Questions On a Bad Mind Day

"I am just having a bad mind day!"

Michael A. Singer

I was sitting here writing this morning and listening to Michael Singer. Someone pointed out that his message is the same thing everyday. In a way it is. His message is something I have actually heard many, many times before I was even introduced to him.  It is an ancient message he is sharing.  He just does so in a way that resonantes with me.  

Truth is Truth!

It resonates with me because his methodology appeases my scientific and practical mindset. It also resonates because it a thought stream others have been suggesting to me repeatedly...over and over again...since I began this journey.  Heck, it is a thought stream that was already imprinted into my mind before I was even born. Truth is truth! Reality just is!

Cracking the External Wall

My ego built a wall over the knowledge I was born with. The outside teachings were tap, tap, tapping at that thin wall that existed between the external and internal knowing for decades. All it takes is a certain tap from a certain pick to crack the wall open wide...so, voila!...the external teaching can match the internal knowing. This wall in me  may not be completely open yet but Michael A. Singer certainly put a big crack in er ( as we would say in my part of the world. :) 

A Bad Mind Day

Anyway, a day ago I was having a bad mind day. I wrote about a "me-me" thought that kept emerging during meditation and other parts of my day, a thought I don't want to keep supressing and repressing. I was left with this question:  Is this thought coming from  Self or self, spirit or ego, Higher universal mind, or personal mind, outside the wall that is left in me, or inside it...and what do I do about it?

That is a pretty profound question.  No wonder I tend to push the thought back down as often as I do. Answering this question and deciding what to do requires a coming together of the deeper stuff with the superficial stuff, the Soul's purpose with the ego's in order to do what is best for my Higher Self, for the world.  That is a big responsibility. It is much easier to simply focus on what me wants. 

It Isn't All About "Me".

There is a problem though. It isn't about what little me wants. Is it? Heck, I don't even know what little me, as a human, wants anymore. 

Well, Singer reminds us in the podcast linked below, that we are not human beings. We are simply observing Life through a human being. We are the consciousness, the One consciousness, that internal mind, observing what is unfolding in front of us; observing how this personal  mind and heart are responding or reacting to it. 

Just a Concept

The problem is we, as consciousness,  have been staring at all the human stuff so long and so hard we have identified with it. Human drama has thusly been imprinted on this consciousness. We created a self concept, an idea of me with it.  We forget that "Me" and all its dramas, its joy and its woe, its heart and its mind...is just an idea, a concept.  It isn't real.  No concept can be real. Reality is free of concepts. This knowledge that exists on the inner part of the wall knows that, is that. 

Not Here to Serve Me

So when I asked if a relationship is serving 'me', I got it all wrong. Relationships...Life in general...is not here to serve me and give me what me wants. (Remember there is such a mess inside I don't honestly know what me wants anymore.) Life is not here to give "me" ( a concept) the perfect relationships where everyone and the things they do match all the samskara junk I have stuffed inside, so nothing ever gets triggered or bothered by these relationships. That is crazy. First of all "me" is just a mental construct. Second of all, how can anything or anyone match this very unique  pattern of clinging and storage, likes and dislikes I have inside me, my psyche, all the time.  Impossible.  Others have their own patterns, creating the sum of their learned experiences, their psyches.  What are the chances the stored patterns of two or more people will line up exactly all the time so neither ever gets triggered by the other? Next to impossible. What are the chances that Life...a process that has been going on for billions and billions of years, with an infinite number of variables in it that lead up to the particular moment that is unfolding in front of you, is going to be exactly the way "me" thinks it should be? You do not have to understand statistics to understand the probability of that. Yet, we honestly believe in our me identification, that the moment should be here to serve us. Come on, isn't that crazy?

The moment is not supposed to be what you want...you are supposed to be the highest being able to accept, learn, grow, appreciate, honor and serve this moment in front of you. 

The Answer to My Question

When I close my eyes to listen for an answer, this is what I hear coming from the cracks Singer and many others have made in my wall. 

What You are Not

This understanding starts with understanding that you are not the drama you are addicted to staring at. You are not your thoughts or your emotions. You are not your mind, your, heart, your body. Heck you are not even the human walking around on this planet that is stirring up all this drama.  You are not, therefore, the person asking the question, "What do I do about this relationship?"

What You Are

You are the Being inside the human, that is observing Life through it. 

You are Consciousness, the One Consciousness that is in all things, looking out through those eyes on your head, hearing the world through your ears, feeling sensation through your skin. 

You are the undisturbed One Mind that stares at that disturbed personal mind it has created as it makes sense of the information the body is picking up, as it judges it, stores it, pushes it away. 

You are that amazing Light that contracted itself to a narrow beam in order to stare  for much too long at that which was bringing It down. 

You Are That which clings to those things that  block Its flow through you and into the  world.  

You are the ever flowing joy that exists beneath your blockages. 

You are the Truth, the Only Reality,  hidden behind the wall ego created. 

You are hearing the tap, tap, tapping of inner truths externally offered. Do not resist them . Let that wall crack open. Allow your inner Self to be free.

This is what I hear when I truly ponder that question. It is a truth that is offered to me and a truth I offer to you. My relationship question seems so unimportant now, doesn't it? 

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 9, 2024) Exploring Distraction, Identification and Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/

Samatha and Vipassana

 Wings

Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to  grasp, to seek  
and close my eyes and wait for you
 to clasp me in your  beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
 and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
 that exists nowhere but here.

 Place me on  the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
 and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice just how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.

I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go  into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe  each internal knot release
from  the twisted  pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.

Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where peace always can be found.

Dale-Lyn  May 2020

I was reminded of this poem after listening to the one person in the world I would have likely made my guru if he were still in flesh...Thich Nhat Hanh.  I think, but I am not sure, it was a Plum Village talk when I first learned of samatha and Vipassana (sorry no accents). When I heard this man speak today...a beautiful recording from Plum Village with amazing cinematography...I was reminded of this poem. Hmm! I wrote this very imperfect poem then because I was realizing how much I wanted to heal.  That desire still brews in me. Healing comes with stillness, silence, and resting in Self.

It is possible for us to live every moment of our life in such a way that every moment becomes a moment of healing. 

Stop running. Let yourself be healed. 

All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh/Plum Village.( February, 2024) Stop Running/ Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qch5ISD9Bxo

Objective Observation Witnessing a Thoughtful Question

 It matters that you accept things that have nothing to do with you. [and most things in Life have nothing to do with you.] ...Practice letting go of the personal.

Michael A. Singer

I am by no means a perfect meditator, far from it.  I go down to my studio every morning, pop a squat on the floor, pick up my mala, and I close my eyes as I move my fingers from one bead to the other but my mind seldom stops completely. Nor do I ask it to.  My goal is not to transcend the mind into some mystical consciousness reality, but  to simply fall a bit back away from mind and what it naturally does, to observe it from the place of Objective Observer.  

The mind thinks, that is its nature. The hyperactive, busy -world-conditioned personal mind...thinks a lot. I have one of those lol. I have learned not to ask my mind to be something it isn't. 

So when I, in meditation practice (and it is a practice for a reason...no perfection expected, just learning), find myself in a state where I am back in the Seat of the Observer witnessing this busy mind attempting to take me off the rails... even if that witnessing is only for a minute of the 20 plus minutes I am seated...that, to me, is a succssful practice. Every moment that I am not lost in the personal nature of my dramatic thought streams, is a moment of grace. Every moment where I catch myself watching myself getting lost or about to get lost or coming back from being lost...is a timeless moment spent in the Seat of the Objective Observer again.  It is a notch on my belt indicating growth and success where we all need it the most. I may not stay there, in witness consciousness, long but every second of that experience is special to me.  I even have  been having moments in that Seat where I am aware that I am aware of having no thoughts.  It is like the both the thought stream and time freez. I find myself observing the world in that pause. Mind will, before long, bring me back from that and into a flow of thought but every microsecond of thoughtless awareness is so cool. I find myself saying at those times, "Wow! I am in the Seat again!" That, of course, is a thought that can pull me back into the stream of thinking.  I am hoping to get to the state where I just realize... without thought or explanation...that I am not just in the Seat, I am the Seat.

