of the physical world, the truth of from Whom we came.  This truth  is what flows through us and out of us. It is our life force.  Ego...that fear-based entity we identify with as our "outer self" ...is afraid of the truth. Ego does not want this truth out there because it knows if the truth is known...it will no longer be needed...it wants to be in charge. It wants us focusing outwardly instead of inwardly.  It's domain is outward...Spirit's domain...the only true domain... is inward. We wake up when we direct ourselves inward.  Ego wants to stop us from waking up.  It uses the body unlovingly through illness to do so, keeping our focus outward.  As long as we are ill...we are limited...and as long as we are believing we are limited...we are not expressing the truth of our unlimited potential. ...we have yet to wake up. The Course says, "All forms of sickness, even onto death, are physical expressions of the fear of awakening." (Chapter 8: IX: 3: 2)

Healing and Waking up

So how do we heal if we perceive illness, and Heaven forbid...disability in our lives? We wake up to the truth.  It is never the body that needs fixing.  It is the mind.  We just need to get past this fear of waking up and be willing to do so.  We just have to make the decision to love instead of fear...to accept God's will over ego's. How do we do that?  By knowing what the function of the body really is and that it is the source of its own health.  Mind and body need to work together. "You are not limited by the body, and thought cannot be made flesh.  Yet mind can be manifested through the body if it goes beyond it and does not interpret it as a limitation." (ACIM  8: VII: 14: 1-2.)

 

We simply need to change the way we think of the mind, the body and the spirit to regain or maintain "health".  We need to stop thinking we are limited. It is all about changing our thoughts and beliefs.  (Are you sick of me saying that yet? :)) The mind is a powerful, powerful tool that we can use to ensure healthy, happy lives or to ensure the opposite. Use it correctly and it can help us be well. If we want high levels of wellness, we need to use the mind to realize who we really are.  The body is not who we are.  It is just a transport vehicle and  the spirit, soul, energy force, life flow...whatever you want to describe it as...is who we are!   We are not human beings who have the odd spiritual experience.  We are spiritual beings having the odd human one.  :) Spirit can be found when we turn within...away from external trappings, body and thought focus.The body is only a part of that human experience..an outward expression of it.   The personality or ego that we explain ourselves with as a human being is also only an external  part of that experience as well...but we have given it so much power and confuse ourselves with it.  It now has its own agenda which differs from that that comes from spirit. Spirit tells us the answers are inside us...ego tells us the only hope for survival is outside us.  We just have to be aware of that. When we get sick (perceive the body or mind breaking down) , it is ego interfering with God's plan for unlimited wellness for us. Oh the body will break down when ego is in charge...and ego is in charge in most of us.  Few of us have that faith that moves mountains and cures leprosy with a simple touch ...yet!  Doesn't mean it  isn't possible ...it just means many of us have not realized our full potential yet. Think it is possible and maybe someday it will be for you.

I obviously have not realized it yet. I perceive disability in my life right now....even though I resist that thought.  Truth is, I have been getting increasingly fatigued and I am doing less and less physically as a result.  My house is in desperate, desperate need of a thorough cleaning and just the thought of undertaking that massive job is exhausting. I think...okay...one small task at a time...I picked up the broom yesterday to clean under the couch...symptoms!  Had to stop.  Tried to get the darn dog tie-out out of the snow...symptoms.  Had to stop!  Go for a walk...exhausted when I get back.  I feel so lazy for not doing what needs to be done.  I feel so selfish and "wimpy" for allowing this...whatever it is... to stop me from doing what "should" be done.   Yet the less I do, the more there is to do.  The state of my house is really not acceptable.  It is embarrassing and brings shame. I want to be "able" to clean it.

I am working on changing my beliefs and dismantling the power ego has over my life by choosing a better way.  My mind seems strong.  My faith is growing...but...I still feel sick.  What do I need to do to get better?  Pretend that I do not feel illness?  No. Stop relying on all external remedies  and support systems at this point?  No...I am not ready to do that yet either.  Spend 12 hours a day meditating?  No...I am still living in this physical realm. So what do I do?   This is what I propose for healing in this step by step process of resuming the wellness I am destined for...that we are all destined for.

10 Steps to Healing from Disability

 

 

