Do not judge by appearances, a rich heart may be under a poor coat.
Scottish proverb


I laugh at that one in one way.  Do not judge me by the clothes I wear please...lol...I may be wearing a poor looking, and almost furry, coat of clothing but I have a rich heart. :) Of course, I have so much more material abundance  than many...so much more.  I am able to pay my mortgage with the income I make.  I might not be able to pay anything else lol...but I can pay the mortgage.  I have the blessing of D. here, helping out, as well.  So I am blessed.

There are people...countries of people who have so much less.  I am overwhelmed by the surprises I find in those countries...I am remembering my trip to Mexico again.  I was surprised to find out what the average income was for the people who lived there.  I was surprised by the begging that took place and the housekeeper's reaction when I gave her a twenty dollar tip....she nearly flew through the roof.  I was most surprised, however, by the happiness I seen radiating from the people...a pure authentic joy and a zest for life, independent of what one owns or does, that I do not always see in the eyes of the people here.  I could not help but shoot these people  ( lol...with my camera). 

I was fascinated by a family that came to the beach one day when we were there.  One could tell they didn't have much but that trip to the beach together was like a million dollars to the children.  There was so much obvious love, excitement  and joy on their faces.  While my kids were complaining about the heat, wanting money to get French fries and water, massages and sunglasses...I put my attention on this little family and I shot, frame after frame after frame( Man I realize now I could have been pegged for a pedophile or something.) Then, when the next day we went by bus to Coba... en route, I got a glimpse of the real Mexico and I was fascinated by the hardworking and happy people I saw...so I shot from the bus as we drove through those areas. 

Not great shots but I felt  they captured the joy of simply being alive.  I realized these people are not poor...far from it...they are rich in ways that matter most....in ways that my "entitled" country men and myself could learn from.

All is well in my world.

 

 

The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.
Aristotle

A true artist doesn't just create their work of art...they are it. The piece created is ultimately just an extension and expression of who they are.

We are art

We are all art...masterpieces created by the most genius of strokes on the most perfect of canvases. Everything around us, is a part of that creation...all coming from the same palette and the Mind of the same Master. What types of colours are used, how the paint brush hits the canvas or what shape is made is not significant.  How we look on the outside doesn't matter. What form we breathe through is not important.  Outward appearance has nothing to do with true art. 

What is significant ...is what we are on the inside...magnificent divine creation. We are of the energy of That which held the brush and made the stroke.  We are of That.  We are That. In this art show, we are all masterpieces and all living, breathing expressions of the Master. 

How we see ourselves as less than

That's hard for many of us to believe.  We have these limiting and self deprecating beliefs stamped into our subconscious...that make us cringe at the idea of saying out loud that we are  more than these limited bodies; more than incidental splotches of paint on an otherwise perfect canvas. 

Many of us were brought up to believe it was blasphemous, arrogant and sinful  to say we are God-like masterpieces of Divine beauty. We were brought up to believe we were defective, sinful, unworthy results of creation...definitely not part of the same energy that did the creating.  We were basically "ugly" on the inside. 

Painting over what is already perfect

In order to compensate for that inner insignificance many of us feel we must create an outward appearance that is pleasing...through attention to our physical looks, what we own, what job we do, and how we are recognized by others.  We tell ourselves...we will never be worthy; always be sinful, defective and limited but maybe we will create the illusion of being enough.

We start painting over a perfect Masterpiece creating our own version of art.  But it isn't art!. When we put more attention on outward appearances we dim the inward significance of the creation.  Not from the Master...He will always know what He created...but from ourselves and each other.  We stop seeing the Masterpiece for what it is.  We stop seeing the inward significance of the art.

Would you paint over the Mona Lisa?

Imagine visiting the Louvre in Paris and going over to Leonardo Da Vinci's, Mona Lisa. 

You will likely hear the true art scholars and critiques going on about how it isn't the outward appearance of this woman that makes this piece so beautiful...but something mysterious and spell binding inside her is radiating out. Da Vinci captured the inward significance of his subject.  It is that inner radiance, not the outward appearance,  that makes this portrait a work of art. Few people can describe what that something is.  It is a mystery.

Now pull out your own palette of colours and focus only on the outward appearance...fix the mess Da Vinci made...Do something about those chubby cheeks, that hairline, that awful dress.  What the heck is going on with her mouth...fix that! And those eyes that seem to follow you wherever you go...paint those shut.  Change the colour scheme of what is going on around that ugly woman.  Make it trendy and hip!

There...step back, take a deep breath and see what you have done. Did you make it better?  Do you get the same feeling when you look at it?  Was all that effort worth it?  Did you get what you needed by trying to fix a masterpiece? Well you are finally going to get recognition ...let me tell ya...and it won't be for making something better!

Don't Paint over it

Don't paint over what is already perfect. Of course, in literal terms I am not suggesting that you do not wear make-up and avoid dressing well. Nor am I telling you not to  enjoy a great job,  material abundance or recognition  if it should come your way. If those things make you feel "good" or "better" by all means go for it. 

It is the "feeling good" and the "better" which has inward significance...Joy, I believe,  was the intention of the stroke. ( I see, BTW, a certain reserved joy and confidence in who she is in Mona Lisa's expression...just ready to explode outward).

But if your attention to outward appearance is based on a need to hide who you really are on the inside...please stop.  Stop running away from that inner self...turn around, go inward beyond your unhealthy beliefs, take a good look at just how beautiful  and God-like you really are.

 Look at others in the same way. Get past the physical appearance, the "things' they are surrounded by or lacking, what they do and how they are recognized by society and see who they really are...perfect, beautiful extensions and expressions of a Master Creator.  They are also reflections of you. 

All is well in my world.

Be independent of the need for the good opinion of other people.
Abraham Maslow

Be Independent of...

I love this quote...I made it a part of my daily  mantra a long time ago.   What about you? Are you more externally validated or internally validated?  Whose standards to you live your life by...your own or everyone else's?

Growing Beyond the Need for External Validation

I do my best to live by my own but it isn't always easy. I must say though...I am getting better at it.  At one point in my life I was very dependent on external validation.  I was more concerned about people liking me then I was about liking them.  If someone did not like me, rejected me, neglected me  or criticized me, I would be devastated and do my best to prove them wrong...to turn the tables so they accepted me.  I wanted to fit in...so I conformed as much as I could and avoided  "standing out" and "speaking up." I cared very, very much about how I appeared.

As I grow up and away from my need for the good opinion of others (and it is a slow process) I find I care less about other opinion of me.  I do not want to conform and care little if I fit in.  In fact,  I feel myself pulling away from society a little bit. I don't want to fit in.

I don't like people lol

I am noticing there is a lot of people I don't like out there.  Well...let's focus on behaviour...there is a lot of behaviour I don't like out there.  :) 

I was at one time willing to ignore behaviour in my quest to please.  I was more concerned about these individuals liking me than I was about liking them.  Those tables have turned. Though I tolerate behaviour that I do not like...I do not accept it in my life so easily anymore.  It is much easier to speak my mind and  walk away or simply avoid people I consider to be toxic to my well being (or just plain annoying).

I have no intentions of hurting these people...I just do not want to be surrounded by behaviour and attitude that brings me down in anyway.  I am also standing out more and more and speaking up about what I believe in, despite what others may think of me because of it. 

