More On the Dark Night

 

God leads into the dark night  those whom He desires to purify from all these imperfections so that He may bring them further onward. 

Juan De La Cruz, Dark Night of the Soul

It is raining. The sky is heavy and dark .  A cool wind is blowing and I have been freezing, walking around the house (that desperately needs to be cleaned) with my housecoat on and a blanket over my shoulders.  I am dragging my feet, stepping over things, as I with head down move around like a zombie. It all looks like a scene from a movie entitled, "Dark Night of the Soul".  (I am the star ...in case you haven't figured that out yet and I am playing the part brilliantly, lol)

I found so much relief when I researched this thing I was presently going through yesterday to discover that it is actually " a thing."  I mean, I heard of it before but I never applied it to this experience I have been having off and on ( mostly on) for months or even years now.  

What experience, crazy lady? 

Well it was like I was walking under a sky that was overcast my whole life without  noticing or thinking it could be any other way.  I was doing my best to make it as good as it could be in this darkness. Then one day I began to question what was under that cloud cover and suddenly the sky began to open. This light, in tiny streams,  started to trickle through and I was like "Wow!  What is that?"  I was soaking up the little rays, wanting to know more about them so I began to ask questions. I was hearing from certain wise people  that this was just a tiny tease as to what was under the cloud cover, that there was so much more sunlight under that dark canopy I have been living under,  waiting for me to experience it . I wanted more so I asked , "How? How can I get more? "

I began researching, studying, listening, practicing in order to get more light into this life.  I have been trying to do what I could do to get those clouds to open.  It even seemed like I was doing it . There seemed to be a little more light, a little more blue sky everyday as I practiced.  I was getting there. 

But  all of a sudden it got dark and rumbly overhead again...just like it is now....and that darkness just lingered....It is so hard to take this cloud cover after seeing what was under it.  I couldn't understand why it was happening after all my "work".  Crazy thoughts went through my head. I thought I was a failure. I thought I was karmically doomed. I thought I was mentally ill...with depression or something.  I thought it was all just a big lie.

Then yesterday, when I listened to people who have been through it, I felt so relieved to be able to put a name on it. It was like, "Oh this is supposed to happen.  This is part of the process.  This is a good thing,",  indicating I am getting somewhere with my practice ( again I use the term "getting somewhere" just to make a point). I am not doomed to this darkness.

The question remined though: How long will it last and will I be strong enough to handle it?

The Question to Ask

I also listened to a snippet of a Super Soul Sunday video with Dr. Michael Bernard Beckwith and in that snippet he gave this great advice.  He said instead of wondering how long it will last and what we can do to get out of it ...ask, "If this experience were to last forever, what quality would have to emerge for me to have peace of mind?" He says that when we focus on the quality instead of resisting the dark night, we move through it faster.  Hmm! Makes sense, doesn't it?

What quality do I need?  I need a calm abiding...a willingness to just relax and be with this. What I am learning is that I cannot do a thing about it anyway. In fact, that  cloud opening and light experience I had previously had nothing to do with me...it was simply Life/ God/Nature doing what It does...opening up through me.  I didn't have to do anything but "want it".  So all the doing I was doing in my practice to get rid of the cloud cover was really not making the sky open...at all. (It was helping me to shed "me" layers so I could see clearer when the time comes but it wasn't making the sky open i.e. Truth come to me faster.  "Doing" doesn't do it.  It will open when it opens to reveal to this person "I am" beyond the "me" , what It is, what I am. I don't have to "do".  I just have to "be". 

This dark night will last as long as it lasts and it is okay.  I have been in darkness before but this time I know the light is there beneath the cloud cover, and that makes all the difference. I will hold my head up as I calmly abide in this moment, "being" the best human I can be,  until I feel those rays on my face again.

All is well! 

Own (2017) The Secret to Getting Though the Dark Night of the Soul/ Super Soul Sunday. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_apTvwxMUQ