Feeling and Dealing Instead of Numbing

When this [pain/suffering]happens, we most likely have some kind of strategy: ...  We begin plotting it all out.  Or the strong emotion arises and we go into strategy of seeking comfort. We run and hide from the emotion.  We distract ourselves through TV or food or other addictive, pleasure seeking behaviours.  We might obsess about how we can get away from facing or feeling this particular thing...In all these cases, these strategies are moving us away from the rawness, the realness, the immediacy of the actual experience.
-Pema Chodron (How to Meditate, page 100-101)

I want to numb right now. 

I have been having more and more peaceful experiencing in my day to day Life...amazing really.  I feel myself settling into it more and more.  Reconstructing my mind is my "job" now and I take it very seriously.  I practice committedly...I really do work at it.  And I am truly progressing.  I can see and more importantly 'feel' that progress.

Life is still doing what Life does.  The circumstances around me are numerous and  pretty 'dramatic' at times but I see it all as  a well set up learning environment and am able to process through it a lot better than I ever could. Well so "I think".  I look at challenge differently.

I know that but still...

Last night reminded me, once again, as it always does when I start to become a cocky learner, that there is a lot of work yet to be done. As a result of facing these challenges,  I awoke and felt a whole series of 'unwanted feelings' fed by 'unwanted thoughts' whirling around inside me.  And as is the way, ego just added more thought and more story to the mixture, followed by a lot of resistance until I had a really good negativity  soup brewing.

Now I want to numb.

Well...I wanted to numb then too and I did...I numbed with other feelings and other thoughts...and with resistance and avoiding.  I stuffed some of those feelings down and covered them up with a good layer of thinking. I allowed other less demanding  feelings to float to the surface to help create a  coating too. My mind stirred and stirred and stirred until I really didn't feel anything.  

That's how the mind works, isn't it?  Our egos are the biggest pot stirrers. They love to stir it all up, create drama and make a mess. For a while...it seems like a good thing that they are doing because it is 'self' (little 'self') protective.  As soon as you pull the wooden spoon from the pot though...what happens?...Everything floats to the surface!

Ego made a mess in my mental kitchen last night...let me tell ya! I awoke to face head on those life circumstance I wanted to avoid,  feeling restless, worried, concerned, anxious, afraid, suspicious, angry, guilty, resentful, sad etc etc...so many emotions came bubbling over the side that I didn't want to feel.  So automatically...I slipped back into old patterns of behaving and I began to numb to deal with my pot stirring buddy.

How do I numb?

I numb with thought.  I 'think' my way through things.  I create stories.  I edit and revise stories.  I control the emotional element of the story to create atmosphere...I allow some feelings in and stuff away the bigger ones. I use words to 'explain' my experience; to 'narrate' my way through Life. I 'analyze' and 'actively problem solve' because heck...I see that emotional ingredients in the soup as a problem. 

I don't want to take one spoonful of it so I need to come up with a plan that involves action rather than being.  I won't simply experience those feelings...I will numb them with thinking and doing like so many of us do. I will stir and stir and stir but I will not taste.

We all have our own way of numbing from 'unwanted' feelings.  My way is probably considered to be the 'normal' way only because so many of us do it and it is socially acceptable...even encouraged that we cope this way.  It is, however, still numbing and addictive.  It still prevents us from experiencing Life fully.

If we want to experience life fully...and end suffering once and for all... we need to taste all the ingredients in the soup.  We need to recognize, accept and allow all feelings to enter our experience. So many of us are afraid to do that ...so we numb. We allow ego to stir.

How Does numbing work?

All numbing...whether it is through active drug use; stuffing down unwanted feelings with food; excessive doing, TV binge watching, attachment to the cell phone and social media, sex, gambling, or thinking is there to help us 'not feel" that which we do not want to feel. We resist feeling certain emotions...certain energies that we label, judge and deem as 'bad' and ego provides many ways for us to do that.

Society(which is very much ego based)  labels and judges certain things as "good" or "bad', "acceptable" or "not acceptable" and "right" or "wrong",  therefore determining what is okay to experience and what isn't. It teaches us to actively avoid pain and the circumstances that cause it which it labels as bad, unacceptable and wrong.

How Does Society Teach Us This?

We have role models who deal with their pain through a variety of numbing activity: parents or older siblings  who use, adults who work too much or eat too much. Everyone around us have thumbs that are glued to their devices.  We follow suit  and seem to panic when our thumbs get dislodged, don't we?  We sell and buy  products that  are said to eliminate all the unwanted everything from our lives . We have a system that uses the model of "success' like a carrot in front of our faces and we are told that to meet that image of success we cannot be slowed down by pain in any form. The pharmaceutical companies have a field day with that promotion...they are determined to convince us that they can eradicate every pain there is at a cost and end up causing so much more.   On top of that social media creates an idea of how we should be, what's acceptable and what isn't.  Pain isn't in that one dimensional image. Society teaches us that pain in whatever form it comes in is a "no-no".

And inwardly we also  learn that pain does not feel all that good. We instinctively want to feel good.  So  we learn to numb. The addict learns, at a very early age that pain is not only unnecessary but something to be resisted and avoided at all costs.  He or she is encouraged to experiment with numbing...for the sake of being successful, for the sake of meeting social expectations of what is said to be 'normal' and what is 'happy'. Sometimes that fear-based numbing is carried to the extreme but numbing is numbing.

So, with ego's encouragement and guidance,   we will all  begin experimenting with numbing at some point.  With every physical ache or pain...instead of sitting with it, we may  take something for it or 'do' something about it.  Instead of sitting with emotional   pain, even if it is just boredom...we may feel the need to 'do' something about it.  It becomes a pattern of behaving and eventually as soon as we get an inkling of discomfort we panic...thinking to ourselves that that pain must be relieved...must be ended and cannot by any means be felt or experienced.  Pain after all is judged as a 'bad' thing and we must resist all bad things, don't we?


Most of us do this, don't we? Life doesn't go  our way a few times and we judge Life as bad, Life as painful and we focus all our intention on dealing with that.  We assume if Life isn't going the way it is "supposed to" then that means we are expected or "should' be feeling bad or feeling "pain".  Since  pain is a bad thing we either try to change the circumstances or we close ourselves up to it.  We shut down from "the unpleasant moment"  but when we shut down from any moment, we also shut down from Life...We numb ourselves into a pseudo state of comfort.

Proposing that we learn to sit with all of it

Let's face it...this numbing really doesn't make us happy and it doesn't take away our pain.  Avoidance, denial, repression, suppression and all the other  defense mechanisms used in numbing...just stuff emotional energy but like the soup in the pot it will eventually boil over. It will end up causing more pain.  Ask the heroine junkie who is now living on the street how great her life is going or the workaholic who lost his family how happy he  is? Resistance is the problem...not the unpleasant set of circumstances that have seemed to land on your lap, or the illness, or the depression, or the pain itself.  It is your  perception of it and therefore your response to it that is the problem.

We need to look at things differently.  We need to see challenge and adversity for what it really is....not something to be avoided and resisted but something to be embraced.

I think of Eckhart Tolle's words when he is talking to Oprah on her super soul podcast: From a higher perspective being challenged is a good thing....the challenge forces you to transcend suffering to go deeper into presence...humans don't really grow until they face the challenge of suffering.(see link below...may not be word for word).