What is more important than other opinion

What is more important to me now...is what I believe; what I feel; what I think.  I have a sense of morals and values I go by and I do not need sanctioning from others. I do not feel the need to conform to society's standards anymore and am constantly questioning those standards.  I choose the ones that feel right and leave the others behind. I do not need to look good by someone else's standards or put a cent into outside appearance, either.

I have not worn any make up in about ten years with the exception of lipstick maybe at a wedding or something.  I literally have not had a professional haircut in over two years.  I have given away over 60 % of my clothing in January...so God knows what I am covering my body with these days.    I have no desire to impress on the level of appearances. 

Am I there then?

No...absolutely not but I am getting there. I still get embarrassed some times...when I find myself standing next to some one dressed to the nines and I look down to see my only pair of black pants covered in dog fur....but that is becoming the norm...so I am getting used to that too.  :)

I also still react to criticism, exclusion and rejection...perceived or real...especially at work...but it doesn't knock me over like it used to.  It is like a sting I draw back from and I shake it off and keep going.  (I had a lot of rejections or exclusions from editors and agents over the last couple of years and it has toughened me up!  lol). 

I am still very embarrassed about the state of my home and that has a lot to do with social standard and other opinion ( as well as not feeling personally comfortable in it and feeling I am responsible).

I still feel great shame for my situation with health and my limited work hours.  I don't like to speak out about those things at all except to the people directly involved. 

I have no problem admitting to my poverty ( if one would call it that...I find that word hard on my tongue...because I do not believe any of us are poor...but according to the standards of others...my bank account numbers and my debt could be deemed socially as poverty...but I am not poor!).  Let's just say I have no problem saying "I can't afford that right now." "I have debt" or "I might go bankrupt or lose the house " but I do have a problem saying:  "...because I am only working a few hours a week.  I am not well enough to work more."   These things make me uncomfortable partly because of what others may think, and  that triggers what I personally think about my health situation. I still haven't accepted it completely.

This Blog

 Then there is this blog...which is a testament to my growth as well as my need to grow more.  I would never have been able to write so openly about these topics a few years back.  Though I was so excited and thrilled by what I was learning and wanted to share,  I would have been too afraid of offending others and being rejected for my views. Even now when I write...I do not publicize my blog...tell few people about it.  I don't put it out there for my social media friends to click into which would make my readership grow if only because of curiosity...

I am still not ready for that much standing out yet. Few people even know I write.  Attachment to good opinion is still evident here to some extent. At the same time, having limited readership bothers me because it means I am not doing what writers are meant to do...connect...but it is safe.  I don't risk criticism and rejection which I honestly believe I could handle.  So why am I not putting this out there more?

I didn't like seeing the "No" in "No comments...It seemed to add negative to a very positive experience for me. It left me feeling invisible and devalued maybe...so I took it upon myself to change it.  I am committed to writing a comment on each of my blog entries everyday...partly to remove the negative from this experience ( No is a negative) and partly to stroke my ego. 

Not quite There Yet...

Yeah I still have a need from time to time to stroke the old ego which is, of course,  completely dependent on the good opinion of others.  Yuck!  I don't like when I catch myself feeding my ego's need for external valdiation but I still do. So I definitely still have some growing to do in this area but I am getting there.  I really am. 

It is very, very freeing to leave behind the need for other opinion...very freeing.  I wish that for everyone. 

So where are you on this?   

I hope you too are finding the freedom...if only in a small amount at a time ...that comes with being independent of the good opinion of others.

All is well in my world!

Your highest self only wants you to be at peace.
Wayne Dyer ( from Manifest Your Destiny (Harper; 1997))

The Learning Platform of Life

I still think about my honest expressions the other day and I wonder if they were done with the greatest intentions.  Everything to me is a learning platform...every choice I make; every response I have to something outside of me; everything I think...say...or do...is worthy of contemplation, examination and evaluation in order to determine  if it is getting me closer or further away from where I want to be. 

How do we know we are getting to where we want to be?

That takes me to the major way of knowing if we are getting there....to where we are headed...the emotional meter.  How does what we think, do, take in or send out there make us feel?  That is the biggest question to ask ourselves. 

Knowing that the highest self within us, that part that comes from God , wants us to feel peace...we can be more specific in our questioning or contemplation of our actions. :

• Did what I say or do bring peace to me and/or  potentially to others in the sense of valuable life change?  
• Did I feel relief beyond the ego? 
• Did I go beyond the need for the good opinion of others and my need to be right when I proceeded?  
• Does it feel like this action took me a little closer to where I was heading?

If the answer is yes...breathe in deeply the relief of knowing you are heading in the best direction for you and others. You can relax in the flow trusting even more that internal guidance system that led you to make those action choices. 

The Peace Questions

If you said no to any of the above...then know that you are not there yet. You are still guided by ego's wishes and demands.  You have some more learning and practicing to do.  Be sure to take the time to stop and ask this question before you act again: 

"Is what I am about to say or do going to bring me peace and am I considering the highest good or is ego just looking for recognition, revenge, and/or to be proven right? Do I feel peace thinking about doing this and do I anticipate peace as the outcome?"

If peace is the feeling you are experiencing than your highest self is directing.   Let the highest self guide you in your actions, not ego.

I asked myself that question prior to my honest expressions yesterday and I felt compelled to proceed.  I also asked the above questions after I said what I felt needed to be said.  Though I hate the thought of offending anyone or addressing the negative behaviour of others...doing what I did, saying what I said brought peace to me.

 I am fully aware that my ego is still in need of some major deflating and it does gain a certain strength from my being the person who is "right" in a situation...some of that came into play in both cases. I have to work on that.  Still I felt relief beyond the ego...like I was clearing paths and the actions were taking me a little closer to my goals.  I was thinking of the higher good...beyond my own self serving and narrow minded goals.

So I can breathe in deeply  and let the relief guide me. I feel the peace my highest self wants me to feel. I still have learning to do but I am definitely getting there.

All is well.

Memories of Mexico

 

 

 

One of the greatest material  gifts I received was from sister and her family.  She took my kids and I  on  a trip to Mexico  two or three  years ago .  It was an amazing experience.  I still remember the feel of the sun and the breeze on my face.  :) I intend to pay her back in full...some day.  I do not think she is holding her breath though :)

 

All is well.

Un-ease and Dis-ease

By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
Christopher Columbus

I sit here on this sunny Saturday morning, with a list beside me of things I want to write about.  There are so many things.  How do I tie them in together?  I do not know.  We will see how it goes.  I just  trust the flow when I come here.  I  let the words, thoughts, ideas come out.  I but breathe, I guess.

Un-ease and Dis-ease

As I have written in the last couple of entries, I am feeling  the effects of "unease"...and "dis-ease."  In other words...I am not yet experiencing the ease I long for.  And the question is why? 

I  know, in a sense,  what my life purpose is now...I am to learn and to teach (in some way...I don't know the hows)  that the only thing preventing us from becoming all that we can be is our thinking.  I have been doing the research work, gaining the knowledge, attempting to apply what I am learning...I can see now the direction, if not the specifics of where to go.

Yet ...I am still not feeling the ease in flow toward that purpose.  I mean...I feel great when I think about it...it  seems like a natural course of action and being for me...but ...just as I am learning something new or revisiting an important part of that learning...I am zapped, it seems, with negative contrast to deal with.  I find myself rolling down the hill into unease, disease and negativity. 