1. Accept where you are right now.  See how your perceived illness and disability  manifests in your present reality in the physical world.  Accept those limitations and challenges. Resistance will only hold us back. I accept where I am right now in my perceptions and beliefs about illness and disability.  I accept the signs and symptoms I see as a part of my learning and I go from there. 
2. Take Accountability for where you are.  This is a tough one for many people.  "What do you mean...I am to blame for this cancer or heart disease or depression that I have?" Being accountable has nothing to do with judging or blaming.  It just means accepting that our thinking  and choice of belief is manifesting through our bodies when we get sick.  We are not to blame for it...it happened at some level way below our conscious awareness.  Accepting accountability also means accepting that we have the power to make changes. If we accept ego's version of reality...that we are vulnerable victims to random outside forces...we have no power.  We are forced to live in fear. God did not make us powerless.  He made us powerful.  Be accountable for your power by being accountable for where you are this present moment. Blaming outside forces, God, Life for being where you are will strip you of your power as well.
3. Forgive yourself for being where you are.  That is a big one for me.  I feel so much shame and guilt  for allowing myself to get to this point of perceived disability.  Part of me still thinks I should be able to just snap out of it with a click of the fingers.  I am more than aware of my accountability.  My sense of responsibility borders on neurosis. I need to see this as a very necessary part of my journey...something there for all the right reasons...something I chose on some level...yes...but something I chose for the highest good.
4. Remind self daily that: This too shall pass.  I do not care what type of illness you are dealing with.  The experience you have right now with it...will pass.  If we think of our experiences as fixed and unchangeable ...we will not move forward.  We are all meant to move forward toward our highest wellness. 
5. Remind self frequently throughout the day what the body really is.  It is simply a tool you...the real you...uses to establish your  purpose here. It is here to serve you, you are not here to serve it. You are simply using this amazing body as an instrument to help you be what you are here to be. Don't fret when it runs out of gas every now and again.  Don't be afraid to take it to a mechanic etc. etc.  Its wear and tear does not mean that you, the driver,  are wearing and tearing.  :) But know...that the more you perfect your driving...the less wear and tear your vehicle will endure.
6. Honor your body for all it can do. Praise and show gratitude for what you can do, no matter how limited you perceive yourself to be.  If you can lift a finger and blink an eye in response to someone...you have ability.  If you can breathe...you have ability. These bodies are amazing and "able"  things and are worthy of our praise and gratitude.  Just as you would thank your car for getting you even a small distance toward your destination...thank your body for every step it takes you toward your purpose.  Look after it and take care of it especially when it starts to chug along the road....just don't be consumed by every little rattle.  
7. Harness the power of the mind in your healing.  Know how powerful thought and belief are and how they determine the quality of your life.  Healing...true healing which goes beyond our understanding... is your purpose and you have what you need to do it.
8. Change your thoughts. If you are ill ...know that thoughts and belief systems within you need examining and readjusting.  Stop thinking "illness, disability, limitation" and start thinking wellness and unlimited potential.
9. Reaffirm who you really are and from where you came. You are of God.  How can you be anything but well? If you want to hear this and know this fully...seek silence and stillness, get beyond thinking, to feeling.  Meditate. Pray.  Be mindful
10. Choose to Wake up! Say no to ego and say yes to God.  If there is illness, fear, suffering...know that ego is in charge of your life.  Simply say no...and ask God to take over.  Truth is...God is always in charge.  Ego has just convinced you that it was. You will know it is God by the awareness of Love that pours through you where illness and disability once blocked you.  Waking up is a slow process for most of us.  It may not happen instantaneously...but being willing to wake up is the first and most crucial step.

 

 

All is well in my world!

References:


A Course in Miracles


Travis, J. (1988) The Wellness Inventory. Wellness Association

If you had not suffered as you have, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion.
Eckhart Tolle


Suffering is not what is going on around us or to us.  It is not the  diagnosis or lack of.  It is not the finances, the job, the challenges we endure...suffering is simply resistance to life as it is.

I am grateful for the suffering and I am grateful for what was and is that I resisted in my life.  My resistance taught me what suffering is.  And my letting go taught me what peace is...accepting the moment as it is.  Through this comes the depth, the humility and the compassion.  Through this comes Life. It is all good.

All is well in my world.

Health is a state of body.  Wellness is a state of being.
J. Standford

I was hard on Travis' model.  There are so many great things about it that I didn't go into.  He was trying to bring the focus back to wellness rather than disease by using  WHO's definition.  I believe his intention for this paradigm was more than honorable and that it just got interpreted in different ways other than intended. My understanding then may different from someone else's.

One thing I particularly like about this model are the arrows.  There are arrows pointing in either direction, indicating a possibility of a change in direction.  We may see ourselves spiralling down the continuum into acute illness, for example, but there is always the opportunity to turn and face the other way .  And no matter where you might be in the area heading toward the red from neutral...the continuum indicates that one can turn around and face high level wellness any time.  We can always strive for wellness.



 

I liken this to the rowing a boat in the flow of life  analogy I wrote about previously.  I believe our natural inclination is to be well.  The flow of life takes us to wellness...naturally, easily and gracefully.  We go towards the red  when we decide to paddle against the current and do what is unnatural for the mind and body.  (Travis does allude to this. )  We need to be aware and educated on what is natural and what isn't; what blocks or interrupts the flow of life energy and what allows it. ( According to this model...what is healthy behaviour and what isn't. ) In my analogy that is determined by our thoughts and beliefs...our willingness to put down the paddle, trust in life and allow it to turn us around so we can head toward wellness where we belong.

My argument was more about making the distinction between mind/body health and wellness. Wellness is our being and being is awareness. This awareness  can occur anywhere along the spectrum of colours...and that the awareness is actually going on all the time beyond our thinking.  The awareness is not necessarily "mental".  It is also not something physicians are responsible for.  They can encourage and support education in the physical and mental health matters but more focus needs to be placed on spiritual matters.  We are not just  body's with brains that think.  We are much, much more than that.  We are that whereby the eye can see...the ear can hear... the mind can think.  It is in that where wellness is.  The education that really needs to take place does not come from lectures and health promotion/disease prevention educational sessions offered by doctors and nurses.  It comes from understanding who we really are and expanding and growing into that possibility.

This that we really are...only knows wellness.  It can not advance down the scale into the greens, yellow, oranges and reds.  Our minds and bodies can go there...but we can't.  My body may be there still but my mind is finding its way back...one change in thought at a time leading to a willingness to put the paddle down...and trust life, rather than other egos, to get me where I need to be.

Does that make sense at all to anyone?  I hope so because I have a feeling this is really, really important stuff for some reason. lol

All is well in my world!

Who Moves the World?

Not that which the eye can see, but that whereby the eye can see; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore;

Not that which the ear can hear, but that whereby the ear can hear; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore;

Not that which speech can illuminate, but that by which speech can be illuminated; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore;

Not that which the mind can think, but that whereby the mind can think; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore.

-The Kena Upanishads, written over 2000 years ago. 

