Observing the Drama Below

 Everything below you is holding you down including you.

Michael A. Singer

First Step: Becoming Aware of Being Aware of Being Aware

According to Michael A. Singer our spiritual evolution takes place in stages or steps.  The first step is becoming aware that we are aware of being aware. That entails observing our outer world events and how we are reacting to it with  thoughts, emotions, energies and behaviours. As long as we are aware of what the body is sensing and experiencing, (or that the body is sensing and experiencing); as long as we are aware of what we are thinking, (or that we are thinking); as long as we are aware what we are feeling, (or that we are feeling); as long as we are aware of how we are acting/ or reacting to the events unfolding in front of us,(or that we are reacting);  and as long as we are aware that we are in lower energy states or higher energy states, (or that we have energy states)...we have transcended.  We have detached  from these objects of consciousness that we were once all caught up in enough to observe them. That is a crucial step.  In that instant of awareness we have stopped being pulled around by them; we are no longer lost in them; and we no longer identify as them. We have fallen back/ risen up and away, even if it is only for a second, into the Seat of consciousness. 

From Character  to Observer

Instead of an actor lost in the character they were playing, we become the Observer of the drama.  What is going on inside the actor is a big part of the observation but it is not who we are. We are the Observing Awareness.

This is challenging enough, for most of us, to get. So lost are we in these parts we are playing we often forget that it is just a part, just a role. We forget that what we are wearing as a physical body is just an ever changing costume that is easily shed; that what is happening to the character on stage is just a part of the script the actor has no business in creating; and that what the actor is experiencing is just a temporary part of this scene that will soon pass.  The actor is just our psyche, full of thoughts, emotions, reactions, actions, energies, and not who we are. 

The Box Seat

Becoming aware means pulling back away from that which we have become so attached to. It means getting off the stage and going back to some box seat up above so we can look down at it all clearly.  Most of us are so convinced we are the main characters in these dramas and are so tangled up in it all we are not even aware that there is an awareness watching. That we are that awareness.  So, disentangling ourselves and making our way back to those box seats is not always easy. 

Sometimes we make it back there but only stay for a second before being pulled back on stage again. (The drama is so convincing and compelling). But even if we just have a second of "Oh...I am not up there.  I am back here watching. I see what is happening.  My body is feeling this; my mind is thinking that; my heart is feeling this; my energies are here; this is what this actor called "little me" is doing because of all that; and then that is what is happening up on stage because the character reacted in that way...wow!" Just a second of that awareness...and we have transcended.  We have become aware of being aware that we are aware.  That is a crucial step.

The Second Step: Maintaining the Seat of Awareness

With steady commitment and practice, seconds of awareness will soon lead to moments of awareness, followed by hours of awareness and days etc.  The second stage goal is to be able to maintain this Seat of awareness. This is the stage I am working in now...

I am aware of how all that stuff below that I have spent my life lost in is holding me down. I don't want to be held down by it any longer.

I am able to stay aware for longer and longer periods even through some scenes and acts with very challenging plots but I still slip so often as well.  I still find myself pulled by the actor to the stage and I still get lost in that compelling nature of  external and internal drama again, thinking and believing  it is all so problematic and real.  I still get lost in character from time to time and forget that I am actually the Observer up in the box seat watching. 

Then, suddenly I will remember again.  I will drop the swords or the other props I am holding and drag myself off the stage, up the stairs, and back to the box seat to observe again. It is a process.  It really is. I am probably spending more time back here than I ever did but I am still very much attached to what is going on down there on the stage. It is easy to get pulled into it.  I am aware, however, how easy it is to get pulled into it.  I am catching myself lost in the drama more and more. 

The beginning and end of yoga is awareness

To increase the time spent in the Seat of Consciousness, I keep renewing my commitment to yoga, and  making  my sadhana the most important part of my day.  I read, I listen, I  study, I share (so I process the learning and possibly help others along the way), I meditate, I do many mindfulness practices throughout the day, I practice Hatha and Kriya yoga, I try to serve ( Karma yoga) and I do my best to embrace this moment, here and now, and everything that is in it, exactly as it is. I constantly detach from the drama and do my best to observe it while I maintain a Seat up and away from it. 

It is a process, but I am learning. This learning is the most important thing in my life right now. 

What about you? How committed are you to becoming aware and maintaining the Seat of Consciousness?

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( November 6, 2023) The Seat of Consciousness. https://tou.org/talks/

One Single Candle

 All the darkness in the world cannot extinguish the light of one single candle.

St Francis  of Assisi

Sometimes it feels like darkness in the form of "negativity"  is taking over, doesn't it?  So much suffering inside and outside of us.  It feels we cannot escape it.  It "appears" that we are being swallowed whole by this darkness. What is this darkness? 

Darkness is nothing, absolutely nothing more than the absence of light. Negativity, fear, depression, suffering is nothing more than absence of light in the form of Love.  We just need to light one tiny candle for the darkness to go away....one genuine positive thought, one compassionate well wish for self or another, one act of kindness, one brave step away form the darkness and then there will be light.  

 Light dispels the illusion of darkness, but darkness can never dispel the reality of light. 

All is well!

Yoga and the Body

 I am not this body.  I am not even this mind.

Sadhguru ( Isha Kriya)

I am really getting that truth...that we are not the body or the mind.  I am also learning, at the same time, that it is the body and mind that accumulate karma.  Realization...true realization of Self beyond the self ( this concept that we are these little me's in individual bodies and minds) will free us from karma. 

Yet, that is a process that takes time and practice for most of us to attain.  So what do we do in the meantime? 

We begin the lifelong practice of training. Training the mind and the body can help us in many ways. 

How do we train the body, crazy lady?

We can train the body through Hatha yoga and Pranayama. We can train the body through Kriya Yoga.  We can train the body indirectly by training the mind...through sense withdrawal, concentration, meditation, and mindfulness. We can train the body through yoga. 