Today, when I was seated my mind was busy with one thought in particular...a thought that has been nagging at me for years now, rising up to stir up the muddy waters of an already disturbed mind. :) It is a thought that I generally push down as if it were a rubber duckie I want no one else to see. I have been holding it and all the feelings of confusion it creates down with it for so long.  It is, I am discovering very challenging and energy draining to hold such things down when they want nothing more than to be on the surface. I just don't know how I would  deal with it if it were to come up and float freely on the surface making its reality  obvious to all, especially to me. It would mean, possibly, some major life changes that I am not sure I am ready to make with everything else I have going on. Sigh! It would mean hurting others I do not want to hurt. It would mean enduring great loss myself and an unpredictable future. This thought is a truth I don't want to deal with. It is a truth others do not want to deal with.

There were moments when I relaxed my downward hold on this thought. I began, then,  to express this truth to others...gently, subtley, with compassion and respect as well as a collection of truthful grievances that I had hoped would support my arguement for a need for change ...but the others, all but the counsellor I speak to once a month, basically told me to stop thinking that thought. That, at my age, it wuld incur a change that would make no sense. Other people's reaction triggered shame in me (without anyone meaning to) for even having such a thought. I felt I was being unkind, selfish, playing the victim, over dramatic, creating issues where no issues existed. The person or people involved in this thought stream were so good and well loved by everyone...how could I have a problem with them? It is true, there is not an an ounce of malicious intent, a heck of a lot of unconsciousness and a lack of a thoughtfulness, but no malice or ill will. How can I find faultt with that when I too am unconscious at times?  So, I did what I was conditioned to do. I pushed  it all back down and leaned into the hold.

Still, every now and again...especially when I see evidence of how one sided and draining this thing seems to be  for "me", up it pops again. The thought will arise, "What about you and your happiness and wellness? You have been so drained by this. You have put so much into this, given so much, so much is expected of you, and what are you getting back? Very little. Don't you deserve the same effort, kindness, thoughtfulness,  and compassion you give? And will you get it here like this? You know you won't!  This is not, nor was it ever, what others want to believe it is...what you may have wanted others to believe it was ...what you wanted to beleive it was...and you know it!" 

How does the mind counter that? "Well are you not all about getting rid of the personal? So what if the "me" is being drained and its needs are being neglected? Isn't this what your journey is all about? To get rid of me and its neediness?"   This idea of letting go of the personal is another reason why I keep  pushing these thoughts and feelings  down. Sigh! It gets confusing.

I don't want to supress and repress what I am thinking and feeling.  I don't want to feel shame for feeling what I am feeling either.  I do not want to spend my lfe serving the me and its needs.  I am fully aware that nothing out there, no one out there, is responsible for making me happy or unhappy  but me.  Maybe, this situation is a part of my karma...a learning environment I have been given to help me gain the mastery of being undisturbed and peaceful no matter what, to find joy from within no matter what is happening and who I am with. That is what I pray for.

So the question that arises from this thought that keeps popping up is, "Do I continue to give, give, give knowing that I will get nothing back in return but an opportunity to learn how to remain undisturbed? Is that enough? "

I don't know.  What I do know is, regardless if it is personal mind or higher mind bringing this thought up, that so wants to be explored, for me to deal with,  I need to stop pushing and holding it down. Repression and suppression, I know, are the answer to nothing but misery.

This is what the Objective Observer witnessed today in my meditation practice. It certainly wasn't thoughtless, but it was powerful, just the same. 

All is well, 

Doing What Comes Natural

 

Whenever you feel authentic and genuine you are heading in the right direction.

James Clear, page 225

In determining where to spend your energy remember that which comes easier to you while bringing a sense of joy is a place you might want to explore.  Clear lists a series of questions to ask yourself  when deciding on what goals to set/ what tasks to pursue:

• What feels like fun to me, but work to others? Studying, writing, sharing what I learn is fun to me while others seem to dread it.
• What makes me lose track of time? Studying, writing, sharing...I lose track of time.  I am putting together what I have learned so far about teaching literacy to EAL students into books. I have no idea why but spending hours on it, losing all track of time.
• Where do I get greater returns than the average person? Well...I am not getting many external returns but I am getting a lot of intrinsic reward from what I do. I keep dreaming though about tying off all my years studying by finishing a Masters and possibly a PhD?  See myself writing a Thesis and possibly a dissertation. Imagine! Weird I know, at my age.
• What comes naturally to me? Studying, writing, sharing..teaching. Hmmm! No one ever said I was normal, lol

All is well! 

PS: eye sight has been a little less than perfect lately so I have been making oodles of typos.  Sorry about the distraction.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery/

Heeding the Internal Restlessness

 Siddhartha was thus loved by everyone. He was a source of joy by everyone. He was a source of joy for everybody, he was a delight for them all. But he Siddhartha was not a source of joy for himself, he found no delight in himself. Walking the rosy paths of the fig tree gardens, sitting in the bluish shade of  the grove of contemplation, washing his limbs daily in the bath of repentence, sacrificing in the dim shade of the mango forest, his gestures of perfect decency, everyone's love and joy, he still lacked all joy in his heart. Dreams and restless thoughts came into his mind, flowing from the water of the river, sparkling from the stars of the night, melting from the beams of the sun, dreams came to him and a restlessness of the soul, fuming from the sacrifices, breathing forth from the verses of the Rig Veda, being infused into him, drop by drop, from the Old Brahmans.

Herman Hesse, Siddhartha, page ? no page numbers lol

How beautiful is that writing!!! Man.

All is well

Making it Painful

 

The more immediate the pain, the less likely the behaviour.

James Clear, page 206

I suppose there are so many habits that are not necessarily wholesome in my life that I could change or break.  My procrastination habit being one of them. My messiness habit another.  My avoidance of the submission process is a fairly big one that gets in the way of me  getting published. There is my evening  Netflix binging and sweet consumption  to consider, or my tendency to go to bed too close to midnight. Many people will tell me I spend way too much time on the computer in the morning and see that as a habit that should be modified.  Hmmm!  There are a lot of habits I am repsonsible for that may be standing in the way of me living a healthier and freer life. So why am I not so concerned about breaking them? Should I be? 

If I were inclined to break these habits and if it got so far as me writing down on a piece of paper: " I will break the habit of eating sweets at night", for example, I would break this habit.  I am notorious for doing what I set out to do...but the thing is...I do not care if these habits get broken or not. Hmm!

James Clear, in Atomic Habits, outlines that habits can be broken by  ensuring that they are the opposite of the habits we may want to build. We have to make the habits we want to break invisible, unattractive, difficult or even painful, and unsatisfactory. Hmm. 

Make it invisible?

Yeah, no sweets in the house. If there were no sweets visibly in front of me I could not binge on them.  Sigh.

Make it unattractive?

Does that mean I have to buy sweets that taste like crap? No, not necessarily.  But that would work like Antabuse works for the alcoholic...making me sick on sweets. Or maybe I just have to see how I am gaining weight...those rolls in my belly are not so attractive and either are the fillings in my mouth. Hmm! The prospect of health related issues from a high sugar consumption...not attractive  and neither are the hypoglycemic crashes that follow a chocolate binge. 

Make it difficult? 

If an alcoholic had to drive five miles to the store to get alcohol every time they had a craving...keeping alcohol out of the house would make it difficult for them to drink, wouldn't it? Thus curbing the habit, at least a bit. If I had no chocolate bars in the house...I probably wouldn't drive to the store at 8 O'clock at night to get some, would I? Going to the kitchen to whip up a batch of banana chocolate chip muffins may not be a difficulty I'd not be willing to put myself through either. ( Heck...who am I kidding?  I have seen me whipping up a batch of something at Nine O'clock at night to curb my craving. Besides, if I had chocolate chips in the house I'd be eating them from the bag. lol)

Make It Unsatisfying?

Man, why does chocolate have to be so satisfying? Some would say, "Well choose the dark stuff, the stuff with a high cacoa concentration.The taste is a little bitter and less satisfying"...but I just eat twice as much of that because I convince myself it is good for me lol

So I guess my habits are not creating enough obvious pain in my life right now or otherwise I would be stopping them.  The key phrase is right now....  What is the long term effect of these less than wholesome habits? Hmm.  If I continue binging on Netflix and eating sweets I am going to keep gaining weight which will have a negative effect on my physical and mental health. I am depriving my mind and body of other things that could nourish it...maybe I am setting myself up for contamination and degeneration of the mind and body?  If I keep procrastinating finishing writing projects and sending them off I may never get published again.  And maybe, just maybe, the world needs what I have to offer in some tiny form and I am depriving those needy beings  of it? What pain does my procrastination cost the world?  (Okay...that is a stretch lol)

A Habit Contract

Regardless, Clear offers a pretty feasible solution to assisting us with breaking "bad" habits.  He calls it a Habit Contract. A Habit contract is a written  declaration of what you intend to do and the consequence for not following through. For example, I might write, "I will refrain from eating high calory sweets at night. If I eat a chocolate bar, I will need to take a quick jaunt around the block regardless of time or  weather."  I can see that being a healthy consequence, can you? 