As long as we are numbing and not feeling...we are not accepting life with all its wonderful challenges and we are not growing.  We are here to grow in our awareness of what it means to be human.  And pain, dear friends...like it or not, is a part of being human.

Numbing is not the answer

Though I feel like numbing...I am aware that it is not the answer.  So as part of my mental reconstruction work..I will allow the challenges in my life and I will sit with the feelings they bring up.  I will take the spoon from ego and  put an end to the stirring and the mess. I will dig deep to taste all the ingredients in Life's soup. I will be fed by it, growing healthily and vibrantly as a result.

I promise you that when you allow yourself to truly experience the rawness of your emotions, a whole new way of seeing the world, of experiencing love and compassion, will be revealed to you.
Chodron, page 102


Hmmm!  All is well in my world.

References

Chodron, Pema ( 2013) How to Meditate. Boulder: Sounds True

Tolle, E. & Winfrey, O. (January, 2018). Eckhart Tolle: Free Yourself from Anxiety, Stress and Unhappiness. Oprah's Super Soul Conversations. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6LXoN44jxI

A Potential Series: Numbing and Mind Construction

Studying Buddhist teaching is a bit like doing construction work on our mind.
-Dalai Lama

All is good on this lovely Sunday afternoon.  It is gorgeous out there and I have to get out in it.  Have a private yoga session at 2 but maybe I will do a quick walk afterwards. 

I was going to write about numbing but I just spent an hour numbing by going through some old entries.  Sometimes I wonder: What the heck am I saying and doing here?  I need validation that at least some of it makes sense to me if no one else lol.  So instead of writing I was numbing.

I think numbing will be a series lol....numbing and mind construction.  I will begin tomorrow. I have to experience this day!

It's all good!

Give with Compassion, Not Pity

Any love or compassion which entails looking down on the other is not genuine compassion.
-Dalai Lama

That is a lovely and perplexing piece of insight to think about as the season of 'charitable giving' passes. We have all given to the 'less fortunate' haven't we this season, or at some point in our lives?  We have done so with great fanfare maybe or with a hint of grandiosity? We probably genuinely wanted to help someone, somewhere but our desire to offer loving kindness to the particular group we had chosen was likely done because we perceived them...through pity, more so than compassion.

What's the difference?

Well according to the Dana Paramita of Buddhism, which is the most important perfection to be practiced,  there is a big difference between true generosity or true compassionate giving and offerings made from a place of pity. Pity is even said to be the near enemy of compassion.(Pema Chodron)

You see...compassion comes from a state of equanimity...of seeing all human beings as equal...ourselves no better or no worse than someone else, it comes from a place of understanding that the value of a human being has nothing to do with what they own, where or how they live.  True giving nature looks beyond all that. It touches on the reality that my brother's suffering is my suffering. 

Pity on the other hand involves a certain discreet sense of superiority.  We "look down" at those who we label as "less fortunate" , "poor", "destitute", or "pitiful".  Our eyes are half closed as we look down at them because we truly do not want to see them clearly.  We do not want to see ourselves in them. 

We push them and their suffering away from us to some degree when we pity them.  We create a separation between us and 'them' or me and you. We also say we give to others in difficult situations because we feel grateful for what we own...but if you are basing your giving on what others don't have that you do...that is a focus on the "less than" of someone else, on comparison, and on anything but equanimity.  It's pity.

Guess what?  Pity for others is a selfish thing. It  makes us feel good.  Yep...true pity...makes us feel good. Through pity, our ego reminds us we are not the object of our pity... that we, in comparison, have more and are better off.  It reminds us, falsely, that we are better in some way....special. Pity separates, compares, protects and "self" preserves...it is not true giving.


Say what? If we are giving to someone who needs it, how can it be wrong?

Well I think we first have to look at giving and what it really means.  Paramitas are rules or directions for those following the path of Buddha to perfect in themselves  so as to empty the mind and open the  heart.  Few of us will seek Buddhahood but even in the secular sense there is so much wisdom for humanity to follow in this practice of becoming a better human being.  The first paramita is based on the concept of generosity and offering loving kindness to others. It is said that this is the first step because it opens the door to the other steps: Morality, patience, energy, meditation and wisdom. We can not advance in our understanding of truth until we open our hearts in this way. We have to give with a sincere desire to benefit others without expectation of reward or recognition....without any selfishness attached.

What we tend to do, when we allow ego to direct our giving, is to make sure others know we have given.  We might tell others about our charitable acts; we might expect a certain recognition or praise for doing so.  We may expect something back

Even when we are not actively making it known to others that we gave...we may still seek some reward.  We may seek the relief of guilt we are feeling about our over indulgence in material gain, about our life situation or to simply feel better.  Heck ...giving feels good doesn't it?

So we shouldn't give??

I am not by any means saying we shouldn't give to those with less.  Give, give, give as much as you can but for your own benefit and the benefit of the world at large, be aware of the motivation behind your giving, be aware of what ego is telling you, be aware of your labels and judgments. 

Open your eyes and see yourself in the other.  Open your heart and free your giving from any judgment or condition.  Give from an open compassionate heart, not one constricted and shriveled with pity. You will benefit from this receiving more than you could ever give.

All is well in my world.

References

Chodron, Pema (2017) The Joy to do What Helps Us. Retrieved: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXefqcibq-E

O'Brien, B. ( July 2017) The six perfections of Mahayana Buddhism. From Thought Co. Retrieved https://www.thoughtco.com/the-six-perfections-449611

Removing ego from our social relationships

I never look at human beings as the president or king or prime minister or beggar.  In my eyes, all are the same.  So whenever I meet these people I say, "Look at them, they are just other human beings...our brothers and sisters." So this also creates more peace in my mind.
-Dalai Lama

Note:  My kids gave me a Dalai Lama Insight calendar for Christmas (seems a little ironic doesn't it?  A Buddhist calendar for a Christian holiday gift...lol..They actually see me better than I thought they did: someone integrating faiths. Of course, a Christian may deny that I was one of them because I love and express Buddhist philosophy and a Buddhist may say that I wasn't one of them either because I speak of God and a Creator.  I don't label myself anymore because I do not feel I need to be "one of any them".   :)) Anyway...what I am trying to say is that you may see a lot of Dalai Lama quotes because I read one a day. In all fairness...does it really matter if these beautiful words come from  the leader of Buddhism? Would you not like to  hear the Pope saying the very same thing? It is  not the religion, not the scripture and not the messenger that matters...it is the message! And the message only points to something deeper. I think it is important that we remember that.

Anyway....I heard this story that applies to the message above.

Kings or Beggars

Years ago a high ranking  and 'famous' government official was scheduled to visit a monastery. (I will not tell you where or what kind of monastery...so we eliminate any religious bias. :)) .  The Abbot of the monastery was loved by his monks for being a faithful humble man that was free of all worldly ego.  He treated all human beings and all living things with the utmost respect and care, favoring no one or nothing above the other.

On the day of the scheduled visit, the monastery was swept and  cleaned and prepared as it would be for any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars. 

The monks were instructed to prepare themselves, to dress in the same garments they would wear  for any visitor...be they kings or be they beggars.

As the big limousine with its escort vehicles pulled up in front of the monastery doors, the whole assembly stood in welcome as they would for any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars.

The government official was welcomed with the same bow of the head, the same peaceful  smile, and  the same handshake that the Abbot would customarily offer any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars.