What happens when we train the body and mind through yoga?  We lubricate our engines and experience less stress and suffering.

All is well!

From Jnana to Bhakti

 Worship Govinda, Worship Govinda, Worship Govinda, O fool! The rules of grammar will not save you at the time of your death. O, fool! Give up your desire to amass wealth, devote your mind to dispassion and thoughts of the Real. Be content with what comes to you through actions performed by your own work.

Bhaja Govindam, translation of Verse 1 & 2

Note: Govinda is often used for Lord Krishna. Govinda can be translated to "the all-pervading, omnipresent ruler of the sense organs, or 'Indryas' " or "Protector of Cows".  Govinda is a supreme being that can be known through study of the Vedas (ancient Hindu scripture) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Govinda#:~:text=In%20the%20word%20%22Govinda%22%2C,as%20%22protector%20of%20cows%22. It s

What is this all about, crazy lady? 

I am sitting here on a Monday morning wondering what to write about.  For some reason the "Bhaja Govindam" keeps coming up as a topic.  

What The Fork? 

I started practicing the  Isha Kriya meditation offered by Sadhguru...and at the end of that guided meditation is a chant sung by Sadhguru in Sanskrit.  I wanted to know what it was/what it meant and upon some research discovered he was singing verses from this famous Hindu poem, Bhaja Govindam or the Moha Mudgara, as it is sometimes called. From my understanding, the poem was written by a Jnana Yogi Guru (scholarly type) called Shankara  upon hearing a student trying to learn grammar rules through rote knowledge. The basic premise of the poem is a plea to surrender ourselves to worship of Govini (the Lord Krishna?) because grammar rules ( and all worldly things, even knowledge) won't matter when we are dying.  It was basically saying that Jnana yoga (the study of scripture etc), though important, is not as important as devotion ( Bhakti Yoga). 

I further researched to discover that this surrender could be to a guru as well.  And for some reason, that did not sit well with me. The full devotion to a guru does not feel comfortable.  I tend to resist it ...(watched too may shows on cult leadership even in ashrams, I guess, to feel comfortable with such surrender, even though I know it is a well established component of the tradition of yoga).  For that reason I will never be an initiated yogi and will probably never be seen as a true yogi to those heaped in the tradition and culture of yoga...but I still think of myself as a yogi, just the same, a sloppily put together western model. :) 

 If I were to describe myself as a particular type of yogi, I would call myself a Jnana, like the student the poem is addressed to (though concern for grammar perfection is obviously not a priority for me :) and a karma yogi. Hmm! I still feel great devotion to God...especially when I am out in nature or find myself in the moment.  Conceptualizing God, however, is a problem for me. In prayers of past, I was conditioned to visualize God in a certain way  and devotion became something concrete and ritualistic.  I did not "experience" God in that way. It wasn't complete and honest devotion for me. So,my ways of devotion are changing.  I  want to experience God.  I am not yet a true Bhakti yogi.  

I really do not know what I am.  I just feel pulled in this direction. I am just going along this ride, not sure where I will end up as a yogi or as a person.  I know so little.

All is well in my world.

Sadhguru (2021) Isha Kriya: A Guided Meditation for Health and Well Being. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwQkfoKxRvo

Shlokam (n.d.) Bhaja Govindam. https://shlokam.org/bhajagovindam/

Emotional Labour Pains

The idea that you have to be protected from any type of uncomfortable emotion is what I absolutely do not subscribe to.

John Cleese

 I often mention, and probably share more than my remaining  ego is comfortable with, how uncomfortable it is to have the "old stuff" coming up from the recesses of my heart where I had stuffed and stored it in some pandora's box of many "unwanted" things. I am easily triggered, it seems, by certain Life events and not so easily by others.  When placed in a life threatening situation I experience it fully, wholly, and almost see the beauty in it.  Yet, it could just take a few words from another to throw me back into the dungeon of my mind. It is obviously not the event, then, that is the problem nor is it the emotional energy itself.  

Though my body was responding with fear last weekend during a life threatening event, my mind wasn't.  I wasn't clinging to any of it.  I was aware of it all, acutely so, but I was 'riding the wave' of it. It was being released as quickly as it was coming in. I wasn't using my will to create resistance and therefore reactivity against the moment.  I was flowing with it. I was handling it.

 The next day, however,  when a samskara got bumped and old painful emotional energy started to come up...I resisted, creating tension and stress. The flow of that emotional vibration became even more turbulent inside me.  The heart, the place where our emotions are stored, was doing what it does...attempting to purify itself. Purification means having these emotions and "samskaras" rise to the surface, into our conscious awareness, into our moments, so they can be experienced and released. When we resist, it is like pushing it back down, creating a wall between the natural flow of this energy upward and outward and our momentary experience.  The energy on the other side of our resistance, just like the Colorado river  does against the wall of the Hoover Dam, becomes even more turbulent when we do that. That is suffering!

It wasn't until I accepted both the experience outside: the not having our experience  validated and acted upon by formal support systems in a way that would make us feel adequately supported and protected and the experience inside: the activation of old samskaras based on past experience seeking help from support systems leading to a flood of emotions that could be named as "shame, fear, unworthiness, hopelessness, desperation" as well as "anger, blame, and resentment"....that I felt a certain disentanglement from it.

When I recognized that what was happening outside had little to do with me and that what was happening inside had everything to do with me, I relaxed into the entire experience.  I allowed it.  I observed it.  I felt a certain degree of compassion and understanding for the others. More importantly, I felt a certain degree of compassion and understanding for the heart that so wanted to release these trapped emotions.  So, though I need to work on being more gentle with myself, I did try to call  up each of these trapped energies gently and allow them into my conscious awareness.  I looked deeply into those that were willing and ready to arise,  understanding where they came from and why.  And, as a result, some left...some were released.  My samskara load is now a little lighter, as is my karmic load, as is my heart. 

