The answer is not to get what you want. That is not what spirituality is about, what life is about.
Michael A. Singer
I was laying in bed this morning thinking about what I really want with the remaining Life I have. I was realizing how different I am now. I used to have dream boards around me...On those boards I had pictures of a big beautiful house by the ocean, me signing books as a successful author, money in the account, my children all happy and healthy around me, a PhD on the wall behind me, and my body fit and in excellent health etc.... Looking at those boards used to take me away from the pressure of my present life situation. The thought of attaining any of those things was like a light that shone through the heavy darkness. It gave me something. It gave me escape through hope.
I don't have those boards anymore and I do not operate with hope.Without the sense of hope that external things will get better, I don't visualize life circumstance in my mind getting better. I am no longer pulled by hope. I don't try to manifest a better life situation. I don't pray that Life get better for this "me". It is strange, not living with that hope that something in my life will change dramatically to remove some of this heavy pressure off my shoulders that seems to have been sitting there for so long. Hmm! This living experience seems a bit dark and heavy without the light of hope. Sometimes I even feel stuck. Still, I know that I don't need hope. I simply need the willingness to accept and appreciate what is. That is yoga.
Yoga has taught me not to be attached to the fruit of my actions, not to get pulled into activity by the potential for reward. Life is now...not in the future...the reward is in the doing and the being now. I write like crazy these days but no longer so much to get published. This idea "publish or persih" is no longer pulling me along. I see myself as a writer because I write. There is an effortless ease to most of my writing now. Things are coming out of me and it is like, "Why the heck am I writing this?" I recognize a need or a lack somewhere and I just go about filling the holes. I just continue with the process because it is easy. It is not about "me" and I what I will gain from it. It is about what I can offer with this bit of skill I might have.
I learn and study like crazy , have all kinds of university credits, but only one degree. The learning is coming to me. It isn't even expected or asked for sometimes. Just plop...there it is...another opportunity...another finished learning adventure...another piece of paper saying that I learned something. I have a feeling the postgraduate degrees may come but if they do it won't be becasue I desperately went after them. It will be becasue the opportunity came to me.I have become a student of life.
I don't dream about getting more money, any more, just so that I can have some semblance of financial peace. I accept that finacial challenge is possibly just a part of my karma and instead of struggling against that reality, I simply embrace it. I can have peace now without money. It is the peace I always erronously believed the money would bring that I want.
Though I truly want all around me to be well and happy, I no longer put so much energy into trying to fix "broken" loved ones. I don't invest in hope for change just so I can be free of the sorrow that comes with watching them. This too is my karma, this too is their karma, I believe. I accept it. Though I will do what needs to be done that is truly helpful, I am doing my best to let go of the worry and living on the wisps of hope that if I do this or that they are getting better. Maybe they will. Maybe they won't. It is not up to me. This is the reality now.
My goal is not about manifesting a better life! My goal is to to be okay with what is...I mean truly at peace with whatever Life hands me. I truly, truly know , as a yogi, a soul scientist, that Life doesn't have to change to soothe my personal mind. My personal mind is not that important. What needs to change is "me". It is an inside change that is needed, not an outer one. I need to cut through what is left of my personal mind to get to the intellectual and creative mind behind it, and embrace that.
Life isn't about "me". It is about so much more and I get to be a part of it all.
What I want is to be open and undisturbed no matter what Life hands me, now and in the future. That is what I want more than anything else in the world.
All is well!
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 5, 2024) Using Every Moment to Free Yourself https://tou.org/talks/
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