"I am just having a bad mind day!"
Michael A. Singer
I was sitting here writing this morning and listening to Michael Singer. Someone pointed out that his message is the same thing everyday. In a way it is. His message is something I have actually heard many, many times before I was even introduced to him. It is an ancient message he is sharing. He just does so in a way that resonantes with me.
Truth is Truth!
It resonates with me because his methodology appeases my scientific and practical mindset. It also resonates because it a thought stream others have been suggesting to me repeatedly...over and over again...since I began this journey. Heck, it is a thought stream that was already imprinted into my mind before I was even born. Truth is truth! Reality just is!
Cracking the External Wall
My ego built a wall over the knowledge I was born with. The outside teachings were tap, tap, tapping at that thin wall that existed between the external and internal knowing for decades. All it takes is a certain tap from a certain pick to crack the wall open wide...so, voila!...the external teaching can match the internal knowing. This wall in me may not be completely open yet but Michael A. Singer certainly put a big crack in er ( as we would say in my part of the world. :)
A Bad Mind Day
Anyway, a day ago I was having a bad mind day. I wrote about a "me-me" thought that kept emerging during meditation and other parts of my day, a thought I don't want to keep supressing and repressing. I was left with this question: Is this thought coming from Self or self, spirit or ego, Higher universal mind, or personal mind, outside the wall that is left in me, or inside it...and what do I do about it?
That is a pretty profound question. No wonder I tend to push the thought back down as often as I do. Answering this question and deciding what to do requires a coming together of the deeper stuff with the superficial stuff, the Soul's purpose with the ego's in order to do what is best for my Higher Self, for the world. That is a big responsibility. It is much easier to simply focus on what me wants.
It Isn't All About "Me".
There is a problem though. It isn't about what little me wants. Is it? Heck, I don't even know what little me, as a human, wants anymore.
Well, Singer reminds us in the podcast linked below, that we are not human beings. We are simply observing Life through a human being. We are the consciousness, the One consciousness, that internal mind, observing what is unfolding in front of us; observing how this personal mind and heart are responding or reacting to it.
Just a Concept
The problem is we, as consciousness, have been staring at all the human stuff so long and so hard we have identified with it. Human drama has thusly been imprinted on this consciousness. We created a self concept, an idea of me with it. We forget that "Me" and all its dramas, its joy and its woe, its heart and its mind...is just an idea, a concept. It isn't real. No concept can be real. Reality is free of concepts. This knowledge that exists on the inner part of the wall knows that, is that.
Not Here to Serve Me
So when I asked if a relationship is serving 'me', I got it all wrong. Relationships...Life in general...is not here to serve me and give me what me wants. (Remember there is such a mess inside I don't honestly know what me wants anymore.) Life is not here to give "me" ( a concept) the perfect relationships where everyone and the things they do match all the samskara junk I have stuffed inside, so nothing ever gets triggered or bothered by these relationships. That is crazy. First of all "me" is just a mental construct. Second of all, how can anything or anyone match this very unique pattern of clinging and storage, likes and dislikes I have inside me, my psyche, all the time. Impossible. Others have their own patterns, creating the sum of their learned experiences, their psyches. What are the chances the stored patterns of two or more people will line up exactly all the time so neither ever gets triggered by the other? Next to impossible. What are the chances that Life...a process that has been going on for billions and billions of years, with an infinite number of variables in it that lead up to the particular moment that is unfolding in front of you, is going to be exactly the way "me" thinks it should be? You do not have to understand statistics to understand the probability of that. Yet, we honestly believe in our me identification, that the moment should be here to serve us. Come on, isn't that crazy?
The moment is not supposed to be what you want...you are supposed to be the highest being able to accept, learn, grow, appreciate, honor and serve this moment in front of you.
The Answer to My Question
When I close my eyes to listen for an answer, this is what I hear coming from the cracks Singer and many others have made in my wall.
What You are Not
This understanding starts with understanding that you are not the drama you are addicted to staring at. You are not your thoughts or your emotions. You are not your mind, your, heart, your body. Heck you are not even the human walking around on this planet that is stirring up all this drama. You are not, therefore, the person asking the question, "What do I do about this relationship?"
What You Are
You are the Being inside the human, that is observing Life through it.
You are Consciousness, the One Consciousness that is in all things, looking out through those eyes on your head, hearing the world through your ears, feeling sensation through your skin.
You are the undisturbed One Mind that stares at that disturbed personal mind it has created as it makes sense of the information the body is picking up, as it judges it, stores it, pushes it away.
You are that amazing Light that contracted itself to a narrow beam in order to stare for much too long at that which was bringing It down.
You Are That which clings to those things that block Its flow through you and into the world.
You are the ever flowing joy that exists beneath your blockages.
You are the Truth, the Only Reality, hidden behind the wall ego created.
You are hearing the tap, tap, tapping of inner truths externally offered. Do not resist them . Let that wall crack open. Allow your inner Self to be free.
This is what I hear when I truly ponder that question. It is a truth that is offered to me and a truth I offer to you. My relationship question seems so unimportant now, doesn't it?
All is well.
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 9, 2024) Exploring Distraction, Identification and Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/
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