People look to time in expectation that it will eventually make them happy but you can not find true happiness by looking toward the future.
Eckhart Tolle
Hmmm! Still trying to understand desire a little better. I am still pondering over that momentary fantasy I had yesterday about becoming fulfilled in the future by achieving a certain level of success as a writer, speaker, teacher...about being able to be "free" of suffering in terms of gaining financial freedom and being happy and healthy fulfilling my "purpose". I mean...I have and have had millions of such fantasies over the years...coming and going. I have even had plenty of momentary achievements and attainments related to this goal. It felt like I had succeeded or would succeed many times. Like all phenomena, these 'achievements' never lasted, but they did arise and come into my life for a while at least. This convinced me that desiring was a good and healthy thing to do. It could actually make things happen ( as proposed by the Law of attraction) and besides it felt so darn good to be swept away by fantasy, so much better than dealing with life as it actually was.
I wrote a lot about wanting over the years...sometimes supporting the Law of Attraction and the healthy benefits of desiring and other times writing how I see it as a hindrance to our awakening.
Yesterday was the first time, however, that I really looked deeply into the nature of this fantasy, this desire and therefore into the nature of desire itself. I observed several things.
Desire is a future projection. When we desire we are asking the future to fulfill us because we are not feeling fulfilled now. If we were fulfilled right now, felt truely happy, like we had everythng we needed here and now we wouldn't mentally jump into a time that will never come, would we, in hope that it will give us what we don't have now? We would not "expect" anything from tomorrow because we would not need anything from tomorrow. We would realize we had all that was necessary for our happiness now. If I perceived things were going well here...if I did not feel worried and stressed all the time...I wouldn't go to some futuristic story in my head for rescue. I would not need to.
Desire is an escape from the now. When do we tend to go deep into fantasy? I know myself this fantasy often comes up when my life feels tough, when I have been knocked down and am wanting to redeem myself socially or personally, when I feel stress. It takes "me" away from the stress, the finacial worry, having to deal with the suffering of so many others. Who is this "me" that is escaping the here and now.
Desire is a tool used by the ego or the "little me". It is not who I truely am that is desiring something more than this...that essence cannot suffer because it does not expect, judge or depend on outcome. It just is. It is the little me only that desires because it is the "little me" that suffers. It is the little me that is not satisfied with this moment it is in. It is the little me that needs the future to save it. This thought I have in my head based on my history, my past memories, my conditioning and other opinion that I call "me" needs the past and future to sustain it. It cannot be happy "now" so it depends on the future to save it from the now. The little me cannot be sustained in the now. But who we truely are can only be in the now.
Desire has selfish motivations. Desire is not altruistic. It's intent and motivation is to serve the little me. This particular desire gives "me" what I perceive I don't have in 'my' life at that moment. This not having is what 'I' blame for 'my' lack of happiness and fulfillment. In 'my' fantasy, 'I' have all the money 'I'need. 'I' can keep 'my' house without worrying about it or 'I' can give it away to 'my' son and his children so 'I' don't have to worry about them.. 'I' can travel and do some of those other things 'I' selfishly want to do. 'I' can help 'my' kids out so they are not struggling....thus diminishing their suffering and therefore diminishing the suffering 'I 'experience watching them suffer. 'I' can give away to those that need. 'I' can help support the world. And all that is done to help "me" not suffer from guilt.
Desire delays awakening. Though I have studied how desire is a hindrance to our awakening...looking deeply into this personal example of a fantasy I have been having, allows me to see how it is delaying my awakening. I can actualize this learning through direct experience. How can I awaken to what is if I am running away from it into this future story?
Desire is the opposite of Presence. As long as we are desiring we are not fully present here and now. We are actually resisting, pushing the moment away to get to the next moment .
Desire is a form of resistance. Because we are often using desire to escape our present moment we are using it to resist what is.
Desire is the product of judgement, expectation and aversion. Desire often arises, as it did in my case, when I was looking about at my present moment and what it was given me with "This is bad, wrong, shouldn't be." This of corse led to resistance becasue Life was not being the way I thought it should be...it was not meeting "my" expectations...well "little me's" conditioned expectations.
Desire then, does not come from a skillful or wholesome place. If the roots of desire are unwholesome, then the fruits of desire will be unwholesome as well.
Desire prevents us from living fully. If I am pushing the present moment away with a desire or future fantasy...I am pushing life away. The only place Life can be is here and now. The only place the essenc eof who I really am beneath my desire and my little me-ness is here and now.
What we desire is often not what we truly need. Even if I were to become a successful and well known writer , speaker, teacher and I earned a fairly good income for doing so...that would be all and good...but it is not what I am truly seeking. It will not fulfill me. What will fulfill me is what I assume these things will bring me...peace, joy, presence, compassion, kindness and love. And these things cannot be attained by outer world longing and wanting. They are already in us.
Besides, the fact that I have little money and little "worldly success" in this role I created in my head, is not a problem. The problem is my judging and resisting what is. This idea of "problematic life" is just that... an idea...lacking solidity and sustenance. I do not need to run away from it into another mental state like desire. I just have to recognize it as a mental state and observe as it arises and dissolves. Desire will not bring me the peace I long for.
Be careful. Even when we find ourselves seeking this enlightenement in the future...we are still desiring.
Even my desire to be free or enlightened is just another craving for fulfillment or completion in the future. So don't seek to become free or desire to "achieve" enlightenment. Become present.
Eckhart Tolle
Instead of desiring, we need to learn to be present in the here and now...allowing and appreciating what this moment gives us.
Well this is the way desire is in my version or expression of Life. Maybe it is different for you. We can agree though, can't we, that desire is something we all need to at least stop and reflect on every now and again?
All is well in my world.
Eckahart Tolle/ Conscious Awareness ( August 2021) Freeing Yourself From Identification With Your Mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xxe9MWXBNWQ
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