The House Work Habit

 

Housework can't kill you but why take a chance.

Phyllis Diller

I have this thing about housework!  I really, really do not like it and it is at the bottom of any priority list that exists in my mind. Though I like a clean house, a tidy well organized house is not that important to me ( at least until I cant find what I am looking for when I am in a hurry that is.) I do clean to some degree. I do maintain some upkeep but it is obvious not enough, in comparison to other people's houses. So, I have been carrying around with me for most of my life, this sense of internal shame and embarrassment over the state of my house, in comparison to others. I have this core belief that there is something wrong with me because I don't follow the pull to house keep like others do.  Instead of doing something about it, I do my best to avoid and repress the sense of shame. I can walk over anything instead of picking it up. 

 I would really like to put an end to that self-shaming tendency in relation to housework once and for all. A part of me  tends to believe that a house that is cleaner, fresher, easier to look at will solve the problem. 

Will it? 

Of course, I am evolved enough to know that the shame is an internal samskara that is there for a host of reasons that go beyond housework. The visible lack of house maintenance simply triggers it. Many people have this internal sense of shame, especially women but, unlike me,  they set out to "fix" the trigger and devote countless hours to tidying and cleaning their houses, creating clean and orderly environments.  They feel a certain amount of anxiety when things are out of order, (samskara being triggered), so they are committed to dealing with that anxiety through  a consistent practice of cleaning and tidying.  It is a practice that I just cannot seem to commit myself to in the way they do. That leads to a realization of my comparison-shaming. I feel some shame when I don't clean enough but not anxiety.  I am sure I could walk over a rotting carcass without feeling the need to do something about it ( joking of course...as soon as the dead body starts to stink I will usually take it out...joking!!!). That is until, the door bell rings and some unexpected company shows up. I, sensing my not enoughness in regards to housekeeping, do have that samskara activation and  anxiety then at the thought of being judged by others. Otherwise, a messy house with a certain degree of a  "minimal pass in a public health inspection" level of cleanliness is okay with me. 

So, anyway this is taking me back to Atomic Habits. I want to explore why the habit of consistent housecleaning is hard for me to stick to and what I should do about it or if I should do something about it.

In order to build healthy habits Clear tells us repeatedly throughout the book, behaviours need to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

So, the behaviour of cleaning and tidying more consistently has to be obvious.  I do leave all my cleaning supplies out in the open. Brooms, mops, vacuums, and dusters  are  always visible and easy to reach.  (Please note: I do use these things just not as much as the people around me seem to do.). And the need for cleaning and tidying is more often than not highly visible.  With three dogs and two cats upstairs, I have dust bunnies some times the size of tumble weeds rolling past me. It gets quite obvious.I tend though to be more invested in the motion of cleaning (preparing and planning how I will clean) than the actual action of cleaning. Motion can become a form of procrastination.(page 142-143) Like right now, as I contemplate way I don't clean and how I should ( motion), I could actually be cleaning and getting things done( action).  

It has to be attractive. Hmm! That is a tuff one for me because there is nothing about housekeeping that is attractive.  I know where that stems from.  I grew up in a very traditional family where the women were taught to be subserviant to the men.  It was the woman's job then to look after the house and the man's job to do work outside the home.  My mother, a brilliant woman with both teaching and nursing diplomas, literally had to ask my father if she could pick up a shift outside the home.  If she worked a night shift at the hospital she felt it was her duty to come home and clean the house from top to bottom while looking after 11 children before ever considering the need for sleep. When she died my father then turned to my sisters' and I to fulfill the housekeeping duties.  I always wanted to be outside working with the boys.  I resented having to clean after and cook for my brothers just because I was female.  That became a samskara in me that also gets activated at the thought of having to do housework. 

Still, a nice clean house is attractive to me.  My mother always kept a sparkling clean home. The thought of not meeting her expectations is a part of this "not enough" samskara that is stuffed inside me. I love the look of my house after I clean. It is attractive.

It has to be easy. Is it easy to maintain the cleaning behaviour? No, only because I tend to let things go too long. So by the time I do clean, I have an all day adventure. It could be so much easier by following simple principles like "resetting the room" page 156 and by creating gateway habits that lead to bigger habits page 163. For example, I could put things back when I am finished with them...creating a place for everything to go back to. I can also break habits down into the first tiny step forward.  Like if I am going to vacuum, I begin by taking the vacuum down and plugging it in. ( I do practice this one.) I do not have to clean the whole house in one day either.  I can simply do one room a day. ( I tried that several times as well but wasn't able to stick with it.) 

Finally, the cleaning and tidying needs to be satisfactory. In all fairness, sometimes it is.  If I blast the music in the background or play a podcast while I am cleaning, it can be a satisfactory expereince.  I also note that I am getting my steps in as I clean. More importantly, when I am done I am rewarded with a satisfactory experience of looking about a clean home.  That may last a few hours or  a day...but then the dust begins to roll again and I am back to the drawing board.

Will explore this more at a later date.(Am I procrastinating even thinking about housework lol?)

All is well 

JAmes Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery.