Cursed?

 Be grateful to him who curses you, for he gives you a mirror to show what cursing is, also a chance to practice self-restraint; so bless him and be glad. Without exercise, power cannot come out; without the mirror, we cannot see ourselves...

Vivekananda

I am presently being cursed for the "sins" of my offspring. A mirror is being held up to me so I can see. The image staring back at me is partially responsible, in some indirect way for the choices my off spring made. Something I said or did; something I didn't say or do; something I modelled; something I carried in me that boiled up and out of me; something I passed on through inherited memory; and/or something I genetically predisposed my adult child to over the years  is in those wise eyes looking back at me. The cursing thrown in my direction has some merit.  On the other hand, I see the incongruent, and unfounded judgment in that cursing, the self-righteousness, the sense of moral superiority. I can see how the cursing comes from an unwholesome and unhealthy place, how it is narrow focused and close minded, I can see how it comes from pain.  I can see what cursing is. It really serves no good. 

I can also see what "sin" is. Not what we were conditioned to believe about "good" and "bad" but in terms of failing to do what is healthy and wholesome for all. "To miss the mark." This so called "sin" is more about a person missing the target of doing what is necessary to become the best person they could be, and triggering the hurt in others by missing this mark. I have learned not to judge people for their mistakes, no matter how big and damaging these mistakes seem to be, to see beyond them to the inherit goodness that is in us all. I see the goodness in my off spring. I will always see the goodness in my off spring. I will still feel and carry the pain of their mistakes, knowing such mistakes come from pain and only bring on more pain. Sigh! 

I feel the pain caused by the this discretion.  I do.  I feel it in the curser. I feel it in the victim of the discretion, ( my heart breaks for this person), I feel it in the person at fault, and I feel it in me.  It weighs heavy on me, weighing me down more than I already was before I heard the news.  I feel a sense of failure. My automatic reactive mind tells me that I failed in my parenting mission to install two things in my children above all else: honesty and kindness. 

Though, I rationally know I am not responsibe for what a 27 year old adult does, whether they came from my body or not, my maternal nature carries the guilt of this choice. Sigh! And the curser ( more of a collective than an individual) obviously wants me to carry this Albatross around my neck. Part of me wants to defend and fight back but the bigger part of me just wants to say, "I understand.  I can emapathize with how much pain you feel and I can understand your wish to shame the offender  and me in an attempt to relieve some of that pain. I have cursed others  in the past and occassionally still do. I understand." 

From a higher perspective though, I want to also tell them that cursing isn't the  healthiest choice for them or anybody else.  It just leads to more pain. At this point, though, I know whatever I say in response will have little effect. 

So, I will likley say nothing, allowing them to think what they must of me and do my best not to get pulled into that expressed opinion. ( Cursing  triggers stuffed and stored wounding, doesn't it? Compelling  us to question ourselves and our own goodness.) I will also do my best to thank the  curser/cursers and bless them for holding the mirror up.

All is well.