All this freedom, but I still feel like I'm locked up.
Piper Kerman from Orange is the New black; My year in a Woman's Prison.
I see the sun coming through the clouds and it gives me hope. I am always looking for slices of hope and chunks of relief throughout my day. I will take whatever I can get and am grateful for it. :)
Two Worlds
I sometimes feel overwhelmed by life on the outside....I am not only seeing two selves in me but I am now seeing two worlds...the world out there and the world in here. I like the world in here but I have to function in the world out there...well so my mind tells me.
Out there it feels like I am expected to carry a to do list around with me that is as long as the street I live on. I am told that I am a failure because I have so few things checked off on it. The guilt, shame and fear sometimes settles over me like a dark cloud.
In here there are no lists and no need to do anything. I just have to Be and I feel this unconditional love and acceptance for that Being.
Prison on the Outside
Unlike the insides of Litchfield prison where Piper and the gang hang out, the outside world is the one that imprisons me, full of high walls, locked doors, bars on windows so I can't see clearly, a need to defend and attack, and many things to be afraid of. The world in here is the one that frees me...full of expansive space and light.
Sigh...one world I know is just a figment of my mind and one is so very, very real. I still find myself stuck in the unreal one and that saddens me. :)
I sometimes feel guilty for the crimes I committed that put me here and keep me here: My addiction to thought has led me to do things that I regret like get sick, get lost, become a member of the "mob" and do what I could to fit in, even if it was not what my heart wanted. I somehow dragged others down with me(my children)...and that saddens me even more.
Freedom
Yet in those moments when I find a way through the walls of this prison and can go in to the space of freedom...I suddenly realize that I have been innocent all along...there is nothing to serve time for. It was all just a scene from a Netflix binge. I can take off the orange and be my Self.
Hmmm!
I am seeing the sun again and there is something so freeing in that light...like it offers the key to unlock the doors of the busy world so that we can enter the quiet space of the inner one. Man...I am raving, aren't I?
It is all good.
Tuesday, May 15, 2018
Monday, May 14, 2018
The Truth Behind Twisted Limbs
Sickness is a defense against the truth.
ACIM
My arm is bothering me to some degree. I think it is meant to be for the learning. :)
I had told myself after my ER visit that I would not allow the discomfort to get me down...I would agree that it is just soft tissue injury and thus move and use my arm despite the pain certain movements cause. I have done that. Now that the swelling is going down and the muscle is relaxing enough for me to actually palpate the bone effectively...I am feeling what may be some "abnormalities". The pain, instead of easing is the same or possibly worse, especially when I touch those spots where the abnormalities are. Something is going on in there.
To add insult to injury, as I was getting out of the lawn chair yesterday...I and it fell backwards onto the ground. The chair folded up around me accordion style and the arm of which slapped me right in the sore spot. It was probably a very funny scene to witness but Don knew better than to take out his phone to videotape me. My swear words were probably warning him of the consequences. :)
I awoke this morning definitely feeling "it" more intensely. What is this "it" I am feeling? According to ACIM, it could be nothing more than a defense I am creating against the truth.
WTF (front door) are you talking about?
I know...all this talk about Truth and Self...defense and attack... may sound like mumbo jumbo to many of you. It may be flying over your heads or feel like banana peelings under your feet. You may be inspired by it...or you may be entertained by "the ridiculousness of it" or even insulted by it. You may get it or you may be thinking , "There is something really wrong with this woman!" That will all depend on where you are in your own understanding of waking up. If you are not there...it will indeed just be crazy talk to you...feel free to laugh, or sign off. :) I am okay with that. If, however, it reminds you of a bit of truth you may have inside...please read on.
Learning from Twisted Limbs
Illness and injury according to a Course in Miracles, like time are defenses ego creates and uses to prevent us from understanding the Truth of who we are. As long as I feel physical pain and I focus on that pain...I am identifying my self with the body. I believe I am this body and what happens to it is actually happening to me. Thus is your true identity preserved, and the strange, haunting thought that you might be something beyond this little pile of dust silenced and stilled. For see, this dust can make you suffer, twist your limbs and stop your heart, commanding you to die and cease to be. (ACIM W-136:8:4-5) I forget who I really am when my limbs get twisted.:)
Ego (the unhealed mind) wants us reminded of the body, feeling it, and identified with it. It wants us thinking we are the body. So it creates sickness, injury and death. Physical pain puts us back in body focus. As we get closer to knowing who we are, ego gets frightened. It wants to pull us back and away from that Truth into 'physical world' things. Illness and injury become wonderful excuses. If we stay there in them, we do not have to experience the loss of the world we create in our minds and have become so pathologically attached to. We may use pain, illness, injury as excuses for not going farther into our Self discovery. Sickness is a decision....It is a choice you make, a plan you lay, when for an instant truth arises in your own deluded mind, and all your world appears to totter and prepare to fall. Now you are sick, that truth may go away and threaten your establishment no more. (ACIM-W-136: 7:1,3-4)
Isn't it ironic?
Isn't ironic, that as I was getting closer to discovering this Truth and feeling frightened of it...I have this fall where I actually felt I was being pushed down? Isn't it ironic that I had to deal with very real visually validated pain just as I was reaching these lessons in A Course? ? There was a 24 hour period since the fall where all I thought of was my arm and whether or not it was broken. I was, for the first time in a long time, very, very body focused. I actually questioned, during that time, if all this waking up stuff was nothing more than a bunch of crap. :)
I see the irony now as I read this lesson.
Healing
What will my healing entail? An x-ray to be sure there is no fracture? A splint or cast to immobilize? I don't know. That may or may not be necessary to help the arm to heal but it is definitely not what is needed in true healing. Understanding what sickness and injury are is the first step into healing. No one can heal unless he understands what purpose sickness seems to serve. for then he understands as well its purpose has no meaning. Being causeless and without a meaningful intent of any kind, it cannot be at all. When this is seen healing is automatic. (ACIM-W-136:1:1-3)
I got it! I am not my body or what happens to it. It is here to serve me, I am not here to serve it. I will be where I want to be when I don't feel the body at all...when I do not feel ill or well...when I don't feel pain or relief from it...when I don't feel the body at all Hmm! Man...I always tend to do my learning the hard way. :)
All is well.
References.
ACIM(2007) Workbook for Students. A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundations for Inner Peace.
ACIM
My arm is bothering me to some degree. I think it is meant to be for the learning. :)
I had told myself after my ER visit that I would not allow the discomfort to get me down...I would agree that it is just soft tissue injury and thus move and use my arm despite the pain certain movements cause. I have done that. Now that the swelling is going down and the muscle is relaxing enough for me to actually palpate the bone effectively...I am feeling what may be some "abnormalities". The pain, instead of easing is the same or possibly worse, especially when I touch those spots where the abnormalities are. Something is going on in there.
To add insult to injury, as I was getting out of the lawn chair yesterday...I and it fell backwards onto the ground. The chair folded up around me accordion style and the arm of which slapped me right in the sore spot. It was probably a very funny scene to witness but Don knew better than to take out his phone to videotape me. My swear words were probably warning him of the consequences. :)
I awoke this morning definitely feeling "it" more intensely. What is this "it" I am feeling? According to ACIM, it could be nothing more than a defense I am creating against the truth.
WTF (front door) are you talking about?
I know...all this talk about Truth and Self...defense and attack... may sound like mumbo jumbo to many of you. It may be flying over your heads or feel like banana peelings under your feet. You may be inspired by it...or you may be entertained by "the ridiculousness of it" or even insulted by it. You may get it or you may be thinking , "There is something really wrong with this woman!" That will all depend on where you are in your own understanding of waking up. If you are not there...it will indeed just be crazy talk to you...feel free to laugh, or sign off. :) I am okay with that. If, however, it reminds you of a bit of truth you may have inside...please read on.
Learning from Twisted Limbs
Illness and injury according to a Course in Miracles, like time are defenses ego creates and uses to prevent us from understanding the Truth of who we are. As long as I feel physical pain and I focus on that pain...I am identifying my self with the body. I believe I am this body and what happens to it is actually happening to me. Thus is your true identity preserved, and the strange, haunting thought that you might be something beyond this little pile of dust silenced and stilled. For see, this dust can make you suffer, twist your limbs and stop your heart, commanding you to die and cease to be. (ACIM W-136:8:4-5) I forget who I really am when my limbs get twisted.:)
Ego (the unhealed mind) wants us reminded of the body, feeling it, and identified with it. It wants us thinking we are the body. So it creates sickness, injury and death. Physical pain puts us back in body focus. As we get closer to knowing who we are, ego gets frightened. It wants to pull us back and away from that Truth into 'physical world' things. Illness and injury become wonderful excuses. If we stay there in them, we do not have to experience the loss of the world we create in our minds and have become so pathologically attached to. We may use pain, illness, injury as excuses for not going farther into our Self discovery. Sickness is a decision....It is a choice you make, a plan you lay, when for an instant truth arises in your own deluded mind, and all your world appears to totter and prepare to fall. Now you are sick, that truth may go away and threaten your establishment no more. (ACIM-W-136: 7:1,3-4)
Isn't it ironic?
Isn't ironic, that as I was getting closer to discovering this Truth and feeling frightened of it...I have this fall where I actually felt I was being pushed down? Isn't it ironic that I had to deal with very real visually validated pain just as I was reaching these lessons in A Course? ? There was a 24 hour period since the fall where all I thought of was my arm and whether or not it was broken. I was, for the first time in a long time, very, very body focused. I actually questioned, during that time, if all this waking up stuff was nothing more than a bunch of crap. :)
I see the irony now as I read this lesson.
Healing
What will my healing entail? An x-ray to be sure there is no fracture? A splint or cast to immobilize? I don't know. That may or may not be necessary to help the arm to heal but it is definitely not what is needed in true healing. Understanding what sickness and injury are is the first step into healing. No one can heal unless he understands what purpose sickness seems to serve. for then he understands as well its purpose has no meaning. Being causeless and without a meaningful intent of any kind, it cannot be at all. When this is seen healing is automatic. (ACIM-W-136:1:1-3)
I got it! I am not my body or what happens to it. It is here to serve me, I am not here to serve it. I will be where I want to be when I don't feel the body at all...when I do not feel ill or well...when I don't feel pain or relief from it...when I don't feel the body at all Hmm! Man...I always tend to do my learning the hard way. :)
All is well.
References.
ACIM(2007) Workbook for Students. A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundations for Inner Peace.
Sunday, May 13, 2018
What are you defending and from whom?
Innocence is its own defense.
-Ben Franklin
I wrote a big long spiel yesterday about a fall I had recently. I deleted it because of the "poor me" nature to it but what I wanted to say, that might actually have some value, is that I learned a little something about my defenses from that fall.
Defences? The fall showed me that I was defending the valueless against attackers that I created in my mind. This resulted in some less than positive consequences.
Most of us know that the more we tense up and resist a fall, the more likely we are to get physically injured. That is why babies and intoxicated individuals seldom get seriously injured in minor accidents or falls. Defense is synonymous with resistance. While I was falling I was clinging to protect my camera...to defend it against the impact of the ground. I made the ground the enemy. I may have saved the camera but I, not the ground, did a number on one finger as a result. I was fighting to defend my body too against the impact and "I" seriously hurt my arm as a result. Again I made nature the enemy when it was my resistance that was.
What we may not know, is that defending our identity or sense of personal story is another form of resistance that leads to a different type of injury. Yesterday's story was an attempt to defend my pride and my identity against personal and social opinion and I slipped away from knowing who I truly was when I did that. I made the Self the enemy. I was clinging to what I thought I knew, creating a monster out of the universe when the monster was simply my expectations. I did not see the truth: that if I defend myself, I am attacked. (ACIM, w-135) Attacked by what? Myself.