We need to learn to understand and handle our emotional energies so we are not run by them.  We can learn to do just that. We can set our hearts free so Shakti can flow upward.  We really can. That doesn't mean we don't feel our emotions, even the painful ones.  That doesn't mean the process of purifying the heart is  a pain free one. It isn't.  It hurts :) But if we look at the process of purification as enduring the pains of  a labour that will soon free the soul from that which held it back...would we not be willing to do our best to relax and breathe into each contraction?

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( November 5, 2023) Understanding and Handling Emotions. https://tou.org/talks/

No Person, No "me"...just I am in this Moment

Live consciously...All that  ever was in creation is only in this moment, and all that will ever be is only in this moment. 

Sadhguru, Karma ( Harmony Books, 2021) page 168

I caught myself saying something in a video that I had to correct.  I was speaking about that which exists beyond the mind and I kept saying, "The person" beyond the mind.  Of course, there is no person beyond the psyche...this form with its physicality and its psychology. Just the opposite. There is what the buddhists refer to as "no-self". Going beyond the mind is freeing ourselves of person, of "me", of self with a little 's'. It involves transcending the "personal"...that which is in the way of us experiencing Life fully. Life isn't personal and either are we at the deepest level.

What lies beyond the mind is space...a space that transcends time and matter. It is unconditioned consciousness, stillness, complete and pure aliveness. It is the here and now.  It is who we are.  So it really isn't correct to say "I became aware of the awareness in me,"as I did after my experience of being attacked a week ago. During that crisis something amazing happened. I fell away from the mind and back into this space. I was able to operate from there without "me" in the way. Yet, when I later described that experience using words, I kept saying : "I was so aware of that greater person in me." The words were not accurate pointers. 

It was not a person in "me" that I became aware of. It wasn't a person at all.  Person refers to our psyches, our created story that explains all the memories we have collected over the years. This person is an image, our forms, our thoughts, beliefs, and feelings, our roles, our actions, our likes and dislikes, our fears, our preferences etc.  It is something we make up and use in the physical dimension. It isn't who we are. In fact, it is in the way of us fully experiencing who we are: presence.  Buying into it and focusing all our attention on it is what prevents us from seeing beyond it to the space  of who we really are. 

Then when I say "in "me". how can there be anything deeper in "me" when "me" is just an image I made up?  What happened that night was more like awareness becoming  aware of itself when "me" and mind stepped out of the way. I once again fell into that deeper transcendent aliveness...the hidden essence that exists behind all forms of the universe...the "I am that I am"...the enemation of God into this universe...and the light of the world as consciousness. Tolle

I didn't become aware of the deepest part of 'me'...the deepest part of I am became aware of itself. I fell into the here and now of the existence that I am.

Hmm! Something to think about.

All is well.

 Eckhart tolle ( October, 2023) Clearing the Mind/ A Guided Meditation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HudclrFRzQ0

Eckhart Tolle (October, 2023) Connecting Yourself to the Universe. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qmx53mdiQ6k

Karma and Self Response-Ability

 What you call karma- the bags of tendencies and predispositions you carry with you-is only your memory and imagination. So if you inhabit this moment deeply, fully, completely you have dropped your karmic load....The present is your only address. The here and now is your only abode. Sadhguru, page 168.

As I read and study Chapter 8 of Sadhguru's book, Karma, I am reminded, once again how important it is to accept what is instead of fighting against it. Our present moment is all there is existentially...it is inevitable.  There is nothing we can do about it. Our minds caught up in memories of teh past and imaginations of the future (times that truly do not exist) may continually go around and around but they are not getting us anywhere.  We cannot be anywhere but here and now.  This is all there is. This idea of "me" is a product of the mind, created by our stored impressions ( samskaras...reminded again how Sadhguru's explanation of  karma lines up so beautifully with Singer's explanation of samskaras) and it too is made up thing.  Without a "me" we are simply Life, simply existence experiencing existence. There is just reality. There is no karma accumulation in that. 

If we can distance ourselves enough from mind to accept the moment for being exactly what it is, we will quickly shed off old karma,  as we stop accumulating new karma. We can be free. 

Here are some beautiful words of wisdom I have absorbed from this chapter

• And so  these are the only two things you are suffering right now; your memory and your imagination. page 150
• your individuality is entirely made up. 151
• If you are aware, you become a positive, dynamic acceptance of this moment. ...happiness is not an occasion, a goal,  a destination. Happiness is your constant state of existence. And this is the end of suffering. 154
• as you are a part of existence, existence is also a part of you. 156
• if you become absolute acceptance, then everything-past, present, and future-is here and now.  157
• Your mind is very deeply conditioned by your past. This conditioning is what we call karma. 158
• With equanimity your entire structure of karma begins to collapse.  All it takes is the willingness to experience everything the way it is. You are not avoiding experience or pursuing it. You are simply open to enjoying the different flavours of life without seeking one or escaping the other. page 160
•  I am not the accumulations of my mind. [had that realization during the incident last weekend] page 164
• Can see My mind belongs to me but I am not my mind. page 164
• Basis of karma is simple: You are the source of all your baggage. When you clearly perceive this, your essential quality changes. ...If you see someone else as teh source, you will always be distracted, disorientated, bitter, frustrated, agitated, and angry. When you see yourself as the source, you are centered. Your energies are now focused within you. You are no longer enacting rituals of blame and rage in your head. You are no longer enslaved to your internal environment or your mind. Sadhguru, Karma ( Harmony Books, 2021), page 165

All is well. 

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

Otherwise

"You will be ever hearing but never understanding;

you will ever be seeing but never perceiving.

For the people's heart has become calloused; 

they hardly hear with their ears, 

and they have closed their eyes.