That would work for me. Once I write a declaration on paper, I usually stick with it.  Hmm! 

So, are these habits I have listed here in need of a habit contract? Am I at the point where I consider them worth the effort of changing?  I don't know yet but I will get back to you when I have an answer. (I am a procrastinator, remember.) 

All is well. 

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Still Being Thrown Off Balance?

 We must ask ourselves how far we can be acted upon by the external world, and how far we can stand on our own feet, in spite of all the forces outside us.  When we have succeeded in preventing all the forces in the world from throwing us off balance, then alone we have attained to freedom, and not before. Vivekananda, Complete Works, 1.4,  page 213

Are you still being thrown off balance by the world around you? I know I am.  Trying though to stand on my own two feet despite everything going down around me. It isn't always easy but I am making some progress I think, albeit slowly. I am working on getting past "me" in hope that I can become and remain undistrurbed and unattached to whatever Life throws my way; so that  I can become and remain absent of the need of the good opinion of others; and so I can become and remain free.

Like I said, I am no longer depending on things around me changing. It is I that must do the changing whether or not things around me change and become better or not.  It would be great if they did though, wouldn't it?

Change the subject, and the object is bound to change; purify yourself, and the world is bound to be purified. 

Vivekananda,1.4,  page 213

All is well

The Complete Workd of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition

Soul Scientist Remaining Undisturbed Without Hope?

 

The answer is not to get what you want. That is not what spirituality is about, what life is about.

Michael A. Singer

I was laying in bed this morning thinking about what I really want with the remaining Life I have. I was realizing how different I am now.  I used to have dream boards around me...On those boards I had pictures of a big beautiful house by the ocean, me signing books as a successful author, money in the account, my children all happy and healthy around me, a PhD on the wall behind me, and my body fit and in excellent health etc.... Looking at those boards used to take me away from the pressure of my present life situation. The thought of attaining any of those things was like a light that shone through the heavy darkness. It gave me something.  It gave me escape through hope. 

I don't have  those boards anymore and I do not operate with hope.Without the  sense of hope that external  things will get better,  I don't visualize life circumstance in my mind getting better.  I am no longer pulled by hope. I don't try to manifest a better life situation.  I don't pray that Life get better for this "me".  It is strange, not living with that hope that something in my life will change dramatically to remove some of this heavy pressure off my shoulders that seems to have been sitting there for so long. Hmm! This living experience seems a bit dark and heavy without the light of hope. Sometimes I even feel stuck. Still, I know that I don't need hope.  I simply need the willingness to accept and appreciate what is.  That is yoga.

Yoga has taught me not to be attached to the fruit of my actions, not to get  pulled into activity by the potential for reward.   Life is now...not in the future...the reward is in the doing and the being now. I write like crazy these days but no longer so much to get published. This idea "publish or persih" is no longer pulling me along.  I see myself as a writer because I write. There is an effortless ease to most of my writing now.  Things are coming out of me and it is like, "Why the heck am I writing this?" I recognize a need or a lack somewhere and I just go about filling the holes. I just continue with the process because it is easy. It is not about "me" and I what I will gain from it.  It is about what I can offer with this bit of skill I might have.

I learn and study like crazy , have all kinds of university credits, but only one degree. The learning is coming to me.  It isn't even expected or asked for sometimes.  Just plop...there it is...another opportunity...another finished learning adventure...another piece of paper saying that I learned something. I have a feeling the postgraduate degrees may come but if they do it won't be becasue I desperately went after them.  It will be becasue the opportunity came to me.I have become a student of life.  

I don't dream about getting more money, any more, just so that I can have some semblance of financial peace.  I accept that finacial challenge is possibly just a part of my karma and instead of struggling against that reality, I simply embrace it. I can have peace now without money. It is the peace I always erronously believed the money would bring that I want.  

Though I truly want all around me to be well and happy, I no longer put so much energy into trying to fix  "broken" loved ones. I don't invest in hope  for change just so I can be free of the sorrow that comes with watching them. This too is my karma, this too is their karma, I believe. I accept it.  Though I will do what needs to be done that is truly helpful, I am doing my best to let go of the worry and living on the wisps of hope that if I do this or that they are getting better. Maybe they will.  Maybe they won't. It is not up to me. This is the reality now. 

My goal is not about manifesting a better life! My goal is  to to be okay with what is...I mean truly at peace with whatever Life hands me.  I truly, truly know , as a yogi, a soul scientist, that Life doesn't have to change to soothe my personal mind. My personal mind is not that important. What needs to change is "me". It is an inside change that is needed, not an outer one. I need to cut through what is left of my personal mind  to get to the intellectual and creative mind behind it, and embrace that. 

Life isn't about "me".  It is about so much more and I get to be a part of it all. 

What I want is to be open and undisturbed no matter what Life hands me, now and in the future.  That is what I want more than anything else in the world. 

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 5, 2024) Using Every Moment to Free Yourself https://tou.org/talks/

The House Work Habit

 

Housework can't kill you but why take a chance.

Phyllis Diller

I have this thing about housework!  I really, really do not like it and it is at the bottom of any priority list that exists in my mind. Though I like a clean house, a tidy well organized house is not that important to me ( at least until I cant find what I am looking for when I am in a hurry that is.) I do clean to some degree. I do maintain some upkeep but it is obvious not enough, in comparison to other people's houses. So, I have been carrying around with me for most of my life, this sense of internal shame and embarrassment over the state of my house, in comparison to others. I have this core belief that there is something wrong with me because I don't follow the pull to house keep like others do.  Instead of doing something about it, I do my best to avoid and repress the sense of shame. I can walk over anything instead of picking it up. 

 I would really like to put an end to that self-shaming tendency in relation to housework once and for all. A part of me  tends to believe that a house that is cleaner, fresher, easier to look at will solve the problem. 

Will it? 

Of course, I am evolved enough to know that the shame is an internal samskara that is there for a host of reasons that go beyond housework. The visible lack of house maintenance simply triggers it. Many people have this internal sense of shame, especially women but, unlike me,  they set out to "fix" the trigger and devote countless hours to tidying and cleaning their houses, creating clean and orderly environments.  They feel a certain amount of anxiety when things are out of order, (samskara being triggered), so they are committed to dealing with that anxiety through  a consistent practice of cleaning and tidying.  It is a practice that I just cannot seem to commit myself to in the way they do. That leads to a realization of my comparison-shaming. I feel some shame when I don't clean enough but not anxiety.  I am sure I could walk over a rotting carcass without feeling the need to do something about it ( joking of course...as soon as the dead body starts to stink I will usually take it out...joking!!!). That is until, the door bell rings and some unexpected company shows up. I, sensing my not enoughness in regards to housekeeping, do have that samskara activation and  anxiety then at the thought of being judged by others. Otherwise, a messy house with a certain degree of a  "minimal pass in a public health inspection" level of cleanliness is okay with me. 

So, anyway this is taking me back to Atomic Habits. I want to explore why the habit of consistent housecleaning is hard for me to stick to and what I should do about it or if I should do something about it.

In order to build healthy habits Clear tells us repeatedly throughout the book, behaviours need to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

So, the behaviour of cleaning and tidying more consistently has to be obvious.  I do leave all my cleaning supplies out in the open. Brooms, mops, vacuums, and dusters  are  always visible and easy to reach.  (Please note: I do use these things just not as much as the people around me seem to do.). And the need for cleaning and tidying is more often than not highly visible.  With three dogs and two cats upstairs, I have dust bunnies some times the size of tumble weeds rolling past me. It gets quite obvious.I tend though to be more invested in the motion of cleaning (preparing and planning how I will clean) than the actual action of cleaning. Motion can become a form of procrastination.(page 142-143) Like right now, as I contemplate way I don't clean and how I should ( motion), I could actually be cleaning and getting things done( action).  