Say what, crazy lady?
When we defend anything...we are operating from fear based illusion. Ego creates a vicious cycle of fear that we will be attacked, creating defense, more fear, more defenses etc. Defense is frightening. It stems from fear, increasing fear as each defense is made. (ACIM. W-135:3:1-2). We believe that we are very vulnerable to attack and attack is all around us. We must, we tell ourselves, be prepared to protect and defend against such attack. So we are always on guard, ready, waiting for the fall so we can resist and fight back. We seldom pause to ask ourselves this very important question:
What are we defending and from whom or what?
We lock our car doors as we leave the parking lot for the safety of the store. We double lock our house doors at night. Some of us even have weapons tucked away in our bedside drawers, just in case. We protect our family with the right amount of life insurance. We pay taxes to ensure there is enough border protection between us and the country beside us and that our resources are kept away from all the "thems" of the world. We spend more time, more money, more energy on protection and defense than we do on creating healthier happier and more peaceful communities, and lives. Does that make sense to you?
It doesn't to me...especially when I see that each defence ends up hurting us in the long run.
What are we defending?
We are defending things that are valueless and that will perish anyway: things of form, bodies, identities. We defend our material belongings, sometimes with weapons that will destroy life. Hmmm. We defend our bodies believing them to be vulnerable and weak, at the mercy of life forces, when the only thing they are at the mercy of is our unhealed minds. And we defend our identities...who we think we are...even at gunpoint. We cling to this idea that we are a certain religion, political affiliation, nationality, gender, social status, belief system that needs to be defended against all the other separate entities out there. We may "lay down our lives for the cause." When the cause is nothing more than ego smoke.
From whom or what?
We can tell ourselves we are defending against "our enemy"...but who is the enemy? If we are all One...who can the enemy be? The Self? God? Every time we attack someone else in the guise of defense...we are attacking ourselves. Why can we not get that?
Defenses are of the ego and the ego's enemy is the Self. It will do what it can to deceive us and pull us away from the truth of knowing who we are. So it creates and perpetuates fear so that we spend our energy defending and attacking. That keeps us from the Truth.
What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? (ACIM W-135: 18:1)
The good news is, that if we catch ourselves defending...we can know that the defenses have something ...not valuable to defend...but valuable to hide. What was hidden during my resistance to the fall was this simple truth: I am not a camera owner or photographer. I am not this body. I am not this identity. I am so much more. It took a few nasty bruises to get that into my head.
Beyond each defense is the truth. Let's put down our arms and see it. We need no defense against the truth of our reality.
All is well in my world.
(ACIM workbook ...Lesson 135)
-Ben Franklin
I wrote a big long spiel yesterday about a fall I had recently. I deleted it because of the "poor me" nature to it but what I wanted to say, that might actually have some value, is that I learned a little something about my defenses from that fall.
Defences? The fall showed me that I was defending the valueless against attackers that I created in my mind. This resulted in some less than positive consequences.
Most of us know that the more we tense up and resist a fall, the more likely we are to get physically injured. That is why babies and intoxicated individuals seldom get seriously injured in minor accidents or falls. Defense is synonymous with resistance. While I was falling I was clinging to protect my camera...to defend it against the impact of the ground. I made the ground the enemy. I may have saved the camera but I, not the ground, did a number on one finger as a result. I was fighting to defend my body too against the impact and "I" seriously hurt my arm as a result. Again I made nature the enemy when it was my resistance that was.
What we may not know, is that defending our identity or sense of personal story is another form of resistance that leads to a different type of injury. Yesterday's story was an attempt to defend my pride and my identity against personal and social opinion and I slipped away from knowing who I truly was when I did that. I made the Self the enemy. I was clinging to what I thought I knew, creating a monster out of the universe when the monster was simply my expectations. I did not see the truth: that if I defend myself, I am attacked. (ACIM, w-135) Attacked by what? Myself.
Say what, crazy lady?
When we defend anything...we are operating from fear based illusion. Ego creates a vicious cycle of fear that we will be attacked, creating defense, more fear, more defenses etc. Defense is frightening. It stems from fear, increasing fear as each defense is made. (ACIM. W-135:3:1-2). We believe that we are very vulnerable to attack and attack is all around us. We must, we tell ourselves, be prepared to protect and defend against such attack. So we are always on guard, ready, waiting for the fall so we can resist and fight back. We seldom pause to ask ourselves this very important question:
What are we defending and from whom or what?
We lock our car doors as we leave the parking lot for the safety of the store. We double lock our house doors at night. Some of us even have weapons tucked away in our bedside drawers, just in case. We protect our family with the right amount of life insurance. We pay taxes to ensure there is enough border protection between us and the country beside us and that our resources are kept away from all the "thems" of the world. We spend more time, more money, more energy on protection and defense than we do on creating healthier happier and more peaceful communities, and lives. Does that make sense to you?
It doesn't to me...especially when I see that each defence ends up hurting us in the long run.
What are we defending?
We are defending things that are valueless and that will perish anyway: things of form, bodies, identities. We defend our material belongings, sometimes with weapons that will destroy life. Hmmm. We defend our bodies believing them to be vulnerable and weak, at the mercy of life forces, when the only thing they are at the mercy of is our unhealed minds. And we defend our identities...who we think we are...even at gunpoint. We cling to this idea that we are a certain religion, political affiliation, nationality, gender, social status, belief system that needs to be defended against all the other separate entities out there. We may "lay down our lives for the cause." When the cause is nothing more than ego smoke.
From whom or what?
We can tell ourselves we are defending against "our enemy"...but who is the enemy? If we are all One...who can the enemy be? The Self? God? Every time we attack someone else in the guise of defense...we are attacking ourselves. Why can we not get that?
Defenses are of the ego and the ego's enemy is the Self. It will do what it can to deceive us and pull us away from the truth of knowing who we are. So it creates and perpetuates fear so that we spend our energy defending and attacking. That keeps us from the Truth.
What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present, and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? (ACIM W-135: 18:1)
The good news is, that if we catch ourselves defending...we can know that the defenses have something ...not valuable to defend...but valuable to hide. What was hidden during my resistance to the fall was this simple truth: I am not a camera owner or photographer. I am not this body. I am not this identity. I am so much more. It took a few nasty bruises to get that into my head.
Beyond each defense is the truth. Let's put down our arms and see it. We need no defense against the truth of our reality.
All is well in my world.
(ACIM workbook ...Lesson 135)
Saturday, May 12, 2018
The Fall
I had a fall on Thursday evening. I was going into the house after a little running. I had seen a bald eagle over my neighborhood and ran into get my camera, only to find him gone when I got back. Disappointed, breathless and a little dizzy, I was on my way back into the house when the dizziness became undeniable.
With my camera tucked tightly under one arm and my hand around the lens(the way I carry it), IPad, phone and a plate balanced in the other, I found myself suddenly losing my balance. Instinctively I tensed up to protect my camera. That little maneuver prevented me from rebalancing myself . Everything else flew out of my hands as I headed for the deck. Beyond my conscious control, curse words poured from my mouth, as if they too were losing the battle with gravity and falling to the ground.
It all happened so fast and in that brief second or two of clock time, I slipped away. I was gone. Then I reappeared somewhat stunned, to feel the camera, that I fought so hard to protect, gently bouncing off my outstretched hand to safety somewhere on the deck, one little finger of mine breaking its fall so beautifully. I reached out to caress the lens like a mother would a child's hair after waking up beside her. Then it registered in me that I had fallen.
I am not sure how I fell exactly, what hit first or where. I just found myself on my back shocked, and for some reason terribly embarrassed. I looked past my unscathed camera to see the plate shattered into many pieces, and my IPad cracked more than it was. My pride wasn't the only causality of this trick of nature
It was time to come back into myself. I slowly pulled myself from the powerless position I was in to a sitting one. I knew I was experiencing pain but at first I didn't know where. The hand that was only seconds ago clinging to my lens to protect it was throbbing fiercely. That hurt. My elbow on that side was burning too. I looked at it to see that it was bleeding ...not profusely...but enough to add some gory to this little drama. The back of my head was throbbing a bit. Had I knocked the wind out of my self? I could breathe but my back was heavy. I looked down to see both knees were scraped and bloody from the fall. And then I lifted my right forearm. An odd circle of swelling was forming already in the center of it and the pins and needles feeling of a good bump in the funny bone was pulsating through that arm. I was in pain. Still I could not tell exactly what part of my body hurt worse or if anything hurt enough for me to even give it more than a second notice. It all blended into something beyond what I could understand.
Had I done something to deserve this?
What was I thinking before I went down, I wondered, to deserve such a maternal slap on the back of the head to send me reeling forward? I was thinking about my camera, and how to get students to understand the importance of the thesis statement. I was thinking about missing a great photo op and how freaking dizzy I can get from a little exertion. I was not mindful obviously. Was I feeling sorry for myself? Was I lost in ego prior to the fall? Maybe this was the teacher's way of waking me up when I was caught slipping back into unconsciousness. Is the universe that mean? Will it pretty much knock a person out just to wake them up?
Man, what was I to learn from this?
The learning would have to wait. I was throbbing in pain but I couldn't understand it. What I could understand was that I was definitely awake !
Ego still calls...keeping me in my head with the thought, "It is probably fractured! You got dizzy, fell and broke your arm and nothing will be done...you wait and see." That sickening feeling again stuck with me for 24 hours...I wasted 24 hours on that!
Physically, I am fine now. I still get that funny bone feeling when I type or move my arm a certain way and the camera protecting finger is swollen and black. The ribs were sore for a couple of days, but better now. I swallowed my pride and pushed aside my commitment to stay away unless I was unconscious and went into ER this morning to get my arm checked. I wanted to rule out an ulnar fracture....not because of ego's whining but because I thought I needed too...I got several other opinions before I did that said, "It's definitely broken! go in!'. But all I managed to do was make ego happy with it's I told you so attitude... The attending felt it was just muscle and nerve damage from the impact of the fall and didn't even feel it warranted an Xray. I don't want to give into ego...so I will agree with the physician. A good bang on the ulnar nerve could cause such pain.
Regardless, the teacher is waiting to evaluate my learning. I don't know what to tell her. I need some time to think. :) I think that is why I focused on the arm for 24 hours...as a distraction from the lesson :)
I am also putting all this into a narrated story in hope that it will take me away from the learning I need to do. It worked. Once again I fed and soothed the ego before the teacher. I obviously have much more learning to do.
It's all good.
Friday, May 11, 2018
Pack Only What is Valuable
When your values are clear to you, making decisions become easier.
Roy E. Disney (https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/roy_e_disney_183365)
Distinguishing the Valuable from the Valueless.
You are packing your bag for an amazing journey. Looking out at your life, you have to make some choices. You have to decide what to take with you as you move on into the next chapter, and what to leave behind. You want a meaningful life...one filled with true joy, peace and love, therefore you want to choose only what is valuable. You do not want to fill your back pack with heavy valueless things that weigh you down. How then do you ensure that you are making the best choice for yourself and the world? According to Lesson 133 in ACIM, there are four criterion to follow in deciding what is valuable enough to take: choose what is timeless and eternal; choose what doesn't take from someone else; choose only what ego doesn't want and finally, choose that which leaves you without guilt or fear.
Huh?
Will it last forever?
The first thing you want to ask before you pack that item into your mental bag is, "Will it last forever? " Everything of true value is not dictated by the laws of time. It is time less. Do you want to fill your mind and life with things that will perish? Do you want to concentrate on materiality that is constantly changing, weakening, dying like bodies, material gain, social recognition, and even our thinking itself? Do you want to live like that, valuing the temporary and perishable over the eternal? So what is eternal? Self...the real Self ... is eternal and timeless. Joy is timeless; peace is timeless, Love is timeless; wisdom is timeless; God is timeless, What is is timeless. (Mooji, 2014)The timeless and eternal has no form, no weight to carry. This is what you want to fill your bag with. "Things", on the other hand, aren't timeless. If your choice has a form...if it is of time, it is not worth the space it will take up in your back-pack. Put it down. It will not serve you or the world. It will not last. Choose only that which is timeless to carry with you.
