Nothing Gold Can Stay

 Nature's first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf's a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost Nothing Gold Can Stay

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/148652/nothing-gold-can-stay-5c095cc5ab67

Lovely day out there. The trees stretch up into the sky, allowing their day time garments to slip off them so easily as they prepare to settle in for a long winter's nap.  I mean...it isn't bed time yet! There is still colour,  lots of beautiful colour, if not on the tree branches, it is on the ground around those weathered trunks...There is still so much life there! 

I have mixed feelings as I look out at my pear trees from this window. Some are so bare, creating a sad silhouette against that grey silvery sky one expects in late Autumn...and others are still proudly holding out their bright orange and yellow limbs, absorbing every bit of light that comes through the cloud cover. I want to cry and I want to smile when I look out there.  What is up with that?

I have a mixture of different emotions in me...I guess...all there, right at the surface. And as I look in, without judgment, I see it is just emotion...It is an energy that has been strapulated (extrapulated lol...strapulated is not a word) from the layers and layers of story that once brought it to life and that also  fiercely kept  it  down below the surface. Without all that story, rationalization, mental interpretation, trapped emotion has made its way up out of hiding places and crawled into those spaces that prepare it for release. 

I feel sadness and the lingering fingers of grief resting up against the back of my eyes, waiting for the right moment to come through.  I feel confusion, tension, anger, laughter, joy, peace and a need for the utterance of kind, forgiving  words playing with the corners of my mouth. I feel my head coming forward, not so much in shame anymore, but in reverance for something I can not see or explain. It is like I am being touched by this Inviisble Something ...a light, soft, loving hand on the top of my  head, a kind parental gesture.  I assume it is meant to reassure me that it is all going to be okay...however it turns out...whatever happens to my leaves...whether I am stripped bare soon or I get to hold onto them for a little longer...it is all going to be okay.

There is a release of accumulate knots  and a healing going on inside of me.  This Invisible Something is going on ...inside all of us...if we dare to take a moment to accept the need for it, ask for it and allow it. 

I am accepting, asking and allowing.

All is well.