It has to be attractive. Hmm! That is a tuff one for me because there is nothing about housekeeping that is attractive.  I know where that stems from.  I grew up in a very traditional family where the women were taught to be subserviant to the men.  It was the woman's job then to look after the house and the man's job to do work outside the home.  My mother, a brilliant woman with both teaching and nursing diplomas, literally had to ask my father if she could pick up a shift outside the home.  If she worked a night shift at the hospital she felt it was her duty to come home and clean the house from top to bottom while looking after 11 children before ever considering the need for sleep. When she died my father then turned to my sisters' and I to fulfill the housekeeping duties.  I always wanted to be outside working with the boys.  I resented having to clean after and cook for my brothers just because I was female.  That became a samskara in me that also gets activated at the thought of having to do housework. 

Still, a nice clean house is attractive to me.  My mother always kept a sparkling clean home. The thought of not meeting her expectations is a part of this "not enough" samskara that is stuffed inside me. I love the look of my house after I clean. It is attractive.

It has to be easy. Is it easy to maintain the cleaning behaviour? No, only because I tend to let things go too long. So by the time I do clean, I have an all day adventure. It could be so much easier by following simple principles like "resetting the room" page 156 and by creating gateway habits that lead to bigger habits page 163. For example, I could put things back when I am finished with them...creating a place for everything to go back to. I can also break habits down into the first tiny step forward.  Like if I am going to vacuum, I begin by taking the vacuum down and plugging it in. ( I do practice this one.) I do not have to clean the whole house in one day either.  I can simply do one room a day. ( I tried that several times as well but wasn't able to stick with it.) 

Finally, the cleaning and tidying needs to be satisfactory. In all fairness, sometimes it is.  If I blast the music in the background or play a podcast while I am cleaning, it can be a satisfactory expereince.  I also note that I am getting my steps in as I clean. More importantly, when I am done I am rewarded with a satisfactory experience of looking about a clean home.  That may last a few hours or  a day...but then the dust begins to roll again and I am back to the drawing board.

Will explore this more at a later date.(Am I procrastinating even thinking about housework lol?)

All is well 

JAmes Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery. 

Getting Through without the 'Woo-Woo'

 You go through what you need to go through to get through. 

Michael A. Singer

When you hear the word 'spirituality', how do you react?  Well, if you have been on this site more than once, it may not bother you, but many people will have a pull back type of reaction. 

I honestly believe we need to take the "taboo" and the "woo-woo" out of  this belief we have about 'spirituality'. Spirituality is not what most of us think it is.  It is simply a very subtle and deep but at the same time very practical way of approaching life, of learning how to handle it. There are, in reality,  very many ways of viewing life and handling it: psychology, biology, science, art, philosophy and religion.  All are spiritual! Why? They have the potential to take us to a greater and higher understanding. They all have the potential to help us live better lives. They are, therefore, spiritual! 

Spirituality is not all about going to church, temple, or synagogue; about renouncing all worldy possessions; about joining a monastery or ashram, about studying scripture and adhereing to ever word, nor is it all about meditating, or praying even.  These are all tools that can help us deepen our understanding about life and why we are here but the most important part of spirituality is brought about through processing through everyday life and observing how we do it and why. 

My spiritual practice has little to do with these things though I may practice some of them. I do meditate, for example, but not like a true Rishi would by any means.  I am not trying to get anywhere through my meditation, at this point, but to a relaxed, calm, clear and peaceful state. I read so much scripture and doctrine but only to get to an understanding it is pointing to that exists in me already: Why are we here?  How do we best live these lives we are given? Most importantly, how do we get through the suffering? 

Most of my practice occurs off the mat, off the cushion, out of church, away from the books...I simply observe my mind, heart, and body as I respond to the things Life is given me. Who observes? That is the most profound question. The spirit...that which I am at the deepest level, consciousness...that which we all share is the Objective Observer spirituality takes me too.  Hmm!

Anyway, I realize as I do so that we are all going through what we are going through in Life  simply to get through. Doing it well, is spirituality. 

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 2, 2024) Life- Your Perfect Teacher. https://tou.org/talks/

Life is One Big Puzzle Box

 True wisdom comes from the continuous pursuit of knowledge and self improvement. 

Edward Thorndike.

I was reminded of a pre-Skinner behavioural and educational psychologist by the name of Edward Thorndike today, when I randomly opened Atomic Habits. I had learned about him in many of  the psychology and adult education courses I took over the years. As I seek true knowlege and self improvemnt, I am presently re-learning about habits, more specifically how to reinforce the life learning we want to adhere to, while getting  rid of the learning that is in the way of us living peaceful lives. I randomly opened up to a page from the book and there he was. The learning and the relativity of it to what I am doing now came back with Clear's mention of the "puzzle box". 

Puzzle Box?

Life is one big puzzle box we are stuck in. We are endelessly trying to open some door that will lead us to a rewarding experience.

Say what, crazy lady? 

Thorndike studied hungry cats as they learned to escape from his "puzzle boxes". The accidental behaviour that led to escape was then  reinforced with a meal. Throughout his observations and data collection, he noted that cats, like all beings really, learn by trial and error, what he called a process of "learning by trial and accidental success". Reward was the success consequence that determined the appropriate response (which was to push a certain lever that would open the door to freedom). The hungry cats began by pawing randomly without really knowing what they were doing. They were, however, highly motivated to keep trying, to keep learning how to open the door because the reinforcement, the reward, the food would only come after they pushed the right lever. They were also trying to avoid/escape the unpleasant sensation of hunger as well as the uncomfortable feeling of being trapped in a box. From his observations,  Thorndike would be accredited for terming: the learning curve: the trial and error learning methodolgy, and the law of effect: the relationship between response and reward. (Carlson et al, 2005)

Life as a puzzle box

Isn't life one big puzzle box?  Are we not all feeling somewhat trapped and hungry for something? Are we not constantly learning by experimenting, testing, trying, failing, trying again, succeeding etc to get that darn door to open so we can get even a glimpse of the bigger reward? Are we not all looking for freedom whether we know it or not?

The learning taht is observed taking place in the Puzzle box can be charted on a graph. We see, initially, a graph line that is not rising, indicating that there are no outward signs of learning. We can see the cats, in the beginning of their experience, randomly running around meowing and scratching at whatever is there.  Though it looks like disorganized panic, the cats are actually trying to figure things out. They are learning. The brain is extremely active at this time taking in a lot of sensory information and monitoring and recording  the effect of each random pawing or scratch.  Then there is a gradual incline in the slope upward. Next, by accident, some movement the cat makes with its paw opens the door. Viola. The hyperactivity of the brain is rewarded with a succes. This will be recorded in the brain as a "repeat this next time" and on the graph as a peak when the behaviour gets repeated again. Learning has reached its climax. It took a while to get there but the cats reached the summit!The behaviour will then  be repeated again and again until it  becomes a habit.

Behaviours followed by satisfactory consequences tend to be repeated and those that produce unpleasant consequences are less likely to be repeated. Thorndike, Atomic Habits Page 44

This is the basis of Thorndike's behaviour analysis and it is the basic premise of James Clear's book. Behaviours are repeated when a reward for that behaviour is received and the more a behaviour is repeated, it becomes automatic requiring little effort from the brain to figure things out. Brain activity will begin to decline (the negative slope on the learning curve is made). 

Trial and Error Before Automaticity

So many of our habits are automatic and we do not even think about them as we perform them. Yet they do not begin that way. Look at driving a car.  After years of driving, most of our driving is unconscious. How much of a big learning curve it was  though to gain mastery of all the little skills and things we needed to remember in order to learn to drive. Like: Set up everything for comfort inside the car before you turn on the ignition. Put on your seat bealt. Check your rear view. Shift the car into reverse.  Put just the right amount of pressure on the gas pedal as you back up.  Checking over your shoulders etc...And that is just backing out of your driveway. 

And of course there is, in those beginning learning experiences, a lot of trial and error...We make mistakes and we learn, we try something else. sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail, sometimes we are rewarded and sometimes we are punished.  We keep trying until we get it right. The brain is hyperactive and so focused on the task of learning.  Then before we know it we are driving without a thought to what we are doing.  It  all becomes so automatic.

I am hoping that my learning will become automatic in this Life puzzle box I am in. Self improvement and wisdom, enough at least to bring a bit of peace, is what I am looking for as  I press this lever and that lever, and that one over there...I make a lot of mistakes. I keep learning from trial and error. I am hoping to accidently land on the right lever some day. I am hoping to discover which one opens the door to freedom and which one doesn't. 

