The world is not external to you. Because you wrongly identify yourself with body, you see the world outside you and its suffering becomes apparent to you; but the world and its sufferings are not real. Seek the reality and get rid of this surreal feeling.
Ramana Maharshi
I feel a great deal of relief to see my daily readership down below twenty again. My writing has been negative. I do not want to pass on any darkness, only light...so the fewer that read this during this slump the better.
Negative
I am feeling heavy...like some big mass of negativity has attached its tenacious tenacles to me and is clinging for dear life. It is yucky and while it is there it has my focus. So it is hard to see the light around it. I am very authentic in my writing...so you get what's there. Right now what is there is not overly "inspiring" and this blog is, believe it or not, meant to inspire.
Inspiring eventually?
Can it be inspiring? In the long run...it may be...if the reader can see beyond the ego's long and dramatic tale of woe to where this is all pointing. I am writing about waking up and my experience of waking up, as is yours possibly, is taking place in daily life, on this plane of reality so many of us consider all there is. I am seeking as Maharashi did to turn inward and connect with all there is.
Unlike Maharshi, however, I am far from wise and a bit sloppy in my waking up. I am also not a renounciant of the world. I am very much in it.
Arunachala
My day to day circumstance and activity is my Arunachala. It is what I climb to seek the Ultimate Reality...to realize Self. It isn't a hill though...it often feels like a steep mountain strewn with one obstacle after another. Every time I hit a boulder on my path...I sigh heavily...recognize it, describe it with insignificant words and I plop a squat right in front of it. I meditate and concentrate from there. Sometimes the boulder moves and sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes...it seems so big and unsolvable, I just say "F... this!" and I retreat back down the hill. Sometimes I have the 'aha' realization about how this boulder is something "little me" has rolled there and recognizing that, it disappears...eventually. And there are times I don't have a clue why it is there or how to move it...so I find away over it or around it. And I continue to climb.
Suffering of Others
I have a lot of people suffering around me. I am so so aware of that suffering...I soak it up like a big sponge and feel so responsible for "fixing"it. When I can't, as in the situation I wrote about yesterday, I feel so helpless...so heavy...so far from the mountain peak. And yesterday, after a quite stressful month of crazy circumstances, I looked at the boulder and said "F... this". I ran back down the mountain as fast as my little legs would take me.
I wasn't there for this person. I closed down and it was so obvious to them, to me. I just couldn't give. I even resented giving.
Keep Climbing!
Hmm! I am making my way back up again though. That is the inspiring part, maybe. I haven't given up on my mission ...my mission to become Self realized and my mission to be fully open for others. I am walking towards the boulder, knowing that...it isn't mine to move; knowing that I need help in accepting and allowing and believing that the other has the power 9with God's Grace) to move this boulder for themself. I can stay open. I can love and support. I can be there...but it isn't mine to move.
While they figure out how to move it (again with God's Grace and plan for them)...I can walk around it and continue my climb. I will do much more service to this person and the world at large, the higher up this mountain I can get.
So please if you are going to take anything from my ramblings ...please take that you need to keep climbing, no matter what is happening around you. Keep climbing!
The power that created you created the world as well. If God created the world it is His business to look after it, not yours.
Maharashi (page 55)
All is well!
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