Otherwise they might see with their eyes,

hear with their ears,

understand with their hearts

and turn, and I would heal them".  

Matthew 13:15

As I continue to work through and deal with my reactivity related to the incident on Saturday night ( or more precisely the reaction I had when dealing with support systems the next day) I come across this talk from Michael Singer (See linked below). In this talk he reminds us that it isn't reality that is causing the problem.  Reality is just reality.  It is our reaction to reality that is the problem. 

Our reactions are based on our psyche and what it has stored...on how it tells us things about what happened and what we should do about it.  Most of the time it tells us to resist, avoid, project blame out there, suppress or repress. This isn't helpful in dealing with the issues.  This reactivity is based purely on our own personal agendas and our personal agendas are "statistically insignificant"in the big scheme of things. 

Our psyches are simply the accumulation of stored events. I understand to some degree where my reactivity to the way the situation was handled by formal support systems come from.  I understand the samskaras within me that form my psyche.  I see them, because of my practice, being closer to the surface than they ever were. Because of that, I am as prickly as a pear ( Are pears prickly? Where did that expression come from?) and easily triggered. So, the way the situation was approached by others who I assumed were there to help, protect and support us was an obvious trigger.  I reacted with a great deal of resistance and  with a familiar  "I can't believe this is happening again.  How can I help my children?" mantra. 

What I did, though I actively tried not to, was view the system approach through teh lens of my own negative past experiences.  I stereotyped and blamed  all individuals in these systems as "never believing me"...which is not fair because I have  received some wonderful support and care from certain others in these systems in the past ( my GP and certain other physicians, some police officers when dealing with my step son, his care team was amazing etc). Yet, my samskara-triggered reactivity blurred the lines and I generalized all similar past experiences as I projected outwardly.  Sure, this situation could have been handled differently. Sure, the above passage may apply to certain individuals from these systems  that made the decisions they did. But it also applies to me. 

My heart had become calloused over the years.  The samskaras we build up inside us are calluses on the heart.  I, as a result, became self righteous in my pointing a finger at them.  I was not seeing with my eyes and hearing with my ears the expression of their own personal humanness that may have been coming out through their decisions. They have psyches too that colour their perceptions, prevents them possibly from seeing or hearing clearly, from understanding and perceiving "my" little version of reality which is so unimportant in the big scheme of things.   As do I!  

The only reaction I can focus on is my own, not those  "assumed" reactions others may or may not be having.  My personal little experience of this is so unimportant and irrelevant in the bigger picture.

So what? My personal experience and the personal experience of my family members was not heard or validated, not supported or even believed, enough, the day after.  That is the reality of our situation.  That is what went down.  I can't change that.  I can't not change the opinions and decisions made by others.  I can't pretend to understand or know either why it happened the way it did, why it so often seems to happen this way.  I was looking at it all through the lens of my own samskara reactivity. Not clearly.

After the actual attack incident where I stayed so clear, where I was able to maintain the Seat of consciousness and proceed with inspired action, I became more than a little disappointed with myself to see my reactivity the next day.  To see how  I once again slipped and started operating from my own calloused heart,  resisting and blaming those out there for being human too. I seen the Seat...I was in the Seat...I was nonreactive in the most dangerous of situations...yet the next day...I become totally lost in my reaction to the reaction of others. 

I see now how I do not have to beat myself up for reacting.  As long as we still have a psyche we are going to react! I just need to accept that it happened and then accept that I reacted to it in the way I did.  The examination of  my reactivity is another wonderful  thing I can learn and grow from.

Sure, individuals in these systems may be having a challenging time coping with the reality of suffering.  Maybe they need to see better with their eyes, hear better with their ears, and understand better with their hearts.  But that is none of my business if they do or they don't.  My business is seeing with these eyes, hearing with these ears, understanding with this heart and turning this being  to the  Source  of it all for healing.  I need to get beyond my personal story and my own psyche that is so reactive to that which doesn't react.   

Basis of karma is simple: You are the source of all your baggage. When you clearly perceive this, your essential quality changes. ...If you see someone else as the source, you will always be distracted, disorientated, bitter, frustrated, agitated, and angry. When you see yourself as the source, you are centered. Your energies are now focused within you. You are no longer enacting rituals of blame and rage in your head. You are no longer enslaved to your internal environment or your mind. Sadhguru, Karma ( Harmony Books, 2021), page 165

And I am getting there! 

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( November 2, 2023) Handling Your Reactions to Reality. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Not Soiled

The sun cannot be soiled by anything it is shining on

Michael A. Singer

Just as the sun is not that which it shines on; is never contaminated by it, our consciousness is never contaminated by what it sees. We, who we are at the deepest level: awareness, consciousness, the Objective Observer, the Witness are not contaminated by what we look at it.  I seen that so clearly on Saturday morning.  It was amazing to be able to see that.

Yet, much of the time I and others are getting lost in the dramas we are watching, becoming all caught up in the mess of it, believing we are it.  We are not. We are not soiled by it, harmed by it. We can't be.

Nothing real can be threatened

nothing unreal exists

herein lies the peace of God

                                         ACIM 

Your mind does not want this garbage in there.  It wants to be clear ...and ... whole. Let it go.

All is well

Karma and Trauma

Though a survivor’s traumatic experience cannot be undone, nor can its cause be explained, the survivor can choose how they live their moving forward.  For instance, one can use their talents to serve others or channel wisdom gained from trauma to help others heal from trauma thus, accumulating good karma.

Daryna Skybina

I want to learn from everything, in case you haven't noticed. So, I am bringing this recent and somewhat traumatic incident into my understanding of karma. Ironically, I come across this amazing paper, written by a Masters of Professional Studies student on karma and trauma.  It blew me away that someone was doing the same thing I was doing...attempting to understand karma in a way that would support the trauma survivor.  Please read the linked paper below.