How beautiful and thought stopping, is that?  Braham, of course, is God.  As you can see I am having a soul seeking kind of day.  :)

Retrieved from a You Tube 2001  video with Eckhart Tolle (Sorry...lost info!)   &  this site:

https://moonlightenedshelves.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/not_that_which_the_mind_can_think/
on April 4, 2017

Four Cardinal Virtues

Lao Tzu once said that  if we want to live life fully there are four cardinal virtues we must adhere to.  These are found in the Tao Te Ching and were written about by Wayne Dyer in his book Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life (Hay House; 2007)

Paraphrased loosely after reading the above book, after hearing Wayne Dyer speak on public television about this and after reading a wonderful article I found on a quick google search (please find the site listed below and be sure to check it out) they are as follows:

1. Have reverence for all life
2. Operate with natural sincerity
3. Be gentle/Be kind
4. Serve

Dyer and the author below explain these much better than I ever could. Please check out these resources:

Resources

Dyer, Wayne ( 2007) Change Your thoughts-Change Your Life: Living the wisdom of the Tao. Hay House.


Azriel ReShel (Sept 2016) Lao Tzu's Four Rules for Living from UpLift.  http://upliftconnect.com/lao-tzus-four-rules-living/     Retrieved on April 4, 2017

A little more on a patient focused and holistic approach to wellness

The cure of many diseases is unknown to physicians...because they are ignorant of the whole. For the part can never be well unless the whole is well.
Plato

More tired than usual the last week or so.  Pooped out lol...even with the writing. Still, it is through writing that I feel better.

Yesterday I felt that health continuum article coming out of me and it was persistent and determined  so I plopped it  down here ...  even though I had already completed my morning fix of an entry a day.  :) Sometimes...I just have to write something specific.  I am not sure why...but it is like out of the blue I hear a little voice saying, "Okay you go sit your butt down right now and I am going to tell you what to do with those fingers of yours."  Next thing I know there is a big long spiel about something that has been on my mind for a while maybe or something I never thought about before ( at least not consciously :)) staring up at me from the once blank page.  It is kind of cool.   This type of "inspired" writing  usually leads to more awareness and more education and more growth.  :) It takes me to wellness!  The teacher, the healer is coming from the inside rather than the outside. Maybe I am channelling Hippocrates or someone lol.

Anyway...just writing that entry yesterday afternoon  has made things clearer for me.  I know where I am.  For the most part, I am very, very healthy functioning at a high level of wellness...physically, however, I am struggling with issues I believe to be disabling and limiting right now.  So I am not in balance nor do I have "complete well being". As Plato quotes above...I am not really well until all of me is well.  My goal is to get beyond that and carry all of me to well being.  How do I do that?  Not by pushing for a  more solid diagnosis and "outside" intervention  but by using my strengths which are my awareness, desire to learn and willingness to grow.  It is all good. I am going to get there.

When I see the limitations of the medical model, I also can detach from my need for validation from others a little bit more.  I see how I do not belong in one neat little spot on the continuum nor do I have to.  Which is a good thing.  Don't get me wrong...I am by no means devaluing physicians or what they can do.  I just believe that the responsibility for wellness belongs to the individual.  The individual determines, achieves, controls and maintains it.  Physicians play a very important "supportive" role in the health experience but they are not the key player...the patient is. We also have to look beyond mental and physical health to all dimensions of health and especially to the role spirit plays in wellness. The only parts of me that are not highly functioning right now...are the physical and the social in terms of employment and finances.  Everything else is A okay.  :) I am confident that my growth is going to take me to a place that will bring these not so healthy parts of me in alignment with the rest of me that is already soaring at a high level of wellness.

All truly is well in my little world.  :)

This condition of holistic health is defined as the unlimited and unimpeded free flow of life force energy through body, mind, and spirit.  ....
The Academy of Integrative Health & Medicine  (https://ahha.org/selfhelp-articles/principles-of-holistic-medicine/)

The Continuum

 



In 1972, a physician by the name of John Travis developed the above scale to help identify levels of illness and wellness in individuals or groups. He believed that wellness was a process, not a static state of being, with individuals moving up and down the scale throughout their life spans.

 Travis was trying to incorporate a humanistic and psychosocial approach that went beyond a disease/ "physician in control" focus. I see a lot of merit in this scale but I also see some discrepancies due to the fact that it is still very much  based on  the medical model.  It basically describes illness (he just added mental illness into the pot)  that can be diagnosed and treated by a physician once disability, symptoms and signs become apparent.  Most of us know by now...that a lack of wellness is determined by much more than a disease (be it mental or physical) found in a medical manual and that high levels of wellness can be obtained and maintained despite a medical diagnosis.  I also do not agree with the suggestion that signs show up before symptoms on the road to disability.  In other words, this model proposes that despite what a patient is experiencing...unless the test results and what the physician determines as sufficient objective data show up... the patient is not disabled or ill.  Doctors are placed in a position where they and only they  can determine how well or how ill someone is.

What is missing from this model, then, is the priority of patient experience over other observation.  What is also missing from this model is a holistic approach with the patient at the center of the locus of control.  Treatment from the outside, with medical interventions, can begin only after signs are determined by the diagnosing physician.  The goal of treatment is to push the patient past the neutral point to awareness. As if to say...the patient is not aware of their experience prior to that point; the patient has no control of their experience when they are "unwell" until someone outside themselves says "This is what is wrong with you and I am going to tell you what to do about it!"  After treatment, the physician "enlightens" the patient and education can begin.  So we had diagnosing based on signs seen by the physician before the patient's subjective experience is questioned.  The patient is pushed by someone outside themselves to the neutral point and only from there  can they become aware enough to seek education from others ( proponents of the medical model) on how to stay well as they grow into a very limited and restricted version of health...which is simply determined by how far away from "disease' one is. The use of  "growth " is limited ironically by the limitations of disease.

The development of the continuum has definitely advanced us further.  It does have its merits. This was a big step in 1972...Our society had to step away from the focus on physical disease and to recognize the disability that mental health can cause in individuals lives.  Mental illness was not accepted or recognized, treated and healed the way it could have been up to that point. According to Travis, just because people do not have a diagnosable physical condition...they still may have a mental one.  So true.