Am I taking it from someone else?
Secondly, you must ask: "Am I taking this from someone else? Whatever you choose should not be subject to loss of any kind...yours or someone else's. When you take from someone else you still do not see you are taking from yourself. There is no gain in that" Who seeks to take away has been deceived by the illusion loss can offer gain. Yet loss must offer loss, and nothing more." (ACIM,W-133:7: 4-5). Do not pack your bag with things you felt you took from others.
Does the ego want this?
"Does the ego want this?" is the third question you should ask. Remember that what you really want is not what the ego wants. What the ego cries for is something you do not need. The ego actually doesn't even know what it wants but deep down you know what you want. You want Love and joy and peace...and these are foreign to the ego though it pretends to know what things will bring this to you. Don't listen to ego. As soon as you recognize ego is reaching for something it tells you to pack...put it down and know it will not serve you or the world. It is valueless.
Will this choice leave me feeling guilty or fearful?
Finally you must ask, "Will this choice leave me feeling guilty or fearful?" If you feel anything remotely resembling guilt or fear know that you are giving ego what it wants rather than what will serve you best. Any decision that is complex or difficult leaving you confused and ashamed...is not of Spirit. It is of ego. "If you feel any guilt about your choice, you have allowed ego's goals to come between the real alternatives." (ACIM, W-133:11:2) Choose again. Choose Love.
Is this valuable or valueless?
These four criterion will bring us to the only choice we have to make really. " Is this valuable or valueless?". If it is timeless, giving, empty, simple, egoless and without form or fear...it is the right choice to make. Pack your bag with those things and you will be sure to live the life you were intended to...right here and now.
All is well.
References
ACIM (2007) Work Book for Students. ACIM: Combined Volume. Third Edition, Lesson133,pages 245-246. Mill Valley: Foundations of Inner Peace.
Mooji (2014) Set Your Heart Free Satsang. Retrieved from http://mooji.org.
Roy E. Disney (https://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/roy_e_disney_183365)
Distinguishing the Valuable from the Valueless.
You are packing your bag for an amazing journey. Looking out at your life, you have to make some choices. You have to decide what to take with you as you move on into the next chapter, and what to leave behind. You want a meaningful life...one filled with true joy, peace and love, therefore you want to choose only what is valuable. You do not want to fill your back pack with heavy valueless things that weigh you down. How then do you ensure that you are making the best choice for yourself and the world? According to Lesson 133 in ACIM, there are four criterion to follow in deciding what is valuable enough to take: choose what is timeless and eternal; choose what doesn't take from someone else; choose only what ego doesn't want and finally, choose that which leaves you without guilt or fear.
Huh?
Will it last forever?
The first thing you want to ask before you pack that item into your mental bag is, "Will it last forever? " Everything of true value is not dictated by the laws of time. It is time less. Do you want to fill your mind and life with things that will perish? Do you want to concentrate on materiality that is constantly changing, weakening, dying like bodies, material gain, social recognition, and even our thinking itself? Do you want to live like that, valuing the temporary and perishable over the eternal? So what is eternal? Self...the real Self ... is eternal and timeless. Joy is timeless; peace is timeless, Love is timeless; wisdom is timeless; God is timeless, What is is timeless. (Mooji, 2014)The timeless and eternal has no form, no weight to carry. This is what you want to fill your bag with. "Things", on the other hand, aren't timeless. If your choice has a form...if it is of time, it is not worth the space it will take up in your back-pack. Put it down. It will not serve you or the world. It will not last. Choose only that which is timeless to carry with you.
Am I taking it from someone else?
Secondly, you must ask: "Am I taking this from someone else? Whatever you choose should not be subject to loss of any kind...yours or someone else's. When you take from someone else you still do not see you are taking from yourself. There is no gain in that" Who seeks to take away has been deceived by the illusion loss can offer gain. Yet loss must offer loss, and nothing more." (ACIM,W-133:7: 4-5). Do not pack your bag with things you felt you took from others.
Does the ego want this?
"Does the ego want this?" is the third question you should ask. Remember that what you really want is not what the ego wants. What the ego cries for is something you do not need. The ego actually doesn't even know what it wants but deep down you know what you want. You want Love and joy and peace...and these are foreign to the ego though it pretends to know what things will bring this to you. Don't listen to ego. As soon as you recognize ego is reaching for something it tells you to pack...put it down and know it will not serve you or the world. It is valueless.
Will this choice leave me feeling guilty or fearful?
Finally you must ask, "Will this choice leave me feeling guilty or fearful?" If you feel anything remotely resembling guilt or fear know that you are giving ego what it wants rather than what will serve you best. Any decision that is complex or difficult leaving you confused and ashamed...is not of Spirit. It is of ego. "If you feel any guilt about your choice, you have allowed ego's goals to come between the real alternatives." (ACIM, W-133:11:2) Choose again. Choose Love.
Is this valuable or valueless?
These four criterion will bring us to the only choice we have to make really. " Is this valuable or valueless?". If it is timeless, giving, empty, simple, egoless and without form or fear...it is the right choice to make. Pack your bag with those things and you will be sure to live the life you were intended to...right here and now.
All is well.
References
ACIM (2007) Work Book for Students. ACIM: Combined Volume. Third Edition, Lesson133,pages 245-246. Mill Valley: Foundations of Inner Peace.
Mooji (2014) Set Your Heart Free Satsang. Retrieved from http://mooji.org.
Wednesday, May 9, 2018
Hope
Hope is like the sun, which as we journey towards it, casts the shadow of our burdens behind us.
Samuel Smiles (from Brainy quotes: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/hope)
Samuel Smiles (from Brainy quotes: https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/hope)
Specs: 1/30 f 14, ISO 100...manual mode.
And no, this isn't one of my 3 % I discussed in yesterday's entry. :)
Enough with the darn crocuses
Yes...I am a bit obsessed these days. Why? Because crocuses remind me of hope and we all need a little hope now and again. I know I do.
Though words are never adequate to explain Life, what beautiful message do these flowers speak of?
- "Keep reaching for the light." They constantly reach towards the sun even when they are hidden below earth and snow, even when skies are overcast with spring rain...they know the light is there and they reach toward it. We must remember that light is there even when we can not see it.
- "Nothing can keep you down for long." These little guys were literally underneath 4 feet of snow. They had to get through layers of earth, ice and pine needles to blossom. Looking out at a wintery day, one would never guess the likelihood of these little guys overcoming such obstacles and they never doubted it. Their ingrained fortitude did not allow them to stay down. If they can get through nature's obstacles we can get through our own.
- "We are all meant to blossom." These lovely little flowers add beauty and hope to the world. That is why they are here. And we are meant to blossom into our full potential so we can do the same.
- "Make the most of the moment you are in." The life span of the crocus is very short. They emerge. They blossom. They add beauty and hope and then they die. This is life for all of us. Embrace the moment and revel in the beauty and magic of it, the sun and the rain, the joy and the pain...Let the things of this world come and go gently into it and from it, just as the crocuses do.
How lovely is that?
All is well in my world.
Tuesday, May 8, 2018
A Picture speaks a Thousand Words...
Two things define you. Your patience when you have nothing and your attitude when you have everything.
-from my day planner that is telling me I am or will be late for blood work. :)
Specs: shot in manual mode; 1/250; f8; ISO 100
Specs are not spectacular
You probably do not care how I shot this do you? My desire to put specs down is me compensating ego for its effort. It wants me to sound professional. It wants others and myself to see me as something special because I carry a big camera around with some big glass on it, when I am nothing more than a person who likes to take pictures. It is often ego that gets me to pick up my camera, to plop myself down somewhere and to set the mode, choose a lens, frig with the dials and ISO and white balance.
Ego often tells me how I must shoot if I am to maintain this "image" or this idea of myself as a photographer. I do not feel anything like a photographer unless I shoot in manual mode ( sometimes aperture priority) but what does a photographer actually feel like anyway. lol. It is all image...until I begin shooting, that is.
Ego is not the One that takes the picture
Then something else takes over. I can't see well so I actually can't see what I shot...I can set up the composition, use the right technique at times and "luck in" but I am not taking the picture...not really. I get absorbed right into the lens it seems and my very limited eye sight and photographic skill is replaced by something I cannot even begin to understand or describe. Ego slips away so the world, in all its contrasting beauty, can slip into my camera to be stilled. I just push the shutter release. My willingness to Be there, does the rest.
Far, far from perfect or professional
I may shoot over 100 frames in one sitting of anything and everything around me...doesn't matter what. I will usually delete about 15-20 % because they are absolutely horrid! (And for me to delete a pic means they are horrid because I have hope I can restore almost every one of "my babies" with the magic of post processing.) I take the rest to light room for better viewing...the only time I can actually see what I shot clearly is on full screen. Then I do what I learned to do to develop. It is a labor of love.
When done, ego may slip back in to judge my work with a very critical eye. I manage to supersede that with a "feeling" I get when I look at a particular pic. Of all the 100 pics I shot, there may be 2-3 that speak to me, like this one did (and it required little editing). It was a pic meant to be taken and meant to be shared.
I don't know why I like it, or the other 3% of my pics that I feel called to...but I know I do. My eyes are drawn to it...I sense the light in it, almost feel it...almost see the movement towards the space in 2/3 of the frame. It pulls me in. It may not do that for anyone else at all lol...I don't know; it doesn't matter. I just know it was a moment meant to be captured and someone, just me maybe, is meant to be pulled into it.
I feel warm and grateful when I look at this pic with all its imperfections. Grateful for capturing a moment that touched me so; for being reminded how beautiful, in all its contrast, the world is and for knowing I am a witness to it and a part of it. I am grateful for the reminder in every such pic I get that This moment is all there is...That reminder creates a peace in me. ...a peace which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7 NKJV)
Hmmm! So ego deserves a little gratitude too for getting me there even if it was for its own twisted reasons. :) So I put my specs up and pretend to be something I am not.
That is much more than you needed to read, I am sure.
About the story of the little crocus that found itself far away from the crop? Well I think I see a children's story in the making. You will have to read more about it then. :)
All is well.
-from my day planner that is telling me I am or will be late for blood work. :)
Specs: shot in manual mode; 1/250; f8; ISO 100
Specs are not spectacular
You probably do not care how I shot this do you? My desire to put specs down is me compensating ego for its effort. It wants me to sound professional. It wants others and myself to see me as something special because I carry a big camera around with some big glass on it, when I am nothing more than a person who likes to take pictures. It is often ego that gets me to pick up my camera, to plop myself down somewhere and to set the mode, choose a lens, frig with the dials and ISO and white balance.
Ego often tells me how I must shoot if I am to maintain this "image" or this idea of myself as a photographer. I do not feel anything like a photographer unless I shoot in manual mode ( sometimes aperture priority) but what does a photographer actually feel like anyway. lol. It is all image...until I begin shooting, that is.
Ego is not the One that takes the picture
Then something else takes over. I can't see well so I actually can't see what I shot...I can set up the composition, use the right technique at times and "luck in" but I am not taking the picture...not really. I get absorbed right into the lens it seems and my very limited eye sight and photographic skill is replaced by something I cannot even begin to understand or describe. Ego slips away so the world, in all its contrasting beauty, can slip into my camera to be stilled. I just push the shutter release. My willingness to Be there, does the rest.
