Change

 Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.

Robin Sharma

Sorry been away from this trying to renovate a 1960 build in two weeks.  That is a big and massive process, especially since it was previously rented  by people who happened to smoke. Everything is yellow and brown. So, of course there is a thorough cleaning followed by a few coats of paint on each wall and ceiling.  That is the easy part. We have a combination of plaster/drywall thing going on so that means lots of cracks in walls and ceilings that had to be crackfilled and repaired. We are also remodelling the walls in a very tiny bathroom. I desperately wanted a new tub but the plumbing and the tearing down of walls just to get a tub into this tiny space is something we do not want to get tangled up in. I will refurbish teh tub instead. Since there are only a few small windows and I am a light lover...I also wanted to tear down a few walls to open up the space...but being the age it is, everywall in this house is a support wall. That will require more time and effort than we have. Will eventually make a lunch counter/pass through in the kitchen wall to compensate so light and space can flow but that will have to wait. There are so many things we are ignoring and putting on hold just to make our deadline, like the lead paint I am sure is still on the walls and the old wiring that has been in this house since the build, not to mention the fuse box panel it is attached to ( should be priority to replace that...I know!). We did remove what seemed like a giant washer from one wall and a giant dryer from another wall in another room that was taking up way, way too much of the limited space and have a stackable coming in to replace it that can be neatly tucked into a corner. That, however, means more wiring...yikes. Then there is the finishing of packing here and the moving of all that I am bringing with me...in hope that it will fit!! 

While we are preparing for the move my lovely old girl Roxy is suffering in her premature aging (she had Addison's all her life). It hurts her to move from spot to spot though she is so restless, she is constantly trying to move. It also looks like she has a squamous cell ca ( my guess...only) on her leg and possibly in her mouth and eye. She is anxious and in pain. I am not sure she will handle the move. So we have to make that awful decision dog owners hate to have to make. She is still eating some when we bring her her food and she is still wagging her tail when she sees us.  She is even semi-playful at times. This just makes the decision so much harder.  Is it time we step in and help her to pass on? I just do not want her to suffer and this move will be so hard on her.  Yet, I hate to let her go or be the one that makes the decision that her earthly time is over...but it will have to be me. Sigh!

We are also dealing with my grandson's issues. He is beautiful, fun-loving, and brilliant little kid who I suspected for a few years had some high functioning neurodivergent tendencies.  We were all perfectly okay with that ...so it didn't really matter if he got that diagnosis or label or if he didn't...until he went to preschool that is.  Now, it is obvious that there is something going on. He is completely overstimulated, overwhelmed and emotionally shut down while at school and acting out in all kinds of ways after school. Though he is a very articulate speaker with us, he has not spoken a word to one other student or teacher since he started in September and he does not interact or play with anyone except himself while there. The pictures the teachers often take for the parents show him tense and tight with shoulders up to his ears, and his arms tucked neatly into his side. His expression is as flat as the Saskatchewan prairie in each and every picture. (He laughs and smiles so much with us).  He is also regressing in basic developmental tasks like using the bathroom. His ticks ( sudden facial contortions and arm contractions are getting worse). The teachers I spoke to seem absolutely lovely and caring, but they keep telling us that "he is just shy" or they are unintentionally patronizing his mother by telling her how to parent. She has approached them many times in an attempt to make them understand he is in the process of being assessed but they keep responding  with, "Oh no, he is fine...you just have to do this or that as his Mom etc."So, obviously a label is now required so he gets the help he needs to cope with a school like setting. If he doesn't get one soon, I fear he will develop a trauma response to school and will withdraw even farther inside himself. The self he withdraws into is a bubble wrapped existence that includes his mother and her 100% attention. When he has that, he shuts everything and everyone out. If anyone or anything attempts to break into that bubble to divert his mother's attention elsewhere, he has an extreme resistance reaction. He tantrum's, screams, grabs her face or body part to get her to look at him, screams to be picked up etc.  He gets angry with anyone who gets between them in anyway.  He is not being "bad" or disobedient when he does this...it is sheer desperation and a need for safety causing this reaction. The world is too stimulating for him sometimes and he needs to pull into a safe spot in this bubble wrapped world as people with neurodivergent brains tend to do, with his mother and her full attention coming with him.  This whole thing just breaks my heart.  We had a confrontation yesterday with the staff over this and I am still reeling from all the emotions I picked up while there. 

Anyway, so I have that too and a host of other things I am dealing with ...on top of trying to move. Sigh!

We will get it done and I will soon be in my new spot breathing in the lead from the walls and being thrown across the room everytime I plug something into those ancient outlets. Luckily the space is so small I will only be shocked back a few inches before I hit another wall. Besides my heart feels a little tired these days. It may need a zap or two. :)

All is well!