Unfortunately, however, returning to wellness on this continuum  is still a physician controlled process.    It is  saying that patients below the neutral point...still need to be labelled according to their signs, and then their symptoms before disability is recognized and treated. If the label cannot be found in the pathophysiology text, it will be found in the DSM 5.  Wellness then is determined by the absence of physical or mental health. One or the other.   We are still focusing on the absence of disease, are we not?

 

Where I stand on this continuum

 

This continuum doesn't work for me.  I don't fit into any slot very easily. Where am I?...I believe my body is hovering along the yellow, feeling the orange but because others are not looking clearly enough...bypassing the green.  According to others...there is just not enough green to say I am on this side of neutral.  I see enough signs but in this model it is not about what I see and think, is it? My interpretation of my experience is not valued.  I am told I need someone with an MD behind their name to tell me there is enough signs to make my symptoms valid, to give me a label and render me physically disabled.  If I do not get that...I am more or less told I have no business being here and I better scoot my sorry ass up the continuum to at least neutral. If I insist that at least part of me is still struggling down in the green zone...then...it isn't a physical ailment leaving me there  but a mental one.  I must either be lying or  mentally ill if I have symptoms with a limited amount of approved signs.   Any professions of illness on my part have to be validated by a professional in order for others to accept my being where I am.

 

I strongly believe that if some physician was willing to spend the time in examining my family and myself  they would discover that many of us are physically on the orange ( at risk for premature death) and many have actually advanced to the red ( death) because of an inherited cardiovascular condition. I am speaking of my siblings as well as my paternal cousins.  Just in the last 12 years 6 family members including my own sister, under the age of 60, have died suddenly because of a cardiovascular crisis. My father  lost 4 brothers under 60 to sudden cardiovascular related death.  He himself had his first MI at 50.  My other surviving sisters had their MI's or cardiovascular events in their early 50's as well. (40-60 being the time frame in which this undiagnosed condition tends to manifest itself, with the exception of me.  I was much younger when I first started to get symptoms). At quick glance , however, it seems to be much easier for "others" to ignore this as coincidence and  slap me with a liar or  mental illness label to explain my symptomology, then it is for them to explore the possibility of inherited cardiovascular disease. Once that mental illness or dishonest  label is placed on an individual...all signs indicating otherwise seem to go unseen and unvalidated.

 

 

And what about the criteria on the other side of neutral?  Where do I fit there?  Mentally, emotionally, spiritually I am well above neutral.  I am actually very aware of my condition and myself.  I am more aware than most of what my body and my mind are doing.  I am seeking awareness on even higher levels of understanding.   If I am stuck on the other side under a mental illness label, how come I am so aware? No one has told me that my symptoms are real and no one has given me permission to be "disabled".   No one has told me exactly what was wrong and what to do about it.  Yet I am in the blue zone with my awareness.  In fact, I was always aware.  Am I educated?  I am very educated on the subject of physical and mental wellness and lack of. I educate on these subjects.  No one is educating me...because no one is validating the signs.  Does that make me any less educated?   No...far from it.  It spurs me on to learn more about myself and why my body is doing what it is doing. And I am growing over and beyond conventional understanding and this notion of limitation. I am obviously very much in the blue advancing toward high level wellness without "other" intervention.

 

So part of me is on one end of the spectrum and the other part of me...at the exact same time... is on the other.  How can that be?  There is much more to wellness than this continuum allows for. Despite my present (and temporary) physical limitations, I consider myself to be very healthy!

 

The Other Dimensions 





We need to examine the other dimensions of health?  In 1942, the World Health Organization defined health as "a state of  complete physical, mental and social well being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."   And to take it a step further and a step back to the health practices that have gone on long before Hippocrates, Health is balance between mind, body and spirit. Do we see these things on this continuum or in the medical model?  No

Complete well being is not placed on this model even though the importance of mental wellness is recognized. Why? Complete well being is fostered by the individual, controlled by the individual and obtained by the individual. Complete well being is a spiritual well being! Medicine cannot ensure that.  Oh they can help...for sure...remove symptoms and stop the body and possibly the mind from failing quickly but without inclusion of the spirit...there is no complete well being.

Spirit determines wellness and it tells us we are all in the blue zone.  We all are capable of high level wellness and beyond.  There really is no "disease' anywhere but in our thinking. The only thing bringing us down the continuum ...to the green, yellow, orange and red is our limiting belief systems and our reliance on models like this one.  :)

There are cases out there where people who knew this...people who believed this...people who owned this truth...were able to heal others and themselves.  They were able to go from the orange to the blue miraculously without the help of medical intervention.  Or they...despite what label was placed on their chart by a physician...never did suffer the symptoms or the disability expected. By putting our attention on "growth" through awareness and education ( the relearning of who and what we really are) we can soar into the place where we are meant to be. 

Yes...we travel up and down a continuum of well being. We are constantly learning and forgetting, believing and mistrusting, questioning and testing our beliefs as human beings.  It is for that reason we go up and down the continuum. It is faith and trust in life that keeps us in the blue...not a diagnosis or prescription.

All is well in my world!

Good God , morning!!

or

Good Morning, God!!

You choose , how you position those words.

You choose, how you greet the day.

You choose, how your life will be.

paraphrased from a lecture by Wayne Dyer

 

So you didn't sleep well last night.  You have some stressful things to deal with today.  Your back is sore and your joints are aching.  The alarm goes off and it feels like a kick in the teeth. You are going to be tempted to say, "Good God, morning!!"  Don't!

 

Those first few moments after opening our eyes  are crucial determinants to how our day will be.  We set a precedent for the remainder of it.  How we greet the morning ahead of us is basically how we greet the life ahead of us.  If I wake up and curse God for the morning...feeling only my aches and pains and the dread of what is ahead...I am resisting what is.  I tell myself and the world that life is something to be avoided and feared; that I don't want it. I have already pretty much determined the outcome of the hours ahead of me.  I allow those negative thoughts to determine what day I am going to have.  I chose a life approach based on resistance, fear and hardship.