Far, far from perfect or professional
I may shoot over 100 frames in one sitting of anything and everything around me...doesn't matter what. I will usually delete about 15-20 % because they are absolutely horrid! (And for me to delete a pic means they are horrid because I have hope I can restore almost every one of "my babies" with the magic of post processing.) I take the rest to light room for better viewing...the only time I can actually see what I shot clearly is on full screen. Then I do what I learned to do to develop. It is a labor of love.
When done, ego may slip back in to judge my work with a very critical eye. I manage to supersede that with a "feeling" I get when I look at a particular pic. Of all the 100 pics I shot, there may be 2-3 that speak to me, like this one did (and it required little editing). It was a pic meant to be taken and meant to be shared.
I don't know why I like it, or the other 3% of my pics that I feel called to...but I know I do. My eyes are drawn to it...I sense the light in it, almost feel it...almost see the movement towards the space in 2/3 of the frame. It pulls me in. It may not do that for anyone else at all lol...I don't know; it doesn't matter. I just know it was a moment meant to be captured and someone, just me maybe, is meant to be pulled into it.
I feel warm and grateful when I look at this pic with all its imperfections. Grateful for capturing a moment that touched me so; for being reminded how beautiful, in all its contrast, the world is and for knowing I am a witness to it and a part of it. I am grateful for the reminder in every such pic I get that This moment is all there is...That reminder creates a peace in me. ...a peace which surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7 NKJV)
Hmmm! So ego deserves a little gratitude too for getting me there even if it was for its own twisted reasons. :) So I put my specs up and pretend to be something I am not.
That is much more than you needed to read, I am sure.
About the story of the little crocus that found itself far away from the crop? Well I think I see a children's story in the making. You will have to read more about it then. :)
All is well.
Monday, May 7, 2018
Getting There
Your life situation exists in time.
Your life is now.
Your life situation is mind stuff.
Your life is real.
(Tolle, 2004, page 63)
Getting There?
Wow! Understanding the difference between life and life circumstance is the process of awakening. I can see that I am getting there...it has been a long challenging road but I am getting there. As soon as I say that or write that...I am aware that I am creating a distorted mental image. This idea implies that waking up involves movement, a journey, a path to some unknown destination outside the self.
Waking up is just the opposite of that, isn't it? Instead of movement, it requires stopping and stillness. Instead of doing, it requires Being. Instead of noise and narration of the journey, it requires quiet and silence. Instead of getting to a destination "out there" it involves going "in here". And it is not an "unknown destination" we are seeking...we are simply going home. Most importantly, the process of waking up doesn't require "seeking." It requires accepting what is and has always been.
Satori
So technically and literally...I am not getting there...I am and have always been here. I am just coming to that realization. I am just opening the eyes of the "inner body" and seeing that I am home so I can revel in the experience of being in that wonderful, loving and comfortable space. I am having moments of what the ancient Sanskrit refers to as "satori." They are sweet and precious moments that take me away from over identification with life situation, and make me say out loud, "I am getting there" lol. I guess, what I really should be saying is that I am becoming more and more aware of what is really important. :)
Ego Resistance
Ego of course...does not want me going there (man...it's hard to put aside the "going somewhere" descriptions lol). It taunts and teases me. As the reminders of my external circumstances come into my mind and the fear of what will happen "when" settles into mine and my loved ones' thought processes...I get pulled away from the realization of home. I have to face the facts.
The facts are facts. Life situation is about to change dramatically. I will soon be without all that once defined me, all that I once believed protected me and kept me safe, that I thought gave my life purpose and meaning. I will be jobless, title less, eventually houseless and for all extents and purposes penniless.
I will have no real means of living in the physical world in the way that is expected unless I depend heavily on others which my independent nature will not allow me to do. (D. wants to "rescue" me from this mess. I will, however, not make a true commitment from this place of "need". It would not be fair to our relationship.) So I cannot really even begin to address the question, What will I do?
I am reminded of the premise of Lesson 128 in ACIM...The world I see holds nothing that I want.(ACIM: w-128,pg 233) It offer me comforting relief.
The only thing I can think to do...is nothing. That is a concept so foreign to my "old ego based self" and to most of the population, I am sure. I can already hear, "Oh my God! What are you going to do? How are you going to live?"
As long as I do not bring anyone down with me, it will be alright. I know the children will be okay...that's all that matters. They will have a place to go. The rest, I will take as it comes. So if I were to answer other people's concerns with : "I will do nothing. I will just allow it to be what it is. I will simply continue to awaken." My answer will be deemed as irrational coming from a broken mind. I will be considered mentally incompetent and stuffed away somewhere. (I joke with D. that at least there I will have shelter and food. )
The weird thing is...I don't feel like I am in dire straits though it may look that way to anyone who took the time to see where I was at. I don't feel the loss. I don't feel anything but momentary pangs of fear here and there when ego gets busy in my head. I am realizing that I do not want any of this stuff anyway. I don't need it other than for body survival...which, I know, is kind of important lol...but for some reason I am not worried.
I read this line today and it kind of explained what I was experiencing, This day we realized that what you feared to lose was only loss.(ACIM w-129:8:5,pg 236)
There is a world I want
I firmly believe that whatever I am doing is the right thing even though it looks so"crazy" from the outside. I want acceptance of what is which comes when I stop fighting my body and my life. I allow my body to feel what it feels and do what it does ( or not do what I want it to do). I just accept it where it is right now. I accept the consequences of that as well. Pushing myself to exhaustion in an attempt to prove to a world that "holds nothing that I want" that I can do and keep up to it is not acceptance. It is not living. It takes me away from where I want to be.
Beyond this world there is a world I want. (ACIM-W-129, pg 235) I don't get there by "doing" anything...just by a willingness to be. I am not running away from reality in my attempt to wake up. I feel I am running into the only reality that matters.
I just trust, I guess, that the more I slip into Being, the more things will work out. So if I can use the phrase incorrectly one last time, "I am getting there..." . I am becoming more conscious...
More consciousness means a lessening of the illusion of materiality. (Tolle;2004; page 123)
For what it is worth...I was well established on this journey (which really isn't a journey at all)toward embracing Life, long before life situation changed.
All is well.
References
workbook ACIM: Combined Volume. Third Edition.
Tolle, E. (2004) The Power of Now. Novato: New World Library
Your life is now.
Your life situation is mind stuff.
Your life is real.
(Tolle, 2004, page 63)
Getting There?
Wow! Understanding the difference between life and life circumstance is the process of awakening. I can see that I am getting there...it has been a long challenging road but I am getting there. As soon as I say that or write that...I am aware that I am creating a distorted mental image. This idea implies that waking up involves movement, a journey, a path to some unknown destination outside the self.
Waking up is just the opposite of that, isn't it? Instead of movement, it requires stopping and stillness. Instead of doing, it requires Being. Instead of noise and narration of the journey, it requires quiet and silence. Instead of getting to a destination "out there" it involves going "in here". And it is not an "unknown destination" we are seeking...we are simply going home. Most importantly, the process of waking up doesn't require "seeking." It requires accepting what is and has always been.
Satori
So technically and literally...I am not getting there...I am and have always been here. I am just coming to that realization. I am just opening the eyes of the "inner body" and seeing that I am home so I can revel in the experience of being in that wonderful, loving and comfortable space. I am having moments of what the ancient Sanskrit refers to as "satori." They are sweet and precious moments that take me away from over identification with life situation, and make me say out loud, "I am getting there" lol. I guess, what I really should be saying is that I am becoming more and more aware of what is really important. :)
Ego Resistance
Ego of course...does not want me going there (man...it's hard to put aside the "going somewhere" descriptions lol). It taunts and teases me. As the reminders of my external circumstances come into my mind and the fear of what will happen "when" settles into mine and my loved ones' thought processes...I get pulled away from the realization of home. I have to face the facts.
The facts are facts. Life situation is about to change dramatically. I will soon be without all that once defined me, all that I once believed protected me and kept me safe, that I thought gave my life purpose and meaning. I will be jobless, title less, eventually houseless and for all extents and purposes penniless.
I will have no real means of living in the physical world in the way that is expected unless I depend heavily on others which my independent nature will not allow me to do. (D. wants to "rescue" me from this mess. I will, however, not make a true commitment from this place of "need". It would not be fair to our relationship.) So I cannot really even begin to address the question, What will I do?
I am reminded of the premise of Lesson 128 in ACIM...The world I see holds nothing that I want.(ACIM: w-128,pg 233) It offer me comforting relief.
The only thing I can think to do...is nothing. That is a concept so foreign to my "old ego based self" and to most of the population, I am sure. I can already hear, "Oh my God! What are you going to do? How are you going to live?"
As long as I do not bring anyone down with me, it will be alright. I know the children will be okay...that's all that matters. They will have a place to go. The rest, I will take as it comes. So if I were to answer other people's concerns with : "I will do nothing. I will just allow it to be what it is. I will simply continue to awaken." My answer will be deemed as irrational coming from a broken mind. I will be considered mentally incompetent and stuffed away somewhere. (I joke with D. that at least there I will have shelter and food. )
The weird thing is...I don't feel like I am in dire straits though it may look that way to anyone who took the time to see where I was at. I don't feel the loss. I don't feel anything but momentary pangs of fear here and there when ego gets busy in my head. I am realizing that I do not want any of this stuff anyway. I don't need it other than for body survival...which, I know, is kind of important lol...but for some reason I am not worried.
I read this line today and it kind of explained what I was experiencing, This day we realized that what you feared to lose was only loss.(ACIM w-129:8:5,pg 236)
There is a world I want
I firmly believe that whatever I am doing is the right thing even though it looks so"crazy" from the outside. I want acceptance of what is which comes when I stop fighting my body and my life. I allow my body to feel what it feels and do what it does ( or not do what I want it to do). I just accept it where it is right now. I accept the consequences of that as well. Pushing myself to exhaustion in an attempt to prove to a world that "holds nothing that I want" that I can do and keep up to it is not acceptance. It is not living. It takes me away from where I want to be.
Beyond this world there is a world I want. (ACIM-W-129, pg 235) I don't get there by "doing" anything...just by a willingness to be. I am not running away from reality in my attempt to wake up. I feel I am running into the only reality that matters.
I just trust, I guess, that the more I slip into Being, the more things will work out. So if I can use the phrase incorrectly one last time, "I am getting there..." . I am becoming more conscious...
More consciousness means a lessening of the illusion of materiality. (Tolle;2004; page 123)
For what it is worth...I was well established on this journey (which really isn't a journey at all)toward embracing Life, long before life situation changed.
All is well.
References
workbook ACIM: Combined Volume. Third Edition.
Tolle, E. (2004) The Power of Now. Novato: New World Library
Sunday, May 6, 2018
Roving Reporter
Yesterday I wrote about the Steps to Waking UP.
What those steps fail to mention, is that on the road to recovery there are lots of obstacles to overcome. The further down the steps we get, the more ego mind acts up: temper tantrums; mind attacks; resistance barriers galore to get through. Just when we think we"got it"...the mind throws its punches and its lassos around us to knock us down and pull us back in to its recesses...as the Witness, the Observer...just watches...untouched and unblemished by these ego assaults.
Roving Reporter
My mind has been so active in the last 48 hours, physical fatigue and menopausal hormone fluctuations adding to its bizarre reasoning for such attacks. Between the moments I am lost in the smoke of artillery fire, I see the battles going on in my head and like a war reporter I am standing on the sidelines reporting back to someone or something what I am seeing. At least, I am reporting, I exclaim to myself. I am seeing it...I am recognizing it. That is a very big step!!!!
But....I am still "reporting," using words and ideas and mental constructs to explain what doesn't need to be explained. When we are "explaining" anything we are not in presence. Presence is something that cannot be explained only experienced. If we are "reporting" we are not experiencing.