He was showed around the monastery and offered the same humble food and drink as any one would be offered, be they kings or be they beggars.

And when it was time for the visit to be over, the Abbot and his monks kindly escorted the government official  and his team, including the press with its noisy flashing bulbs,  out the doors with the same kindness and respect they would offer any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars.

Nothing about the Abbot seemed to change.

A few minutes after the visit had ended, however, the kindly old Abbot called all his monks to the meeting room. With tears in his eyes he announced that he could no longer be their Abbot and that he would have to leave the monastery to recluse himself in prayer.  The monks, stunned by the announcement, asked "Why? How could such a humble, faithful man as yourself feel you could not lead us?"

The monk answered, "When I shook the official's hand while the press was taking pictures, I noticed my own  was sweaty. It does not sweat when I shake a beggar's hand."

Moral of this story:  Do not let titles, fame, ideas of importance get in the way of seeing  what a person really is..."just another human being'.  Don't let any false notions of importance ...ours or someone else's... obscure our peace of mind.

All is well.

On being a spiritual teacher

The question is not whether you will teach, for in that there is no choice.  The purpose of the course might be said to provide you with the means of choosing what you want to teach on the basis of what you want to learn.
=ACIM-Manual-Intro:2:4-5


So I begin 2019 with this notion that I am teacher and so are you.  I also begin knowing that what I teach is my choice and it is a choice I base on what I wish to learn.  I teach what I want to learn.  So teaching, then, is learning, just as giving is receiving.

What do I want to Learn?

I want to learn to tame the mind. I am convinced that by controlling the mind into ripples as Patanjali referred to it, we can end suffering and live the lives we were meant to.  I honestly believe the answer to all Life's many perceived dilemmas exists in the mind.  The Dalai Lama said that: Happiness comes through taming the mind; without taming the mind there is no way to be happy.

Is this idea of taming the mind based on eastern religion? Do I have to be a Hindu, a yogi or a Buddhist to teach this or to learn it?

No...it is actually not based on religion at all.  People fail to realize that both Buddhism and yoga were meant to be philosophies, a somewhat scientific approach to understanding how the mind works, not religions.  Man labels, declares ownership of ideas, and separates to  make religion.  These were two things early yogis and the Buddha were walking away from. The ideas they proposed, wisdom gained  through extensive inner study, were non-denominational and non-secular....meant for everybody. It was man that turned them into religion.

If it is Christian validation you are needing to ensure the importance of reconstructing our minds:
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you will discern what is the will of God, what is good, and acceptable , and perfect. Romans 12:2 ESV

When I think of what I want to teach and more importantly what I want to learn...I think in terms of philosophy, psychology, physiology, and even sociology.  Sure...I love to study scripture and spiritual texts from many different sects but I do not get hung up on specific ideologies or beliefs.  I am fascinated with the something, that really cannot be named or understood by certain trains of thought or ideas or words, that these things point to.

This learning, this teaching goes beyond the limitation of religion. Teachers and learners of the mind  do not have to be religious.  A Course says that teachers...come from all religions and no religion.

Spiritual Teacher?

I would not call myself a spiritual teacher.  First of all, I lack the expertise or credentials and second of all it is not what I am.  I don't like to label myself but if I had to I would label myself first as a learner...a life long learner...then as a teacher of what I have learned. I am probably more of a philosopher because my learning comes from 'questioning the nature of reality' than I am any kind of theologian.  I am not a scientist though because what I offer isn't evidence...just a bunch of 'hypothesis' about what Life is all about. I offer more questions than I do answers. I am not sure how to validate and prove my theories even though I believe them to be true.

Special?

There is nothing special about me or anyone else who teaches.  We are all teachers...every single one of us ...whether we like it or not. Teaching is done through example.  The only difference is what we teach and we only have two choices of curriculum: To teach about Love or to teach about fear; To teach about the world as it is when dominated by ego or to teach about the world when it is freed by God. What do you want to teach? I want to teach about peace because I want peace in my Life. Pretty selfish maybe...and pretty non-special.

 I want to teach about peace and how we can all get it.  I want to lift myself and others up from the prison of suffering into the joy of living. As  I learn how to do that I  teach how to do that.  As I teach how to do that I learn how to do that. I teach and I learn and I learn and I teach. That's how it works.

It's all good!

Wishes for a peace-filled 2019

And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him.
-ACIM-W-361-365:1:2


I sat here for a while on this stormy fist day of 2019 considering how I should begin my New Year entry. I suppose I should begin by wishing all of you a very happy and peace-filled 2019. I guess...I actually wish for you stillness and a tranquil, open mind this year because that is what I wish for my self...Self. That is on the top of my resolution list.  I believe with that...and only with that...will peace and happiness and freedom be possible. Ask and we will receive.

So I ask for it for me and I ask for it for you knowing that:

And yet, in truth, it is already here; already serving us as gracious guidance in the way to go.  Let us together follow in the way that truth points out to us.  And let us be leaders of our many brothers who are seeking for the way, but find it not.
-Final Lesson: Introduction:2:4-6

I finished the Lessons from ACIM again and I finished a year of blog entries.  Isn't it ironic that I am almost full circle to the message I started with January 1st, last year.  Teach to learn, and learn to teach.  As we allow the truth to sink in, we learn it and then we teach it so we learn it.

How cool is that?

Thought this video from September 2017 might apply though I think I kind of got cut off before the big finale lol. A retro moment.

All is well in my world.

Peace through Forgiveness of Self and opening up to the unwanted.

Help us forgive, for we would be at peace.
-ACIM-W-359:1:5

Forgiveness brings peace. 


One of the emotions we resist that keeps us from peace is shame and many of us know what that is.  Well we think we know what that is.  We can conceptualize it and think we know it  but do we really?  Shame is a sign, according to Pema Chodron in Going to the Places that Scare You, that we are afraid of feeling something very intense.  When we catch ourselves cringing and wincing over something we might have done...we can become aware that there is an intense emotion of unworthiness that we are resisting feeling.  Our resistance may come in the form of numbing with things or substances, brain deadening activity like TV binging , crying or over reacting. Instead of just being with the feeling we actively push it away.

Well the more we resist, we know, the more the thing persists.  Resisting shame and more accurately the feeling of unworthiness beneath the shame leads us to experience it even more acutely in different ways. Like all suppressed, denied, repressed and intellectualized feelings...shame and fear will pop up in other ways.  (I wrote a book about this btw lol) Hmmm!

So what do we do about it?  According to the Buddhist tradition, we open up to it and experience it once and for all and then we let it go. We can use a modified form of the Tonglen meditation practice of breathing in suffering and releasing with , in this case, forgiveness, that Pema Chodron guides us through in the video link below.

