Teaching to Learn/Learning to Teach

The one exclusive sign of thorough knowledge is the power of teaching.
-Aristotle (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/teacher)


Sigh!  Am I getting anywhere closer to helping others and myself understand this thing called Self? Am I getting any closer to peace and Truth? Or am I just spitting out and regurgitating a bunch of words I can't even swallow, let alone digest, out onto the page?

Sometimes I soooo get it!!!! I feel it in every inch of me and other times I look around and think "WTF(front door)!"  It is like I am waking up to find myself in some  advanced calculus class trying to explain some equation to the person next to me.  (If you knew how I struggled in basic math...you would see the symbolic reference of that example lol).  Who am I to attempt to teach someone else when I may not know?

Stuck in the Classroom.

 My peer is not giving me any indication what so ever if I am helping or just making it worse for them.  They are just staring blankly at me as I go on and on.  I am sure there are others behind me pointing fingers or snickering at my attempts. Who do I think I am?  I feel my face flush. I want to scrunch down real small and crawl out the door before anyone notices.  But when I try to get up, I can't.  It is like I am stuck in this seat, in this class doing what I am doing.

I can't see or hear one  teacher clearly...too many are coming in and out.  I need to  depend heavily on independent research to understand.  And though I hear everything they are saying, comprehend everything I am reading...feel it even, have I a right to explain it to someone else?  Why do I feel I need to do that?   Why?

Teaching to Learn/Learning to Teach

So that I understand?  Yes I teach so I learn.  I have always learned best that way. I do want to learn.  I also know that if buddy next to me learns...I learn.  We need to do this together.

Yet there is more to it.  I am compelled to teach for some reason I cannot even understand.  It is as if all the things I have done, all my experiences so far have led me here.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

Beyond the ego

I am not saying I want to be here teaching what I am teaching without any of the perks I used to get teaching: pay, some recognition and praise.  Now there is no stroking of the ego.

This is not at all what my ego prepped me to be doing in my fifth decade of life but here is where I am.  So what choice do I have. I better straighten up and listen harder.  I better keep my nose in the books so that I really get to know this stuff inside and out.  I better keep my eyes, ears, mind and heart open. Because whether  the dude next to me learns or not, I don't think I have any choice but to keep teaching, or keep explaining the little bit I am learning.   It is what it is!

What am I teaching anyway? About Self?  It is my job, everyone's job,  to teach who we really are?

My Self is beyond all the thoughts of holiness of which I now conceive.  Its shimmering and perfect purity is far more brilliant than is any light that I have ever looked upon.  It's love is limitless, with an intensity that holds all things within it, in the calm of quiet certainty.  It's strength comes not from burning impulses which move this world, but from the Boundless Love of God Himself.
-ACIM-W-252:1:1-4


All is well in my world.