Failing to Appreciate

 

The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

Dalai Lama https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/appreciation-quotes

Sometimes I read my entries and see how bruised up I am  because of past health seekinge experiences and how in my hurt, I want to blame something or someone. I clump every part of a system together into a big ball of "enemy".  I look at the "whole" system  as faulted, defective, and uncaring.  It isn't fair and it isn't true.  

Though there definitely have been some whose ego needs and assumption got in the way, and there were those who were too busy and too distracted from things in their own life to see clearly beyond these passed on assumptions,  there were others who did their best to help and support me.  I have recived a lot of help and kindness from my GP and I have recieved help and good intention  from  some ER and clinic staff.  There were also some specialists who made a real  effort to help despite how busy and overwhemned they were in their practices. There are many who are truly in this for the well being of others.  To all of them, I say "Thank you"!

When I am on a mental rampage , seeking to justify my need to collect grievances, I neglect to think about or open up to the  positive part of this experience, to remember and relay apreciation for the help I did and do recieve. I neglect to see the "goodness" in others.   Such "suffering"...the mind's  reaction to painful experience...is  an "unskillful" and unhelpful way to approach life.  It leads to a "closing down"   for me or the others involved. It causes more unnecessaty pain.

Even in those individuals I clearly see active egos in  that  can blind them to the needs of others, there is goodness.  There is goodness in all at deepest   level.  I need to remind myself to look  beyond ego, mind, personality, role, behaviours and their consequences.  There can't be anything but good. My "closing up" leaves the world "unconscious" rather than moving forward.

So I get angry.  I get fearful.  I collect grievances.  I make judgements and close down...probably in this situation, more than any other in my life. That may be why Life keeps handing me situations that bring this issue up. It is time for me to learn.  I do not have to fight to be heard in this system.  I have to simply  "not close". Contemplating the appreciation I feel for those that  try will help to keep me open. 

This is what it is and it is all good.

Hmmm! All is well.