 

If, on the other hand, I wake up and stretch up tall, smile and say out loud; "Good morning, God!"  I am expressing how wonderful it is to wake up to yet another day and I am honoring God for the blessing of being alive.  I am alive!!! There is a full day of living before me!!!.  I am grateful for the moment and open and accepting of  the day ahead of me. I send good thoughts out into the hours that will make up this day.  I choose a life approach of acceptance, hope and expectation.

 

Every thought is a catalyst for an emotional response.  Every emotion is energy that is stored within or expressed outwardly.  What we think and say to others is going to determine how we feel,  and how we feel will determine our life outcomes.  Those first few moments upon awakening are fresh  moments ...we have a clean slate...and we can build on that with positivity or negativity.  We can greet the day or we can curse the day.  We can accept it gratefully or we can resist it and crawl back into bed with the pillow over our heads. We can stretch into it or attempt to  curl up away from it...but the day will pass regardless.  It can be amazing or it can be ugly.  That is our choice! 

 

So get out of bed, plant a smile on your face, stretch up tall and say..."Good Morning, God!!!"  Say it!  Act as if you feel it and you eventually will!!! This is your day!!  This is your life!! Isn't it amazing?

 

Good Morning, God!!

Accept-then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.  always work with it, not against it...This will miraculously transform your whole  life.
Eckhart Tolle

Yesterday was an eventful day...well eventful in the "emotional" sense of things if not in the action.  I have been so tired the last few days I have been doing even less than usual.  In fact, yesterday afternoon I sat down to meditate for the usual 20 minutes...got up an hour and a half later lol.  I think I nodded off from time to time losing track of the minutes.  It seemed like 20 minutes.  The day before I closed my eyes on the couch and 2 hours slipped past.  My body is demanding rest and I am giving it what it wants.  That is okay.

So anyway...why was yesterday emotionally eventful.  I am still pondering my need to let go of certain thing as I wrote yesterday;  I feel a little less well physically; I think I finally may be hitting the transition point of a woman's life (well I said that before didn't I lol...but I have had no pain in 5 weeks!  yeah!!!); I got two manuscripts out to publishers yesterday and I am watching my youngest endure her first heart break. There...other than seeing my daughter go through that...I feel so much at peace with everything.  I was walking in the woods yesterday with the dogs and I felt myself settling into the moment.  I was so connected to what I was doing then...there was no fanfare, money pouring down on me; no bells or whistles; no great achievement other than one foot going down before the other...there was no past or no future either...just the moment and I felt peace inside.  I felt the peace I want to feel.  I had what I really, really want from life in that moment.  I found myself saying, "Thank you!  Thank you!" over and over again.  It was amazing.

So about the manuscripts...two in one shot out to an Australian Publishing company that only accepts submissions on the first Monday of every month.  They look for the unagented, unsolicited work of new authours.  How cool is that? Considering the time difference...I was up until midnight trying to rewrite synopsis's and edit sample chapters....but I got them out!   I write to write but I know that publishing is a part of the process.  To complete the cycle...I need readers.  As challenging and frustrating as it is at times to submit...I know it comes with the package.  So when some easy opportunity presents itself to allow that to happen...I jump on it.  Two out in one shot.  That just makes me feel good.  Once it is out I let it go.  I write down somewhere when and to where I sent each manuscript and I completely forget about it...until I hear back, if I hear back. Once it is submitted I feel it is out of my hands.  It is like putting the boat in and letting Life  carry it down stream.  My part was the writing and the submitting...Life takes care of the rest.  So I don't pay any more attention to it. I feel good knowing that I have two of my books out there.

My daughter's heart break is at the forefront of my thinking.  Such a necessary part of growth, eh?  Yet so hard to watch.  At the same time...I know Life is guiding her to something better.  Hmmm!

All is well in my world.

Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.
Wayne Dyer


Of all the things I want in life...I think more often of peace.  I want to feel totally accepting of life as it is without any intense need to fix it, control it, own it.  I need to train my mind to let go of certain things that have happened that I believed should not have happened and I need to see the gift in those things as I walk away.  Learn from them.  Heal from them.  Grow from them.

I want to be able to look within me and around me and say..."Awe...this is exactly as it should be.  It is what it is and I am more than okay with that!"  How much easier our lives would be if we could do that.

It is all choice.  We can choose to resist or choose to accept.  Choose to cling or choose to let go.  Choose attack or choose peace.  Choose the freedom of growth  or choose the prison of self pity.

I had enough of self pity...I choose growth.



With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened  as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.  You get to choose.
Wayne Dyer

Illness is not a problem.  You are the problem- as long as the egoic mind is in control. When you are ill or disabled do not feel like you have failed in some way, do not feel guilty.  Do not blame life for treating you unfairly, but do not blame yourself either. All that is resistance…..Anything “bad” that happens in your life-use it for enlightenment.  Withdraw time from the illness.  Do not give it any past or future. Let it force you into intense present-moment awareness-and see what happens.
(Tolle, E. (1999) The power of Now. New World Library: Novato)


That is what I am doing...what I have always been  doing (or at least trying)...to let this illness or whatever you describe it as...to force me into present moment awareness.  I want to use it for enlightenment.  Enlightenment is the goal for all of us...if we know it or not.  Maybe this illness is giving me a short cut there.

Illness is not a problem...my egoic mind is the problem.  It feeds me with all this guilt and shame about not working and about "wimping out".  It tells me I should push, push, push and keep going no matter how bad I feel.  When I can't keep up with its demands I feel shame and guilt because I perceive failure.  It is not my physical limitations that are making me feel guilty but how I "think" about them.  I just have to change the thinking.  That is all I ever had to do.

All is well in my world.

Letting Go

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are  signs of great strength.  However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.
Ann Landers

Hmmm!  I have always had this remarkable ability to walk away from things once I reach a certain point of knowing it is time to. 