We want to be in that stillness we are discovering, more and more...we want to stay with it for as long as we can. As soon as the roving reporter is spotted prowling around... we can know we are out of it. Well not out of it...It is always there...we are just in front of it, obstructing our ability to experience what is there and always will be there beneath this crazy activity of our minds.This is a good little observation tip to remember and something Mooji uses in his "self-inquiry".
Self Inquiry
We have to ask ourselves at those times, " Who is doing the reporting?To whom are we reporting?" When we manage to see that it is ego mind, that which wants to keep us from experiencing presence, that is reporting and we know at point how mixed up in its perceptions ego is then we can become less threatened. And though it thinks it is reporting back to home base...it isn't. The Observer already sees everything but does not pay heed to our mental battles as anything significant. Ego is really just reporting back to itself.
Realizing this brings us back to the recognition that there is the "little self" constantly on the go, threatened by our discovery of Self...and doing whatever it can to pull us back. We also recognize the greater Self in the background waiting patiently for us to come to it...in "quiet" with no need for thought or narration. Our reports and what we are reporting mean nothing to it. We are not going to win any awards for our bravery and our skill of observation of what It considers insignificant. We can only appease ego that way.
So as long as we are reporting, we are not experiencing the stillness and the emptiness of who we really are. We are still somehow attached to the wars of this world and our minds. There is a better way.
All is well.
What those steps fail to mention, is that on the road to recovery there are lots of obstacles to overcome. The further down the steps we get, the more ego mind acts up: temper tantrums; mind attacks; resistance barriers galore to get through. Just when we think we"got it"...the mind throws its punches and its lassos around us to knock us down and pull us back in to its recesses...as the Witness, the Observer...just watches...untouched and unblemished by these ego assaults.
Roving Reporter
My mind has been so active in the last 48 hours, physical fatigue and menopausal hormone fluctuations adding to its bizarre reasoning for such attacks. Between the moments I am lost in the smoke of artillery fire, I see the battles going on in my head and like a war reporter I am standing on the sidelines reporting back to someone or something what I am seeing. At least, I am reporting, I exclaim to myself. I am seeing it...I am recognizing it. That is a very big step!!!!
But....I am still "reporting," using words and ideas and mental constructs to explain what doesn't need to be explained. When we are "explaining" anything we are not in presence. Presence is something that cannot be explained only experienced. If we are "reporting" we are not experiencing.
We want to be in that stillness we are discovering, more and more...we want to stay with it for as long as we can. As soon as the roving reporter is spotted prowling around... we can know we are out of it. Well not out of it...It is always there...we are just in front of it, obstructing our ability to experience what is there and always will be there beneath this crazy activity of our minds.This is a good little observation tip to remember and something Mooji uses in his "self-inquiry".
Self Inquiry
We have to ask ourselves at those times, " Who is doing the reporting?To whom are we reporting?" When we manage to see that it is ego mind, that which wants to keep us from experiencing presence, that is reporting and we know at point how mixed up in its perceptions ego is then we can become less threatened. And though it thinks it is reporting back to home base...it isn't. The Observer already sees everything but does not pay heed to our mental battles as anything significant. Ego is really just reporting back to itself.
Realizing this brings us back to the recognition that there is the "little self" constantly on the go, threatened by our discovery of Self...and doing whatever it can to pull us back. We also recognize the greater Self in the background waiting patiently for us to come to it...in "quiet" with no need for thought or narration. Our reports and what we are reporting mean nothing to it. We are not going to win any awards for our bravery and our skill of observation of what It considers insignificant. We can only appease ego that way.
So as long as we are reporting, we are not experiencing the stillness and the emptiness of who we really are. We are still somehow attached to the wars of this world and our minds. There is a better way.
All is well.
Saturday, May 5, 2018
Steps to Waking Up
It's Been a Journey
I have been writing about this waking up thing for a couple of years, longer really...but in this blog it officially began in 2016, I believe. I come here almost every morning to chart my progress in one form or another by sharing what I am learning and how.
I have this mind that likes to simplify things and put them in special order for easy processing. So when I look at the journey I am taking I can see certain steps/levels of awakening that have and are occurring. I would like to share those now.
Steps to Waking Up:
It's all good.
I have been writing about this waking up thing for a couple of years, longer really...but in this blog it officially began in 2016, I believe. I come here almost every morning to chart my progress in one form or another by sharing what I am learning and how.
I have this mind that likes to simplify things and put them in special order for easy processing. So when I look at the journey I am taking I can see certain steps/levels of awakening that have and are occurring. I would like to share those now.
Steps to Waking Up:
- Seeking and doing to be happy.
- Powering the mind with story, past and future
- Becoming aware that it isn't working
- recognizing the fruitlessness of an "external" search involving judging and blaming
- questioning that methodology
- beginning a different type of seeking
- listening to the guidance that points inward
- looking at one's own mind
- recognizing the ego or "little self" within
- taking accountability and responsibility for one's own life
- determining that ego is not who we really are
- willingness to just sit
- knowing that something else is watching ego at work
- realizing that one knows nothing
- being willing to leave all thought and ideas behind
- finding the space beneath
- spending more and more time there
- realizing the Truth
- Loving from that space, that Truth
- Full awareness of a desire to be happy or at least to relieve suffering leading to "seeking" and "doing" (For me that involved...jumping into a religious, psychology or social type of understanding and redeeming myself through achievement, recognition, owning, becoming more like others or better than. It meant creating a socially acceptable idea of self.)
- Powering the mind and ego with "story" built from "past" memory and anticipation for redemption in a "future" that will never arrive.
- Becoming aware that what is being done in the search for happiness or the end of suffering is not really working. ...that one is not really where they want to be.(I began to see that these things I was doing and seeking were not taking me to where I really wanted to be.)
- Recognizing that up until now "the search" had been conducted externally and that one was "blaming", "judging" external things for not making them happy when their "expecting" "clinging" "seeking" "hoping" only created a certain pseudo contentment or relief that did not last. (As things seemed to be "taken" from me, I began to go through a process of seeing how they were not substantial enough anyway to sustain me)
- Questioning that methodology and what one was taught to believe was real. Doubting if it was the way to find this happiness or end to suffering. (I began to question everything I thought I knew and was conditioned to believe. I began to look at this idea of "belief" very seriously. To ask the question..."What is the Truth beyond conditioned belief?" about life and happiness.)
- Beginning a different type of seeking that takes the mind away from its conditioned comfort zone ...may be looking at different ideas and possibilities that one was warned not to look at by those still in step one. Maintaining a very "mental" connection to things, one partakes in a type of mental activity rather than a physical one, as they question and seek. (I began to look at other philosophies and religions which I was taught was "sinful" to do.)
- Listening to the guidance that points inward as the direction to go for the answers.(I got that from many spiritual masters I read or listened to.)
- Looking at one's own mind and belief system very thoroughly. (Though, I had a psychological understanding of things I looked a little further into what Patanjali called the "mental modifications." )
- Recognizing the little self or ego that we have allowed to take on so much of the control.(when I identified the ego created "little self" in me [thanks to Wayne Dyer, then Tolle and ACIM], my life shifted dramatically.)
- Taking accountability and responsibility for one's life and how one is experiencing it. Seeing the reliance on past and future there as an escape from present moment awareness. (This was the hard part for me...taking ownership for my life and putting away my story and the victim status it honored me with. Giving up my attachment to a past as a means to explain who I was and my reliance on the future to make it all better...was a challenging thing to do.)
- Having a very strong inkling that ego is not who we are and that something much greater exists within. (This helped.)
- A willingness to just sit in the now of one's existence for at least a few moments a day, to become aware of what that greater Self might be. (I began meditating and partaking in mindfulness activities as the most important part of my day.)
- Sensing that Something {which is no-thing}is watching, observing and witnessing ego at work with all it's mind games and senseless activity. (I do this as I go about my everyday life...When I can make this observation I become aware of that higher Self and less identified with ego)
- Realizing one knows nothing and being okay with it. (This was also challenging for me...to put away all I thought I learned over the years through extensive study and just rest with the idea that I really know nothing.)
- Being willing to leave all thought, ideas about the little self , what we thought we knew at the door that leads to the greater Self. (Tolle, Adyashanti, Patanjali and Mooji [to name just a few of the teachers that showed up in distant form when I was ready for what they could offer]helped me with that one)
- Finding the space of stillness, quiet...nothingness...that exists beneath the veil of mental chatter and activity. (This just shows up when we lift the veil we created with our minds. Satori. Right now I am only getting a few precious moments here and there throughout the day...still have some more lifting to do.)
- Seeing the importance of spending more and more time there rather in the teachings and written words that point there. (This is where I am at now.)
- Realizing the truth: one does not "become aware", one "is" awareness. Awareness is the Self where true happiness is expressed.
- Loving from that space is why we are here I believe.
It's all good.
Thursday, May 3, 2018
Everyone is suffering for a Kind of inner space....There really isn't anything, other than This.
-Mooji (Mooji TV https://mooji.tv/freemedia/to-see-the-whole/)
-Mooji (Mooji TV https://mooji.tv/freemedia/to-see-the-whole/)
Wednesday, May 2, 2018
Let me remember
Let me remember that I am one with God, at one with all my brothers and my Self, in everlasting holiness and peace.
ACIM W-124:12:2
Tuesday, May 1, 2018
Leaving It All at the Door
Would you stand outside while all heaven waits for you within? ....All the complexities of the world has spun of fragile cobwebs disappear before the power and the majesty of this extremely simple statement of the truth.
ACIM Lesson 122:6:1,7
Wow! Serendipity is a strange and wonderful thing. As I was contemplating the Lessons in A Course that spoke to this idea of taking the "unforgiving mind" to the door of the higher Self where it would simply disappear and where once in with out it, we could sit quietly in the peace and happiness we long for....I came across a video. In this video, Mooji, a spiritual teacher, during a Satsang is getting students to imagine walking into the room of the Higher Self but before they can come in they must leave everything about the ego identity, all that makes the "unforgiving mind", at the door. It is amazingly effective technique that helps bring us into the "isness" of our life. It just seemed so serendipitous that I should run across the video when I am writing about Lesson 121, Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
Let's look more at the "unforgiving mind" described in Lesson 121. :
Of course, we would want to leave something like that behind, wouldn't we?
The thing is, it is doomed when we show up at the door of the higher Self but we are not...because we are not it. We are not this thing ego has created, identified with, named itself as. We are something beyond that, beyond the concept of "little self". We will realize that when we open the door. Forgiveness, according the Course is the key that will let us in to that Truth.
Hmm! All is well.
Be sure to check out the video below.
References :
Foundations of Inner Peace (2007) Work Book For Students. A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundation for Inner Peace.
Mooji (n.d.) Invitation to Freedom. Mooji TV . Retrieved from https://mooji.tv/freemedia/an-invitation-to-freedom/
ACIM Lesson 122:6:1,7
Wow! Serendipity is a strange and wonderful thing. As I was contemplating the Lessons in A Course that spoke to this idea of taking the "unforgiving mind" to the door of the higher Self where it would simply disappear and where once in with out it, we could sit quietly in the peace and happiness we long for....I came across a video. In this video, Mooji, a spiritual teacher, during a Satsang is getting students to imagine walking into the room of the Higher Self but before they can come in they must leave everything about the ego identity, all that makes the "unforgiving mind", at the door. It is amazingly effective technique that helps bring us into the "isness" of our life. It just seemed so serendipitous that I should run across the video when I am writing about Lesson 121, Forgiveness is the key to happiness.
Let's look more at the "unforgiving mind" described in Lesson 121. :
- It looks upon the world with sightless eyes, and shrieks as it beholds its own projections rising to attack its miserable parody of life. (w-121:4:2)
- The unforgiving mind is in in despair, without the prospect of a future which can offer anything but more despair.(w-121:5:1)
- ...and does not see it has condemned itself to this despair.(w-121:5:2)
- It does not ask because it thinks it knows. It does not question, certain it is right.(w-121:4:4-5)
Of course, we would want to leave something like that behind, wouldn't we?