Resistance

Yuk!  I am obviously resisting this purpose for some reason and my resistance is leading to this "uneasy" feeling and the resurfacing of bodily symptoms.  I am resisting the very thing that feels so natural and good to me.  I am flowing upstream away from it.  Does that makes sense?

I see the effects of this resistance.  As I wrote on January 21st...resistance equates to crankiness in me. I have less patience for the things that are occurring around me...probably because I see how they interfere with my flow.  If I have things in my life that are counterproductive to me getting to where I want to be...I recognize and resist  them more  than I have ever did. 

An aha moment

Oh my goodness!  I am having an aha moment right here!  I am not resisting the flow toward what I want to do in life...I am resisting the rocks and eddies along the way that could slow me down or  prevent me from getting there.  I know, in some deep level of my being, if I  get stuck in an eddy ...I have to pole my way out of it....that's going to slow me down. I am either poling my way out of these reverse currents now or doing what I can to prevent getting stuck in one. That's why I feel stuck at times. 

If I  see a rock,  I feel this subconscious pull in the form of discomfort to make me aware enough so I get around it.  I am just so much more aware at some level, I cannot even understand, of these things that will interfere with me getting there.  It is not that I am focusing on these negative things and drawing them into my experience...it is that I have gone  a bit too far in my desire not to focus on them ...that I have become blind to them. 

My body is telling me that they are still there...there are always going to be bumps along the road...that's okay...I just need to be aware of them on a primal level so I don't hit them at the speed I am going.  This bodily and emotional unease I feel right now...is not working against me...it is working for me.

Heading Downstream

Oh I am heading downstream alright...and I am going  at quite a clip ...some inner voice is telling me if I hit a rock now ...it isn't going to be pleasant.  So my inner sense is allowing me this in tune perception to see what might pop up in front of me before I hit it ...it is getting me physically and emotionally  ready to do what needs to be done to avoid these situations...thus the tension in my body, the extra fatigue and the extra cardiac symptoms. These internal warning bells go off  when I get close to something that could impede my journey on an emotional or physical level. Wow! 

The Freedom of Honesty

Just yesterday I was inspired to do two things...to open up and be honest with others about certain things that I felt were adding to this experience of tension described above.  I really hesitated both times because I feared my desire to confront or express was based on my crankiness, and that it was my crankiness causing me to over react to these situations...I wanted the honesty to come from a "good" place, you know,  but I feared  the individuals I spoke to or about might  just  be victims to my need to "feel better" in an unhealthy way (displacement or something).  Anyway...the opportunities presented themselves to speak openly and honestly...my gut said go for it... so I did. 

Though I felt bad for tears (genuine or not, I will never know) and for speaking about someone else behind their back as I felt the need to do in the first scenario... I felt this tremendous, tremendous sense of relief both times. That sense of relief that comes with honest expression and a realization of a flow that is taking you someplace better...tells me that I did what had to be done.  I did as I was directed to do by that wise little being within me.  :)  Any consequences for those two actions I own and I take full responsibility for.  But I know it was the right thing to do. 

Serendipity

Just last evening, we were sitting in a Chinese restaurant, and I was thinking about my confrontations earlier  that day... I was feeling a tad bit doubtful and guilty about both.  I was handed a fortune cookie...and do you know what that fortune cookie said?  Get this.   "To speak honestly is a noble thing." How is that for the universe validating one's choices?

The Obstacles are there but I can get around them

My tension...my resistance does not come from me avoiding my goal to learn and teach all I can in whatever way I can about how powerful we are...but from my inner wisdom simply warning and preparing  me to get around the obstacles that may be in my way. I do not need to convince myself the obstacles are not there...that would be disastrous; nor do I have to keep  hitting them head on, like I have been doing over and over again. I just have to accept they are there and that my internal guidance will warn me, with how I feel, that I am getting close to one...and it will guide me with ways to maneuver around them (sometinmes...as it did yesterday...it will simply tell me to be honest).

 I do not have to hit every rock on the road and endure the suffering that results.  I have had enough of that.  I have had enough of the obstacles. I have had enough of all this negative stuff that I have been allowing to take place around me.  I have had enough of closing my eyes to it and minimizing it! (These obstacles  are rocks I keep hitting, eddies I keep getting stuck in)  I have had enough of accepting less than what I deserve!  I have had enough of enduring my life when I am meant to live it!  I have had enough of allowing people to treat me and my loved ones unfairly! I have had enough of accepting this chaos as my birthright! I want more!!! 

That is what this unease and dis-ease is teaching me...I want more. I am getting to where I want to be...I am getting there and the universe is telling me I just  can't get there fast enough!    

All is well in my world.

Feel Better

Breathe.  It is just a bad day, not a bad life!
unknown

I am feeling somewhat better than I did yesterday.  I slept better for the most part...as long as I stay in that one position all night that prevents the shoulder from rolling forward...I am great.  Anyway...the dogs sometimes have different ideas.  I was awakened a couple of times by their shuffling and pulling the blankets off me or lying on top of me. But I was able to stay in my position and keep the shoulder from paining. So it was a better night.  I did wake up with the eyes a little puffy and I am not going to weigh myself .  It is what is I guess...or it is what it isn't (according to some folks out there). 

Feel Better Despite What is going On

My goal is to feel better...not worse...but as if on cue with the instigation of this commitment things come flying at me again:

•   I get a subpoena to appear in court related to that accident in July I was a first responder at...my immediate and intuitive intention was to do good then, to help...and now I may hurt. 
• I wake up yesterday to a ticker that is acting up and the weather instead of cooperating...is brutal for my condition...cold and windy.  
• On the one day...I am feeling so awful I can't drive...I am expected to do more driving than usual and D. , the guy I have been depending on to help with that chore when I feel I cannot...is not around to help.  So that is on the back of my mind all day, "How am I going to drive...how am I going to take her  there, and there and there...I should not be driving today etc etc..." 
• I go into work with that heavy chest and nausea only to find my office brutally hot...to the point it is making me want to pass out...
• I open the window...the wind is so cold and brutal coming in it gives me chest pain...so it was one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't scenarios.  I have to settle with the weak feeling. 
• I get calls from people who need me...when all I want to do is crawl up on the couch.  So I go out again and again...to support, advise and to be there for certain people(and animals) in need. (at their request). 

Between the Moments of Chaos

In between these things ...I staid present during...but in between I felt my thoughts and my feelings dipping...constantly dipping.  I felt this unease, I can't explain...this desire to cry or just pack my bags and go away by myself somewhere. I felt the physical symptoms more intensely.  It was so weird.

When I was dealing with whatever I had to deal with...I was so there, so in the moment, efficient, productive...but when I was in between all the things on my list yesterday...I noticed my emotional vibration??? The relief hit at about 7 ish when I was finally home again...D. called and he said he was bringing home supper ( one thing off my list) and I knew he would do the rest of the driving for the night.  That relief was sweet...and looking back and seeing how much I did...was sweet.  I accomplished  a lot for others which made me feel good...but it isn't about what we do, is it?    Well I suppose while I was doing...I was feeling okay...just in between sucked! Ugh!!!

What is the point of this big long spiel. 

Maybe with our intention to feel better...we are going to be hit with the contrast head on...the contrast reminds us of what we want.?  Maybe when we think we are on our way  downstream ...we are actually stuck in an eddy...and have to work a bit more at getting out of it?  I don't know...I really don't. Still committed to feeling better...one thought and one emotion at a time.