Steps to breathing in shame/unworthiness and releasing with Forgiveness

1) We begin by visualizing ourselves standing outside our experience watching it.  Then we close our eyes and think of one shameful experience that makes us 'wince' when we think about it...something we did or were a part of that we truly regret.  Her advice is not to start out with the truly shameful experiences...start with the fairly minor and work up to the big things.
2) We breathe in that 'feeling' of shame and the unworthiness it triggers...breathe in that emotional experience we were resisting.  We breathe it in fully and imagine it coming into a very big and open heart.  We breathe it into an  immense space, attempting to see it for what it is: unobstructed, open, clear energy. Without the story attached to it, without the thoughts and the words...that is all that feeling is.  Yet we have avoided it and resisted it...closed up to it our entire lives.  Now it is time to open up and see it for what it is.  We do this on the in breath.  It is normal to feel the usual resistance and defenses at first...keep practicing.
3) Then on the out-breath we send loving kindness and forgiveness to that self that is watching...in whatever way she/he appears to us.  As the adult we are now, or a small child...it doesn't matter we embrace and send loving kindness and forgiveness to self.
4) Keeping that cringe-making experience in mind, we continue to breathe in the 'feeling' of shame and unworthiness but this time we breathe in all the shame others might be feeling that is just like ours.  We are not alone in our shame. Many people do things they regret and feel guilt and shame for afterwards.  Many, many others live with it and attempt to avoid feeling shame.  So we breathe in for them as well.
5) We breathe out forgiveness and loving kindness to them too.  Sometimes it is easier to forgive others than it is ourselves.
6) Practice that repetitively for many breaths until we feel a certain 'relief' and release.  Until we feel the body relaxing into the feeling.

The point is to "feel" the feelings we were spending so much of our energy resisting. We open up to and we experience it fully so we can let it go ...seeing it as an open unobstructed energy. We forgive ourselves and we forgive the world.

Tonglen is the meditative practice of expanding our intentions from the little self to the greater Self, offering forgiveness and loving kindness to all.  We can use any form of universal suffering as our focus but in this particular example it is shame.

And in a slightly different way, this is taught in  ACIM as well.  Let me not forget myself is nothing, but my Self is all. ACIM-W-358:1:7

Forgiveness brings peace. 

All is well in my world.


ACIM

Chodron, Pema (Septemeber, 2018) Going to The Places That Scare You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLw5QFaFUgI

The Great Rays remain forever still and undisturbed within me.
-ACIM-W-360:1:2

I would reach for them in silence and in certainty, for nowhere else can certainty be found.

-ACIM-W-360: 1:3

Turn Down the Volume on Resistance

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments  of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.

I am going to give you a bit of unsolicited advice...advice I was given today as I was listening to my mentor, Eckhart Tolle speak about how to overcome struggle.  (Do you see a pattern here?  I am always writing about overcoming suffering.  I wonder why? lol)

Stop amplifying the things that seem to"go wrong".

Watch yourself.  Are you still complaining about the things that are going in in your  life to yourself or to others?  Are you feeling 'bothered' by what other people do or don't do? Do you feel like others, circumstances, things are not meeting your expectations of how they should be?  Do you feel like Life is constantly sabotaging your efforts to get to where you think you should be able to get with ease? And do these thoughts, words, stories and complaints seem to get very loud in your head or as they come from your mouth?

Turn down the Volume 

If so...turn down the volume.  Stop amplifying the things that you judge, label and perceive as wrong, difficult and /or unfair.  Stop dwelling on them...stop turning up the volume so nothing else can be heard.

Difficulty wakes us up

You see...life isn't meant to be easy.  Life is meant to challenge you not sedate you.  You are already too sleepy.  It is time to wake up.  Our so called 'difficulties' wake us up. We wake up not just for ourselves...we wake up for the world.

Not just about 'little me'

The whole world is waking up and you are just one small cog in a big wheel. The whole world has to change and everything will be pushed a bit to change.  Every sentient being is challenged by Life at some point?  Why?  Because without challenge , there is no evolution, no growth, no adaptation, and no change for the better.

Besides the more you insist that Life should be easy and struggle against the reality that it isn't...the more you resist challenges when they arise...the more you resist Life.  As long as you are resisting Life...you do not experience the beauty that is Life.   The problem is not what happens to you or around you.  It is not  the things that 'go wrong' or do not meet your expectations.  The problem lies in your expectations and your resisting.  You expect it should be easy and go a certain way...and when it doesn't you allow your thoughts and complaints to get very noisy.

Accept what Life Offers

Accept challenge for what it offers and therefore Life as it is...and you will see just how beautiful it can all be.  You may even learn to see the challenges as doors that help to take you  to the truth that exists beyond the obvious? You will not hear the directions that take you through, however, as long as that volume of complaint is amplified in your head.

Turn down the volume on resistance and see the gift in challenges...see the gifts in accepting Life as it is.

All is well in my world.

Flying Beyond Neurotic Labelling

Sometimes letting go is simply changing the labels you put on an event. Looking at the same event with fresh eyes.
Steve Maroboli


What holds us back from experiencing the Ultimate Reality?  Many things do including our insane compulsion to judge and label everything in us and around us instead of just experiencing it.

Through our conditioning as human beings we develop a false sense of self and see the world/Life through that narrowed and limiting perception.  We therefore  judge and label everything in  it.  Oh "this" is "good"...that is "bad.  That is a  whatever...putting a very limiting noun on the 'beingness' of something that diminishes it to the word we use to label it with. Avoid that...go after this. This is 'right' and that is 'wrong'. This makes us completely neurotic, does it not?

Labelling is not Living

We live with distorted perceptions because we limit our understanding to what our five senses determine as real and most importantly because we live in a world of judgments and labels. We don't 'experience' the full essence of Life when we' label' it.

I like this analogy Eckhart Tolle and other masters use to describe our limited perceptions and how that leads us to miss the bigger picture.  Imagine that you are flying in an airplane  through a storm.  You are in the midst of heavy clouds and turbulence and the plane is reacting to that turbulence.  Scary, right?  In those moments you are only aware of what your body is telling you.  You see only cloud, hear and feel only the bumpy ride and your own fear. You think this is all there is.

Turbulence?

That turbulence can be like the stuff that is going on around us...Life being Life.  It can come when we least expect it. What our mind does is label it as "frightening", " dangerous", "Terrible"...and focuses only on that which cause fear.  Not a pleasant way to live, is it?  Very neurotic?

Yet most of us live this way...seeing only the clouds and turbulence that are right in front us. Judging Life because of it.  We label this experience  as Life...when it is nothing more than some momentary turbulence in Life.  We might even decide to stop flying all together.  We fail to see what exists beyond the clouds.

As long as we are stuck in our thinking minds; as long as we are judging and labelling what is going on around us...we are not aware of what Life really is. We forget that there is more to this experience than the clouds and stormy flying.

What we may not know is that we can actually learn to fly above the turbulence...to take the planes we are in in ( our minds/ our awareness) to the place in which this temporary storm exists.

Fly above the clouds.  Fly above the storm and what do you find? Unlimited clear sky and space.  This is consciousness.  This is who we really are. The cloud, the storm was just something in that space.  It did not define our life...because Life is so much bigger than that.

So what do we do to cope with the turbulence?


The first thing we need to do when we experience the turbulence and storms in our lives is to put away our labels.  Put away the right and wrong of it, put away the good or bad of it.  It just is...accept it...it just is.

 Our minds and our bodies will react to storms and passing clouds, especially at first until we  master it and learn to fly above  That's okay.  Just allow...allow the turbulence, allow the reaction.  Don't resist it. Resistance only adds to and prolongs the discomfort. And it is the labelling that leads to resistance.

Practice!  Then we must begin a committed practice of training the mind to firstly sit with the turbulence without reacting ...without judging...without labelling...  and at the same time know that it is not all there is nor is it all you are. It is temporary. That blue sky beyond the turbulence  never goes away, it just gets covered from time to time by heavy clouds of life circumstances. Be aware of that space as you practice. 