Learning is an amazing thing to understand. It is all good.

All is well in my world.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Hbaits. New York: avery

Carlson, N; Buskt, W.; Enzie, M. & Heth, C. (2005) Psychology: The Science of Behaviour. Toronto: Pearson

Don't Revere the Teacher?

 I don't think it takes much for a cult to be a cult. Many parts of our society are cultish, and you only need a charismatic leader and some teachings, and before you know it you have a cult.

Jerome Flynn

I watched the Netflix documentary last night on Anteres de la Luz. Note to self:  Don't ever watch a show about such a heart breaking and terryfing possibility of the human condition before going to bed, again. Dreamt about it all night. 

Why did I watch such a show? I am, as you may know, fascinated with cults. I see myself in the cult members and I hope to God to never see myself in the cult leaders. Even calling myself or anyone a spiritual teacher gives me the willies.  I think, though, we all have the potentiial for either. That is why I am fascinated.  

Every member had the same agenda I have...to awaken from human suffering , at least a bit spiritually, to understand truth, to be the best human being they could be.They did not join the cult because they wanted to kill an innocent baby or because they wanted to become a slave to someone elses desires, or to  kill themselves or anyone else as cult members do in the mass homicides they are sometimes known for. They joined (often without ever realizing they were 'joining' anything) for a higher reason. 

Their desire for higher understanding about life and truth, unfortunately got exploited by the needs of sociopaths, psychotics, ego maniacs etc...who knew what these people needed  (what we all need actually) and knew how to use it for their own benefits. 

How does one see someone as a guru and not get lost in that?  Were the members "crazy"? And if they were , am I for wanting the same things they wanted in the beginning of their journeys? I am not a fan of revering any teachers in human flesh because of this possibility. I will study and appreciate their teachings but it stops there.

Yet, how do cult leaders become cult leaders?  Do they set out to exploit or do they get lost in adoration of certain people? (From my research, I think they set out to exploit.) They do study everything I studied...they do write about it and talk about is as I do here. What is their motivation for doing so? I do believe Anteres was psychotic and I don't think the constant use of Ayahausca helped that.  ( I am certainly crossing off: go to Michu Picchu and drink Ayahausaca with a Shaman off my bucket list, let me tell ya.) I think he used this drug to get the members into the a state where he could plant ideas into their heads that would become their reality...like him as God and others as evil. If so, how psychotic was he really? He manipulated the experience to support his own delusions, if they were delusions and not just a part of his scheme to control. 

Anyway, I like to explore this more, if only to appease my mind.

All is well

Ask the Self to Come Out

 If you want to learn not to close you have to be willing to take a look inside.

Michael A. Singer

I see how I am getting better at looking inside.  Sometimes, like yesterday I can even see my self falling back through the veil that seperates the "me" from who I really am. And I do it at very strange times.

I was at the dentist and feeling pretty ashamed of myself.  I had not gone to the dentist in almost three years and I have a mouth that should be seen every six months. I felt a little ashamed the last time I was there. I do brush and floss and rinse on a regular basis but it seems to make little difference.  Every six month cleaning takes extra long and I can almost feel the frustration of those doing the cleaning. So, yesterday my shame ( which belongs to me...no  one else) was obviously even more heightened.  I had gone three years because my life circumstance made my mouth and my shame so totally insignificant.  There was so many things to deal with. A dentist appointment  was always at the mercy of one crisis after another it seemed.  So I put it aside. I also did not want to add shame onto everything else I was dealing with. Of course, I know how foolish that was. I suddenly realized what I was doing and I decided to face the shame head on. I went.

And I noticed the shame as I was laying back in the chair.  I felt it. And suddenly I found myself talking to my Self.  It was like "Wow, do you see what I'm doing...laying here in ego shame...caring what they might think.  How are you experiencing all this?" Then suddenly ...it was like a curtain parted...I found myself relaxing and my Self taking over...literally enjoying the whole experience of me being ashamed, having my teeth cleaned, possibly being judged by others.  And it was all so cool! It was all so cool!

Man...I am getting there, aren't I?

All is well

 

Taking the Learning a Step Farther.

 Just taking the learning a step farther.

me

I know I am a crazy person in many ways.  My curiosity to know and understand everything around me  is like a little Alien inside me...I feel it rumbling around in my gut all day and then poof, under the right conditions,  it is sticking its head out eating up everything related to learning it can. 

To think, I spent a great deal of my earlier years believing I was stupid and could not learn like everyone else. Though, I had a great deal of curiosity and motivation to learn my conditioning had left me with little confidence. I couldn't fit into "standardized" learning situations very well. Without knowing it, I was always a very independent and self -directed learner and did better when I was not surrounded by others in competitive learning systems. Once, I realized that my intellect took off. The love for learning grew as my confidence grew. Then learning, learning, and more learning became what I wanted to do with my life!

 This little job I do for ten hours a week, for example, I can't get enough learning in.  I mean, because of my self-directed learning style, I have always lived under the mantra in one way or another, "I teach, so I can learn; I learn, so I can teach." So, it doesn't surprise me that I am spending many more hours than I am actually there...learning and preparing teaching plans so I and others learn. But...I can't seem to stop there...I am literally writing books for EAL learners as I learn and tutor. Like, What the Front door, crazy lady? This is just a little retirement job...a little service...a little of me honoring my role as the Elder in the village. I wasn't supposed to take it so seriously.  I am not a certified K-12 teacher, and am just filling in until there is one available. So, I likely won't even be there next year. Why am I putting so much energy into learning here? I don't know other than it is who I am. I do it with everything. 

When I am reading a book, I have a pen in my hand and I am underlining as I go, jotting down notes etc. When I listen to a podcast, I take notes. Then I write about whatever I read or heard so I process the learning a  bit. I eat, sleep, and breathe what I learn. I speak about it. I use whatever skill I may have gained over the years to help me assimilate what I learn. I am a learning junkie. 

You would think at my age that passion for learning would subside just a bit but just the opposite has happened.  I now have more time for learning!! Making up for the lost time of my younger years, I guess.  I am being pulled even more into the world of learning.

 I love learning and I love sharing my learning.  What does that make me, other than a crazy lady with a slimy 100 lb lizard in her gut?  

Of course, this passion for learning has led me into my spiritual practice, into the most ultimate of learning journeys. Here, my curiosity goes beyond the obvious intellectual stuff...to wanting to go a step farther. It  is taking me beyond the obvious to That from which the obvious emerges. I now use the intellctual stuff I am drawn to, to  help me open the door to That which exists beyond the intellectual mind. 

Hmmm!

There is just so, so much wonderful things in this life to learn. So much! And This, that is behind it all, is what I want to get to, is where all my learning has been taking me. Go figure.

All is well in my world.

Practice Not Perfection

 Doing your best is a holy thing.

Michael A. Singer

Whenever I hear the ending mantra after a podcast from Michael Singer I feel myself a little lost. First of all, I have been trying to figure out what he says at the beginning and ending of each podcast. I cant quite make it out. I think he may be saying chardi kala...which is a sikh greeting meaning something like "May there be no negative emotions, nothing but bliss?" But I have no idea. Besides that question  mark left inside me, I also feel like I am saying goodbye to someone I was connecting with at a very deep level, someone who "got me" lol like no one else around me can.  It is weird but yeah. What is hapening to me lol? 

Let's talk about practice

Anyway, whether we are practicing the violin as we get ready for some performance at Carnegie Hall or whether we are practicing to be a little less reactive and resistant to what Life throws our way...practice in Life  is essential. Not only is it essential, it is a holy thing.

When we practice we can only do our best. That is enough. The best, as Volatire once said, can be the enemy of the good.

It isn't easy to gain mastery in something.  We need to work our way through the prestablished neuro wiring that is already there and build new pathways. This may be difficult and even painful at first, but eventually, with repeated practice, new pathways are formed and the new  habit becomes easy and automatic. (page 144)

If you want to master a habit, the key is to start with repetition, not perfection...You just need to practice. ...you just need to get your reps in.  James Clear, page 143.

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer ( April 28, 2024) Freeing Consciousness From the Fishbowl of Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Creating Freedom

 

Habits don't restrict freedom. They create it.