All is well.

Just breathe.  Sometimes  you are just a few breaths away from feeling better.
Amy Poehler

At this moment I am not as well as I would like to be. 

I experienced my forth sleep deprived night in a row because of the shoulder and my inability to get comfortable for more than a few hours at a time.  Well...last night was better...I found a position I could sleep in and I did sleep off and on until 3 ish.  After that everything negative seemed to join in with the throbbing shoulder...chest pain...nausea...noticed my eyes were all puffy...and of course the thoughts and dreams when I was able to sleep were bizarre.  So I am not feeling 100% .  As I walk around I realize that indeed the ticker is acting up (weighed five more pounds this morning than I did 4 days ago...fluid is back!!)  but I proceed with my attempt to feel better. 

Still Determined to Feel Better

It is challenging. At this point it is very easy to slip back down the emotional ladder. 

I already find myself from time to time feeling sorry for myself...like such a victim...slipping from there to shame for letting myself get to this point...I crawl back up to self pity and from there anger and blame.  So I am at blame (with a tendency to want to drop to self pity)...which is better than shame. 

What can I do to feel better now?

I can crawl up to acceptance which is really not that much of an incline,  right?  (Remember my ticker is acting up...so inclines are extra challenging :))  I want to blame others for not supporting me enough, not caring enough about my experience...for leaving me all alone in this.  Counter that thought:  I remember that I do have legitimate support in D. and my kids.  I do have some support from my family.  More importantly...I am realizing...I do not need support...I do not need people to understand and to care.  It would be nice but my well being does not depend on that...it depends on me.  (That makes me feel much better).  I can pray and get help there...which is an unconditional type of support. 

Right now I do not feel well but I am not alone in this.  I do have support both the physical and the beyond physical kind.  I will be okay.  It is not so much about how I feel physically anyway...right...or what is happening or not happening in my life, right?...it is about how I feel.  My life depends on how I feel...and that part is totally up to me.  I chose to feel better...right now!

All is well

Everything About Living...

Everything about living is about how you feel when you are living.
-Abraham

It is all about how you feel now!

These words just hit the core of me as I sat in my vehicle with the Abraham Hicks: Master Course  audio playing on the car CD.   I was waiting  for D.'s son to finish his appointment and I was getting lost in the listening.  The line  hit me so hard because it made perfect sense...so I dug in my purse for something to write on and all I could find was an old receipt and a broken pencil...but I got it down:)  I felt the compulsion to come back and write those words  here.   Everything about living is about how you feel when you are living. 

Abraham's Message

Okay, okay...I know you may question the messenger from where the message came.  I still do to some extent.  I was first drawn to Abraham by curiosity years ago..I revisit and revisit and revisit because of the message.  I get the message!  I feel the message! 

It is like it is triggering in me something I already know.  It is what is  remembered that puts the "Aha" in an "aha" moment, not what was first discovered .  That is why it suddenly clicks and makes sense.  I don't want to think about where the message came from.  I just want to absorb the truth I feel is in those words because I feel the "aha" in it.  Everything about living is about how you feel when you are living.

The In-Between

We are born into physical form and we die from  that form.  We are eternal, our bodies aren't.  So we have two points between which we "live" in the physical sense: the point of birth and the point of death.  Our human understanding of life is what is in between.

We have two emotional poles from which we experience  life: Bliss on one end,  despair on the other ...the whole experience of being exists between those poles.  Before we were born, we knew the truth about who we really are; we knew complete joy and when we die we will know it again.  In between those two points we go from remembering to forgetting, to remembering again.  We go from joy, to suffering, to joy again.  We go from knowing Source, forgetting Source and  back to  knowing Source again. That is what the journey is all about. Everything about living is  about how you feel when you are living.

Life Happens Now

Most importantly, Life happens now...right now right here...it doesn't happen in yesterday and it won't happen in tomorrow.  Both time frames do not exist anywhere but in our minds.  Life can only happen right now.  The only time we can live is right now. Life is the experience of being right here right now.  How are you experiencing right now?  What does it mean to experience something?  It means to "feel" it. Everything about life is about how you feel when you are living.  (We can add to that...right now!)

So if you want to live fully, have the life you were intended to have, you focus on feeling over everything else.  Life is not about how much you do, how much you own, how much you are...it is about how much you feel!  Everything about life is about how you feel when you are living....right now!

How are you feeling right now?

You want to know what the secret to having a full, and successful life is, then? Feel as good as you can feel now.  Why?  Because....  Everything about life is about how you feel when you are living ...right now

Feel as good as you can feel now.
Abraham

The Body, Like Life, Knows What it is Doing

Listen to your body.  It is very wise.
-from just about everyone who knows anything :)

Sunny right now but it is not predicted to last.  There is a blizzard warning for our region later today.  Schools and classes already closed. Winter, our aging dancer, wants to make one more glorious appearance upon the stage. :) She is feeling a little threatened by spring, maybe...as she should be.  So she is intending to show us that she is not done yet.  Isn't that wonderful and inspiring... we can just sit back, allow her do to do her thing, watch and applaud her magnificent effort...finding the beauty in her last ( or at least one of her last) performances. 

The Choice of Thought

You know, I could resist this fact about the impending weather.  I could travel upstream with all my mental might.  "Oh it can't be...we are not suppose to have snow in spring...but we are getting more snow...that's all I need...and I thought it was over...what a bummer...life is like that, eh?  Just when you think you have it good...another storm hits...nothing lasts...I will never see spring and warm weather...I will be shovelling out for the rest of my life...life is work, work and more work!"  Yuck!
What a horrible way to think.  What a horrible way to feel. 

I don't have to think this way! I don't have to feel this way!  I can choose another way of proceeding, another direction. I can choose another way of being.   I  accept the fact that winter is not ready to leave, even if her contract has expired. This impending storm is beyond my control. What choice do I have but in my thinking? I can sit back, breathe and enjoy the show from Life's perspective, allowing Life to be the director.  I can let go trusting that Life knows what It is doing.   Resisting what is,  takes me away from  the peace faith provides...the joy of the flow down stream. So, knowing that, I choose to go back to my first thought about enjoying the performance.

I learn so much.  I apply so much of that learning to how I live my life...and at the same time I realize just how much I have yet to learn and apply.  That is where I am now. I am catching myself demonstrating a need for more practical education.

Learning from the  Body

As I sit to write today, I feel a certain subdued sketchiness within me.  I am not settling.  I watch my body position here.  I am leaning forward instead of back...sitting on the edge of chair.  My back is so erect, it is arching.  My shoulders are leaning forward.  My head is hyperextended ever so slightly backward as if it is preparing itself for a potential blow. I am braced on the balls of my feet.  I have, in fact,  the same position a scull racer would have.  My body is in the position to paddle upstream as if I was in a race waiting for the gun to go off!  I am not settling into life.  I am perched and ready to resist. I look back and realize this is how I have been sitting for weeks now for hours at a time.  No wonder why my shoulder is keeping me up at night.  My body is also talking to me again. 