At first the thoughts and the labels and the judgments will persist.  Just be aware of them.  Be aware of them as clouds or turbulence. Also be aware of the space in which they exist.  As you progress, you will eventually be able to get beyond your thinking more and more until you can  fly above it into that clear, blue infinite space.

It is all good!

A little more learning from A Course

Always walk through Life as if you have something new to learn and you will.
-Vernon Howard

More from ACIM's final lessons.

Once again I rushed through the lessons for holiday reasons.  I want to clasp their meaning so I put them here.

The Terminolgy

Before I begin I want to clarify some confusion that may arise from the  terminology.  As I have stressed before...terms, words, descriptors  are just pointers that do not adequately describe what something 'is'.  Getting hung up on the words can therefore limit the Beingness of something and thus our true understanding of it. 

We are conditioned to think in such limited terms.  We see God as this paternal figure in the sky and thus limit Him in that way.  We use the pronouns Him...to limit him to a gender or human form probably because it is less threatening for us to do so.  We therefore limit the term "Father" ...when a father is a "creator" .  God is the Creator of all things...is how I see God.  I do use the "Him" and the "Father"  because it is familiar with my upbringing but again these are just words.

A Course in Miracles is full of masculine terminology, using 'brother' and brotherhood' , 'Son 'etc....why I am not sure other than it is trying to reach human understanding in a patriarchal mindset.  Don't get hung up on that...see "brother' as just a word used to express 'human' and brotherhood as 'humanity.   Son is all God's human creation.  It helps. Women and children are included, no less or no more significantly than man.

'Christ' is a big one people may have trouble with and therefore deem this text to be sacra religious. The text and lessons keep referring to all of us as Christ when we become fully awakened.  It took me a long time to figure that out .  It is not saying we are Jesus.  Jesus was the  Messiah of the Christ. It is saying that we are One with Jesus when we become awakened to the truth of who we are..."God's creations'. I see "Christ" as consciousness...the unified consciousness. It is this that Jesus taught when He said the "Kingdom of Heaven is within". The truth is within us...this consciousness is within us.

Not Preaching anything!  Just Learning!

I am not asking you to read A Course...to believe any of it or what I say here.  I am just writing down some wisdom I have gained from it. If it is not for you , it is not for you.  As I finish the lessons for the third and possibly final time, however, I want to ensure I have gained all that was meant to be gained from this text before I put it away. 

Like everything I approach, I do so with an open mind...I read, I study and then I evaluate its effect on me.  Did it resonate?  Did I "feel" it? Does it seem like truth? The answer to these questions is, "Yes it resonated , made sense and seemed like truth.  And I feel it was speaking to me and all humanity. It feels 'right' to me as I begin awakening."

Love these words from Lesson 352.

Judgment and love are opposites.  From one come all the sorrows of the world.  But from the other comes the peace of God Himself.

Let's look at this statement in more detail.  Judgment and Love are opposites? 

Well judgment ...the duality of our perceptions...this need to determine good or bad, right or wrong, ugly or beautiful etc makes us resist life and keeps us in a mental prison of fear. We retract with judgment.Thus creating sorrow and our version of "suffering". Now remember suffering/"dukkha" is not necessarily pain...it is resistance of pain because we judge it as something to be avoided.

Love on the other hand is freedom.  We expand with Love. Love is acceptance of Life as it is...therefore it is an acceptance of what God offers us. This brings peace.

Lesson 353
Nothing is mine alone....Then I lose myself in my Identity, and recognize that Christ is but my Self.

This lesson speaks to  the Greater Self over the little "self". The Greater self encompasses all humanity to which A Course refers to as 'Christ'.  Christ represents all of us...one united 'brotherhood' of man (though the terminology is masculine it is meant to include women and children) which Jesus was the messiah of. I think of it as united consciousness. So we join with one another...we join Christ in this mission to awaken the world...in so doing we lose this little version of 'self' for the greater Identity of Self.  Yoga also refers to Self.

Lesson 354
I have no self except the Christ in me
Again we are taken back to this united consciousness in this lesson.  The only true Identity we have is the Christ in us.  We are all children of the Creator-God and we stand together in peace.

Lesson 355
There is no end to all the peace and joy, and all the miracles that I will give, when I accept God's Word.....
I see this to mean that when we accept God's Word, His will for us...Life as it is...we will 'awaken'...we will find true peace and joy.  The miracle refers to this awakening to the  Truth of who and what we are  and the freedom from our mental egoic prisons  it will offer us.

I am sure my treasure waits for me, and I need but reach out my hand to find it. It is very close. I need but wait an instant more to be at peace forever. The Lesson goes on to say that this treasure, this Truth, waits for all of us and we are so very close...we are actually touching it and it is but an instant away from us. We just have to wake up to see it and experience it. We are so close to God.

Lesson 356
Healing is but another name for God,
Knowing God is everything...it heals all wounds and puts away all illusions.

Lesson 357
Truth answers every call we make to God, responding first with miracles, and then returning unto us to be itself.
The truth of who we are and what Life is beyond all our conditioning ...will answer us ....when we seek God.  We will see this truth in miracles (in healing, in understanding, in recognizing...and in our ability to forgive ourselves and each other for our confusion up until then)

Forgiveness, truth's reflection, tells me how to offer miracles, and thus escape the prison house in which I think I live.
The miracle we offer is our forgiveness...it is the most healing thing we can give and receive because it means we put aside our illusions and see the world, ourselves and God for What It really is.

"Behold his sinlessness, and be you healed."
This is the only true healing.

All is well!

Seasons Greetings

He who has not Christmas in in his heart will never find it under the tree.
-Roy L. Smith 
 
I hope everyone have /has a blessed couple of weeks regardless of your religious or cultural conditioning. Though I absolutely hate the commercialized version of Christmas (pretty strong I know lol) I do like that this time of the year  reminds the world to look within their hearts for true meaning.  This true meaning  goes way beyond the gifting and the decorating. It is  peace that Christ brought to man.  So regardless if we practice Christianity or not...we can celebrate peace and hold it in our hearts throughout the year, can we not?   

I wish you peace this season.

Lessons from A Course

Getting down to the last few daily lessons from A Course in Miracles, third time around.  They mean more to me every time. I had a lot of things going around me...whoever me is...and I may have rushed through the last few lessons.  I want to make sure I learned what was meant to be learned.

Some key points in those lessons:


Straighten my mind, my Father.  It is sick.
-ACIM Lesson 347: 1: 2-3

What need have I for anger or for fear? Surrounding me is perfect safety.
-ACIM Lesson 348: 1:4-5

For this do I obey the law of love, and give what I would find and make my own.  It will be given me, because I have chosen it as the gift I want to give.
-Lesson 349:1:2

What he is, is unaffected by his thoughts.  But what he looks upon is their direct result.
-ACIM: Lesson 350:1:4-5

In the section of the workbook entitled, What am I? This answer is given:

• God's child
• complete, healed and whole
• a being where love is perfected, fear impossible and joy established
• saviours of the world
• perceivers of kindness and of good
• concerned only with the truth
• part of the Oneness...sharers of our peace and joy
• the holy messengers of God and we learn the message is written on our hearts
• we bring tidings of redemption to our brothers who think they have suffered

It goes on to speak of the truth of what we are and explains that this truth cannot be explained with words...though words can speak of it and teach it.