I know karma is involved in this and I also understand karma enough to know that what happened is not "my" fault. I, as a survivor, am not to be blamed for this.  My family was not attacked this weekend past because of something "bad, wrong, or negative" that I did in this life or a past life.  This attack was not the result of me violently attacking a family in a previous life. (Though I could have done that?) Who knows? And I am not to blame for the way the support systems handled this crisis. ( That is where most of my post trauma comes from...not the actual incident but feeling responsible that it was handled in the way it was because of something I might have done in this lifetime or a previous one. "I seem to be getting the same kinds of reactions when I seek help from the support systems so it must be my karma!")

Though I see Karma now as a universal law that cannot be denied, I also realize that I will never completely understand it or the way it works,  I see how confusing it can be for us westerners who were brought up to see it as "woo-woo" .  Karma is explained differently by different teachers from different backgrounds.  I like to go back to Buddha and his explanations as the author of the paper has done.

Buddha in the Accinitta Sutta warned others not to spend too much time trying to understand  why negative things were happening to us in terms of karma because this cannot really be understood by our limited minds. Attempting to do so so could bring "vexation and madness". 

But here I am trying to understand just enough to bring some semblance of peace.

In my experience with this "individual" trauma I see how my mind wants to go back to blaming me.  "So many challenging things are happening now because of some  karmic debt I must have to pay off", I tell myself.  That allows me to feel a certain relief..."Oh great, I am burning off karma!",  and it also brings a lot of shame and guilt, "My family seems to be the source of karmic consequence.  My karma is about making them and watching them suffer?" So if I look at this as an individual trauma, I feel both relief that I get to burn off my sins from this life or another,  and shame that the suffering consequence is having to watch my children suffer. 

When I take my lens of perception away from the individual focus of karma regarding this incident, however, and see it as a source of collective suffering, I get a clearer perspective. 

The teaching of collective karma encourages us to view situations of injustice as “a symptom of an underlying social malady that is exacerbated if not caused by entrenched social and political habits.

I see why the individual acted as he did.  I see why individuals in  the systems acted as they did and I feel less karmic responsibility.  I can look at this with skillful compassion and a certain degree of wisdom and I can see the need for others to do the same, in order to reduce the accumulation of collective karma. 

All is well!

 Daryna Skybina(n.d.) A Trauma Informed Approach to Discussing Karma in Buddhism. https://jps.library.utoronto.ca/index.php/cjtmhd/article/view/39547/30122

Self Reflection 36 Hours After Trauma

 For real change to take place, the body has to learn that the danger has passed and to live in the reality of the present.

Bessel Van der Kolk

36 Hours After Trauma

So just how much am I learning? How much have I progressed?  

This traumatic incident we have been through, with its hidden karmic value, was an amazing opportunity to see how much I have grown. I see two things: One, that I can maintain the seat of consciousness in life threatening situations and two, that my egoic reactivity, based on a samskara triggering (one where I seek support from  "formal support systems" during or after a crisis) is still very much prevalent and can pull me out of the Seat very quickly.  Cool as a cucumber during and immediately after the actual trauma... but a mess as soon as I think about having to deal with the "systems"  ( like when I had the chest pain and thought I might have to go in. I was more stressed about that than I was about getting beat up), or when I am actually dealing with the individuals from these systems afterwards.

Reliving the Self Fulfilling Prophecy

 Because of past experiences,  I operate in a self fulfilling prophecy  almost every time I deal with the "systems". I have ingrained in me this core belief that I can not trust theses formal support systems  to help 'me' because they have not in the past; that they tend not to believe 'me' or take what I am dealing with seriously. that they are more likely to minimize 'my' complaints  and shame 'me' than they are to help 'me'. I understand, at some deep level, I am creating this. I do.  I understand that in some way it is karmic in nature  and  something I can learn and grow from. I do not want to resist it. I would like to open up more to it so I understand it more and eventually let it go.

You mean you were not shook up at all after the incident?

The incident, I believe, came in and went.  I can think back on it clearly without too much issue. I am not clinging to the actual incident. I mean I definitely feel some post effects.The last two days I have been waking up at the same time the incident occurred on Saturday morning, checking the door to make sure it was still holding, sneaking downstairs to check on the girls ( doing so very carefully because I do not want to surprise them and send them into a fright. I know their amygdala's are very much on guard.) I guess, I am afraid now of 'what could happen', with just reason. But it is not consuming me.

A Bigger Stressor: Samskara Activation

That incident wasn't my biggest stressor...dealing with the authorities, the next day, is what I cannot let go of.  Mentally,  I am stuck on that...resisting and reacting.  I am regretting that I didn't do enough for others out there, for public safety, for him. Though my focus in the last 36 hours has been narrowed down to my family, I know this reality extends beyond us. If he uses again, others in the community are at risk. He, or whatever that was in him, was trying to kill us that night and it would have if it had the opportunity. There was no rational mind operating in those 15 minutes he was attacking us. So, I am fully aware that no restraining order or momentary lucid moment of "remorse" or a promise to "not do it again" is going to stop him if he becomes psychotic again.  Meth psychosis is a very real and serious thing. 

Anyway, I question if I should have done more, said more, insisted on more, been more assertive with the systems that we were dealing with? I was just  too busy playing the survivor game, trying to get what was needed, doing whatever  I could to get a no contact order to protect "my" family, even if it meant pretending to trust that which I did not trust, while my samskaras related to dealing with similar issues in the past were being activated. As a result,  I didn't think enough of "others" out there.  I didn't think enough of him. My wonderful light of consciousness narrowed its beam from the wide angle it was shining on  down to a tiny little speck..."me".  It became all about "me" again.