Walking Away

That walking away can be merely emotional or mental ...as in not allowing something to consume me... but it can  also be physical.  Once I know it is time and I feel ready...I can turn my back on a person, place or situation and never revisit it again.  I can completely shut it out of my world somehow.

When I leave a relationship, for example, I leave a relationship.  I shut it all down on some level.  I can let it go...with it goes any resentment, wanting, blaming and needing. I forgive and let it go so I can move forward into my life. 

That ability is a gift and a blessing and it has saved me many, many times. The only necessary component for this to happen peacefully  is the readiness.  I have to be ready.  If I am pulled from a situation  by unexpected circumstance or choices made by others or if someone leaves me without warning  when there was no time for proper goodbyes...it is harder to let go.  I eventually do but it takes a little longer because I wasn't ready.

Readiness comes from acceptance.  When we finally put down our futile attempts to instigate change in areas we have no right to control i.e the behaviour of other people; Life's flow; nature etc ...we can begin to make ourselves ready.

 Ready for what? 

Ready to accept life as it is.  When I stop trying to nag, push, cajole and manipulate my children to behave a certain way, for example, I am becoming accepting of that fact that this is their life journey not mine.  When I do that I am ready to let go of any false sense of ownership over their choices, over them, I think I may have.  I let them go.  I turn my back...not so much on my children...but on the people I expected and wanted them to be.  I let that go. 

And what do I find instead? 

The people that they are. I move forward in an authentic and real way.  We all move forward.

That is what letting go offers...an opportunity to move forward authentically.  Holding on and hanging in keep us stuck in the past. I don't know about you, but I want to be pulled into life by all that is in front of me.  I can't be pulled forward if I am held back. Letting go is freeing.

All is well in my world.

Dear housecleaning,

You are not attractive and I am not doing you.

Sorry

(unknown)

Do you remember this from March 27th?  (I am sure you have nothing better to do than remember big long spiels from my entries lol).  I said I would revisit this in a month to see how things are.

A professional cleaning company has come in to clean my house and now I have someone hired to come in once a week to maintain it.  At least half of the previous clutter is gone to charity. I have clean and easy to maintain stone counters that always shine,  I have freshly painted cupboards and walls that are easy to wipe clean. I mop the floor with ease twice a week with this easy to use mop. The new garbage/ recyclable container in the kitchen and the one outside...help to keep garbage hidden away.  Our Roomba works hard so I do not have to...and there is no little to no hair.  The pet covers fit nicely over the bit of furniture  we have and contain the remainders of the pet hair.  The air is fresh in this open spacious house thanks to the wall down and the air purifiers.  There is so much light brightening up everything. Kids are helping out with cooking on the self cleaning oven, taking turns loading and emptying the dishwasher; and washing and putting away their own laundry.   The kitchen floor looks clean enough to eat off of.   Kids have their space downstairs and bring friends over all the time.  I have people in as well.  It is all good."  
  I feel peaceful, worry-free, content, warm, confident and more than welcoming when I look at my home before opening it to others.  When the doors are closed, I feel so content and peaceful in my clean little habitat.  I feel secure in knowing that I am  doing my part in creating a clean, secure environment for those I love.

What have I manifested so far: I got a new garbage can...yeah...may not seem like much to you but it makes my life so much easier. We are looking for a Roomba with every intention of buying one when we find one on sale for a reasonable price. I removed the old pet covers from the couch and put on sheets...not attractive...no...but they stay better than the other covers do and maybe the dog hair is more contained...maybe. :) We are also looking for air purifiers.  Don did very well this week so we can afford them.  Well...about the kids...hmmmm...well my daughter did her own laundry this week.  That is a start.  I am cleaning  a little more...some days.(see above quote :))  I am going to buy that mop that makes cleaning floors easier today or tomorrow...put  a little money away from the child tax credit for that. Whether it works or not, it is going to make me feel better thinking that life will be easier and I will be likely to use it  lol.  It is all a mental game of thinking and feeling better, right?

So how do I feel...now.  I feel more peace than I did.  I worry less about the house.  A little more hopeful if not completely content with my home environment right now.  I won't have an open house any time soon lol but now that I have a "clean home" out there as an intention I do feel better. 

It is all good!

Do not judge by appearances, a rich heart may be under a poor coat.
Scottish proverb


I laugh at that one in one way.  Do not judge me by the clothes I wear please...lol...I may be wearing a poor looking, and almost furry, coat of clothing but I have a rich heart. :) Of course, I have so much more material abundance  than many...so much more.  I am able to pay my mortgage with the income I make.  I might not be able to pay anything else lol...but I can pay the mortgage.  I have the blessing of D. here, helping out, as well.  So I am blessed.

There are people...countries of people who have so much less.  I am overwhelmed by the surprises I find in those countries...I am remembering my trip to Mexico again.  I was surprised to find out what the average income was for the people who lived there.  I was surprised by the begging that took place and the housekeeper's reaction when I gave her a twenty dollar tip....she nearly flew through the roof.  I was most surprised, however, by the happiness I seen radiating from the people...a pure authentic joy and a zest for life, independent of what one owns or does, that I do not always see in the eyes of the people here.  I could not help but shoot these people  ( lol...with my camera). 

I was fascinated by a family that came to the beach one day when we were there.  One could tell they didn't have much but that trip to the beach together was like a million dollars to the children.  There was so much obvious love, excitement  and joy on their faces.  While my kids were complaining about the heat, wanting money to get French fries and water, massages and sunglasses...I put my attention on this little family and I shot, frame after frame after frame( Man I realize now I could have been pegged for a pedophile or something.) Then, when the next day we went by bus to Coba... en route, I got a glimpse of the real Mexico and I was fascinated by the hardworking and happy people I saw...so I shot from the bus as we drove through those areas. 