I have one body issue, besides the bigger ones, (do I sound like a hypochondriac or what?) that resurfaces as a reminder that I am pushing too hard thought and behaviour wise against the stream: an old shoulder injury.  Think about it...what better body part to be showing signs of grievance at my paddling upstream to support this analogy of resistance to life flow  than a shoulder.  What type of injury do you think a scull rower is more likely to get? My body is telling me very clearly to put down the paddles! Yet,  I have a challenging time putting them down. I have a challenging time letting go!

I have been assured by my physiotherapist that the issue has little to do with the shoulder and more so with how I use my body over a period of time...if I am tensing up in an intense need to get things done, if I am posturally  out of alignment , if I am  not using my supportive core muscles to support me, if I am not leaning back  enough, if I am not "conscious" enough of my body position or where I am in space...it acts up. So what I am feeling now probably began months ago.  I have been slipping into an old bodily and unhealthy way of behaving over a long period of time.  It is going to take some time, then, to undo this tense body conditioning and  to retrain my body to find ease....the ease it knows so well...but has forgotten.

Is this not how our mental behaviour goes? 

Our belief system takes years to develop enough that it  effects the way we live. Dis-ease is an accumulated reaction to an extended period of self-depreciating thinking that leads to a lot of extra exertion in the form of paddling up stream. It has little to do with where and how it shows up...and everything to do with the paddling up stream when we didn't have to.  Extended periods of mental tension from resisting what is, not being aligned with what is intended for us, not leaning into the support of Life energy, not being conscious enough of who and what we are...will eventually lead us into exhaustion. It is going to take time to heal the injury we have done to our minds, our bodies and our perception of Life. 

My body is simply reminding me that I am not in alignment with my life; it is time to refocus and to be patient with myself as I do.  This is not a race.  I can lean back into the arms of the flow downstream  and simply enjoy the ride.

 Life knows what it is doing.

All is well in my world.

The Power of Relief

She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.
-The Scarlet Letter

Putting the Paddles Down

When we decide that we no longer want to resist our present reality; that we no longer want to fight against it and are at least willing to trust Life...  (actually trusting Life may be a big leap of faith for most of us...start with being willing to do so) ...we put our paddles down, however reluctantly, and wait for the boat to turn.

How are we going to know it is happening, that we are actually turning toward the life that God intended for us?  We must pay attention to how we are feeling and if we listen really carefully we will pick up the resonance of a sometimes very subtle emotion but the biggest cue we are heading in the right direction. 

We should feel relief!

What is relief?  The Merriam -Webster dictionary offers many definitions of  relief.  There are two, however,  that strike me in relation to our topic of discussion over the last few entries. 1) relief: a removal or lightening of something  oppressive, painful, or distressing 2) relief: sharpness of out line due to contrast. Hmm!  Let's look at these two definitions in terms of our decision to go down stream rather than upstream.

Have you made the conscious decision to feel better and declared your willingness to trust Life? Do you feel a "lightening" of your load?  Do you feel a lightening in your workload as you put the paddles down?  Can you breathe easier?  Do your muscles feel less heavy and tense? Do you feel better in any degree emotionally...could be a smidgeon? Is the degree of oppressive, painful and distressing any less? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are feeling relief.  Your boat has turned in the right direction. Relief doesn't have to come in floods of emotion.  It can be as subtle as a breath of air or a sigh but if you feel better you are feeling relief. 

That's what it is all about...feeling better and better and better one lag of the journey at a time.  The more you tune into this feeling of relief, the more aware of it and it's power you will become.  It will become your internal signal and applause system reminding you that you are getting there to where you really want to be. 

Wait for the lightening...any degree of it...feel it, sigh and lean into Life a little more.  Watch what happens around you and to you as you begin to flow down stream with relief as your compass.  Life will respond to you when you trust it and the ride will become more and more pleasant.  When you hit a bump...determine where you are emotionally...seek a thought that makes you feel a little better.  Wait for that signal of relief again...and then continue moving forward.

Contrast

Relief in photography and the visual arts has a whole different meaning. 

It refers to the sharpness of something in an image  due to contrast.  How then is that going to apply to our journey down stream?  Think about it.

 Feeling better is all about contrast isn't it?  How good you feel now is determined by how you felt then, is it not? How are you going to know what peace is, if you never felt distressed?  How are you going to know what happiness is, if you have never known sadness?  How are you going to know what Love is, if you have never known fear?  Every emotion we experience has an opposite and these opposites sit at different poles.  The experience of life, the sharpness of it...is determined by relief...the contrast that exists between the two poles. 

In order to know I am feeling better and heading toward that beautiful, sharply detailed image of Life I need contrast, I need emotional comparison.  Recognizing the power of relief helps us to realize how much power we have in determining the out comes of our lives. If there is too much shadow, I will add more highlights.  If there is too much black, I will add more white.  That's how we create a great shot and that is how we can create a great life. 

How do we do that? 

By accepting where we are, right here right now  and then changing our thought process so we feel better. Slowly move the dial up and down until we get the life we want.  Change those thoughts until you feel relief . The more sharp the image is...the more we will trust Life to create what we were all meant to experience. 

The journey down stream can be a safe and  glorious ride with relief as our guide!

All is well in my world.

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
William Blake

She turned to the sunlight

and shook her yellow head

and whispered to her neighbor:

Winter is dead!

-A.A. Milne from When We Were Very Young

 

 

The melt begins!

 

 

Spring

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created spring.
-Bern Williams

The First Day of Spring

I sit here on this the first morning of spring and what do I hear?  I hear the wonderful sound of birdsong outside my window...of robins especially.  As if on cue from some Grand Conductor we can not see or understand, they began to sing of joy, of new beginnings, of the life that is waiting beneath the frozen earth. 

Spring has sprung!  It's here. 

Yeah we in the Maritimes still have lots of snow and the appearance of winter will last for a bit  but spring is here.  Look at the light...it is golden and bright, warmer than winter light as it shines down upon the earth coaxing it to wake up.  Feel the warmth of promise as you stand outside with your face upturned toward the sky...that promise is trustworthy because it comes from the most trustworthy of sources. Believe it! Be uplifted by the hope that vibrates from every living thing out there...Spring is here.  Live it! Spring, as is life,  is full of wonderful miracles.

I love spring.  I love it for a thousand million reasons but mostly because it reminds me of how wonderful and precious life is.   It gives hope. And even though I am saddened by the news of a dear  friend's mother passing and the grief she is experiencing... I can see the miracle in that as well.  She has passed, like the little stalks of new plants, through the layers of frozen soil into the most glorious of springs.

Life is a series of transitions and springs...is it not? Life is full of hope.

All is well! 

You have brains in your head. 

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

in any direction you choose.

You're on your own,

and you know what you know.

And you are the guy 

who'll will decide where to go.

Dr.  Seuss

You have one choice to make  in life from where you are standing right now: To feel better or to feel worse.
Paraphrased from the words of  many wonderful teachers

Only One choice

Doesn't that just make everything seem so simple?  To think we have only one choice in life to make, regardless of what is happening to us or what is going around us, makes our attempts to understand what to do as we proceed through life  much less complicated, doesn't it?  I know I feel great relief as I utter those words to myself.

You see, I am like most people (probably a little worse than many) when it comes to my awful habit of paddling up stream.  I forever find myself working harder than I have to to get things done so I can achieve what I think will make me feel better. 

Just yesterday I spent extra hours working on my course trying to get things marked for students in a hurry, thinking that it would please them and make me appear more efficient at my job. (I  tend to feel less than because of my physical limitations. I don't like feeling less than productive and  I tend to overcompensate at work).

