Life, the Teacher

 

Life itself is your teacher and you are in a state of constant learning.

Bruce Lee

My goodness...Life is one persistent and determined teacher. She doesn't get all rawled up in the classroom and run out saying, "I can't get this through to you!  I can't take it anymore!"  (I felt like doing that a few times in my own career, lol) 

Life: The Determined Teacher

She just calmly, wisely, and consistently keeps plopping the lessons down on the desk and waits for them to be mastered. She waits for us to "get it".  If we don't, or if we fail to complete them or go to her with "the dog ate my homework" excuses, she just gives us more of the same lessons and  if she feels we need it, she will give us  even more challenging ones. She doesn't say a thing, doesn't get harsh or mad in her tone or mannerisms...she just keeps plopping the lessons down, one after the other and waits, so patiently waits for us to learn.  

Well I can't even see over my desk now...the papers are piled so high. And I don't even know where or how to start getting through what I am supposed to get through...but...I can also trust in her kindness, her patience and her deep desire to help me too, can't I?

Another Challenging Lesson

I had another lesson plopped on my desk this morning.  We have  been waiting for an individual who desperately needed rehab as a life saving measure ( and I am not exaggerating here) to get into rehab. He had some issues with a bad high last week and has been staying with us until his admitting date which was supposed to be today.  He has been waiting for what seemed like a long time to get in.  Anyway, during that bad dose with meth, he also injected a strong ( often lethal) opiate...and did so without the most hygienic of measures and ended up with an injection abcess at the site...which turned out to be a full blown infection.  Being that he had two valve replacements last year for staph endocarditis ( a bacterial infection in the heart). ...he is indeed highly at risk.  It places him in the "medical patient" category and rehabs are often not equipped to handle medical patients. 

So we ( by we...I mean, him, his Dad and myself)  were left with the decision...an ethical dilemna so to speak: Do we drive him there anyway and not say anything (which would have been totally dishonest) and hope for the best medically ( he is on a strong antibiotic...but my guess he  could need IV antibiotics) or call and be up front, knowing that it will delay rehab. 

The question comes up...what is riskier...going without rehab and fatally overdosing on the drugs he has been using  or developing endocarditis or an osteomyelitis?   I did not want to be the one who made  or "strongly guided" the decision.  I am  just the "step" but this morning I "strongly guided' the call to rehab and as I thought it would be...he will not be going. Sigh!!!!

What has this got to do with me?

I want him in rehab for all kinds of reasons. Mostly because I want him well and alive but also for selfish reasons. I don't want to deal with this.  I don't like dealing  with the egos of others, as I mentioned before and dealing with  the"addicted  ego"  ...man is that tough! I don't feel well physically right now ...so it makes it  even tougher. ( Had another up all night with the abdominal thing last night). I seem to be soaking up the "darkness" that comes with this too...if that makes sense. There is a lot of "negativity". That triggers my ego.  So I am a mess. I don't always see the light. 

I want to be the light, I want to help, I want to give but the question arises...can I?  Do I have enough in my cup now? And being that this requires so much from me, will it deplete me to the point I cannot deal with the other big things in my life? 

What does Life want me to learn?

So I am trying to quickly figure out the lesson Life just handed me.  What does she want me to learn? 

I know I have been sucking up, rushing past and trodding over  the moments of the last few days to get to the moment of him being in rehab.  Maybe she wants me to learn to stay present and to accept what is as it is and when it is? Or to see beyond my petty needs to the needs of others? To see beyond ego and darkness  to the goodness and light? To prioritize caring for myself at a time I feel so pressured to care for others? To just learn to give it all up to God? To once and for all fall below surface reality to the safety and peace of what is really important...if I can do it here, I can do it anywhere? 

Man...I don't know.  My head is full, my heart is heavy but I have my hand up.  I will ask the teacher for some one on one remedial help. She will come to my desk, won't she? 

All is well!