Yet this perception is the choice I make and can relinquish.
ACIM:351:1:3

All good.

Fragile

How fragile this cup  I hold in my  two hands. I suddenly realize it  will not last.
Like all of the surface phenomenon of Life, it will crumble; it will die; it will pass.
I look down at these hands, wrinkled with passing time and see the same
like the cup, this idea of me in its aging form,  is just a chip in ego's cruel game.
Nothing lasts. The clock's busy second hand  will someday cease its distracting noise
and the magic secrets of past and future will be revealed as  deceptive ploys.
Bodies will die, yours and mine. The things we cling to will rust , decay and get lost.
Our desire to win a game or two as ego deals, will always come at cost.

The continuous flux of worldly things will surely turn to rubble and bury us alive
but if you find your little self  choking on the dust beneath the debris,  fighting  to survive...
Stop for a second, quiet  your mind and listen . Be still.  Allow the door of truth to open.
Through just a crack you will see the absolute reality when true vision has awoken.
There is something there that is not fragile, that is permanent, real, remaining as it is.
This timeless awareness of who you are will show you there is so much more than 'this'.
From that place of knowing just watch the insignificant pass  and enjoy the changing scenery.
Learn to breathe, learn to smile, learn to love and learn to simply be.
Dale-Lyn Dec 2018

Just popped out as I was listening to Eckhart Tolle.  Not me...just through me...so I can't take the blame or the credit for it lol.  Feel compelled to put it here even though it is embarrassing for my poet ego to do so lol. 

All is well.

Do we Need Suffering?

Suffering is necessary until you realize you don't need it any more.
-Eckhart Tolle

Does suffering serve a purpose?

Yes I believe it does....at first.  Suffering can wake us up. In my own life it took a certain amount of suffering to make me want to understand it so I could transcend it. If it wasn't for suffering I wouldn't be where I am right now...and despite what is happening around me....I like where I am.


How long does it take to realize this?

It was a slow journey for me but it doesn't always have to be.  Some people get it right away, in what A Course refers to as The Holy Instant.  My experience was more like a holy half- century(though it didn't always feel very holy lol). I am finally seeing what I need to see.

What is it that you are seeing?

I am seeing that my life situation comes from time and thought.  It is of the mind, more specifically the ego and  is wrought with "problems," with past imprisonment and future projection.  Man, the ego loves problems and mental chaos, doesn't it? It is  always looking for the problem in every moment to take us away from that moment.

What I am also seeing, however, is that there is a big distinction between my life situation and my life and I can step our of my life situation and into Life any time. Life situation is purely a mental construct...a story I created in my head.  Life is who I am.  As Eckhart Tolle says, You are life; you don't have a life.

Life is consciousness, awareness, of the Deeper I/ or universal Self .  Life situation is of the little I...and the mind, the ego.  There are no problems in the realm of the true Self.  The only problem is when the deeper I gets obscured.

Obscured by what?

It gets obscured by our mind stuff: our focus on this time idea (clinging to the past or projecting hope and fear into our so called futures), on thought, on doing and on our seeking things of the external world to fulfill what doesn't need to be fulfilled. Life is perfect as it is; you are perfect as you are right here, right now but this mind stuff covers it all up with layers and layers of dirt and grim over the most magnificent light. This perfect expression of Life, which we are, can not therefore be seen, heard, felt or expressed as long as it is covered by mind stuff. It is the mind stuff that causes the suffering....not Life.

Are you saying that Life is easy?

No. Life can be pretty challenging at times. It is not meant to be easy. Sure Life throws certain situations our way for whatever reason it does in its ultimate wisdom.  Sure ...those situations  may not always be pleasant.  Yet that is not what causes suffering. 

It is what this mind stuff does with what we are handed...that creates Dukkha. We place our distorted mental perceptions, judgments and fears on 'external circumstance'  to turn it into suffering.  We condemn it, we struggle against it, we resist it and we fight it...so we make what we are dealing with (or refusing to deal with) in the present moment the enemy.

We do that...Life doesn't.

So what do we do about the 'suffering'?

Step out of your life situation...just for a moment...because that is all there is....and into your Life.  Your Life is now...in this present moment.  It is not in yesterday and it is not in a future that will never come.  Life is not a story or a clump of moving thoughts in your head. It is stillness It is right here and right now.

Then when we truly realize that...we won't need suffering anymore.  We can transcend it.

Become aware of the present moment and become aware that you are awareness.

It is all good.


References

Tolle, Eckhart. (November, 2018) The Journey into Now.  Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tKe_Tvtq8Q

The Greatest of All Miracles

To be alive and to know you are alive is the greatest of all miracles.
-Thich Nhat Hanh


Such simple but profound truth in that statement from this little man.  To be alive is enough and to know you are alive is the ultimate, is it not?  That is the basis of all the teaching that has come my way over the last decade of so called "hardship". It is finally sinking in.

To experience that aliveness deeply and fully is basically what we all want...truly want ...and all we need, whether it seems that way or not. That's joy...that is true happiness.  

Where do we find this sense of aliveness? In the present  moment, in the here and the now. It just is. Yet most of us  are spending all our precious energy clinging to the past or projecting onto the future. We are hooked on doing.  How foolish that is.

Instead of walking into the full expansion of being alive, we contract and retract away from it in fear using time and "seeking more" to do.

I did these videos up in February on retraction and expansion.  You may or may not get a bit of something from them.  I share them here again because I feel compelled to do so.

 

 

Can you hear my lovely old dog Hiedi snoring in the back ground? lol I have counted over 100 things I could improve upon in these videos, including the misuse of the English langauge on many occassions and my William Shatner speaking techniques (okay when he did the pauses, me not so much...lol). How imperfect these and I, as the human delivering them, are. Isn't it amazing, though, to be able to recognize the imperfect human in our experiences and be okay with it? lol

All is well!

In the Here and Now

"In the here, in the now" is the address of Life.
-Thich Nhat Hanh, peace is every breath, pg 32

I am so grateful for Thich Nhat Hanh's presence on this earth and his simple teachings echoed by so many others as well. It is all so simple and "real".

Mindfulness is the key to experiencing Life and all its bounty.  The most precious priority for us should be our peace and joy.  Where do we find it?  In this moment and in this moment only. By simply concentrating on our breath or the steps we are taking and seeing it as a sign that we are alive...is something to be so very grateful for. 

Breathe

Breathe in, I feel my breath coming into my belly and chest.
Breathing out, I feel my breath flowing out of my belly and chest
Breathing in, I feel well.
Breathing out, I feel at ease.

Walk

I have arrived, I am home
in the here, in the now.
I am solid, I am free.
In the ultimate I dwell.

On one step say to self " I have arrived; I am home."  You are really where you want to be, the one place that will bring peace.  This moment is your home. On the next step say, "in the here, in the now."  Solid and free means that you are not being pulled back by ghosts from the past and you are not being dragged into the future. This, according to Hanh, is the foundation of real happiness. What is the ultimate (step four)? The moment, of course,.  This moment is teh ultimate everything.

Don't you just want to go home?  I know I do. All it takes to do so is a bit of mindfulness.

All is well in my world.

