A spiritual being feels as though they are always against that edge [the walls/fence of the comfort zone], and they are constantly being pushed through it.
Michael Singer, pg 124
Wild Lexie!
I once had a dog named Lexie. Lexie was a wild dog in the sense that she was so full of Life her energy seemed uncontainable. She just wanted to be everywhere doing everything at once. She would run in all directions, literally chasing the wind. The boundaries of our yard meant absolutely nothing to her. The entire world, to her, was her home.
Fencing In With Fear
As a pet owner in a neighborhood where the neighbours were more than vocal about dogs being tied and restrained in their yards...I was in a conundrum. I, of course, also wanted to protect her from her tendency to just shoot across the road after whatever caught her fancy. I had already lost one dog to a moving vehichle. I didn't want to lose another. So I had to find a way to keep her in the yard.
My brother gave me an electric fence which created an invisible barrier around my property. I would put a collar on her and whenever she got close to the barrier she would get an uncomfortable zap. Positioned a short distsance from the barrier were little white flags that acted as visual cues and reminders that she was getting close to the zap. The purpose of the fence was to train the dog by creating enough fear of discomfort in her that she would choose to stay within the confines of the boundary.
Dogs would learn, it was proposed, to fear the zap and thus avoid going outside the fence. The fear, and the desire to avoid pain would, it was believed, even prevent the dog from going past the white flags ...that is...even close to the barriers. The fear of discomfort became the training tool, keeping the dog in a limited geopgraphical space...making them comfortable physically and psychologically only within a certain area and making them fear what was beyond it.
Sound like a comfort zone to you?
We, as humans, are almost trained in the same way, are we not? After a few loses and painful conflicts we become afraid of traffic and neighbours. So we build these invisible walls around ourselves. We create a small, safe and limited space to live ( at least in our minds). We limit where we can go for the sake of protection and safety. Fear motivates us to avoid getting too close to the edges of our comfort zones.
We have been zapped when we were close before...it wasn't pleasant...we do not want to get zapped again. So we learn to pay close attention to where the white flags are and we don't go past those. The white flags in our psyches are those inner feelings of beginning disturbance...anxiety, discomfort, a bit of unease, the fear of fear. They are usually enough to prevent us from getting close to the actual fence.
If for some reason we walk past these flags in our minds the feelings increase until we butt up against the edge and feel the intense zap of Life . We may panic and retreat back. We learn then to not only avoid the painful zap of Life outside our invisible walls, but the feelings that tell us we are getting close to those walls. Our worlds get smaller and smaller.
We stop thinking that we caged ourselves in and do whatever we can to make this place "homey". We stop caring about what is out there beyond our comfort zone. Fear keeps us away from that. We create a nice comfortable world within the barriers and tell ourselves this is where we want to be, safe and comfy inside.
The Electric Fence Did Not Work for Lexie
Hmm! The electric fence did not work for Lexie. She knew somehow that her home was far bigger and more spacious than the little yard we limited her to. She knew somehow that the world was an amazing place to run in and explore. She knew that she did not have to stay imprisoned by her fear. She gradually learned through testing that though it was uncomfortable, the zap she got ,would not kill her.
I watched her over the weeks we had her fenced in as she pushed past her need for comfort and gradually nudged her way past the white flags. I watched her as she worked her way closer and closer to the edge. I watched her as I clenched my teeth every time she got a zap and there were many, many zaps. I also watched as she continued to keep going close to that edge and how the distance she retreated back after each zap became shorter and shorter until one day she leaned right into the edge. She just stood there while she got zapped, enduring it, almost as if she was relaxing into it, before walking right through to the other side.
On the other side of her other imposed comfort/safety zone...there ws no more zapping, no more imprisonment, no more limitation. she found herself in this amazing, infinte space where she could run and play without limitation. She was free. And she freed herself the moment that she decided she wanted to get beyond the barrier.
Wanting to Go Beyond
We can do as Lexie did and decide that we want what is beyond this limited version of reality we created in our psyches. We can get beyond all that mental effort we have to put into keeping this place comfortable. We can get past our fear by walking right smack dab into it. Instead of retreating back when we get those uncomfortable feelings that tell us we are getting close to the edge of our comfort zone, we can do as Lexie did, and keep going. Then when the comfort turns to a full out "zap" we will know we are at the edge. We can do the opposite of what we trained ourselves to do when we feel pain...we can relax and lean into the wall. We will then fall right through!
A bit of discomfort, a momentary zap, is something we can all endure if it allows us to get past our own limitations, isn't it? Lexie knew that something amazing existed beyond her comfort zone, that the whole world was her home and she was a dog. Isn't it about time that we, as the so-called intelligent species... realized that too?
All is well in my world.
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