Giving the "mine" away

 The meaning of life is to find your gift.  The purpose of life is to give it away. 

Pablo Picasso

"This isn't "my"  house. Heck this isn't "my" life.  It is just a house this form I call "me" pays a monthly mortgage for and lives in, and Life  just happens to  be expressing itself through this form, as it expresses itself thorugh all the forms around me.  There is no owndership...nor is there anything personal going on."

That is the mantra I keep reciting to myself as I deal with the present circumstances that I seem to be so egoically reacting to. I am not being very gentle or compassionate with this "little me" as I watch myself reacting, creating story and thought around why I am feeling so unhappy and unfulfilled with where this form is at right now. I am even watching myself collecting greivances. 

It isn't "mine".  

None of this that I am trying to protect is "mine." Yet I seem to be going around with a super sized label maker, mentally putting my name on the things around me, the things I do and on me...because people seem to forget that the "me" I think I am is even here. The ego is not liking the fact that "my" rights , "my" needs, "my" efforts, "my" time and "my" space are not being appreciated, respected or considered in the way it thinks it should be . 

I keep hearing Picasso's words in my head, "Give it away." 

Give it All Away

Heck these lives we call our own are not our own. They are meant to be given away, aren't they, for the greater good? 

The Life that makes us and flows through us, is all about giving. Even if it was mine, I am to give it away, right? We are to give away our special gifts...whatever we are here to do .  We are to give away our possessions, our love, our time.

So why am I drawing back behind imagined borders, trying to protect my title to this house,  the rights of this persona , and this body from the thoughts, deeds  and energy  of others? Why am I defending  and attacking for that which isn't important in the long run?

What is important and worthy of protection anyway?

It was easy, when we were egoic to defend and attack for that which we thought ws important. Protecting the idea of "little me" was all important and  anything that stepped on the  toes of it was worthy of our attack.  Right?

Things change as we begin to evolve.  The whole idea of "me, my and mine" loses its significance. So we may become confused as to what we should actually protect and what we should let go of.  The following are worthy of consideration:

What we are here to do?

Giving our special gifts or the fruits of our callings away  is why we are here. What I am here to do is important. And as crazy as it sounds to even me, writing and teaching  is what I am here to do.  I am more than  okay with giving that away....if anyone will take it that is. :)

Ownership of Material Things? Independence? 

Is maintaining ownership of or order in this house important?  Oh to ego it is...ego has been really slapped around over the last decade or so and has lost a lot of the things that redeemed it.  Being able to maintain independence in paying this mortgage on my own, and  keeping the house in "my" name was one of the last ego things I clung to.  I was clinging to that in fear of what I would become without it. 

Healing Space and the Right to Avoid Excessive Draining?

I also tell myself that I need a space to heal, nourish, nurture and replenish that which will allow me to give, and serve in. I need a place where I am  "fed", where I am not always giving and doing...if I can't be given to in this space...it is important that I least prevent myself from being drained farther. If I don't maintain  a comfortable and healng place to call mine ...will I still be able to do what I am here to do? So I cling to a corner that seems to be getting smaller and smaller and less and less "mine". Ego is getting more and more diminished which I know in the long run will be a good thing but for now it is sucking the energy out of me!! It seems to be hurting more tahn my ego. 

The Body

My body is important to protect.  Yes. But becasue I feel like I am being drained of precious energy in my attempt to meet the needs of others, especially when that effort is not actually helpful in the long run ( enabling) , appreciated, or respected, and I am not given the space or time to replenish myself...my body is getting sick. I know from my dream that I have time to reverse this.  Yet does that mean reclaiming this idea of what is "mine", when it it is just that ...an idea? I don't know.

Peace of Mind

That is the most important thing in my life and I feel it is very worthy of my protection. Maintaining peace of mind often involves, not only the internal soothing but external soothing as well. It may mean removing Self from negative and unhealthy energy drainers.  It means facing truth instead of denying and supressing painful truths and behaviours that may have hurt or has the potential to hurt others in the future.  (That is becoming the new norm here and in my exhaustion I am somehow allowing  it  so I can get through my days. Yet the truths are constantly whispering to me, interfering with my peace. ) Peace of mind  means...staying compassionate.  I am not as compassionate as I want to be...with others or myself.  In an attempt to prevent more draining, I  am sharp and prickly, rather than kind and peaceful. Yuck!

Human Rights

I mean, I was always big on preserving human rights and equality for all. Unfortunately, I am not so big on including myself in that mix. I have a tendency to deny my own needs and rights in giving to others.  I set an example for the people around me to do the same. When I notice others impinging on my rights, taking advantage,  taking and breaking  "my" things, dismissing my requests, treating me like a housemaid etc   I tell myself ..." well there is no "me, my or mine" anyway, is there? This is just an ego thing."  I step back and swallow my desire to be assertive. I end up surrounding myself with more and more of the  same circumstances again and again. I own that! 

Sigh.

I am going to figure this all out. 

 I share it as an example of what we individuals who are waking up  may ponder when we consider the need for change.  Not as easy as it used to be , is it,  when all we had to do was look out for number one?

All is well!