Thich Nhat Hanh ( 2011) peace is every breath. New York: Harper One

Peace to all seeking hearts

Peace to all seeking hearts today.
-ACIM-W-345:2:1

For we will learn today what peace is ours, when we forget all things except God's Love.
-ACIM-W-346:2:2

Wise Thoughts about Life and Death from "the untethered soul"

The beauty of deep truths is that you don't have to change your life; you just change how you live your life. It's not what you are doing: it is how much of you is doing it.
 page 160

Life itself is your career, and your interaction with life is your most meaningful relationship
page 161

What actually gives life meaning is the willingness to live it.  It isn't any particular event; it's the willingness to experience life's events.
page 161

You are not living life;you are living mind
pge 161

You should be experiencing the life that is happening to you, not the one you wish was happening.
page 163

You really don't need more time before death; what you need is more depth of experience during the time you are given.
page 163


I am not afraid of dying anymore.  That is one of the reasons why I am so willing to put away my health seeking. As long as I was seeking I was clinging to life in fear of death.  Now I feel free to live my life...whatever time I have left.  Don't get me wrong...I don't want to die any time soon nor do I think I necessarily will...but I am not resisting death any longer.  Resisting death equates to resisting Life. I want to embrace life.  And as Michael Singer puts it...what a wonderful teacher death is.

All is well

You need to read:

Singer, Michael (2007)  Chapter 17: contemplating death. the untethered soul. New Harbinger.

Relax and Release

No matter what events take place in life, it is always better to let go rather than to close.
Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 67


If we are going to depend on words to support our experiences (and let's face it most of us will be thought and word junkies while we tramp through this planet), there are two valuable words we can use as guide posts: Relax and Release.  I have talked about these concepts from the beginning of this blog and there are so many others who do so as well, much more eloquently and much more read than I will ever be able to.

Relax

 

 

When I think of the sound advice offered by Michael Singer and so many others: "Relax".  I think of this little video I did a year ago on the need to de-stress and put an end to the low grade stress response that is taking over so many of our lives.  I strongly believe that most disease/dis-ease is a result of an inability or refusal to "relax". 

Many of us spend our lives contracted and tense as we stay stuck in low grade stress responses.   This stress often comes from building  defenses around ourselves to protect us from Life.  We are on a mission to protect some illusion we have of ourselves from all that is "out there" that may harm it.  We cling to ideas, we build walls , we defend , we attack, we hope for some validation in special relationships and we seek to fill in holes we assume we have in us.  We see relaxation as a 'sin" almost and force ourselves to do, do and do.

Man that takes so much energy to do that...and what do we get from all our hard work?  Are we able to cling and stop "bad" things from happening?  Absolutely not.  We just get stressed out, burned out or sick.    Believe me, I know from my own experiences.

Release

This is the biggy.  If we really want to relax and be happy and peaceful as we were meant to be....we need to release.  We need to release and let go of our resistance to Life.  We need to release and let go of our attachment to things and stuff that will never make us happy.  We need to release and let go of illusions we cling to about who we are and what the world owes us.  We need to release and let go of our walls that are not protecting us, but smothering us. We need to release resistance.

Most of our unhappiness is a result of our resistance to this moment.  Life is this moment so we resist what it offers us because it is not as we assume it should be...we resist Life.  How contracted, how bound up, how blocked and miserable that makes us.

Release  resistance and let Life do what Life does.  Accept the moment as it is and learn to embrace it...for that is the true secret to happiness.

All is well in my world.

References

Singer, Michael. (2007) the untethered soul. New York: New Harbinger.

Don't Close!

How long have you been struggling in there to keep it all together? Any time anything goes wrong in the protective model you built around yourself, you defend and rationalize to get it back together.  Your mind does not stop struggling until you've processed the event or somehow made it go away.
-Michael Singer, the untethered soul, page 136


According to Michael Singer, in the untethered soul, the solution to ending all suffering is, "Don't close!"  As human beings we have a tendency to close up the doors of invisible fortresses that we have built around ourselves to protect us from whatever is going on "out there.".  We fear Life more than we embrace Life...we close up to it because we are afraid of what it offers us.  We become overly comfortable in our home-made comfort zones as a result, and unconsciously resort to pseudo -protection behind images of who and what we are.   

We resist and resist and resist anything coming through or anything seeping out.  Yet keeping these walls up takes remarkable energy and we constantly feel the outside weather beating against them. Heaven forbid something should blow open and the unexpected should flow in or our vulnerable selves should slip out. We suffer.

When we close up ...we not only stop the judged "bad" from coming in ...we do not let the light in either. We do not only stop the "unwanted" from hurting us...we stop the love from going out to heal others and ourselves. Constantly being on guard, defending and attacking from walls that really do not have any foundation in the true sense, is suffering.

We learn this when our walls eventually crumble or the doors, because of wear and tear, no longer seal. What a wonderful thing that is, when that happens.   At first it is frightening as we face all the things we were afraid to face...then we see them for what they really are.  The light shines in and around us and we realize we never ever needed any walls.

Our hearts and our minds are meant to be full of love and light.  When we choose to close them up behind dark walls...we do not experience that love and light and we do not share it with the world.  It is time we put away our defenses and let the light in and the light out...as it was meant to be. 

Don't Close!

There is no need for false solidity when you are at peace with the universal expanse of your true being.
-page 137

All is well in my world.

Reference

Singer, Michael ( 2007) the untethered soul. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications

What we really want

Let us resolve today to ask for what we really want, and only this, that we may spend the day in fearlessness, without confusing pain with joy, or fear with love.
-ACIM-W-339:1:9

Are you asking for what you really want or are you confused about the things you want and the state you will attain from your request? Are you getting the things you ask for and are those things bringing you happiness?

According to ACIM, you will get what you ask for, "I will receive whatever I request."  Too often we ask for "things" that we assume will bring happiness but that only bring pain.  Too often we confuse suffering with peace because we live in fear rather than love. Most of us are pretty mixed up in the request department of our lives.:)

I am finally coming to terms with the fact that what I really want from Life is peace not pain.  I was asking for pain for a big portion of my life...playing a victim of suffering thinking it would get me somewhere.  It didn't.  It only brought more suffering. As I started asking for peace, Life started testing me, pushing my faith to the point so my seeking would become more purposeful.

As I sat where I was on Thursday, intending to  find peace by finally  putting  closure on my health seeking journey, my family (who didn't know where I was at that time or why) was desperately trying to get a hold of me to tell me that our 61 year old brother had infarcted and was rushed to Calgary General for surgery. If you knew my whole story you would realize just how ironic that is!

If they were to reach me in those hours, I would never have made the decision I did.  I would have opted to continue my "crusade" as it was referred to. You see... I embarked on my mission to find answers and retribution as somewhat of a  Templar Knight...seeking to protect future pilgrims from nasty and unfair decisions and to protect my family from further injury. For the longest time...I thought I was doing the "right" thing no matter how unsuccessful I seemed to be at it.

While my brother was unknowingly being wheeled into the cardiac OR...I was in a room miles away from where he was, making a decision that could change all our lives.   I had decided to put down my sword and my red crossed cape and accept a life of peace instead.  I was so tired from carrying that heavy burden for as long as I did.  No matter how I tried I was not getting anywhere...not helping anyone. I wasn't a very good knight :) Selfishly,  I just wanted closure.

It was more than coincidental  that my brother infarcted in those very same hours of my deciding to let go. Why was I not able to get my sister's messages at that time when there was no reason why I should not have been able to? That was indeed serendipity at its best.  Though part of my argument was my family history, he was not one of the siblings on that list.  He was added to it that day...making it six of us. Who, but the most close minded or fearfully defensive, could call that coincidence?  