James Clear, page 46

Say what crazy lady? Isn't the old saying , we are slaves to our habits? Isn't spirituality all about breaking through our habit minds?

Yes and no. Yes, I am certainly crazy :) and yes that is the old saying. It is also true that spirituality is all about breaking through habitual mental tendencies that get in the way of us realizing who we truly are at the deeper level.  But...no, not all habits are bad. Some habits can actually, when they become wholesome and automatic...like meditating every morning...or taking a deep breath, relaxing  and opening your heart when a  person  is say, yelling at you...be very spiritual.  When we practice a habit committedly and consistently, (and it is all about "practicing" and learning, and  not about being perfect) the habit according to neuroscientists  becomes automatic.  It becomes something we can do without thinking about it or anlayzing it. This automatic response  frees up the mind's  time and energy to be focused on more important things (page 44-47)...like the next step of our spiritual development. Healthy habits can create enough space and freedom in our practice for us to grow.

With habit practice, we can learn to stop storing stuff inside so our insides are free to accept all Life has to offer. We can learn to develop the habit of "not closing" so we are free to stay open. We can learn to live without the fishbowl on our heads so we are free to expereince the amazing mystery on the other side. 

All is well.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer (April 28, 2024) Freeing Consciousness from the fish Bowl of Mind Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Don't Put Your Happiness Off

The problem with a goal first mentality is that you're continuosly putting happiness off until the next milestone.... When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don't have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running....True long -term thinking is goal-less thinking. ..Ultimately, it is your committment to the process that will determine your progress. 

James Clear, Atomic Habits, page 26-27

I have been  knitting  a pair of socks for my grandaughter for over three months. 

Say what, crazy lady, that is an awful long time to knit a pair of socks, isn't it? 

It was a long time, a lot of stitches on tiny nine inch circular needles, a lot of fairly expensive yarn, a lot of mistakes,  and a lot of effort.  I have actually made three socks so far...all too small. I am on the fourth one now knowing full well that I might run out of yarn. If I manage to finish this sock  it will match the third sock and therefore not fit my grandaughter. 

Wow, what a waste of time and effort!

Or was it?

I began reading Atomic Habits after my first sock and even if I didn't I probably would have continued just as I am doing.  I have been making it a point to love what I am doing and to not be attached to the fruits of my actions while I am doing, for many years. With my writing, with the little job I am doing now, for example...I will see something that I can do that may posisbly serve or make a difference, be inspired by it, and put hours into it not knowing how it will be received, or if it will even be received. I am pulled by the inspiration, in love with the process.  I barely think of how it will turn out. Atomic Habits validated my approach to goal setting.

The best process to back our inspired action, according to James Clear, is  a 'systems-first mentality'; to do little things that help to shape a habit rather than focusing on the end goal. Instead of focusing on what we want to achieve, we could instead focus on who we want to become with the process. ( page 31) We can choose to do that which brings us closer to being the person we want to be. We can fall in love with the process because we are being who we want to be as we participate in it. We are intrinsically motivated rather than externally motivated.

Huh?

The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes a part of your identity. It is one thing to say I am the type of person who wants this. It's something very different to say I am the type of person who is this. page 33

I decided one day that I was going to be a knitter. That was a new identity this "little me" wanted to take on.  I had no pre-stored beliefs that I could knit. It was something new. In order to make that identity a part of my ego self I had to knit stitch after stitch after stitch, make oodles and oodles of mistakes, and to keep knitting  If I set out with the notion that I couldn't be a knitter, happy with knitting, until I finished a perfect pair of socks for my granddaughter, I would have been more concerned with outcome than process, putting aside my happiness until then, and setting myself up for failure,

The more you repeat a behaviour, the more you reinforce that identity associated with the behaviour. page 36.

Of course, I am at a point of this journey where reinforcing ego identity is not as important as being who I am at the deeper level. This deeper Self, though, is within a body using a mind for a finite number of years. Why not spend  the time here doing something that brings a bit of relaxation, peace and joy as I connect to this greater Self more and more? Knitting, if I enjoy the process and remain unattached to  the outcomes, is an activity that I can actually use for my spiritual practice. Relaxed, peaceful, and joyful is who I want to be. Stitch by stitch is like breath by breath, moment by moment...it keeps me here and now. So the system of knitting, the process of it,  is not only  helping me with my superfical identity as a human knitter but as a being who embraces beingness.

Your identity is literally your "repeated beingness". page 37

I did not focus on making a pair of socks. I focused on picking up my needles, feeling them in my hand, and enjoying each stitch as it came. I focused on being a knitter. I focused on being a person who could enjoy each stitch, each breath, each moment. A knitter is not someone who finished a pair of socks. A knitter is a person who made one stitch. An aspirant, in the same mindset, is not someone who has achieved Self realization, they are someone committed to each breath and each moment that takes them there.  

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. page 38

Once we know what type of person we want to be both on the deeper level and the outer level (which simply represents our inner processes)...we can begin taking tiny steps toward changing our behaviours so we get closer to that person. Who we want to "be" and each and every tiny step we take there, is what we focus on ...not achieving a goal. 

The funniest thing happens, though, when we use a systems approach to behaviour change.  Each stitch I knit makes me a better knitter. Each moment I embrace makes me a better person. So though I am not focusing on the finished product, it is making its way to me. I will soon be finished a fourth sock which is much better than my first. With this process I have made a product ego can be proud of. I have become a better knitter.  Not only that, I have become a wiser being.

All is well. 

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Making Your Habits Work For Your Spiritual Development, Not Against.

What is rewarded is repeated. What is punished is avoided.

James Clear page 186

Are your habits working for you or against you?  So you hit a challenging circumstance in life that is right in yor face. Your lifelong habit to date was to judge the situation as unpleasant, then to avoid it, push it away, resist it, suppress it, repress it or numb from the reality of it. Hmmm!  How did that habit tendency work for you so far?  If you really explore your inner world, you will see that this really has not worked well. Your resistance, storing, stuffing and averting has made your insides a mess hasn't it? You now see and experience the world through that mess.  Therefore you live a messy life of dukkha.  Your self protecting habits did not benefit you; they  worked against you, didn't they? If the habit of closing has worked against you, is it not time to change those habits?

Instead of closing, we want to make the habit of staying open our ultimate goal in life. How?

The Habit of Staying Open!

Well let's look at James Clear's habit building and deconstructing  directions. The basic teaching in Atomic Habits is this: To make a "good" habit stick: Make it obvious; make it attractive; make it easy; and make it satisfying. To make a "bad" habit go: Make it invisible, make it unattractive , make it difficult; and make it unsatisgying( even painful). 

Make it Obvious

So we need to make the habit of staying open the most obvious choice when we face a challenge. The mind is going to say "close": push away or down because that is the habit it has established.  Be aware of that.  Remind yourself, however, how closing has not worked for you to date. Resistance is not the , answer. It may give you immeduate gains, but immediate gains, we know from Clear, lead to long term losses. 

With our bad habits, the immediate outcome usually feels good, but the ultimate outcome feels bad. In good habits, it is reversed: the immediate outcome is unenjoyable, but the ultimate outcome feels good. ..."Often the sweeter the first fruits of a habit, the more bitter are its later fruits." Frederick Bastiat/James Clear Page 189 

 Though it  immediately feels good to push away the unpleasant, to stuff and store it away from conscious awareness so we do not have to deal with it...relief!..the long term consequences for doing this over and over again will destroy any chance at happiness we might have. 

We need to break the habit of stuffing and storing, of resisting the reality of life now because we will not feel good later on. 

As soon as you find yourself beginning to close, (maybe you feel a tightening in your gut, for example), have a very obvious  trigger available that will keep you open.  The breath can be that trigger, that obvious reminder. Get in the habit of everytime that belly begins to tighten, to take a deep breath. The breath is the obvious reminder to stay open. You breathe because you are alive. You are alive! That is obvious reason enough, is it not, to stay open to this amazing expereince of life? Make it even more obvious. Have cue cards all over the house or car that remind you to breathe...to let what ever is happening to pass through you

Make it Attractive

Life is so dramatic, full of all these distracting ups and downs that suck us in .  The drama of "little me" is very, very attractive, for some strange reason .  It can absorb us. The spiritual practice of looking inward, instead of outward, of learning to sit quietly with what is, on the other hand, is not so attractive. Some may even call it boring  or painful. Most of us will  avoid the practice of sitting alone with those 60 thousand thoughts a day that flitter through our heads. It can be  disturbing! Realize this tendency many of us have to avoid stillness! From that realization, start making the spiritual connection more attractive than little me's drama. We need to learn to do that which we might initially find unattractive...to sit quietly alone as part of a practice of nonresistance. Quiet and stillness in the present moment will give us strength in times when life seems to be disturbing.  

