Let the Walls Come Down

 If you see a wall and it is protecting you from unending darkness, you will not want to go there. But if you see a wall that is blocking the light, you will want to go there in order to remove the wall. 

Michael Singer, page 116

Dark Walled In Spaces

I have been thinking about my kitchen

I bought the house I live in now because it was close to the house I left when I got divorced.  I wanted to avoid upsetting my children's lives as much as possible.  I wanted them to have the sense that I was physically close when they were at their Dad's and that he was close when they were with me.  I wanted them to go to the same school, ride the same bus, have the same friends and neighbours around them that they had when we were all together.  I wanted as much "same" as possible for them in order to reduce, in some small way, the pain of adjustment.  So I, despite how it made the neighours talk ,  bought a house that was literally only three houses away from their Dad's for that reason only.

When I first seen the house  I was not impressed at all by the kitchen.  Under different circumstances it would have been enough to make me turn around and walk away.  I had more important reasons, however,  for choosing that house.  So I bought it. 

I swallowed hard when we moved in  and did my best to ignore the dark entrapped feeling I got walking into the house through that room.  There were very little windows and no light.  The cupboards were dark and the walls seemed so oppressive.  I could tell that the previous owners, designed it  as such as a way to hide away from the world outside. For them it was "comfortable and cozy". The walls, I suppose,  protected them from the "darkness" outside. For me it was just claustophobic and dark inside!

I  hated that room.  It felt like the walls were embracing the darkness and for some reason I would almost get depressed being in the kitchen. I tried to diminsh that  darkness over the years by adding lighting, and  painting the walls a sunny  yellow.  Still it was just dark.  

I then started trying to think like the builders did ...and appreciate the  fact that it did hide me away from the rest of the world.  No one "out there" could see me or my mess when I was in the kitchen and I could not see them.  There was a certain protective quality to it.  

Still the kitchen left me feeling dark and heavy.  I felt stuck and trapped not only in that room but in my life! 

Wanting Light Over Protection

One day  I looked at the main wall in the kitchen and realized it served no protective purpose what so ever.  It was not even a support wall! Infact,  all it was doing was blocking the light from the room with the big picture window behind it from entering. 

Wanting light, I knew what I had to do.  So I, with help from a carpenter, hammered and crowbarred our way through that wall, creating  a large opening in it for a pass-through counter. The room immediately  opened up, the light came in and it was heaven!  I felt  a spacious airiness and a freedom  I had not felt in a while.  

The Walls We Build In the Mind

Hmm! When we see that the walls we build around ourselves for protection  are only hurting us in the long run...by blocking light and  entrapping  us in darkness...would it not make sense to  take them down or at least open them up? 

We build these walls around our tender parts, like the previous owners of this house did, to create a safe  environment , a comfort  zone  we can hide from the world in.  Yet in our seeking protection and safety because of fear over what 'out there' may  cause discomfort 'in here'... we close off from the amazing light that Life has to offer all of us. We entrap ourselves in darkness and tell ourselves it is safe,  "cozy and comfortable" when it is merely oppresive and dark. 

We do not need to live with oppressive and dark.  We can live in light and spaciousness. We do that by first recognizing that the walls we build around ourselves are blocking light more than  they are protecting and supporting us.  

Then we walk toward those walls, even if it scares the *&^% out of us to do so. We can pick up a hammer, a mallet or whatever we have and begin making holes in that flimsy dry wall our minds provide.  We actively open up the wall and embrace the light on the other side.  

But we do not need to do the demolitition ourselves. All we have to do is to stand there and give  Life permission to be the carpenter.  Let it tear the wall down  for us.

You can get out simply by letting everyday life take down the walls you hold around yourself.  You simply don't participate in supporting, maintaining, and defending your fortress.  

The light is always there we just cannot see it through the walls. We can let the walls come down!

All is well. 

Micahel Singer ( 2007) the untethered soul. New Harbinger/Noetic Books