Ask the Self to Come Out

 If you want to learn not to close you have to be willing to take a look inside.

Michael A. Singer

I see how I am getting better at looking inside.  Sometimes, like yesterday I can even see my self falling back through the veil that seperates the "me" from who I really am. And I do it at very strange times.

I was at the dentist and feeling pretty ashamed of myself.  I had not gone to the dentist in almost three years and I have a mouth that should be seen every six months. I felt a little ashamed the last time I was there. I do brush and floss and rinse on a regular basis but it seems to make little difference.  Every six month cleaning takes extra long and I can almost feel the frustration of those doing the cleaning. So, yesterday my shame ( which belongs to me...no  one else) was obviously even more heightened.  I had gone three years because my life circumstance made my mouth and my shame so totally insignificant.  There was so many things to deal with. A dentist appointment  was always at the mercy of one crisis after another it seemed.  So I put it aside. I also did not want to add shame onto everything else I was dealing with. Of course, I know how foolish that was. I suddenly realized what I was doing and I decided to face the shame head on. I went.

And I noticed the shame as I was laying back in the chair.  I felt it. And suddenly I found myself talking to my Self.  It was like "Wow, do you see what I'm doing...laying here in ego shame...caring what they might think.  How are you experiencing all this?" Then suddenly ...it was like a curtain parted...I found myself relaxing and my Self taking over...literally enjoying the whole experience of me being ashamed, having my teeth cleaned, possibly being judged by others.  And it was all so cool! It was all so cool!

Man...I am getting there, aren't I?

All is well