Through the lens of stored impressions

Because I was seeing, once again,  through the lens of stored impressions and because I was so damned exhausted from the whole thing, I was mentally reactive, and I stopped seeing the "whole picture clearly". I was no longer  behind the mind as I was the night before...I was pulled into the mind.  My mind was full of: "Like so many times before they don't believe me. Authorities never believe me when I present in crisis. How do I prove to them that I am telling the truth.  Because they don't believe me, my children are at risk. What do I do? My children are at risk because of something they assumed I did or said...something I am...that convinces them not to believe me. Why does this always happen? Well, maybe they are right...maybe it wasn't that bad...and I am just making too much of it again. Maybe they are right...there is just something wrong with me.  That is what they are saying, aren't they? That I am too dramatic, too 'crazy'?  Just like when I presented with my daughter when she was suicidal...or myself when I was having angina attacks. I am always just making too much of things, in their eyes aren't I? Should I be ashamed of myself? " 

It is so bizarre how quickly that shame spiral whirls out of control when I am dealing with doctors, mental health professionals, the police etc. ...That core belief activation and associated thinking is so quick to fill my mind if I am not consciously willing myself to stay in the Seat. It gets in the way of reality, of what is truly enfolding in front of me. 

What is real? 

What is real is that my family was violently attacked by someone in acute Meth psychosis. This someone was psychotic and a risk to himself and others. The community needs to be protected!  He needs help! (I do really want him to get the help he needs.) This psychosis will come back.  I have seen it before, lived with it before. I have seen how affected individuals do not have to be using to have an episode.  It can be triggered by almost anything including high anxiety levels, cravings, and other substances.  It doesn't always go away . Infact, the other individual I know still has the odd bout and has to be treated still with antipsychotics. His started  three years ago. And he has only used once in that three year period.  I could not get much help for him either when it began.  I had to fight and wait for him to get so bad he asked for help himself (with my direction).  And when he did get help I could not convince the authorities how at risk my family was. Though he was more paranoid than outwardly aggressive in his presentation, I found homemade weapons under his bed and notes to his Dad that implied that I was the source of his fear and that he had to protect him and his Dad from me.  The mental health authorities couldn't understand, even with that, why I wouldn't take him home. They...the members of the mental health system that were making the decisions thought I was being overly dramatic and ridiculous.  He was, afterall, "the best patient they had". This has led to a great deal of distrust in the system. It felt like yet another 'assumption' about "me" was made and like the others it would get in the way of truth. 

That distrust and that fear that the same type of thing would take place again has been reactivated in me by this incident.  It is me that is doing the activating, I know that.  The individuals in the systems I am dealing with are just doing their jobs as they do what all of us tend to do, protect their egos. Making assumptions and judgements is a part of that ego protection. We so often need to prove to ourselves and others that we are "right" and the ones that "know" even if it darkens what is real.  Though their intentions are often so honorable,  they have to be overwhelmed...the systems are so overloaded with "suffering" beings.  They are facing this suffering daily with limited time and resources, often attacked by it. That must have an impact on their own ability to see clearly.  It would on mine, I know.  I empathize.  I respect and I appreciate what they do. This is not an attack on anyone in these systems.  It is just acknowledging that systems could be improved when ego gets in the way of doing what is best, of seeing what is real.

What is real is that it happened and there is nothing we can do about it.  We can do a limited amount to make sure it doesn't happen again which I hope we did.  Despite my internal reactivity yesterday dealing with those professionals  I dealt with, I did my best to ensure they knew what happened and how serious it was and therefore how much of a threat to the community this individual could be. Then I had to let it go. When I seen or heard that they were more or less seeing him as the victim, diminishing and questioning the validity of our concerns...I became very reactive inside.  I resisted. I tried to relax into that resistance and to let it go. It was challenging to do so.

Still Reactive

I am still reactive. Monkey mind is very busy. I am having a hard time relaxing into the system's approach to this and how I am allowing it to affect me internally.  I am very aware of those old samskaras arising to the surface with their shame. They are very heavy and annoying but they need to be felt and experienced before they are released.  My focus seems to be more on that than it is on the possibility that this might happen again. Is that strange? I do not feel fear.  Oh, I know that if he uses again that he could seriously hurt or kill another. He could come back here. Or he could harm himself. He needs help.

My suffering, their suffering, his suffering=our suffering

Sigh! But I have to let go.  This all feels like too much, you know?  Like I am holding onto and weighed down my so much that isn't mine. Hmm! But that is just it, isn't it?  It is all mine and it is all yours.  It's everybody's and nobody's at the same time. This suffering is a universal suffering. Something we all share whether we know it or not.  I practice yoga because I realize that. I practice yoga because I want my form to be free of suffering, my loved ones forms to be free of suffering, his form to be free of suffering,  all of us to be  free of suffering. I cannot change the opinions of those that belong to the formal support systems that are there to actively reduce suffering.  I cannot fix the system.  I can not fix my children.  I cannot fix him...but if I heal myself... that will have a ripple effect on everyone.  I don't just believe that.  I know that, at some deep, deep level. So I go back to yoga.

All is well.

The High Hanging Fruit of Sadhanna

 The fruit at the top is best, they say,  but more difficult to get to.  The fruit at the bottom is easy to reach, they say,  but there is so much  you can never pick it all.

Unknown

I spend a great deal of time and energy examining my own mind, my own mental and personal development through my practice.  Sometimes it absolutely amazes me how much I have grown into staying seated in the center of consciousness, and other times I am shocked at how easy it is to fall back away from it.  Regardless, observing self  and Self as I learn and practice  is an amazing thing in itself. 

Mastering the High Hanging  Fruit

I am really getting somewhere with this practice and was put to the test to prove that on Friday night/ Saturday morning.