Not great shots but I felt  they captured the joy of simply being alive.  I realized these people are not poor...far from it...they are rich in ways that matter most....in ways that my "entitled" country men and myself could learn from.

All is well in my world.

 

 

The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.
Aristotle

A true artist doesn't just create their work of art...they are it. The piece created is ultimately just an extension and expression of who they are.

We are art

We are all art...masterpieces created by the most genius of strokes on the most perfect of canvases. Everything around us, is a part of that creation...all coming from the same palette and the Mind of the same Master. What types of colours are used, how the paint brush hits the canvas or what shape is made is not significant.  How we look on the outside doesn't matter. What form we breathe through is not important.  Outward appearance has nothing to do with true art. 

What is significant ...is what we are on the inside...magnificent divine creation. We are of the energy of That which held the brush and made the stroke.  We are of That.  We are That. In this art show, we are all masterpieces and all living, breathing expressions of the Master. 

How we see ourselves as less than

That's hard for many of us to believe.  We have these limiting and self deprecating beliefs stamped into our subconscious...that make us cringe at the idea of saying out loud that we are  more than these limited bodies; more than incidental splotches of paint on an otherwise perfect canvas. 

Many of us were brought up to believe it was blasphemous, arrogant and sinful  to say we are God-like masterpieces of Divine beauty. We were brought up to believe we were defective, sinful, unworthy results of creation...definitely not part of the same energy that did the creating.  We were basically "ugly" on the inside. 

Painting over what is already perfect

In order to compensate for that inner insignificance many of us feel we must create an outward appearance that is pleasing...through attention to our physical looks, what we own, what job we do, and how we are recognized by others.  We tell ourselves...we will never be worthy; always be sinful, defective and limited but maybe we will create the illusion of being enough.

We start painting over a perfect Masterpiece creating our own version of art.  But it isn't art!. When we put more attention on outward appearances we dim the inward significance of the creation.  Not from the Master...He will always know what He created...but from ourselves and each other.  We stop seeing the Masterpiece for what it is.  We stop seeing the inward significance of the art.

Would you paint over the Mona Lisa?

Imagine visiting the Louvre in Paris and going over to Leonardo Da Vinci's, Mona Lisa. 

You will likely hear the true art scholars and critiques going on about how it isn't the outward appearance of this woman that makes this piece so beautiful...but something mysterious and spell binding inside her is radiating out. Da Vinci captured the inward significance of his subject.  It is that inner radiance, not the outward appearance,  that makes this portrait a work of art. Few people can describe what that something is.  It is a mystery.

Now pull out your own palette of colours and focus only on the outward appearance...fix the mess Da Vinci made...Do something about those chubby cheeks, that hairline, that awful dress.  What the heck is going on with her mouth...fix that! And those eyes that seem to follow you wherever you go...paint those shut.  Change the colour scheme of what is going on around that ugly woman.  Make it trendy and hip!

There...step back, take a deep breath and see what you have done. Did you make it better?  Do you get the same feeling when you look at it?  Was all that effort worth it?  Did you get what you needed by trying to fix a masterpiece? Well you are finally going to get recognition ...let me tell ya...and it won't be for making something better!

Don't Paint over it

Don't paint over what is already perfect. Of course, in literal terms I am not suggesting that you do not wear make-up and avoid dressing well. Nor am I telling you not to  enjoy a great job,  material abundance or recognition  if it should come your way. If those things make you feel "good" or "better" by all means go for it. 

It is the "feeling good" and the "better" which has inward significance...Joy, I believe,  was the intention of the stroke. ( I see, BTW, a certain reserved joy and confidence in who she is in Mona Lisa's expression...just ready to explode outward).

But if your attention to outward appearance is based on a need to hide who you really are on the inside...please stop.  Stop running away from that inner self...turn around, go inward beyond your unhealthy beliefs, take a good look at just how beautiful  and God-like you really are.

 Look at others in the same way. Get past the physical appearance, the "things' they are surrounded by or lacking, what they do and how they are recognized by society and see who they really are...perfect, beautiful extensions and expressions of a Master Creator.  They are also reflections of you. 

All is well in my world.

Be independent of the need for the good opinion of other people.
Abraham Maslow

Be Independent of...

I love this quote...I made it a part of my daily  mantra a long time ago.   What about you? Are you more externally validated or internally validated?  Whose standards to you live your life by...your own or everyone else's?

Growing Beyond the Need for External Validation

I do my best to live by my own but it isn't always easy. I must say though...I am getting better at it.  At one point in my life I was very dependent on external validation.  I was more concerned about people liking me then I was about liking them.  If someone did not like me, rejected me, neglected me  or criticized me, I would be devastated and do my best to prove them wrong...to turn the tables so they accepted me.  I wanted to fit in...so I conformed as much as I could and avoided  "standing out" and "speaking up." I cared very, very much about how I appeared.

As I grow up and away from my need for the good opinion of others (and it is a slow process) I find I care less about other opinion of me.  I do not want to conform and care little if I fit in.  In fact,  I feel myself pulling away from society a little bit. I don't want to fit in.

I don't like people lol

I am noticing there is a lot of people I don't like out there.  Well...let's focus on behaviour...there is a lot of behaviour I don't like out there.  :) 

I was at one time willing to ignore behaviour in my quest to please.  I was more concerned about these individuals liking me than I was about liking them.  Those tables have turned. Though I tolerate behaviour that I do not like...I do not accept it in my life so easily anymore.  It is much easier to speak my mind and  walk away or simply avoid people I consider to be toxic to my well being (or just plain annoying).

I have no intentions of hurting these people...I just do not want to be surrounded by behaviour and attitude that brings me down in anyway.  I am also standing out more and more and speaking up about what I believe in, despite what others may think of me because of it. 