The thing is, it is doomed when we show up at the door of the higher Self but we are not...because we are not it. We are not this thing ego has created, identified with, named itself as. We are something beyond that, beyond the concept of "little self". We will realize that when we open the door. Forgiveness, according the Course is the key that will let us in to that Truth.
Hmm! All is well.
Be sure to check out the video below.
References :
Foundations of Inner Peace (2007) Work Book For Students. A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundation for Inner Peace.
Mooji (n.d.) Invitation to Freedom. Mooji TV . Retrieved from https://mooji.tv/freemedia/an-invitation-to-freedom/
Monday, April 30, 2018
In the Company of Ego
Who Is This?
I came out alone on my way to my tryst.
But who is this that follows me in the silent dark?
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger;
he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter.
He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame;
but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.
But who is this that follows me in the silent dark?
I move aside to avoid his presence but I escape him not.
He makes the dust rise from the earth with his swagger;
he adds his loud voice to every word that I utter.
He is my own little self, my lord, he knows no shame;
but I am ashamed to come to thy door in his company.
I love Tagore's poems. They are so real and enlightening. This one came from his 1913 Nobel Prize winning collection, Gitanjali (Song Offerings) (Partha & Sen, 2015) and it speaks to the idea of the unforgiving mind or the ego in our lives. It is hard to leave this mind, this "little self" behind but leave it behind is what we want to do when we see how annoying and embarrassing it can be, when we see how much it impacts our lives in a negative way.
So why do we want to move aside, to avoid the presence of our "own little self"?
The unforgiving mind is torn with doubt, confused about itself and all it sees; afraid and angry, weak and blustering, afraid to go ahead, afraid to waken or to go to sleep, afraid of every sound, yet more afraid of stillness; terrified of darkness, yet more terrified to approach the light. What can the unforgiving mind perceive but its damnation? What can it behold except the proof that all its sins are real? (ACIM,w-121:3:1-3, page 214)
Who would want the company of a mind that is doubtful and confused about everything, afraid, angry, loud and obnoxious in its defenses? Who would want this 'self' following us around that is paralyzed with fear but at the same time cannot sit still because it fears that more; terrified of darkness but even more so of light?
This company, too many of us keep, does not want us going to the door of the Divine because it fears it will be "damned" there. When we become aware of it, however, as it "follows us in the dark," we realize we do not want to take it into our spiritual seeking...into our meeting with the Divine. But take it we must when we knock on the door of higher understanding.
It is there and only there will we be taught how to detach from its clinging hold once and for all. As A Course says, Through Him you learn how to forgive the self you think you made, and let it disappear. (ACIM, w-121:6-4,page 214-215) It will be forgiven there and with that forgiveness, it will gently fade away.
All is well in my world.
References
Partha Pratim Ray & B.K. Sen (August 2015) Publications of
Rabrindath Tagore; A Biblimetric Study in Annals of Library and Information
Study. Vol 62; pages 177-185. Retrieved from http://nopr.niscair.res.in/bitstream/123456789/32290/1/ALIS%2062%283%29%20177-185.pdf
Tagore, Rabrindranath (n.d.) Who Is This? Poem Hunters. Retrieved from https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/who-is-this/
Foundations For Inner Peace (2007) Lesson 121. Work Book For Students in A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundation For Inner Peace.
Sunday, April 29, 2018
The Key to Happiness
Coming down with a bit of a bug so the gung-ho inspiration I had first thing this morning has been somewhat supressed. :) I had intended to write when I returned from breakfast but knew I could not put off washing the floor for one more day so...I bit the bullet and went at it. That chore seemed to take away the bit of oomph I had in me. Now I am wanting nothing more than to sleep.
Still... I want to honor my intention somewhat lol. Lesson 121 ACIM has hit me with a bang. The words are almost poetic and seductive, and the message cannot be denied. Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Hmm! The transcriber of that message states that our answer to our search for peace lies in forgiveness. Why then do we not leave our unforgiving minds behind, especially when they are so horrid?
The Unforgiving Mind
I want to look at the description of the unforgiving mind in more detail. Four paragraphs/ stanzas are allotted to this description in A Course and I would like to discuss each one in detail.
The unforgiving mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unforgiving mind is sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery, peering about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there. (ACIM; Workbook For Students, Lesson 121: 2; 1-3, page 214)
Hmmm! The mind that does not forgive others, the world and itself is fear based. It operates in the realm away from Love. It therefore does not allow Love to Be, to grow and expand the way it is meant to. We see what I call retraction. This mind is sad and hopeless about being relieved of its pain. It suffers, living in misery as it looks out on a world it can not see clearly because of the darkness it exists in and thus anticipates danger at every corner.
Wow! Nice mind, eh?
Most of us are living with unforgiving minds and suffer the way these words describe. We are full of fear, hopeless and sad, living in darkness rather than light. We are convinced that danger exists all around us because we cannot see clearly. We experience this in ourselves and we see it in others.
What Do We Need to Do to Change?
We must learn to forgive others and by so doing we are forgiven for our own "insanity" created by an unforgiving mind. We pass on Love to others so that It shines in us....so that it soars above this version of the world our unforgiving mind has created; so that it allows the light to pour through and so we see, once and for all, just how safe we are and have always been.
It is a process that must be "acquired" according to A Course. We need to accept that it is a process requiring time and practice to undo all ego has done. It begins with a willingness to want to forgive.
It is all good.
Foundation For Inner Peace(2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundation For Inner Peace.
Still... I want to honor my intention somewhat lol. Lesson 121 ACIM has hit me with a bang. The words are almost poetic and seductive, and the message cannot be denied. Forgiveness is the key to happiness. Hmm! The transcriber of that message states that our answer to our search for peace lies in forgiveness. Why then do we not leave our unforgiving minds behind, especially when they are so horrid?
The Unforgiving Mind
I want to look at the description of the unforgiving mind in more detail. Four paragraphs/ stanzas are allotted to this description in A Course and I would like to discuss each one in detail.
The unforgiving mind is full of fear, and offers love no room to be itself; no place where it can spread its wings in peace and soar above the turmoil of the world. The unforgiving mind is sad, without the hope of respite and release from pain. It suffers and abides in misery, peering about in darkness, seeing not, yet certain of the danger lurking there. (ACIM; Workbook For Students, Lesson 121: 2; 1-3, page 214)
Hmmm! The mind that does not forgive others, the world and itself is fear based. It operates in the realm away from Love. It therefore does not allow Love to Be, to grow and expand the way it is meant to. We see what I call retraction. This mind is sad and hopeless about being relieved of its pain. It suffers, living in misery as it looks out on a world it can not see clearly because of the darkness it exists in and thus anticipates danger at every corner.
Wow! Nice mind, eh?
Most of us are living with unforgiving minds and suffer the way these words describe. We are full of fear, hopeless and sad, living in darkness rather than light. We are convinced that danger exists all around us because we cannot see clearly. We experience this in ourselves and we see it in others.
What Do We Need to Do to Change?
We must learn to forgive others and by so doing we are forgiven for our own "insanity" created by an unforgiving mind. We pass on Love to others so that It shines in us....so that it soars above this version of the world our unforgiving mind has created; so that it allows the light to pour through and so we see, once and for all, just how safe we are and have always been.
It is a process that must be "acquired" according to A Course. We need to accept that it is a process requiring time and practice to undo all ego has done. It begins with a willingness to want to forgive.
It is all good.
Foundation For Inner Peace(2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume. Third Edition. Mill Valley: Foundation For Inner Peace.
Saturday, April 28, 2018
Treasures
We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.
Thornton Wilder
Feel so blessed by the things that are happening around me. There is some light entering what seemed like a dark place. That light is a treasure. I am seeing that light in everything, even in rejections that would have once stung like the dickens. I see the story as just that "a story"...take it or leave it. I am not that attached to it. I no longer see my stories as extensions of me, as children I need to promote and protect. I no longer see other opinion as the absolute measure of who I am as a writer and as a person.I see the truth in it and I learn and accept because of it without allowing it to determine who I believe I am. I am not going to stop writing because of it and may even get better because of it. It is all so good!
Spring is here. The snow is finally melting. The temperatures are mild and the sunlight, when it is out, is absolutely amazing. Bird song everywhere!!! My children are well; my siblings are well; D, is well and my life is absolutely the biggest treasure of all.
Oh...and I have a new washer. After six months of flooding to the basement...I have a lovely new washer in my laundry room, thanks to D. and his bonus at work. That is just one of the many little treasures in my life right now. :)
All is well.
Thornton Wilder
Feel so blessed by the things that are happening around me. There is some light entering what seemed like a dark place. That light is a treasure. I am seeing that light in everything, even in rejections that would have once stung like the dickens. I see the story as just that "a story"...take it or leave it. I am not that attached to it. I no longer see my stories as extensions of me, as children I need to promote and protect. I no longer see other opinion as the absolute measure of who I am as a writer and as a person.I see the truth in it and I learn and accept because of it without allowing it to determine who I believe I am. I am not going to stop writing because of it and may even get better because of it. It is all so good!
Spring is here. The snow is finally melting. The temperatures are mild and the sunlight, when it is out, is absolutely amazing. Bird song everywhere!!! My children are well; my siblings are well; D, is well and my life is absolutely the biggest treasure of all.
Oh...and I have a new washer. After six months of flooding to the basement...I have a lovely new washer in my laundry room, thanks to D. and his bonus at work. That is just one of the many little treasures in my life right now. :)
All is well.
Friday, April 27, 2018
Relief and Hope
There will always be a spiritual light that beckons to us, giving us the hope of rescue and relief.
-L. Whitney Clayton
Some wonderful news showed up in my life recently. The mass on my sister's brain that the neurologists were so concerned about is benign. My loved ones are doing better in their struggles with thought and emotion. I feel relieved. Relief is such a powerful emotion.
I also had some hope offered to me in regards to my financial situation which somehow lifted a bit of the heaviness away. We are in the process of slowly preparing the house for sale which is so much more easy to mentally digest than the idea of losing the house does. That too gives me hope. New sunny colours and more light inside and outside my home adds to that hope.
Relief and Hope
So relief and hope are emotions I am feeling. One puts me in the now of my existence, the other in the future. Hmmm! Can you figure which one is which?
I like relief because it allows me to settle into my present situation. I feel lighter in thought and energy so I can relax into the moment. As resistance peels away I feel comfortable in my skin. It is a nice feeling.
Hope also lightens and allows me to feel good. It, however, takes me from my present moment rather than towards it. Hope is future oriented. I feel better about something that may or may not happen in the future. The light is something I am looking toward...not necessarily basking in now. Still it feels good. I would much rather be experiencing hope than despair.
Anyway it is all good. I know that to be true because ego is throwing a tantrum, trying to bring me down and away from these emotions. It is throwing thoughts in my head like, "Yeah great! But what are you going to now? How are you going to wait until November or later? And really though...if you now have nothing outside yourself to worry about, that means you have to deal with you...and all the mess you got going on inside that head of yours? etc etc" Let's face it... ego wants me feeling bad.
Ego doesn't like relief, hope or anything that takes me closer to peace and Love. It wants me down where it can control me. So in its little mind nest it flings things around that make stillness and quiet challenging. It will not let me settle into relief and hope.
It's all good...I can see what it is doing so it cannot do much harm.
All is well in my world.
-L. Whitney Clayton
Some wonderful news showed up in my life recently. The mass on my sister's brain that the neurologists were so concerned about is benign. My loved ones are doing better in their struggles with thought and emotion. I feel relieved. Relief is such a powerful emotion.