My family was violently attacked by someone suddenly overwhelmed by an unconscious and uncontrollable meth psychosis....at 3 am.  When I say my family...I mean my entire family that lives here.  This was not, as authorities want to believe , a domestic violence case aimed for one person. It wasn't aimed for anybody really and at the same time everybody. The person was completely psychotic.  This was the closest thing to a demonic possession I have ever witnessed. (And I don't believe in such things.) There were moments we could still see the person we knew in there, asking for help even, and the next second he would be completely overwhelmed by this dark and violent force that wanted nothing more than to hurt us. Even the physical appearance of the person would change from the calm person pleading for help to this "monster" ( for lack of better words) with dark eyes and growling presence that was out to attack whatever it could reach. He had the strength of ten men.  We all got a beating in some way or another. My daughter more than all.  All of us, though  bruised, are very, very lucky to be alive.  I am not exaggerating when I say that. 

This would be a high hanging fruit right? Throughout the whole , I think it was 15 minutes, of the attack before the police arrived I was unbelievably calm.  I was so aware of what was happening around me, despite all the screaming and the chaos.  I mean, my body was in flight or fight as it needed to be ( one of the few times in life we need to be) ...even heard myself screaming once or twice...but my mind was calm, remarkably calm and clear.  At one point I was pushed into a corner, my daughter on top of me, and as I was trying to shield her body under mine to receive the blows I heard myself saying, "Oh...so this is what it is like to go through something like this.  I may die here...and this is what it will be like." There was no reactivity...no fear.  There was no bloody fear. There was just this awareness of everything going on around me....the experiencing of the experience as the experiencer. I was in the seat of consciousness! I was still acting, doing what needed to be done to protect myself and others around me.  My body moved here and there. For the most part my voice was so calm. I did scream every now and again when myself or others were getting hurt but it was like the scream belonged to the body, not the mind. The mind stayed calm. And I had nothing but compassion for the individual under that psychotic shadow, I wanted to help him and tried  but soon discovered that I couldn't.  I would have done anything to protect my family, don't get me wrong, but I felt so much compassion for him  I knew there was a being just like me beneath that darkness. There were five of us and only one of him but we could not fend him off or stop him from attacking.  It was only when he got outside to literally howl at the moon ( and it was ironically a full moon) that we are able to protect ourselves with the door between us...until he broke it down that is.  He had the strength of ten men! When the police came to take this person away I was still in that very calm state of mind. I tried using that calmness to keep others calm but everyone was obviously upset. That calm lasted throughout the remainder of the night/morning.  I was so amazed by this observation in myself.  Wanted to tell everyone,  "I had awakened!" lol

Well my mind might have been awakened but my body wasn't.  I within an hour of the police leaving had a terrible angina attack from the fight or flight reaction as well as all the running around and fighting off I had to do.  Was the worse one I had in a awhile.  The first dose of nitro wouldn't work ...the second dose wouldn't work but I was mentally and physically resisting taking the third dose becasue I did not want to go into the ER...to put that on top of all the other stressors the early morning was providing.  So I held on and I hoped and I prayed until finally the pain went away. 

Wow! I survived that too and I stayed pretty calm, if not as calm as I was earlier. I was able to  fall back to sleep for an hour or two. I really felt I was mastering my practice.

The Low Hanging Fruit

That is until about noon the next morning when we get a call...well let me correct that...my daughter gets a call from mental health ( she puts me on speaker with her for most of her calls because she is hard of hearing) asking if she was ready to receive this person back into our home. (He does not even live here). Of course we shouted no in unison and tried to explain why but were reminded  how "remorseful" he was and how he would not likely do it again. I do want what is best for this person I do.  He needs lots of loving support,  psychiatric help, help with his addiction etc but there is no way on God's green earth am I going to allow my family to go through that again. We were told he was being released regardless and that he would be told he was no longer welcome here.  It was then that I felt the reactivity starting.  Released?  We do not even have a front door anymore to hide behind. If he uses again, he will likely be back. What about other out there should he use again? Do they not see what is going on?

So we went back to the authorities again to do what had to be done to ensure our protection.  Even then we were questioned if we really wanted to do this. My reactivity was increasing.  I felt my anger and resistance in the form of disbelief arising, "This cant be happening" my mind was saying. I insisted but felt that reactivity in my throat.  I was falling from my seat and into the story of what happened and was happening now when we were just trying to protect ourselves and what could happen in the future. I was also physically exhausted from the angina attack and from the drama of the night before.  I found myself irritable...slipping more and more.

Getting the door fixed proved to be more frustrating than expected. But we felt an "urgent" need to get it fixed. My daughters were suffering and I didn't know how to help them.  My house was a mess from everything and I didn't have the energy to do anything.  I was worried about him and what he might be experiencing now and whether or not he would get the help he needed. We had to write  up our bloody statements. We had issues getting them printed off.  I kept thinking...okay if we just get this part of getting the statements done everything will feel better.  We could move on. I was projecting into the future to get out of this moment.  I was sore from where I got banged up too.  I hated looking at the bruises on other bodies.  I began beating myself up for allowing him to stay here as much as he was staying here. Felt it was my fault.  I was scared.  What if he came back? How would I protect the people in my household? The mind was far from calm! I found myself out of the seat of consciousness and focusing more on what little me was experiencing. Yeah I slipped.

So I handled the high hanging fruit beautifully , testament to the growth that is occurring with a committed practice. ...but  I am also reminded how easily we can slip. I didn't handle the low hanging fruit very well. Hmm! All in the learning.  All in the learning!! 

All is well (It really is)

The Peeling Away of the "Masquerading Self"

 Painful experiences of the past are carved on your ego. Peel off all layers of your ego and you will find the spotless, pure and shining soul underneath. 

Shunya

Reactive

I spent the last couple of days, when I had time, reflecting on the rising of a somewhat intense reactivity in 'me', that seems to be so triggered by 'working out there'. I am noticing an intense fear related to making mistakes, of displeasing others, of not meeting expectations and the consequences that I assume will follow, emerging in me.  I am noticing the core belief by which this is bound arising as well.  The core belief says , "If anybody is going to make a mistake/sin/be worthy of punishment, it will be you. You are a mistake waiting to happen.  You are a mistake. You need to be punished for what you have already done and you need to stop making more mistakes.  Repent!  And, for the good of the world and yourself, stay clear of areas/situations where you could make more mistakes." (Duh? That could be absolutely anywhere, right?)  

