Mad Man's Dream?

Not everyone is capable of madness; and of those lucky enough to be capable, few have the courage for it.
-August Strindberg (Early 20th century Swedish playwright) (a-Z quotes)


Yah!  It is all so crazy

Every now and again...I get this overwhelming realization about just how different I am from other people...and it floors me.  I see where I am at , at this point of my life, sometimes with the vision of an awakening person ...and that is pretty cool.  I feel inspired, creative, unique and motivated. 



Other times I see my reflection and my life situation through the eyes of a 55 year old woman who has been conditioned to believe her entire life to date that being a productive member of society and following all 'the rules' is the right thing to do...therefore I am either crazy or totally in the wrong.  I am not sure which. 

Over the last couple of days I have been seeing myself with these blurry appendages on my face and not feeling oh so happy with what I am seeing and where I am at. I am allowing myself to fall victim to other-opinion (both assumed and real.:))  The world looks pretty dark and a tad fearful...especially when I look into my bank accounts lol.  I slip so quickly into this mental state and question: Which world is real?  The one I see in physical form or the one, Something tells me, exists beyond the seen and heard. So few people seem to think the way I do...to question ingrained beliefs,  to step aside and leave everything behind. Maybe, I am just crazier than a bag of hammers? 

I could probably get more than a few people to attest to that:) .  If I am not crazy, maybe I am just wrong in my thinking and decision making?

I doubt sometimes...and the rare occasion I want to go back to the world where I worked to earn money and pushed my body and mind beyond what was comfortable to do this.  I want to go back into the school of guppies and see if I can find a way to make my fins and gills keep up,  Why?  Because sometimes I think it would be easier than awakening.

Man, how many people actually believe or even consider the idea of 'awakening' without rolling their eyes or having judgmental and critical thoughts? Why the heck am I suddenly here on the other side of that judgment and feeling...knowing...that I couldn't go back even if I wanted to?  It is just so bizarre   I, my ego, is reacting to this change in thinking, feeling, being and  it is wagging a finger at me saying, "How could you do this to me?" Ego is what is generating the doubt. It does not like where I am going.

Regardless if ego likes it or not, if others like it or not or of society and the world at large like it or not...  I am going in this direction.  I feel a certain Truth calling me and I have no choice but to follow. I am determined to see in a different way.

I would not perceive such dark and fearful images.  A madman's dream is hardly fit to be my choice, instead of all the loveliness with which You blessed creation; all its purity, its joy and its eternal, quiet home in You. -ACIM-W-263:2:3-4

What do you see as the madman's dream: one possibly created by ego or one created by God?

All is well in my world

It is what it is!