He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move. Nothing will be impossible to you."
Matthew 17:20 (NIV) https://biblehub.com/matthew/17-20.htm
Not sure what to write about this morning. I sit here looking out the window of my office as the wind blows the branches of the big trees this way and that...what strength and power there is in something we can't even see! Aha...The strength and power in that which we can't percieve with our five senses. That's a good topic to write about.
Waking Up to Truth
I have been waking with that very "real", very "intense" if not "urgent" feeling in my underarm. Last night...when I expereinced it...I just knew it was sooo real. Over the course of the last few weeks, once my "waiting period of denying and ignoring everything to keep my sanity" was over ...I have been open to hearing my body's attempts at communicationg with me. I have been waking up knowing that what it wanted me to pay attention to was real. In those moments of complete unobstructed awareness that come with the sacred hours , if we are fortunate to awaken in them, there is only truth. Throughout the waking hours of the day that followed, however, I found myself diminishing its reality or significance. It went from a " This is truly something whether it is known by others or not!"...to a "Well maybe it is just this or just that" and finally, "Gosh it is nothing and once again I am creating something when there is nothing there."
But at night...when I wake up from a deep sleep...I hear it. I come from a point where I am not thinking about it, not dwelling on it...therefore I am not manifesting it...I just feel it so intently. Last night I knew I couldn't deny it any longer. I won't ignore this. I won't beleive when others call it something it isn't either. Sigh!
Is this what I wanted to write about?
No! It just came out lol. Maybe it has something to do with my topic choice. I guess I want to talk about faith in the unseen that has the power to move mountains even if it comes in a form as tiny as a mustard seed. I want to write about that ...I do. I believe it is there so close...for all of us. I am walking towards it....( I use the getting somewhere thing again even though I know it isn't about getting somewhere but more a falling into what is) but there is this big dark boulder in front of me again. It didn't just show up as a random occurence of nature, either.
Faith Beyond the Boulder
I rolled this boulder over onto my path with my reaction to the end of the waiting period, that added to the other serious family situations I was dealing with . Everything got dark, light got obscured because something was in my way again and it was in my way because I put it there. It is like when the six months plus was over ...I woke up from hibernation, walked over to where it was hid behind a bunch of trees and I rolled it back onto my path. Why? Why would I do that?
It was almost like that is what I was supposed to do. Old habits die hard, don't they? Like many people do, I have these dark limiting beliefs attached to my very core and it is these beliefs that led me to put the boulder in front of me, as yet another obstacle to get through. It isn't life doing anything...no matter how over zealous it seems to be in providing learning opportunities for me, for us...it is the unconsconcious attachment to the familar beliefs that leads us onto these obstacle strewn paths in our minds and in our lives. ... leaving me standing a distance from the faith I want and deseprately need at this time.
Faithless
When we feel like we are standing away from this faith that moves mountains...we are usually just stuck in our minds, in our stories, our fear. This is what being faithless is maybe. When we are in this deep dark forest of thought, limiting belief and reactivity...we do not see the truth that is and always will be "right there". We do not see what is. (When I say "see" I mean ...true seeing that has nothing to do with the eyes) We lose , for example, touch with the body's experience of the world, the unseen. Do you know what your body is expereincing right now in this moment? Do you "feel" it or is it like you are "thinking" about what your body is doing here and now? Thought and limiting belief take us into a story about life rather than the expereince of living through the body right here right now.
The belief in unworthiness that so many cling to; the belief that we are seperate and alone, at the mercy of a big, bad unpredictable world that has been ingrained in most of us...is the source of my boulder rolling habit. Pathetic, I know but I also know that I am not alone in my tendency to roll boulders onto my path. Most of us do it. We focus on the boulder and we do not "feel" life. We are numb to it. We therefore do not recognize our capacity for faith.
What will Faith do?
I don't know if faith will make this thing I have under my arm validated, treated and go away but it will bring me remarkable peace wouldn't it? If we could just fall back into faith like a performer falls from the stage into a sea of arms, knowing we will be carried somewhere...even if we do not know where...wow! There would be no need for reactivity, story, or fear. There wouldn't be the constant pressure of trying to fix, struggle agianst, "do" something about it. We would just trust it was all being taken care of in the way that is best for all. We would expereince the sweet release and relief of letting go. The mountain of our resistance to what is , is what gets moved with faith.
Belief -less Awareness is Faith
When I awake before this belief has a chance to do what it does...when there is just me and the moment and the body...I feel the "what is" of my body and my life. There is no boulder between me and it therefore what I am expereincing at that moment isn't generated by thought, story, worry or fear. It simply is what it is...my body talking to me, telling me there is something in it that needs release. Maybe it is this beleif it wants gone. Who knows?.
In that moment I can do two things...roll the boulder over onto my path or I can simply be with "what is". Being with "what is" is where the truth is...falling back into that truth is faith, the faith that moves mountains. That which moves the mountain...like the wind...can not be seen...only experienced.
Hmmm! That is enough rambling for one day.
All is well.
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