How do we make stillness attractive?

Begin in an area that is attractive to the soul. If you are even partially attracted to the  idea of seated  meditation, create a  quiet space, with lovely music, wonderful aromas, lovely colours, light and atmosphere. Practice in a way that is attractive to you. Maybe nature and the woods are attractive to you. Try a walking meditation in the woods.  If movement is attractive to you: try Tai Chi or hatha yoga. Etc  Most importantly, make getting connected to the higher self attractive in any way you can.

Make it Easy

Start with staying open during  simple little things that happen in life.  Start with Michael Singer's "low hanging fruit" and Clear's  'tiny habit changes'. When this or that happens  have a well-practiced mantra ready to use, "I can handle this." and repeat that over and over again, even before life hands you a curve ball. Or be ready to take a few deep breaths. Practice breathing prior to the crisis so you are ready to do so when that disturbing thing shows up. That is all  you have to do: Take a breath and repeat a short mantra. These two little thing will help you to relax in the face of aversity.  Don't worry about dealing with all the big stuff inside until its time. Start with the tiniest simplest steps and progress will follow naturally.

Make it Satisfying

Do that  which gives you immediate relief from dukkha, that which is satisfying. Don't start by saying I am going to sit for an hour everyday knowing that I will eventually, maybe in a decade or so,  be rewarded by enlightenment. No, the thing is to do tiny things that reward you now.  Find some semblance of satisfaction: peace, relaxation, relief each and every time you practice. Make it satisfying!

 I have one little spiritual practice that I do that opens me instantaneously. It literally takes ten seconds. It is easy and immediately satisfying. I call it the ten second reboot.

The Ten Second Reboot. 

Several times a day, especially when I find myself curled over in the "stress" position,  I will stand up and stretch my arms up over my head, stretching until I feel an opening in my core (a physical cue of obvious opening). I will look up with a big smile on my face, saying out loud, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" ( This ensures an obvious opening and a willingness to accept  what is). Then I will recite  "Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!" ( Nothing brings us quicker into opening  than gratitude does).

Try it! This little trick I refer to as the ten second reboot opens us up quite dramatically and physically. It is obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.  It feels so good to stretch, and both smiling and gratitude have been proven to release feel good hormones into our brain and body. 

 This  is just a little example of a positive habit we can add to our lives that will help us to develop spiritually. It is an  obvious, attractive, simple, and satisfying way of building better  habits. 

All is well.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Tiny Habits; Tiny Steps to Letting Go

 

Start with simple things, and work your way up.

Michael A. Singer

Both Michaeal A. Singer, and James Clear teach that it is important to practice a better way of being by starting with tiny things.  Singer calls these tiny steps: 'dealing with the low hanging fruit', and Clear calls these steps, 'creating atomic habits'. 

In terms of habit change and doing that which will help us to release what is in the way of our liberation, can we place opening to what is as the ultimate goal we want to develop the habit of; and closing to life by resisting and storing that which is in the way of our spiritual growth  the ultimate habits we wish to break?

Let's explore that.

All is well.

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New Yok: Avery

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe ( April 22, 2024) When Staying Open Becomes Your Motivation. https://tou.org/talks/

Carl Jung

 Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Carl Jung

Carl Jung was the ultimate psychotherapist.  He, as a student of Sigmund Freud, expertedly understood the psyche through psychology/psychiatry (psychoanalysis) but he also understood that which was beyond the psyche. He was a bit of a yogi, I think.

All is well

Building "me" and Polestars

 Any place where you can put your heart and your mind that is not on you is a wonderful place to put it.

Michael A. Singer

 Not sure what is happening with this site...if that bot activity is doing something malicious. Which is sad being that it might be the only readership I have. lol Could all this mean, that the time, effort, and energy I expend writing here has absolutely no positive value for others... and is possibly even leading to unwholesome and unwanted things for others? Could it mean that it,  and "me" as a teacher, are of no benefit to the world? Maybe, I am not getting through to even one person? I don't like thinking that way, not even for a second.  I mean, I am okay with not reaching many but if I am only  sharing this "precious soul speak" with those who are blocking its progress and using it for unwholesome reasons...do I continue? 

I personally get so much from being here. So much growth and learning. With this "idea" in the back of my mind that it might serve a higher purpose other than "me's" growth...I am inspired. I love the feeling of inspiration. Yet, it isn't just about "me"  and what I am getting from this, is it? The writing circle isn't just about me. Nothing in this world that I do, say, think, or feel is just about me.  Everything is interdependent! This idea of preserving "me", in fact,  is in the way of what I can do for others.

I am not here for me...I am here for you...if I am here for me...I am not be here for you...

Michael Singer

I would like to think I am here for you...serving in some way that I can. But am I?

Am I honoring and on the right trajectory toward  my ultimate goal, my polestar by coming here? My lower human goal is to be seen as a writer and teacher ( The ultimate goal is creating identity, according to James Clear and perfectly okay in its humanness. We establish habits  for that purpose.  But according to a yogi, building identity is a downward focus of Chit Shakti that could block a greater flow). 

I do have higher goals, however. My highest goal, the one that really drives me...my polestar...is spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is all about getting "me" out of the way and letting the soul beneath speak. That soul speak is precious. 

Exploiting the Precious? 

So I use the few human passions and talents I have to get me to a higher place. I use it to serve. Is it getting me to my polestar or am I stuck here on this level of habit maintenance?  When I see  that it is possible that what I create here could not only be  falling into empty space, unread, unseen, but it might also  be used for no good...my heart breaks. I hate to think that this site, and others out there like it, are being used as  donkeys to carry others down into the valley, a donkey the hijackers are too unconscous to see or care about as anything more than a quick fix to make their life easier as they drag unwilling travellers behind them to use for their own purposes later on.  How could something meant to be so good turn out so nasty, or at the very least so valueless? I don't know.

Is This Good for Me and Thee?

So I question again: Should I stay or should I go? Now I am adding onto that: Am I doing more harm than good here? That makes me sad. Both the me and the Thee seem to like it here ( or at least that is what I am telling myself).  Both the self and the Self, the human and the Being  can use this page for their own growth and expansion, can't they? Then why isn't it working in the way I thought it should?  (Aha...a statement that speaks to my lack of evolvement). I am once again questioning the roots of my desires, my habits, my polestar. 

Craving assists with the establishment and maintenance of lower human goals that help this "me" develop habits that will get it what it wants:  identify as a writer, teacher etc., according to James Clear.

Desire and craving are what initiate behaviour. page 264 

Yet craving, we are taught by spiritual teachers, is the source of all human suffering.  And the the only thing worth pursuing truly is the eternal, the changeless and the infinite. The thing standing in our way of attaining that ( which is already in us) is not only our desires, The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences (Third Zen Patriarch)...but this identity of "me". We are not here to build and serve  an identity that will wax and wane like the tides. We are here to get past our human identity for the truth of what lay beneath it. We need to die to be reborn. 

So what are you going to do crazy lady?

I don't know.

But here I am anyway, trying to figure it all out. I am hoping this  site will prove to be a wonderful place where I can  put my heart and my mind in a way that is not on me, but on you.

All is well. 

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe( April 21, 2024) Make Spirituality the Polestar of  Your Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Satisfactoriness and Habit Change.

 Thus suffering, unlike unsatisfactoriness, is not inherent in the phenomena of the world, only in the way the awakened mind experiences them. This is indeed the underlying theme of the Four Noble Truths as a whole: the suffering caused by attachment and craving can be overcome by awakening. For an aharant, the unsatisfactory nature of all phenomena is no longer capable of causing suffering.

Analayo  per Joseph Goldstein, page 289

Does James Clear Get This Truth? 

I find I go back and forth upon reading Atomic Habits, questioning if it is expressing some deep spiritual realization that will bring us closer to the end of suffering through the ultimate  habit change (awakening), or if it will  just keep us stuck in the never ending chase for satisfaction. Clear speaks about satisfactoriness and suffering  in Atomic Habits, implying an understanding of The Noble Truths to some degree. 

