Coming Out Of

 

It should be obvious that the human being goes with the universe...even though we say in popular speech  " I came into this world!" It is not true that you came into  this world. You came out of it in the same way a flower comes out of  a plant, and fruit comes out of a tree. And therefore people are an expression of its energy and its nature. 

Alan Watts

I am contemplating these wonderful words of wisdom from Alan Watts as I contunue to wonder, "Who am I...really?"  

Who is the "I" Lost in Hindrances? 

This clump of flesh and busy mind experienced or observed some more challenging life events yesterday  when my daughter started having contractions again.  The goal was to get her  to  35 weeks before the baby "comes into" this world. Hmm! "I" was worried yesterday. "I" was desiring something different in this moment..."I" was projecting up into the future where the 35 week mark was because I had ill will for the moment unfolding in front of me.  "I" was doubting that we would get there and "I" found myself curling up and doing nothing...hiding under the  covers of sloth and torpor. "I" was lost in the five hindrances and therefore not experiencing the peace "I"  wanted to feel.

Now that is a lot of "I"  usage for someone studying the whole idea of "non-self", isn't it?  This morning I found myself reflecting on yesterday's events and  asking: Who is this "I" that was supposedly lost in the five hindrances, anyway?

Serendipity brought me this video  from Alan Watts, listed below, to echo my reflections.

Who am "I"? 

The most fasicinating problem in the  world is,  Who am I? ...What do you mean, what do you feel when you say the word "I"? 

When I utter the word "I" these days I experience a certain vagueness and disconnect. The "I" that was straying off the skilfull and wholesome path was simply this conditioned idea I have of "Me".  A thought form lost in thought form. Many of us are brought up to believe that we are "an island of consciousness locked up in a bag of skin. " 

Yet this is not who we really are , is it? We really do not know who we are, what this "I" is, do we? 

Can't See It

...it is so mysterious.  It is so elusive. ...because what you are in your inner most being escapes your examination rather in the same way  you cannot look directly into your own eyes without using a mirror...

We see ourselves as the masks we wear and the roles we were conditioned to play but we cannot look directly at who we really are...because  we are everything and everything cannot see itself.  So it is easier to see ourselves as personalities and minds in seperate sacks of skin. We see ourselves as seperate from the external world beyond these flesh bags. We grow up believing we therefore need to defend and attack to preserve this "I". 

Seperate Sacks of Skin? 

....believing that what is outside this "me" is not "me" sets up a foundation of hostility and estrangement between ourselves and the so called external world

This seperation idea is taught extensively in  the teachings of ACIM and other spiritual teachings.  As long as we view ourselves as seperate , we cannot see or experience who we really are beyond the illusion of "I". We are threatened by that which exists outside us.  So we try to conquer and fight the external world, getting farther and farther away from understanding who we really are.

Not Coming Into...Coming Out of 

Yet if we were to stand back and watch something  in nature grow, we  would see  that nature,  doesn't assemble parts...it expands from within  and gradually complicates itself expanding outward...Watts teaches that it is absolutely absurd to say that we came into this world when we really came out of it.

This baby, about to be delivered, is coming from the world not into it.  Like a piece of fruit on a tree or a flower on a plant he will be an expression of the world's energy and nature...not seperate from it. Just like the "I" that felt so seperate yesterday, lost in the mental hindrances, is simply an expression of the Life unfolding in those moments I was mentally struggling against. I am not seperate from the Life that unfolded yesterday and that is unfolding now..."I" am it. 

Hmmm!  

All is well!

Alan Watts/ T & H-  Inspiration and Motivation (August, 2021) Most People Will Never See It-Alan Watts on Identity.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdgTcxEKZ3E