What is more important than other opinion

What is more important to me now...is what I believe; what I feel; what I think.  I have a sense of morals and values I go by and I do not need sanctioning from others. I do not feel the need to conform to society's standards anymore and am constantly questioning those standards.  I choose the ones that feel right and leave the others behind. I do not need to look good by someone else's standards or put a cent into outside appearance, either.

I have not worn any make up in about ten years with the exception of lipstick maybe at a wedding or something.  I literally have not had a professional haircut in over two years.  I have given away over 60 % of my clothing in January...so God knows what I am covering my body with these days.    I have no desire to impress on the level of appearances. 

Am I there then?

No...absolutely not but I am getting there. I still get embarrassed some times...when I find myself standing next to some one dressed to the nines and I look down to see my only pair of black pants covered in dog fur....but that is becoming the norm...so I am getting used to that too.  :)

I also still react to criticism, exclusion and rejection...perceived or real...especially at work...but it doesn't knock me over like it used to.  It is like a sting I draw back from and I shake it off and keep going.  (I had a lot of rejections or exclusions from editors and agents over the last couple of years and it has toughened me up!  lol). 

I am still very embarrassed about the state of my home and that has a lot to do with social standard and other opinion ( as well as not feeling personally comfortable in it and feeling I am responsible).

I still feel great shame for my situation with health and my limited work hours.  I don't like to speak out about those things at all except to the people directly involved. 

I have no problem admitting to my poverty ( if one would call it that...I find that word hard on my tongue...because I do not believe any of us are poor...but according to the standards of others...my bank account numbers and my debt could be deemed socially as poverty...but I am not poor!).  Let's just say I have no problem saying "I can't afford that right now." "I have debt" or "I might go bankrupt or lose the house " but I do have a problem saying:  "...because I am only working a few hours a week.  I am not well enough to work more."   These things make me uncomfortable partly because of what others may think, and  that triggers what I personally think about my health situation. I still haven't accepted it completely.

This Blog

 Then there is this blog...which is a testament to my growth as well as my need to grow more.  I would never have been able to write so openly about these topics a few years back.  Though I was so excited and thrilled by what I was learning and wanted to share,  I would have been too afraid of offending others and being rejected for my views. Even now when I write...I do not publicize my blog...tell few people about it.  I don't put it out there for my social media friends to click into which would make my readership grow if only because of curiosity...

I am still not ready for that much standing out yet. Few people even know I write.  Attachment to good opinion is still evident here to some extent. At the same time, having limited readership bothers me because it means I am not doing what writers are meant to do...connect...but it is safe.  I don't risk criticism and rejection which I honestly believe I could handle.  So why am I not putting this out there more?

I didn't like seeing the "No" in "No comments...It seemed to add negative to a very positive experience for me. It left me feeling invisible and devalued maybe...so I took it upon myself to change it.  I am committed to writing a comment on each of my blog entries everyday...partly to remove the negative from this experience ( No is a negative) and partly to stroke my ego. 

Not quite There Yet...

Yeah I still have a need from time to time to stroke the old ego which is, of course,  completely dependent on the good opinion of others.  Yuck!  I don't like when I catch myself feeding my ego's need for external valdiation but I still do. So I definitely still have some growing to do in this area but I am getting there.  I really am. 

It is very, very freeing to leave behind the need for other opinion...very freeing.  I wish that for everyone. 

So where are you on this?   

I hope you too are finding the freedom...if only in a small amount at a time ...that comes with being independent of the good opinion of others.

All is well in my world!

Your highest self only wants you to be at peace.
Wayne Dyer ( from Manifest Your Destiny (Harper; 1997))

The Learning Platform of Life

I still think about my honest expressions the other day and I wonder if they were done with the greatest intentions.  Everything to me is a learning platform...every choice I make; every response I have to something outside of me; everything I think...say...or do...is worthy of contemplation, examination and evaluation in order to determine  if it is getting me closer or further away from where I want to be. 

How do we know we are getting to where we want to be?

That takes me to the major way of knowing if we are getting there....to where we are headed...the emotional meter.  How does what we think, do, take in or send out there make us feel?  That is the biggest question to ask ourselves. 

Knowing that the highest self within us, that part that comes from God , wants us to feel peace...we can be more specific in our questioning or contemplation of our actions. :

• Did what I say or do bring peace to me and/or  potentially to others in the sense of valuable life change?  
• Did I feel relief beyond the ego? 
• Did I go beyond the need for the good opinion of others and my need to be right when I proceeded?  
• Does it feel like this action took me a little closer to where I was heading?

If the answer is yes...breathe in deeply the relief of knowing you are heading in the best direction for you and others. You can relax in the flow trusting even more that internal guidance system that led you to make those action choices. 

The Peace Questions

If you said no to any of the above...then know that you are not there yet. You are still guided by ego's wishes and demands.  You have some more learning and practicing to do.  Be sure to take the time to stop and ask this question before you act again: 

"Is what I am about to say or do going to bring me peace and am I considering the highest good or is ego just looking for recognition, revenge, and/or to be proven right? Do I feel peace thinking about doing this and do I anticipate peace as the outcome?"

If peace is the feeling you are experiencing than your highest self is directing.   Let the highest self guide you in your actions, not ego.

I asked myself that question prior to my honest expressions yesterday and I felt compelled to proceed.  I also asked the above questions after I said what I felt needed to be said.  Though I hate the thought of offending anyone or addressing the negative behaviour of others...doing what I did, saying what I said brought peace to me.

 I am fully aware that my ego is still in need of some major deflating and it does gain a certain strength from my being the person who is "right" in a situation...some of that came into play in both cases. I have to work on that.  Still I felt relief beyond the ego...like I was clearing paths and the actions were taking me a little closer to my goals.  I was thinking of the higher good...beyond my own self serving and narrow minded goals.

So I can breathe in deeply  and let the relief guide me. I feel the peace my highest self wants me to feel. I still have learning to do but I am definitely getting there.

All is well.