Say "No" to Reactivity

Always say "Yes" to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane than to create inner resistance to what already is? What could be more insane than to oppose Life itself, which is now and always now.  Surrender  to what is. Say "yes" to Life- and see how Life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.
-Eckhart Tolle (https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/4493.Eckhart_Tolle)


Say 'No' to  Reactivity

So how do we know that we are reacting to life events ?

Well if you find that you are spending most of your time 'thinking' about your life situations than you are probably reacting.  Most of our reactions are mental. Of those 60,000 thoughts, we are said to have a day, 80 percent of them are related to what has happened and what we anticipate will happen in our lives. We are 'reacting' to life event when we think the same tired thoughts over and over again and we are  making these life events so much 'worse' than they actually are in most cases.

Do you find yourself needing to move, fix, solve and do?  If you find that sitting quietly in a room alone is next to impossible...than you are likely reacting.

If you find yourself complaining about others or life events internally or externally...you are reacting rather than responding. Complaining is a sign that we are resisting life as it is and reaction is all about not being willing or able to settle into our moment, accepting it as it is. If there are any "No!  This should not be happening!" or "This is not fair , I won't accept it!" in your vocabulary than you are indeed reacting

If you find yourself unbalanced skipping from one emotion to the next, you are reacting. Do you find your happiness and peace  is dependent on just the right thing happening in the way you expect it should?   Are you angry one second because someone is not doing what you ask and think they should, and relieved the next when they do?  Are you happy about something positive that might happen and sad when it doesn't happen? If so, you are reacting.

Are you fighting against anything or anyone ?  Putting effort and struggle into making a stand against those people and conditions  of the world that are 'unfair,' 'wrong,' and 'unjust."?  I f so you are reacting.

If you are judging anything to be 'unfair", unacceptable," "shouldn't be'...or even   'right' than you are reacting.

Are you a victim of the clock? Are you constantly dwelling and talking about the past as a rationalizing and explanation?  Or are you filling your minds and speech with "Whens" and "ifs" that belong to a future time that will only be the 'now' when it arrives? If so you are reacting.

If you are also filling your speech and mind with "I" and "me" and identification with story...than you are reacting to the events of a story you are partially creating.

Can you sit quietly through any experience with the same calm expression on your face?  If you can't you are reacting.

Hmmm! Are you reacting?

So if we are finding that our response to life's offerings is one of mental, emotional and behavioral reactivity, what do we do?

The way to deal with reactivity I believe involves the following steps:

1. Be aware of your own reactivity.  Don't beat yourself up over it just be aware of it. Look for it when things are not going your way and even when they are. See it in yourself. Ask yourself: How am I feeling physically and emotionally right now? What is my mind telling me that is leading to this emotion? Where does this thought or belief come from: ego or my higher self? Just be alert.  As long as you are aware of it; as long as you are seeing it...than you are not getting lost in the crazy notion that you are it.
2. Get out of your head and into your physical body: Breathe!  Take those nice slow breaths or at least be aware of the breath going in and going out.  This will soothe the mind and reconnect you with the body you are in.  It will take your focus from your mind to the body. 
3. Use your five senses to connect you with the here and now: You have to get out of your head and back into the moment.  Most reactivity is a result of resisting the moment. ...of making an enemy out of the here and now. A lot of times we run from the present moment into our mental activity.  We hide in that head of ours so we do not experience the 'unpleasantness' of the moment.  We lose touch with our bodies and the world around us.  Get back in your body and work from there. Become aware of your surroundings.  what do you see/  What do you hear, smell or taste? What does it feel like?
4. Detach from the life event, person or circumstance:  All we need to do this is to dis-identify with it.  See it as something that is happening around you or even to you but it isn't you.  Make the distinction between life circumstance and Life; your reaction and you.  As long as you are aware of your reactivity you are detaching from it.
5. From here...accept the present moment which will mean accepting where you are, the person in front of you, the situation (whatever it may be), the way your  body and mind is feeling.  Just say yes! to it.  Stop resisting...surrender and let go. Tell yourself "It is what it is, and it's okay."  And it is okay...no matter what is happening...it is okay.  No matter what the other person may be saying or doing...it is okay. Once you remove reactivity , the circumstance becomes just that...circumstance. There is a simplicity to it and there is a temporary nature to it that the ego doesn't want you to see.  Like all things of this physical world, "It too shall pass!".  What you are feeling and experiencing will pass as well.  It's okay.
6. Allow everything to be as it is!
7. Become aware of your awareness.  Feel the is-ness of you that has been hiding  beneath your reactivity. this Is-ness is calm, serene existing in space and silence...it is not one tiny bit disturbed by what is happening to you or around you. Just feel it and know it is there.
8. Now ask It: What can I do here, if anything to improve the situation in a way that will not hurt me or others and that will involve a higher Will?
9. Listen and take part in the inspired action or inaction as you are guided.
10. Respond to Life instead of reacting to life situation.  

All is well.