Paddle!  Paddle! Paddle!

So yesterday, when my body wanted nothing more than to rest, I paddled with all the might my little arms could muster up stream. It was a struggle. I didn't feel well, got weak a couple of times, frustrated, pushed past that feeling...paddle, paddle, paddle, ...found myself angry and resentful over the lack of appreciation received from students  despite how much work I was doing; angry with my body for not allowing me to put more work in; blaming those outside forces like medicine and the insurance company for not helping me enough...paddle! paddle! paddle!

I started to get more and more negative as I slipped down the emotional scale to guilt and shame for working only a limited amount of hours when the college and students needed  more of me...paddle, paddle, paddle...hours went by and I had chest discomfort and palpitations (my sign to stop)...nope...I told myself, "If I sacrifice myself a little bit more, do more, put more effort in...I will feel the way I want to feel"...which was good or better than (the total opposite of less than) ... paddle, paddle, paddle.

What Did I Accomplish with all the Paddling?

So I finished what I set out to do and did I get what I wanted from the process? Did  I feel the way I wanted to feel?  I did work wise...for a moment I felt efficient and productive but that was it.   I felt unwell physically; frustrated, guilty  and resentful emotionally; and completely fried and unable to participate in a healthy way socially when I got home.  I didn't feel like "more than" anywhere but at work.  Yuck! Now I have a whole other stream of class 5 rapids to get through.

What happened in the above scenario? 

I felt something I didn't want to feel ...this less than feeling of inadequacy.  That led me to realize what I do want if even on a subconscious level...to feel like more than...to feel productive, efficient, like I can do it all.  This more than feeling...I am subconsciously convinced will lead  me to the higher goal of wellness and normalcy I long for.  So with the something I don't want comes the desire for the thing I do want.  Abraham describes this realization of what we want  as "the launching of a rocket of desire." Life Source recognizes, agrees with and instantaneously makes it happen in some vibrational energy field that is yet to become our reality somewhere down the stream. It is there already.  We asked and we received.  Our job is to get to it.  Then it will be a part of our reality.

How do we get to it?

We get it by getting there, by going with the flow of life, by matching our emotional worthiness with the life we want.  It is not about doing.  It is about trusting in those biblical words of wisdom, "Ask and you shall receive." And it is about allowing Life to take us there to what we receive as soon as we ask. We get what we want when we believe we deserve it and when we concentrate on feeling good!  It is that simple! Life wants us to have this desire. The ride there is all downstream.


Getting it all mixed up

Somewhere along the line, however, most of us  get it all mixed up. Most of us do what I did yesterday.  I, like many of you,  am caught up in this belief system that I have to "do" something to get where I want to be. I do not trust life to get me there. I tell myself  if I work really, really hard...and push against the current of my life as it is right now; if I paddle, paddle, paddle with all my might upstream...it may happen. I believe, like most of us do, that working hard, doing more, sacrifice and struggle is  the only way to get what we want from life.

So I resist what is and make my way upstream.  It doesn't feel good.  In fact sometimes it feels down right  awful and the fact that it doesn't feel good is Life's way of telling me: "Listen Chickie...you are going the wrong way...what you want is down this way...put down the damn paddle and let me take you there!" But do I listen?  No...I  reply to that feeling..."Stop being so foolish...that is all "fairy hairy nonsense."  Life isn't suppose to be easy.  We need to sweat and suffer a bit so we deserve what it is we are looking for.  The more we suffer, the more deserving we are.  I just have to paddle harder, that's all! " We keep pushing and the more we push in the wrong direction, the worse we feel.  We make a choice out of habit to feel worse.

So here we are paddling upstream, not getting anywhere near the thing we want.  The further away from it and Source we go...the worse we feel.  We feel frustrated.  Then we have to rationalize why we feel so bad...we look for people, circumstances, forces to blame for why we are so far away from what we want.  We blame Life for being too hard.  We blame our past, our present, our spouse, our boss, the neighbour down the street.  We feel angry. We draw our focus even more onto what it is "we don't want"  and those things we don't want seem to keep popping up in little boats all around us. We feel worse.  We feel we need to do more. We travel  more upstream.  We get farther away from our goal.  We begin to feel shame and guilt...farther still.  Despair and hopelessness.  We are at this point so far away it seems we will never get back. What do we do now?

Realize and accept that it is you taking you where you are going. 

You are the one paddling the boat, not the circumstances, not the people, not the luck that seems to be attacking you.  You are the one paddling upstream.  You are choosing, not necessarily consciously, but you are choosing to feel worse with every stroke of your paddle in the direction other than what life intends. You are choosing to feel worse.  Life travels  downstream...it is a natural flow of energy that requires little effort on our part.  God has our backs...the flow God provides is one of grace and ease.  When you have anything but that...you are resisting.  You are choosing to feel worse. I chose to feel worse yesterday when I could have chosen to feel better.

Make another choice.  Choose to feel better. 

That is not a tremendous leap of faith is it?  To simply say to your self, "I am going to choose to feel better."   You are not asking to be taken down the stream instantaneously.  You are not asking for everything you want to be handed to you right away. You are not expecting to go from feeling despair to joy in one split second.  All you are choosing is to feel better.  You put down the paddles and turn ever so slightly toward the loving, abundant, cooperative flow of Life as it is right now...instead of away from it. 

Decide to go with the flow, rather than against it.

So if I notice, as I did yesterday, that after a long paddle I am feeling despair....thinking I will never get to where I want to be....I simply change that thought so I feel better...the next level of better.  What is up from despair? Guilt?  Guilt is an awful emotion but it is a step up from hopelessness. I may say to myself, "Look at what I am doing.  I am not contributing enough.  This is unfair to the students and the college."  So even if I go from feeling  despair to feeling guilt..I am feeling better.  I am now pointed in the other direction, at least.  I am heading toward what I want. I turn the boat around and begin to go with the flow by  going backwards from the thinking I did yesterday. I go from guilt to anger and blame.  I start thinking about how angry I am and how unfairly I was treated.  I definitely do not want to stay here but it is a step up from guilt and shame.  From anger I go to acceptance maybe, "It is what it is." ...from acceptance to  hope "I am not where I want to be right now but I can get there in time."...from hope to peace "I am on my way to where I want to be but I am enjoying the moment as it is right now, right here."  etc etc. When I do this  I am flowing in the stream of Life and I don't even have to paddle.  I will notice that more positive things are coming my way...or at least as I become more positive I will see more positive things in life.  This positive focus will take me down the stream faster.  The better I feel the faster I go. The closer I get to the life I want, the more in tune I am with the energy that is taking me there...the more joy I feel. All I have to do is change the way I think so I feel better, one emotion at a time.

I accept that better is enough and enough is better than where I am.  With every upgrading of emotion into the positive, I am growing.  I am expanding.  I am turning in the right direction.  I am flowing downstream with Life's support rather than fighting against it.  Isn't that  an amazing thing?

All is well in my world.

Go with the Flow

Did you know you can paddle upstream your whole life, make yourself miserable for one reason or another and  when you croak you're going to go with the flow.
Abraham

Letting the Rapids Guide

I once went white water rafting with friends and family.  We travelled down class  4- 5 rapids which was obviously quite intense.  We paddled but the purpose was not to go against the current but to keep us with it. The current was going to  take us, regardless of what we did,  down stream.