I also had some hope offered to me in regards to my financial situation which somehow lifted a bit of the heaviness away. We are in the process of slowly preparing the house for sale which is so much more easy to mentally digest than the idea of losing the house does. That too gives me hope. New sunny colours and more light inside and outside my home adds to that hope.
Relief and Hope
So relief and hope are emotions I am feeling. One puts me in the now of my existence, the other in the future. Hmmm! Can you figure which one is which?
I like relief because it allows me to settle into my present situation. I feel lighter in thought and energy so I can relax into the moment. As resistance peels away I feel comfortable in my skin. It is a nice feeling.
Hope also lightens and allows me to feel good. It, however, takes me from my present moment rather than towards it. Hope is future oriented. I feel better about something that may or may not happen in the future. The light is something I am looking toward...not necessarily basking in now. Still it feels good. I would much rather be experiencing hope than despair.
Anyway it is all good. I know that to be true because ego is throwing a tantrum, trying to bring me down and away from these emotions. It is throwing thoughts in my head like, "Yeah great! But what are you going to now? How are you going to wait until November or later? And really though...if you now have nothing outside yourself to worry about, that means you have to deal with you...and all the mess you got going on inside that head of yours? etc etc" Let's face it... ego wants me feeling bad.
Ego doesn't like relief, hope or anything that takes me closer to peace and Love. It wants me down where it can control me. So in its little mind nest it flings things around that make stillness and quiet challenging. It will not let me settle into relief and hope.
It's all good...I can see what it is doing so it cannot do much harm.
All is well in my world.
Thursday, April 26, 2018
Long story?
Life is too short for a long story.
-Mary Wortley Montagu
Removed yesterday's post because I realized I was slipping back into story. My need to share is not only to inspire growth and learning for my self and others...which I sincerely want to do...but I still have an ego tendency to want to create story and get some form of recognition for it.
"Oh Geesh...I am going through so much. Look at me...cry for me, applaud for me and throw roses on the stage for my part as tragic heroine." lol I am fully aware my drama gets me nowhere I really want to be.
Sure life is tough at times but others, I know, can have it a heck of a lot tougher. When I get lost in my story I fail to see that to some degree. It becomes about "poor me". And I fail to see what I have in the form of blessing which is so much.
On my behalf...I am a writer and I do love to create characters and storylines out of what is going on around me. I do not want to give it up entirely nor do I want to deny the reality of my situation....just do not want to get stuck there. Want to deal with life with a clear head and an open heart.
All good. :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2018
Life is Now
Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.
Eckhart Tolle
It is all good. It really is. I noticed something about myself today...I start a new course this morning and though I am somewhat prepared for this class, previous to this morning I focused little on it. I was not overly excited about starting a new class like I usually get, nor was I dreading it. I just didn't think about it. Because previous to today it was just a "future projection " in my mind. I had to do some planning but I didn't get meticulous in my planning like I tend to do.
Eckhart Tolle refers to two types of time in The Power of Now. He uses the term "Clock time" to describe the use of time necessary to get by in this physical world. We do need to plan, schedule to some degree , set appointments etc. So I used clock time to prepare for today's class in some form but instead of getting overly invested in the thinking about it...worrying, hoping, wondering, becoming anxious, dreading, excited etc etc which are signs of one slipping into "psychological time", (Tolle's second type of time)....I was practical. which is a big step for me.
I may go to class this morning and feel totally unprepared and may curse Tolle a little bit under my breath lol ( joking) but I am grateful I didn't waste any of precious "now" time lost in my head.
It is all good.
Tolle, Eckhart (2004) The Power of Now. Novato: New World Library.
Eckhart Tolle
It is all good. It really is. I noticed something about myself today...I start a new course this morning and though I am somewhat prepared for this class, previous to this morning I focused little on it. I was not overly excited about starting a new class like I usually get, nor was I dreading it. I just didn't think about it. Because previous to today it was just a "future projection " in my mind. I had to do some planning but I didn't get meticulous in my planning like I tend to do.
Eckhart Tolle refers to two types of time in The Power of Now. He uses the term "Clock time" to describe the use of time necessary to get by in this physical world. We do need to plan, schedule to some degree , set appointments etc. So I used clock time to prepare for today's class in some form but instead of getting overly invested in the thinking about it...worrying, hoping, wondering, becoming anxious, dreading, excited etc etc which are signs of one slipping into "psychological time", (Tolle's second type of time)....I was practical. which is a big step for me.
I may go to class this morning and feel totally unprepared and may curse Tolle a little bit under my breath lol ( joking) but I am grateful I didn't waste any of precious "now" time lost in my head.
It is all good.
Tolle, Eckhart (2004) The Power of Now. Novato: New World Library.
Monday, April 23, 2018
Nothing can be done...
The timeless One Life that you are is already complete.
Eckhart Tolle
I have been wondering how to approach some of the situations in my life that require me to be clear and present for the best interest of others. Challenged. I go to the wise people sitting off and away from the path most people are taking, for the answers. I seem to be drawn to Eckhart Tolle's wisdom again and again.
Hmmm! We really do not have to go anywhere, do anything, add anything else, know more, work harder or even "try" to be present. We just need to surrender and let the already complete Being within us show Itself. Man...it is so easy really yet we make it so hard. Hmm!
In the now, there is already the fullness of Life that is you.
Eckhart Tolle
References
The Modern Buddha (July, 2017) Surrendering to what is from Eckhart Tolle TV. Retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpmFeW6zxOI
Eckhart Tolle
I have been wondering how to approach some of the situations in my life that require me to be clear and present for the best interest of others. Challenged. I go to the wise people sitting off and away from the path most people are taking, for the answers. I seem to be drawn to Eckhart Tolle's wisdom again and again.
Hmmm! We really do not have to go anywhere, do anything, add anything else, know more, work harder or even "try" to be present. We just need to surrender and let the already complete Being within us show Itself. Man...it is so easy really yet we make it so hard. Hmm!
In the now, there is already the fullness of Life that is you.
Eckhart Tolle
References
The Modern Buddha (July, 2017) Surrendering to what is from Eckhart Tolle TV. Retrieved from
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NpmFeW6zxOI
Sunday, April 22, 2018
If the shoe fits...
The truth is you already are what you are seeking.
-Adyashanti
Questions From A Shoe
I listened to Adyashanti last night on a You Tube Video ( man... I really do need to start collecting the information needed to cite those videos). He used this wonderful analogy to describe the fruitlessness of spiritual "seeking" or of taking the spiritual "path". He said if one of the shoes on your feet right now asked you, "What path do I take to be a shoe? Where do I go from here?", what would you answer? Most of us, who are attached to the idea of knowing, might answer with things like, "Take ten steps forward and turn left." or "Go up to the top of that hill like so many of the other shoes are doing." "Read this, listen to him or her, do that, change this way, get new laces" etc etc.
The Only Answers
But think about it. What can be the only answer you can give your shoe that resonates with the truth. Well there are two actually. The first is: "I don't know," which is always the truth right?...We do not know anything really. We just want to think we do because the idea of being knowledgeable and having the answers feeds the ego.
What happens, however, if we venture beyond the ego and think like the Being looking down at the shoe that is at that moment attached to it. Wouldn't the obvious answer then be...."Duh!!!! You are already a shoe! You go nowhere...you stay where you are. I am the Source and you are already connected to me."
What Path Do I Take? What Method do I use to Become Spiritual?
So when we ask, "How can I be spiritual and connected to my Source? Where is my best Self? What path do I take?" or more practically, "How can I be complete in joy and peace and Love?" it is kind of silly, right?
Yet we will see the majority of others around us who are travelling down one path or another shouting out, "Come this way!" or "Do what we are doing...this is the right path." We will be confused by all the so called paths to take. And if we look...we will see so many people are crowded together on many different paths seemingly going in many different directions. ...sometimes clashing and banging in to each other or fighting over which path and method is the right one. We will get even more confused.
We may also notice that there are a few "odd" individuals,sitting quietly off the paths others are so busy on, asking everyone where the heck they think they are going Few people listen to them, however, determining that they are just crazy.
Our Source, the Divine Essence we are looking for but actually still attached to, would have to be looking at us with that same roll of the eyes and the same sauciness in Its tone that the body has for the shoe (if it knew sarcasm) ..."Duh! You already are spiritual. You are Spirit. I already made you whole and complete, making Love, peace and joy the essence of who you are."
"Huh? How do I know that? Where do I go to know that?" we may ask again.
"You go nowhere." It and all those "odd" beings who are off the paths will answer," You stop and you sit and be still for awhile. Then you might know."
Just Stop and Know
I guess the point is...if we are moving, shoes or not, on a path...any direction has to be the wrong direction, any movement the wrong movement doesn't it? If we are moving at all...we are moving away from the thing we are seeking instead of toward it. Instead of moving and seeking, do we not then just have to sit and Be what we already are for awhile?
It is not about seeking, direction, taking the right path, moving or doing...it is just about recognizing and remembering. Those off -the-common path individuals may be 'odd' because they are doing something different than everyone else- by 'not doing'. Could we learn from them? They certainly have an important message to share when we are ready to listen. The more of us who catch on and begin to do what they are doing (or not doing), the better the world will be.
And of course, I opened up this morning to Lesson 114 of ACIM with, I am spirit! If we just knew that we wouldn't have to look outside ourselves or go anywhere, would we?
All is well in my world.
References:
Adyashanti video...You Tube
ACIM
-Adyashanti
Questions From A Shoe
I listened to Adyashanti last night on a You Tube Video ( man... I really do need to start collecting the information needed to cite those videos). He used this wonderful analogy to describe the fruitlessness of spiritual "seeking" or of taking the spiritual "path". He said if one of the shoes on your feet right now asked you, "What path do I take to be a shoe? Where do I go from here?", what would you answer? Most of us, who are attached to the idea of knowing, might answer with things like, "Take ten steps forward and turn left." or "Go up to the top of that hill like so many of the other shoes are doing." "Read this, listen to him or her, do that, change this way, get new laces" etc etc.
The Only Answers
But think about it. What can be the only answer you can give your shoe that resonates with the truth. Well there are two actually. The first is: "I don't know," which is always the truth right?...We do not know anything really. We just want to think we do because the idea of being knowledgeable and having the answers feeds the ego.
What happens, however, if we venture beyond the ego and think like the Being looking down at the shoe that is at that moment attached to it. Wouldn't the obvious answer then be...."Duh!!!! You are already a shoe! You go nowhere...you stay where you are. I am the Source and you are already connected to me."
What Path Do I Take? What Method do I use to Become Spiritual?
So when we ask, "How can I be spiritual and connected to my Source? Where is my best Self? What path do I take?" or more practically, "How can I be complete in joy and peace and Love?" it is kind of silly, right?
Yet we will see the majority of others around us who are travelling down one path or another shouting out, "Come this way!" or "Do what we are doing...this is the right path." We will be confused by all the so called paths to take. And if we look...we will see so many people are crowded together on many different paths seemingly going in many different directions. ...sometimes clashing and banging in to each other or fighting over which path and method is the right one. We will get even more confused.
We may also notice that there are a few "odd" individuals,sitting quietly off the paths others are so busy on, asking everyone where the heck they think they are going Few people listen to them, however, determining that they are just crazy.
Our Source, the Divine Essence we are looking for but actually still attached to, would have to be looking at us with that same roll of the eyes and the same sauciness in Its tone that the body has for the shoe (if it knew sarcasm) ..."Duh! You already are spiritual. You are Spirit. I already made you whole and complete, making Love, peace and joy the essence of who you are."
"Huh? How do I know that? Where do I go to know that?" we may ask again.
"You go nowhere." It and all those "odd" beings who are off the paths will answer," You stop and you sit and be still for awhile. Then you might know."