He says, for example, near the end of the book that ...the source of all suffering is a desire for a change of state.(page 262) This reflects an understanding of the Buddha's teachings. He takes it a bit away from spirituality, however,  and into the concept of human progress when he says,This is also the source of all progress.  The desire to change your state requires you to take action. (Page 262 ). Is he saying that suffering is good because it steers us back to human progress as we seek to take action to  escape the present moment we are in? Is he implying that spiritual progress is secondary to human progress? If so, is that not the opposite of acceptance and the be here now principal?  

He also writes that peace is all about what happens in our minds, not about the  fixing of what we are observing. It is about not turning these things we are noticing...the Life that is unfolding in front of us into a problem...When we can observe [from Objective Awareness] without craving or wanting to fix it all, realizing that we don't have to, we will be experiencing peace or a deep sense of satisfaction. That is the basis for most of the spiritual teachings I talk about here.   You are simply observing and existing. page 260. This echoes the above quote.

And of course in Yoga it is all about self-control...controlling the rippling of the  mind when it comes ro our tendency for craving, satisfaction, and desire. Self control requires you to relase a desire rather than satisfy it. page 262.

Clear's book is aimed at building wholesome habits and deconstructing unwholesome ones. Habit tendencies are often spoken about in most spiritual teachings. Mostly in regards to how we need to break though the "unwholesome" tendencies rather than to build on the wholesome ones. Being free of suffering is basically all about being free of these tendencies.  So it is more about being free of habits all together. Yet, I can see the benefit to the human experience if we do build wholesome habits. How do we build wholesome habits, while tearing down the unwholesome ones? We can use satisfactoriness or a lack of. The more a behaviour is rewarded with pleasure or a sense of satisfaction, the more it will be repeated. In terms of habit change: The more a behaviour is punished with unpleasantness or a sense of dissatisfaction, the more it will be avoided.  (page 186)

Hmm! Thoughts are not yet clear on how to relate Clear's teachings to what I have learned so far on my 'spiritual' path. (It is all spiritual, isn't it? How can it be anything but?) 

Anyway, will return. All is well.

Joseph Goldstein, (2016) Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening. Boulder: Sounds True

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Tiny Habit Changes and The Bigger Picture

 

From the moment we are given awareness about some bigger picture or mission, we have to have complete focus on what to do to get to that place. 

Yehuda Berg

I am a little off as I sit here to write this morning. I discovered that  a hyperlink of a published poem in one of my recently read  posts led to another site all together. It left me with an uneasy feeling as to why and how that happened. More importantly, I couldn't help but wonder if I was responsible for it. Did I expose that poetry site to something malicious from this site?  Are those bots that are constantly swarming my site not so harmless? It was one thing when I thought they just had the potential to harm my site but if they are infiltrating into other sites because of me, that is another thing all together.  Man...I don't want that. I feel uneasy. If that is the case I will need to shut down here all together and that to me is like leaving  home when I really don't want to go, all becasue I let in some bad guests that took over. 

For now, until I figure this out...(in truth it could have nothing to do with me or maybe it was an innocent selling of a Domain site?  I really, really do not know how this works) I am going to try to keep on with my review of Atomic Habits. Hmm. They, on this Thai site the link takes me to, do call themselves a "Book Review" site and I do review a lot of books...there I go again making assumptions. 

For now all is innocent until I prove otherwise:

So back to the book. Want to begin by saying I like it! I truly do. The writing is absolutely fantastic!  It was so well researched and put together. It was an excellent book with some wonderful information in it. I am really, really pushing my daughters to read it because I can see it helping them tremendously. I can see it helping me. 

So my main point was, I guess, does this focus on habit change  serve those of us on a quest for something more than ego satisfaction in terms of worldly success? I am going to make that my main focus.

To begin, I will start by saying "wholesome" habit change serves the human. If it serves the human, it will serve the Being, Soul, Self, Consciousness, Energy field etc...whatever you want to call it. Though body, mind, and heart are only parts of who we are and not who we are at the deepest level, it is important to keep them wholesome and moving freely on the path to more. ( "More" here meaning at the deeper level. )

As humans we are meant to grow and expand continously...as Consciousness we are meant to grow and expand outward from this human form we are somewhat contained in.  Growth and expansion is everything. Clear reminds us of that over and over again in the book.  It is a never ending process. One of the first things he teaches in Chapter One is that it isn't so much about the goals but about the process or systems we are using. 

It is unlikely that your actual path through life will match the exact journey you had in mind when you set out. [This is a basic spiritual truth.]...When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you dont have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. ...True long term thinking is about goal-less thinking. It is not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continous improvement. Ultimately, it is your committment to the process that will determine your progress.  page 26-27

Habit change and spirituality are all about the bigger picture!

All is well.

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

 

Do Not Open this link:

http://www.soul-lit.com/poems/V30/Daley/index.html

I wrote a poem for  an online literary journal called "Soul lit"  years ago and I innocently included the link in an entry.  When I went to open it I found it in a different language with all this hyperlinked casino gibberish at the bottom, and in the side bars. It was called Soul Lit in English ( for the SEO, I assume) before going off into Thai and it referred to itself as a book review site. One cannot get in past that? I tried opening the site by using Google search and opened up to the same thing.Was the link hijacked and am I responsible for that? Oh man...there was some wonderful poetry on that site from some truly great poets. Is this what these bots are doing on my site? Looking for links to hijack? Or is this just a coincidental thing...maybe Soul lit sold its domain and this is all innocent?  

I need to report and investigate more.  My apologies if I am responsible for any of this somehow. 

Atomic Habits

 

That's the power of atomic habits. Small changes. Remarkable results.

James Clear (page 253)

I am about to start sharing the wisdom from a little book I just finished by James Clear called Atomic Habits. As I read and then studied the book passage by passage, I found myself in a bit of emotional turmoil. I questioned if this book lined up well with what I am discovering to be true, or did it offer directions to a contrary path? 

• In one breath it felt like Clear was supporting those truths I am picking up from Yoga, Buddhism, the Vedas, about the spiritual mandate for life, and in another breath it felt like he was supporting ego's mandate. 
• What was he saying about "craving" exactly? Was he saying that it was the source of all suffering, as the Buddha taught, or a positive motivation that can lead us from suffering into "success"? 
• This habit stacking, and this commitment to seek one new thing after another he writes about with the intenton of keeping ourselves challenged, is that not a glorious form of distraction...reinforcing society's problem of not being able to sit still and do nothing? 
• And this talk about making  a habit  a part of our identity....I love focusing more on what we are than what we do...but we do not want to reinforce "identity" do we? 
• I do love what he says about beliefs and how they are learned, how we are conditioned to believe what we believe, and how these beliefs can get in the way of us being the best versions of us we can be. 
• I aree 100% that beliefs need to be edited. 
• He is basically talking about samskaras and psyches, is he not, when he discusses how our identity is our "repeated beingness"...how we learn to repeat behaviours or avoid repeating behaviours based on the experiences we had with them and on the beliefs that grow from these experiences? 
• The thing I question though...is the whole premise of this book, then,  about serving this self-image which I call the ego? 
• Is the process of building habits the process of building yourself? (Page 37). 
• What self? The little me self or the Greater Self? 
• What does he see as progress and success? Is it internal or external? 
• I like how he describes suffering as being the space between craving a change in state and getting it. (Page 260) 
• What about being here now?
• Change of state I can see as something that relieves suffering but is he stating that craving and wanting is good because they lead to suffering and suffering motivates us to go after what we want?
• What is the wisest course of action?  Are we to go after what we want? Or are we to settle with what is?

Anyway, I will look into these questions and do my best to answer them.

All is well. 

James Clear (2018) atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Be Soft and Supple

 Men are born soft and supple; 

dead they are stiff and hard.

Plants are born tender and pliant; 

dead, they are brittle and dry.

Thus who is ever stiff and inflexible 

is a disciple of death.

Whoever is soft and yielding 

is a disciple of life.

The hard and stiff will be broken. 

The soft and supple will prevail. 

Lao Tzu, Chapter 76 Tao Te Ching

We really do need to let Life do what it is doing and flow with it rather than against it. We need to let go of our personal preferences that Life should be a certain way to suit us. 

And as Michael Singer says,

If you really do not want to let go of your preferences, then prefer everything. 

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Unverse (April 14, 2024) Spirituality Embraces Science. https://tou.org/talks/