 I remember the guide lecturing us, before we started, on what to do should we fall in.  We were told to relax with toes pointing up and to just let the water take us.  We were assured that the river would carry us to where we had to go. We were strongly warned not to fight it. You cannot fight against level 5 rapids and win :)  One would get pretty beat up and would likely drown in the effort of resistance.  I was not so sure that I would be able to relax in the water if I went over. 

I didn't quite have the faith the guide did in the flow. So, hoping that we would never have to test that faith,  we buckled up in our protective gear, and off we went while I clung desperately to the paddle.  It proved to be a terrifying, wonderful and exciting adventure.

Life's Rapids and Paddling Down Stream

I compare that ride to the ride life offers.   Life is like a river...sometimes it has  rapids and sometimes it is smooth sailing...but there is a natural rhythm and flow heading in the "right" direction.  There is an up stream and a down stream.

All we have to do, to get where we are meant to be, is paddle in the right direction down stream.  Heck we do not have to paddle at all if there is a current ( and there is always a current when we are talking about energy)...it will take us there.  The faster the water (energy vibration we create with our desire) the faster we will get there.

The Flow of Source Energy

So we could think, as Abraham suggests, that our wanting something from life is like putting our raft in at the bow of the river.   They refer to the river as the flow of Divine Source energy that is always going in the right direction taking us to that thing we are wanting. If we just relax into the flow which would mean putting away the effort of paddling or  laying down, if we fall in, with our feet up...and above all ...enjoy the ride...we will get to where we want to be. If, however, we do what most people do...fight the stream, paddle against it, go in the opposite direction...travel upstream instead of down stream ... it will take a lot longer to get to where we want to be and we will become completely beat up and exhausted in the process. Hmm!

Why Do We Travel Upstream Against the current?

For some reason the majority of us travel upstream against life because that is what we were brought up to do.  We are taught at an early age that if we want to get what we want from life we have to work hard at it, fight for it and push, push, push against it. Ironically, this struggling often takes us further away from the life we want rather than closer to it...because to struggle  requires going in the opposite direction.  We anticipate and expect resistance...resistance can be only achieved by going upstream. We choose to paddle upstream.

Going with the flow of life, downstream, requires no effort, no resistance, no struggle.  What it does require, however,  is a letting go of a need to control the process and a faith that Life knows what it is doing.  If we choose this direction we will get to where we are going a lot sooner, we will come out of the boat a lot less bruised or exhausted and we will likely enjoy the ride life provided a lot more. Yet, many of us are afraid to trust and let go of that paddle.

So what can one do to change direction? 

1. The first thing we need to do is recognize what direction we are going in.  Are you going upstream or downstream?   When we feel a struggle...when it just doesn't "feel" right; when we are noticing those negative emotions like resentment, anger, frustration , fear or despair...or when we notice that we just don't seem to be getting to where we want to be...it is likely that we got the boat pointing upstream and we are paddling like crazy further away from the life we want. 
2. Then, we make a choice.  It is so simple...we have two choices to make in how we approach life.  We can decide to paddle up stream or flow downstream.  So easy! Most of us, upon realizing the futility of fighting a current just to get further away from the things we want in life...would choose to flow easily and peacefully down a stream that was going to take us to the thing we want, right? Make the choice.
3. Let go and turn around to life.  All it takes, in a current, is the act of letting go of the paddle to turn the boat  around.  Life energy is a powerful energy with a natural flow.  It knows where it is going and it is going there with or without our cooperation.  Once we stop resisting, however, we allow life to take over. If  we simply stop paddling, stop trying so hard...we will notice that the boat turns on its own.  Before long it will be pointing in the direction of the life we want.   We will know we are going in the right direction by how we feel: relief, a certain acceptance, hope, peace and the closer to our dream life that we get...the more joy we will feel.

The ride downstream  may not be the fastest ride but it will be a far easier one without the struggle that gets us nowhere.  In the meantime we can relax in the flow of life.   We can just lay back and enjoy the journey because that ultimately  is what life is all about.

All is well in my world.

Those who flow as life flows know they need no other source.
Lao Tzu

Happy Saint Patty's Day!!!

Even if you do not have a drop of Celtic blood in you...may your day be blessed with the luck of the Irish. (Luck...being the joy of life, the love for music and storytelling, the commitment to family and the bliss of laughter....with or without the whiskey or the Guinness.)  :)

All is well!

Therefore when I considered this carefully, the contempt I had to fear because of the novelty and apparent absurdity of my view, nearly induced me to abandon utterly the work I had begun.
Nicolaus Copernicus

Don't let fear stop you from questioning the way things appear to be!

All is well in my world.

To know that we know what we know, and we do not know what we do not know, that is true knowledge.
Nicolaus Copernicus

The Importance of Keeping Our vibrations Up

What do I write about today? Hmm...how I feel?  That is boring for others I know but I guess it relates to what I am writing about lately: The need to "feel good" to keep our vibrational energies up. 

Having the lives we want  is all about unblocked vibration, right?  When we talk about reaching our potentials...which are probably much more unlimited than we can ever imagine with these limited minds...  we are talking about the need to match the vibration of what it is we want with our emotional energy flow. It is thought and emotion that creates the reality we are experiencing.  

Just Science

I have to stress here that this "co-creating",  "manifesting", "law of attraction"  thing ...to me ...is just science, one that prescribes to certain laws of physics and energy flow. I am questioning it, testing it but I do not know it...yet. :)  

I am aware that many see it is hocus pocus stuff that meets a great deal of resistance in  pre-established belief systems.  As I mentioned before these ideas may even cause "fear" in some.   It has never been my intention to make others uncomfortable as I philosophize may way through this understanding.  At the same time, I can not hold back on my exploration of things like this simply because it may make certain people uncomfortable. 

Imagine if Copernicus said he was not going to keep looking at the sky  and was going to stop telling others what he was concluding because it made some people, wrapped in the comfort of untested belief, a little uncomfortable. We would still be thinking the earth rather than the sun was the center of our solar system. Are you glad we know the difference?

Do we as human beings strive for comfort or knowledge? 

Well I suppose we want both...but because of our inherent need for growth and expansion...I would have to guess we would strive for knowledge over comfort.  That is of course, if fear is not in the way. 

What is fear? 

It is one of those  emotions that blocks the flow of energy through us and to us.  It is a hand up...when life starts sending things our way ...that says "Nope!  Take it back.  Don't want that!"   Fear is the thing that holds you back when you want to go exploring life, telling you there is too much "danger" in that adventure.  Fear is the manager of the limiting belief system in our minds that gets us holding onto the idea that we are limited, vulnerable, constantly at risk" so we work hard to build separation, defense and attack plans. Fear is the guard at the border crossing between knowledge and ignorance that refuses to open the gate.  Fear keeps us in the comfort zone and it keeps knowledge and expansion out.

The Voice within beyond Fear

Curiosity, desire, some little voice within us that will just not shut up...keeps us seeking more. I think that voice is within all of  us ...It is just stifled and repressed in too many of us. I believe most of us want knowledge but are afraid to "want", to ask, to explore the options because we are too afraid to leave our comfortable beliefs.

Is my vibration up?