I don't know what I am to learn from this yet.  I don't know what to ask for from here on in ..except...except... peace.  It is still what I ask for...for myself and all those in my life. I want peace for me and I want peace for others.  Hopefully I will live long enough to attain it and to share it.

All is well

Everything will be Okay

The truth is, everything will be okay as soon as you are okay with everything.  And that is the only time everything will be okay.
-Michael Singer untethered soul- page 95

Wow!  How can I speak to that piece of wisdom? In its perfect simplicity it tells us that peace is our own making.  It isn't about making everything "out there"  work perfectly in our favor.  It is simply about being okay with things no matter how they turn out. 

I learned the value of that wisdom Thursday. I was in a situation  where I was originally determined to do more than break even for some monetary losses incurred because of events that were beyond my control. During the hours I sat there,  I made a decision to put away my struggle to make a point for peace; to put away my anger and resentment for forgiveness; to put away my desire for a secure future for the psychological release of letting go of the past and to put away my wish  for more for just  enough to pay off my debts and to assist my children in the small ways I have not  been  able to assist them  for years.

I could have went further.  I know that...I mean I really know that. I could have caused a lot of trouble for the other side.  But something in me...told me to let go. Just let go.  It wasn't any longer about "winning" and proving how right I was nor was it about losing. It was just about peace. I wanted peace more than anything.

 Sure...I am no farther ahead in knowing how I will survive in the future but I will not owe and I will have helped my children in some small way...that is all that matters. 

Isn't this the direction I truly wanted to go in? Am I not learning about what is really important?  About the internal harm in grasping and clinging to things of form and the freedom that comes from letting go of our mental attachments to things?

I can't say I walked away feeling thrilled or excited as others seemed to want me to believe I should lol.  I walked away feeling nothing really...not excitement, not a tremendous amount of relief, not hope or a sense of security that I thought I would walk away with....but...but...I also did not  walk away with  grief, anger, resentment, loss, fear, or worry.  The thing is, I walked away psychologically unaffected by the outcome. That to me says it all...that to me shows how much I have grown and healed. 

My peace is not determined by what happens around me or to me.  Everything is okay as it is.  Why?  Because I am okay with everything.

How cool is that?

All is well.

Weeping or Rejoicing?

When the ego weeps for what it has lost, the Spirit rejoices for what it has found.
Sufi proverb

Do you see how wonderful loss is yet?

I can actually say, in all honesty, that I am grateful for my recent losses.  I am grateful that I have lost some of my perceived physicality, my ability to work in a job I loved, my professional designation, my income, that sense of financial stability I once depended on, the recognition I once enjoyed and most importantly the sense of identification I had with these things.

Say what???

It was ego's weeping that  brought me to the "inevitability of is..." as Tolle describes it.  I have finally gotten to the point in my Life where I am no longer thinking, "No!  This should not be." ...but..."It is as it is."

I see that these situations do not make or break my life. It is what my mind is saying about them that does that.  I may not be able to control what life hands out but I can control what my mind says about it. I want a healthy relationship with my Life as it is right now in this moment. That is what is important to me.  All the stuff ego sees as loss...is just that "stuff.'  It is not my Life.

I would never have realized the insignificance of that stuff until I lost it.  I would never have realized the importance of "being" over "doing" if things didn't happen the way they did.  I would have still been stuck in ego dominated thinking and doing if Life didn't present what it did to me.

Life is not meant to make us comfortable.  It is meant to challenge us. Life is unpredictable...nothing of this material world will last forever.  Loss is inevitable. (Tolle, 2018).  And it is all okay.

I choose to rejoice in what my spirit has found...the moment; rather than weep over what ego perceives as loss.

All is well

Eckhart Tolle (2018) Getting Beyond Thinking   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgos7QmJ_DQ

I seek but the eternal.

ACIM-W-234:2:1



Conflict must be resolved

Conflict must be resolved. It cannot be evaded, set aside, denied, disguised, seen somewhere else, called by another name, or hidden by deceit of any kind, if it would be escaped.  It must be seen exactly as it is, where it is thought to be, in the reality which has been given it, and with the purpose in mind accorded it.
ACIM-W-333:1:1-3

I used to teach conflict resolution in my Communications class.  When I asked the students, every year,  if they thought conflict was good or bad in fostering a healthy team...most answered that it was a bad thing to be avoided at all costs.  Of course, I would throw that line from Hamlet at them, nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.  Then I would proceed to tell them basically the same thing the above excerpt from A Course in Miracles tells us. "Conflict must be resolved not denied or avoided."

Conflict is not only an expectant part of group dynamics but it is an expected part of Life. We can close our eyes to it, walk away from it, promise to deal with it later or call it something else...but we will never escape it if we do that.  The only way to deal with a conflict or any less than desirable life event...is to go through it. Resolution is the key that allows us to do so.

Resolution begins with seeing the conflict for what it is, where it is. And of course...that is in our minds. We need to put it all out on the table, so to speak. Just recognizing conflict: "This side has a different way of seeing things than my side does...and that is preventing us, as  a whole,  from moving forward with one unified goal." ...is enough to start the resolution process and create freedom from it.

In our own minds...conflict might exist between what ego wants for us and what that wise part of us (God) wants for us. This conflict makes us feel uneasy, unhappy and we might squirm and wiggle our focus from it.  We may run from it by numbing our minds or getting lost in superficial pursuits.  The more we run, however, the bigger the conflict gets and the further away from reaching a  unified goal we are.

Just by recognizing that there is a conflict...heck that there are two sides in our minds capable of disputing....is a big step toward resolution.  When we recognize an ego self...lets call that side "Fear" and a true Self ("Love") we begin the process.  Then when we recognize how they both want different things...we take another big step into resolving the problem.

By the time both parties sit down at the bargaining table and lay down their demands we are well on our way.  It is only when we see the demands, however,  that conflict gets dismissed. We see how futile and counter productive ego/fear's demands are and it is like...wow...why are we even bothering to try to negotiate with such absurdity? There really is only one side that makes sense.

So ego is respectfully dismissed from the table and the true goal..."peace, happiness, Joy" is re-established. This is conflict resolution.  This is awakening.  Hmm!

All is well!

Forgiveness

Without forgiveness is the mind in chains, believing in its own futility.  Yet with forgiveness does that light shine through the dream of darkness, offering it hope, and giving it the means to realize the freedom that is its inheritance.
-ACIM -W-332:1:7-8

What does forgiveness mean to you? I was brought up to believe it was something that only came if one repented for their sins...and sins were horrible and evil things that we or others committed because we were inherently bad. Pretty gruesome , eh?

I don't think that way anymore.  I see forgiveness simply as freedom, a freedom that comes from letting go of old perceptions and ideas, a letting go of fear.  We were born free...just as our minds were born peaceful.  This so called 'sin' was just all the 'wrong and busy thinking' we piled on top of that peaceful state and  that led to fearful choices and behaviours. It darkened the light that is us. A change of mind is all the repenting we need to do.


Forgiveness is warm. Like a tear on the cheek. Nell: The Haunting of Hill House: Red Room Scene.

 

(Recycling my pics like crazy....need to get out and shoot some more lol)

 

All is well!