The problem with a goal first mentality is that you're continuosly putting happiness off until the next milestone.... When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don't have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running....True long -term thinking is goal-less thinking. ..Ultimately, it is your committment to the process that will determine your progress.
James Clear, Atomic Habits, page 26-27
I have been knitting a pair of socks for my grandaughter for over three months.
Say what, crazy lady, that is an awful long time to knit a pair of socks, isn't it?
It was a long time, a lot of stitches on tiny nine inch circular needles, a lot of fairly expensive yarn, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of effort. I have actually made three socks so far...all too small. I am on the fourth one now knowing full well that I might run out of yarn. If I manage to finish this sock it will match the third sock and therefore not fit my grandaughter.
Wow, what a waste of time and effort!
Or was it?
I began reading Atomic Habits after my first sock and even if I didn't I probably would have continued just as I am doing. I have been making it a point to love what I am doing and to not be attached to the fruits of my actions while I am doing, for many years. With my writing, with the little job I am doing now, for example...I will see something that I can do that may posisbly serve or make a difference, be inspired by it, and put hours into it not knowing how it will be received, or if it will even be received. I am pulled by the inspiration, in love with the process. I barely think of how it will turn out. Atomic Habits validated my approach to goal setting.
The best process to back our inspired action, according to James Clear, is a 'systems-first mentality'; to do little things that help to shape a habit rather than focusing on the end goal. Instead of focusing on what we want to achieve, we could instead focus on who we want to become with the process. ( page 31) We can choose to do that which brings us closer to being the person we want to be. We can fall in love with the process because we are being who we want to be as we participate in it. We are intrinsically motivated rather than externally motivated.
Huh?
The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes a part of your identity. It is one thing to say I am the type of person who wants this. It's something very different to say I am the type of person who is this. page 33
I decided one day that I was going to be a knitter. That was a new identity this "little me" wanted to take on. I had no pre-stored beliefs that I could knit. It was something new. In order to make that identity a part of my ego self I had to knit stitch after stitch after stitch, make oodles and oodles of mistakes, and to keep knitting If I set out with the notion that I couldn't be a knitter, happy with knitting, until I finished a perfect pair of socks for my granddaughter, I would have been more concerned with outcome than process, putting aside my happiness until then, and setting myself up for failure,
The more you repeat a behaviour, the more you reinforce that identity associated with the behaviour. page 36.
Of course, I am at a point of this journey where reinforcing ego identity is not as important as being who I am at the deeper level. This deeper Self, though, is within a body using a mind for a finite number of years. Why not spend the time here doing something that brings a bit of relaxation, peace and joy as I connect to this greater Self more and more? Knitting, if I enjoy the process and remain unattached to the outcomes, is an activity that I can actually use for my spiritual practice. Relaxed, peaceful, and joyful is who I want to be. Stitch by stitch is like breath by breath, moment by moment...it keeps me here and now. So the system of knitting, the process of it, is not only helping me with my superfical identity as a human knitter but as a being who embraces beingness.
Your identity is literally your "repeated beingness". page 37
I did not focus on making a pair of socks. I focused on picking up my needles, feeling them in my hand, and enjoying each stitch as it came. I focused on being a knitter. I focused on being a person who could enjoy each stitch, each breath, each moment. A knitter is not someone who finished a pair of socks. A knitter is a person who made one stitch. An aspirant, in the same mindset, is not someone who has achieved Self realization, they are someone committed to each breath and each moment that takes them there.
Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. page 38
Once we know what type of person we want to be both on the deeper level and the outer level (which simply represents our inner processes)...we can begin taking tiny steps toward changing our behaviours so we get closer to that person. Who we want to "be" and each and every tiny step we take there, is what we focus on ...not achieving a goal.
The funniest thing happens, though, when we use a systems approach to behaviour change. Each stitch I knit makes me a better knitter. Each moment I embrace makes me a better person. So though I am not focusing on the finished product, it is making its way to me. I will soon be finished a fourth sock which is much better than my first. With this process I have made a product ego can be proud of. I have become a better knitter. Not only that, I have become a wiser being.
All is well.
James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery
No comments:
Post a Comment