Anyway...I said I was going to write about how I felt.  I have been trying to keep my vibration up with all kinds of little activities including affirmation meditations in the morning and evening; a video presentation of the things I "want" that I watch while I play the "I am " meditation music, yoga, walks in the woods, some productive act to appease my ego so it doesn't interfere with the process...like a household task, submission  or a work related task; I pray; read lessons from ACIM; I stretch up as tall as I can whenever I think of it; I surround myself with pets; I listen to music; I eat wholesome delicious food and watch my water intake; we got away for a night which was much needed; I am creating here...doing what I love to do. 

So is my vibration up? Yes...it is up but likely not up as high as I want it to go. So I am not manifesting...when I do not manifest...I tend to drop on the emotional energy scale just a bit.

What is it that I am trying to match anyway? 

I am not like many people when they visualize and use this law.  I am not looking for a fancy car or a big house.  I am not really looking for money...sure...I want to pay off my debts and take some of this pressure off my shoulders when it comes to "surviving" but I do not need a lot of money so that is not at the forefront of my wanting. 

What I want...what I really, really want is "wellness".  And I may have reached too high in the beginning of my testing this stuff out.  I chose something "big" in my life...probably the biggest thing...to focus on and I am coming from a place of being beaten down by this issue so it is a big reach for me. 

There seems to be a lot of obstacles and barriers...perceived "knock downs" from medicine, insurance companies , financial issues, physical limitations, fatigue and the stress of survival...to get through first.  What that does to one's ability to focus on the "wanting" is quite dramatic. It is not an impossible reach...oh no...it is just while I am trying this out...I may have been better off choosing an issue that did not have such a large negative impact on my life...I should have started small. 

Changing the wanting

I am going to change my "wanting" a little bit.  I will definitely still want wellness and it will come but for now I will focus on something smaller...maybe the creation of a cleaner more manageable house; maybe a certain amount of money coming in; maybe a publication or at least some type of validation that I should be writing ...and from there I will build.  These things make me feel good.  I know I can achieve these things.  ...receive, not achieve...these things. I like the feeling I get when I think about walking in to a clean house...of being able to pay bills...of gaining readership and validation for my writing.  It feels good!  These things seem very possible.  I am not sure how yet...but they seem very possible to achieve. More importantly,  I feel good when I want these things.  I feel good right here and right now!  And that my dear reader is what it is all about!

All is well in my world. ...

The more I study science, the more I believe in God.
Albert Einstein

Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
Albert Einstein

A little Wisdom from Einstein

Everything is energy and that is all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy.  This is physics!
Albert Einstein

Einstein's Field

Whether you are a physicist (which I will never be even though I love science.  I get tripped up by the math and all those bloody formulas lol :)) or a philosopher (which I cannot help but be :)) this truth is undisputable.  Everything is energy.  We, as physical beings, are made up of trillions and trillions of cells that are dependent on the ability to use energy and create energy to keep these bodies alive.  The cells can be broken down into atoms and in those atoms we have subatomic particles. Between those subatomic particles is space. 

That space is where the energy exists.  That space cannot be measured because space is immeasurable...so that energy that exists in us, giving us life as human beings, expands and extends into infinity.  It is unlimited, with no obvious beginning and no obvious ending. There is no end to this energy.  The cells may die leading to the death of the organism but this energy which is infinite cannot die, can it?   It goes on...it flows on and through as energy does ...from one thing on this earthly plane to the next.   From earth it flows to and through space which is also infinite and never ending.  Just think what that means...we have flowing within us, a Source of energy that cannot be limited.  

What is this energy?

Is it soul?  Purely a phenomenon of  science? Could it be God?

Portuguese philosopher Baruch Spinoza purported that God and the Universe were one and the same thing way back in the 16th century.  It is obvious that his philosophies met with quite a bit of resistance back then, being that organized religion ruled everything from education to politics.  Such an idea would throw the foundations of control from the church into chaos. That religious foundation was based on fear of sin and repercussion, literal translation and adherence to the scriptures.  People believed what they were told to believe.   New ideas and possibilities were outwardly rejected before they had a chance to spread.   The church was everything.  Personal belief  or questioning the status quo was taboo.

Einstein's Spinoza

Einstein had  once, early on in his scientific advancements, partially aligned himself with Pantheist belief that God is this energy but he still had his reservations. Most of his reluctance to say he followed any form of religion or  that he was an atheist came from his very honest proclamation that he just didn't know, that he, as a human being, was not equipped to understand the universe or God with his limited mind.  I love this quote, this answer to a question that was written in a book by George Viereck entitled Glimpses of the Great :

Your question is the most difficult in the world. It is not a question I can answer simply with yes or no. I am not an Atheist. I do not know if I can define myself as a Pantheist. The problem involved is too vast for our limited minds. May I not reply with a parable? The human mind, no matter how highly trained, cannot grasp the universe. We are in the position of a little child, entering a huge library whose walls are covered to the ceiling with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written those books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. The child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books, a mysterious order, which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects. That, it seems to me, is the attitude of the human mind, even the greatest and most cultured, toward God. We see a universe marvelously arranged, obeying certain laws, but we understand the laws only dimly. Our limited minds cannot grasp the mysterious force that sways the constellations. I am fascinated by Spinoza's Pantheism. I admire even more his contributions to modern thought. Spinoza is the greatest of modern philosophers, because he is the first philosopher who deals with the soul and the body as one, not as two separate things.^{[(Viereck, 1930)}

 
Questioning the Possibilities

I am definitely not here to support Spinoza’s philosophy or even Einstein’s.  I am just doing what philosopher’s do.  I am questioning the possibility of it all. You see, I don’t know! Truth is, I may never know. I just cannot believe for the sake of believing.  Like Einstein…I often feel that God and the Universe are too big for us to understand with our minds.  Maybe we are to understand it more with our heart’s and our souls.  That I can do.  J Einstein, too, went on to believe more than this later on in his career.  He is often quoted as saying that the more he studied science, the more he understood God

I choose to believe…that this beautiful energy within us is Divine Love, unlimited Love and potential that flows through all of us.  If this is so, how can we not be all that we want to be? 

How can our lives not be full of anything but Love and abundance? 

Often our reality is not what we want. In this case, I think the problem is a physics related one.  We are not meeting the vibrational energy of what Love is.  We are operating below our potential vibrationally.  We are often blocking the flow of energy with our ego resistance. 

God wants that loving energy to pour through us and we say "no".  There is no fear in this energy…we create it with our limited minds.  There is no limitation in this energy flow…we block it with our limited minds.  There is no end to how high we can go…we just slam the brakes on with our limited minds. 

Resisting our Expansion

The problem is not with the energy flow.  It is not with the universe.  It is not with Life or God.  The problem is with our own mental resistance to “more”.  We resist our expansion. The resistance is our subconscious refusal of what is coming to us.  If we could work on our own vibrations, our own energy which is often determined by our emotions…we cannot help but to get the reality we want.   

It begins with believing that we deserve it, of knowing that none of us are denied it, of understanding that our potential operates under a purely natural, physical law.  To bring our vibration up to this energy level…we need to want.  We need to ask.  We need to move forward.  We constantly need to move forward in the wanting for expansion to occur so we can keep the momentum going.

It is all good. All is well in my world.

Life is like riding a bicycle.  to keep your balance, you must keep moving.
Albert Einstein

 

Reference:

Viereck, George Sylvester (1930) Glimpses of the Great.  MacAulay Company