Healthy Empathy

 Your intellect may be confused, but your emotions will never lie to you.

Roger Ebert

In a new spot, one I have never written in before.  I have moved my writing  desk which was stuffed awkwardly into the hall to make room for L. into my daughter's old room.  I have a window to look out of.  Yeah!!  And from that window I can see that it is beginning to storm out there.  March is coming in like a lion, therefore she will leave like a lamb. 

I am reminded of the energy reading I heard somewhere.  Things will begin to smooth out in March.  That will be nice.

Dark, Heavy Feeling Still Lingering

I do feel better than I did...I mean this dark, heavy feeling comes and goes and I know partially where it is coming from. Why I am picking it up...I don't know ...but I have a good idea where it is coming from. I know it isn't all mine...my reaction to it is mine but the source is enemating from  outside me. I can trust that empathetic or empathic ( whatever you want to call it) ability I have.  I am picking up something from another.  It is a something I cannot read and since I misread it before  it leaves confusion...a sense of mistrust in the other and in me mostly. 

 I know what I am seeing on the surface is not completely authentic...there is something behind appearances yet to be revealed.  Every now and again it will come  out in tiny little outbursts before being quickly sucked back in, and I can see certain behaviours slipping through the effort to restrain them. I am not saying what is beneath the surface is "bad" or "malicious" ...it is just not what I am seeing. 

I Don't Know What It Is

I feel off because I don't know what that emotional energy is. Whatever it is, I know it is very "strong" because of the way it affects me. And because I sense that it is being pushed and held down in order to provide an acceptable appearance, I fear how it will come out if that retsraint for control is weakened or lost.  How draining for the individual to have to hold it all in? I feel that too.

I felt this before. This time it is different, however, because for some strange reason most of the time I feel protected from it....which I didn't feel before.  And I do not feel the need to resist it and its many behavioral manifestations like I did before.  I feel more accepting of it and more empowered maybe.  I made a committment to "help" until this someone is better able to help themself. I see and have no problem with any of  the outer reasons for the person's need for support, the support I am in a position to provide temporarily. I have outward validatons that rationalize some of the behavioral choices, past and present. I genuinely can feel for the most part kindness, genorosity, compassion and love.   

At the same time I sense there is something else hidden under the surface that none of us are 'getting'. It is that unexplained something that leaves this dark heavy feeling in me. 

Regardless, I will do what I can to "help" meet this person's needs.  That is why we are all here. It is important that we  look to the hidden good in all of us and there is so much good in this individual.  He, as is every human being on this planet, worthy of my support, time and effort. 

Yet, I also know my own needs, as a person trying to evolve enough to make a difference in this world are very important too...regardless if others think so or not...and I will assert when the  time comes. 

This is all happening for a reason.  It imust be a part of both are learning curriculums. We are both, in a sense,  learning to see,accept, undersatnd and help meet the needs of others and ourselves.  

As part of meeting my own needs, I need to find a way to protect myself from other people's emotions, to seperate to some degree so I don't get lost in them.  I want to be empathetic and compassionate if it helps to make the world a better place but if it drains the heck out of me or makes me sick ...what kind of a difference will I be able to make? I need help learning to be empathetic in a healthy way. 

All is well.