Just Stop and Know
I guess the point is...if we are moving, shoes or not, on a path...any direction has to be the wrong direction, any movement the wrong movement doesn't it? If we are moving at all...we are moving away from the thing we are seeking instead of toward it. Instead of moving and seeking, do we not then just have to sit and Be what we already are for awhile?
It is not about seeking, direction, taking the right path, moving or doing...it is just about recognizing and remembering. Those off -the-common path individuals may be 'odd' because they are doing something different than everyone else- by 'not doing'. Could we learn from them? They certainly have an important message to share when we are ready to listen. The more of us who catch on and begin to do what they are doing (or not doing), the better the world will be.
And of course, I opened up this morning to Lesson 114 of ACIM with, I am spirit! If we just knew that we wouldn't have to look outside ourselves or go anywhere, would we?
All is well in my world.
References:
Adyashanti video...You Tube
ACIM
Saturday, April 21, 2018
The sights of spring are so close.....
Spring Brings New Hope.
- My Dad
So close I can feel it...can't see it yet but I can feel it. The snow is melting like crazy and the light is magnificent. Temperatures are rising into the double digits...imagine lol. It's the light I lean towards in spring...it is always the light. How we have missed it without even knowing it. :)
All is well
This is a much recycled photo of mine (my bad lol)
Friday, April 20, 2018
I Know Nothing
Not that which the mind can think, but that whereby the mind can think; Know that to be Braham the eternal, not what people here adore.
Kena Upanishads
Waking up to the Upanishads
Hmmm! I woke up, after a rough night of worry and concern (a chattering monkey mind :)), with those words ringing in my head as well as the word "Atman" flashing across my psyche. I am not Hindu. I do not understand Hindu scripture though I read some of it (but then again, I love to read all scripture from all religions). I especially love this translation of the Kena Upanishads. It makes sense to me. So I can see why it comes to me in the midst of an overactive ego mind.
What is Atman
Atman, I have learned about through my studying the yoga sutras of Patanjali. It is, as I have learned in Satchidananda's translation, "the Self", which is defined as the "Seer" or "Knower". (page6, 98) So I guess it is befitting that the mental lecture I received today on the Kena Upinshads used the word "Atman" as its visual aid. Atman is what sees, what hears, what illuminates speech and what thinks. That is what I come away with.
I Know Nothing
Anyway, why did that come to my mind? Why that and not something from my Christian upbringing? At least there I could fake some sort of "learned knowledge" on the subject. I do not have any learned knowledge what so ever on Hindu scripture other than what I read and understood in my heart. I, in fact, know nothing about anything really. Do any of us?
When my little me is in charge taunting and teasing the monkey in my head to act up...some wise voice within me tells me not to listen to the chattering it creates. I am reminded quietly, gently that I know absolutely nothing. Ego tries so hard to convince me I know lots more than other people do just because I "studied it" or "read it". ...but this wise Self, this Seer, this Knower...this Atman within me...that does know all...tells me that in my little form I know nothing while It knows everything. Hmmm!
For some reason I am thinking of Shultz from Hogan's Heroes repeating to himself, "I see nothing! I know nothinggggg!!! "
I Feel Everything: Our Youth Are Suffering
As I have mentioned, I have been seeing and feeling the suffering of others so acutely lately, especially it seems those between the ages of 18-25. I have been seeing, hearing, and being asked to help those who are depressed, suffering from a great deal of anxiety, suicidal and/or addicted to drugs, alcohol or other brain numbing behaviours. These individuals who report they cannot sleep, over eat or don't eat at all, or cannot even think about sitting still, seek bits of hope in some futuristic adventure that they feel requires mind altering substances. They come to me and I feel so helpless.
The addictive substances or behaviours used, I realize, are a form of self medication. The addictions become the focus for mental health professionals and are seen as the "problem" but they are just manifestations of it. The real problem is the suffering these kids are experiencing for whatever reason they are.
Not That Which People Here Adore
In their young and beautiful minds is painful thought activity that they try so hard to escape from. They do not yet see that they are not that activity, those thoughts and feelings...they are over identified with. They see themselves separate, unworthy, undeserving of blessing as they attempt to compete with "images" of perfect, exciting lives of perfect and beautiful people on their social media screens. They struggle to keep up with social expectation of what they should be not realizing how unrealistic and unhealthy that social expectation is...(what people here adore).
Not Taught to Be Happy
Do you realize that not in any part of North America's educational curriculum are children taught how to be happy? They are taught how to compete, how to get a job in a competitive market place but not how to be happy, as if it isn't as important.
Competing Against Unreality
They are competing against images, not reality. If they can not get at least some of what these other people have they feel like failures and losers. They have not learned of reality yet...of the true Self and of ego. They believe what is going on in their minds is life; it is who they are. So ultimate escape, then, sometimes means escape from self, escape from life...and we know where that takes them. It starts with this desire to self punish because of the shame they feel for not being perfect, then an urge to sabotage life potential through risky behaviour and then a desire to numb and most concerning, some will even end their own lives.
That is the reality of what I am seeing around me. I "Know nothing" but I feel a great deal because it is hitting too close to home. I feel heaviness as a result.
Why?
Why is it showing up in my life now? It seems like too many people and circumstances are coming to me at once to be coincidental. Why am I seeing and experiencing it and most importantly what am I supposed to do with it?
I don't know...I don't know anything. I just feel it...so I seek the wisdom of God (or Braham) , my greater Self, the Knower and the Seer within me. Show me how to help, I plea, or show me how to let go. I wait for an answer.
I think that is why I thought those words upon awakening ( my literal awakening lol) this morning, why I am seeing what I am seeing in my figurative awakening process. I am to learn something, I guess. Mostly, I am to learn to get beyond my own little me and my monkey mind to compassion, metta kindness and a sincere intention for light, joy, and peace for all. As we all are, I am to take part in the healing of mankind in some small unidentifiable way.
Not About the "Little Me"
I don't know much but what I do know is that it is not about the "little me" anymore. It never really ever was and I am sure it never will be again.
So I take these beautiful Hindu words to heart. I add to them the lessons from ACIM, that I opened up to this morning...Light and joy and peace abide in me. Lesson 112:1 Light, joy and peace (the Atman) reside in all of us and if we can at least tap into it within ourselves we will have something to share with those who need it most. We will help with the healing of the world. Is that not why we are here?
All is well in my world.
References
ACIM Workbook for Students
Not That Which the Mind Can think...(Jan 2013) Moonlight Way. Retrieved from https://moonlightenedshelves.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/not_that_which_the_mind_can_think/
Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications.
Kena Upanishads
Waking up to the Upanishads
Hmmm! I woke up, after a rough night of worry and concern (a chattering monkey mind :)), with those words ringing in my head as well as the word "Atman" flashing across my psyche. I am not Hindu. I do not understand Hindu scripture though I read some of it (but then again, I love to read all scripture from all religions). I especially love this translation of the Kena Upanishads. It makes sense to me. So I can see why it comes to me in the midst of an overactive ego mind.
What is Atman
Atman, I have learned about through my studying the yoga sutras of Patanjali. It is, as I have learned in Satchidananda's translation, "the Self", which is defined as the "Seer" or "Knower". (page6, 98) So I guess it is befitting that the mental lecture I received today on the Kena Upinshads used the word "Atman" as its visual aid. Atman is what sees, what hears, what illuminates speech and what thinks. That is what I come away with.
I Know Nothing
Anyway, why did that come to my mind? Why that and not something from my Christian upbringing? At least there I could fake some sort of "learned knowledge" on the subject. I do not have any learned knowledge what so ever on Hindu scripture other than what I read and understood in my heart. I, in fact, know nothing about anything really. Do any of us?
When my little me is in charge taunting and teasing the monkey in my head to act up...some wise voice within me tells me not to listen to the chattering it creates. I am reminded quietly, gently that I know absolutely nothing. Ego tries so hard to convince me I know lots more than other people do just because I "studied it" or "read it". ...but this wise Self, this Seer, this Knower...this Atman within me...that does know all...tells me that in my little form I know nothing while It knows everything. Hmmm!
For some reason I am thinking of Shultz from Hogan's Heroes repeating to himself, "I see nothing! I know nothinggggg!!! "
(oops...I think I might have committed some you tube faux pas by putting that video clip here. My apologies...totally ignorant in the ways of YouTube ethics and legalities)
.
I Feel Everything: Our Youth Are Suffering
As I have mentioned, I have been seeing and feeling the suffering of others so acutely lately, especially it seems those between the ages of 18-25. I have been seeing, hearing, and being asked to help those who are depressed, suffering from a great deal of anxiety, suicidal and/or addicted to drugs, alcohol or other brain numbing behaviours. These individuals who report they cannot sleep, over eat or don't eat at all, or cannot even think about sitting still, seek bits of hope in some futuristic adventure that they feel requires mind altering substances. They come to me and I feel so helpless.
The addictive substances or behaviours used, I realize, are a form of self medication. The addictions become the focus for mental health professionals and are seen as the "problem" but they are just manifestations of it. The real problem is the suffering these kids are experiencing for whatever reason they are.
Not That Which People Here Adore
In their young and beautiful minds is painful thought activity that they try so hard to escape from. They do not yet see that they are not that activity, those thoughts and feelings...they are over identified with. They see themselves separate, unworthy, undeserving of blessing as they attempt to compete with "images" of perfect, exciting lives of perfect and beautiful people on their social media screens. They struggle to keep up with social expectation of what they should be not realizing how unrealistic and unhealthy that social expectation is...(what people here adore).
Not Taught to Be Happy
Do you realize that not in any part of North America's educational curriculum are children taught how to be happy? They are taught how to compete, how to get a job in a competitive market place but not how to be happy, as if it isn't as important.
Competing Against Unreality
They are competing against images, not reality. If they can not get at least some of what these other people have they feel like failures and losers. They have not learned of reality yet...of the true Self and of ego. They believe what is going on in their minds is life; it is who they are. So ultimate escape, then, sometimes means escape from self, escape from life...and we know where that takes them. It starts with this desire to self punish because of the shame they feel for not being perfect, then an urge to sabotage life potential through risky behaviour and then a desire to numb and most concerning, some will even end their own lives.
That is the reality of what I am seeing around me. I "Know nothing" but I feel a great deal because it is hitting too close to home. I feel heaviness as a result.
Why?
Why is it showing up in my life now? It seems like too many people and circumstances are coming to me at once to be coincidental. Why am I seeing and experiencing it and most importantly what am I supposed to do with it?
I don't know...I don't know anything. I just feel it...so I seek the wisdom of God (or Braham) , my greater Self, the Knower and the Seer within me. Show me how to help, I plea, or show me how to let go. I wait for an answer.
I think that is why I thought those words upon awakening ( my literal awakening lol) this morning, why I am seeing what I am seeing in my figurative awakening process. I am to learn something, I guess. Mostly, I am to learn to get beyond my own little me and my monkey mind to compassion, metta kindness and a sincere intention for light, joy, and peace for all. As we all are, I am to take part in the healing of mankind in some small unidentifiable way.
Not About the "Little Me"
I don't know much but what I do know is that it is not about the "little me" anymore. It never really ever was and I am sure it never will be again.
So I take these beautiful Hindu words to heart. I add to them the lessons from ACIM, that I opened up to this morning...Light and joy and peace abide in me. Lesson 112:1 Light, joy and peace (the Atman) reside in all of us and if we can at least tap into it within ourselves we will have something to share with those who need it most. We will help with the healing of the world. Is that not why we are here?
All is well in my world.
References
ACIM Workbook for Students
Not That Which the Mind Can think...(Jan 2013) Moonlight Way. Retrieved from https://moonlightenedshelves.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/not_that_which_the_mind_can_think/
Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications.
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