Painful experiences are carved...

Of course, with that core belief is an underlying shame. Shame and fear are very caustic emotions that burn at our insides. It is far from pleasant to have them come up. Though I know exactly where this reaction comes from and I have experienced it in a lesser degree many, many times in my life history, I have never been as acutely aware of it as I am now.  It has never been quite to this degree, or at least this obvious.

Why Now?

Why am I reacting so intensely now, when I have been doing so much spiritual work; when I have grown and matured in so many ways? 

Purification and the peeling away of ego

I am feeling this so intensely because I am in the process of purification. As I observe myself reacting in this way and reflect upon it, I realize that this poorly stuffed core belief, this habit tendency, these emotional energies I have carried with me most of my life feel so intense now because the layers of protective self I put over them  have been taken away. Layer by layer, I (or Life) have been peeling off  my ego, my psyche, the self concept that once protected or at least subdued this samskara so it wasn't constantly coming into my conscious awareness. 

I find myself now well into the process of pulling off this particular layer that once covered the inner pseudo-reality of 'shamed/shame filled being', and  prevented it from being exposed to the outside world (albeit never completely).  This layer I am pulling off, I believed, gave the world more of what I thought it wanted. Instead of a "broken, sinful mistake maker and/or mistake" the world would want to punish, I gave them the redeemer part of my ego. I worked hard, all my life,  to create an image that would compensate my shameful nature, using all the ego means I knew: outer appearance, people pleasing tendencies, education, false confidence, success, some form of status and something/anything  that would be more appealing to others than disgusting. I created what Yogananda called a "masquerading self".  

The Masquerading Self 

Though this masquerading self is still just another layer over who and what we really are, it did protect "me" from some pain and discomfort.  It silenced a lot of the noise that was on the layer beneath it.  It hid the rotting mess from others and myself so I could get by. Now that is is just hanging by threads, and I find myself out there working in the world, I wear my samskara layer on the surface. It is red and raw and it hurts like h-e-double hockey sticks. This is why I  have done so much, in the past, to defend and protect it, to cling to it.  This is why, I realize, I am finding it hard to accept calls and to go 'out there' without it.  This is why I am completely wiped for days afterwards when I do go in, even when I have great days, and I usually have good days.  The protection is gone.  

Without a protective shell

I am like a tortoise who, upon realizing he could have  freedom from  carrying so much extra and unnecessary weight, finds himself  suddenly without a shell, crawling through thorny brush to get to a food source on the other side.  I have to crawl through these thorns, that are exactly where and what they are for reasons that do not concern me, to get to what I want on the other side.  I am more than willing but man it is hard.  Every now and again I need to stop, and even pull back a bit sometimes, so I can catch my breath.  I am committed but like the tortoise, I am slow. 

Something must be really wrong with you, crazy lady?

Now I realize how pathetic and drastic that core belief and all its emotional energy may sound.  I agree, there is something really wrong with "me".  Mostly everything that has to do with any "me" is wrong. "Me" stops us from realizing who we are at the core  ...it is a layer in the way.  

Why would you share it? 

I have a very, very strong suspicion that I am not the only one with such a "sick" core belief inside them. with such a samskara haunting them.  I never knew  my samskara was as nasty as it was because I was too busy compensating for it...too busy creating this masquerading self and coming to believe it was who I was that I never took the time to really look at what was beneath it. What was buried beneath this layer of knotted and tangled repressed and suppressed stuff  was why I was creating an image and putting on a show. I never spent much  time pondering  that.  I didn't want to go there. It was all about what I could do to keep this self comfy and people pleasing so I didn't have to deal with the mess.  Man, how sick is that?  

So what is your story? 

My samskara has a story, a reason for being, just as yours do and no matter how different or traumatic these individual stories may seem, they are all just stories.   The story too, if we are too attached to it,  can form a layer in the way of us experiencing who we really are. I am detaching from my story. I hope you can detach from yours.

So is this it then?  This is who you are: this exposed samskara?

No...this is just the beginning of experiencing "Who I am".  My samskara layer with all its fear and shame, its nasty and limiting core belief, the 'self' loathing is just another layer covering the core of who I am.  It has to come off too. I had to remove the layers on top of it to get this far. The cool thing is that once we are exposed at this level, there is not much this "me" has to do about it. All we need to do is be committed to getting to the core. The thorn bushes will do the rest. Feel and experience what has been repressed and suppressed and is now on the surface; feel and experience  what life unfolds in front of us...resist none of it...and keep the eyes on the prize: Freedom.  

The Core beneath the superficial

You are at the core, beneath all you have created. You are and have always been watching and observing the layers being built and the layers coming off.  So, relax, as Singer suggests and remind yourself often, despite the stories or the layers, "I am always going to be okay!" 

All is well. 

And when I peel away, I find my superficial layers run deep, and the deep layers are just superficial layers in disguise. And, when I seek depth, all I can find is a gapping hole, a certain hollowness, cleverly painted by my superficial selves to appear important. And, my ego sneers at this feeble attempt at self honesty. 

Srividya Srinivasan

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (October 26, 2023) Self Realization Equals God Realization. https://tou.org/talks/

The Secret of Work

 What is karma yoga? The knowledge of the secret of work. We see that the whole universe is working. For what? For salvation, for liberty; from the atom to the highest being, working for the one end, liberty for the mind, for the body, for the spirit.

Vivekananda, Complete Works, Kindle, Loc 3456

All is well! 

Wu-Wei

Can you comprehend everything in the four directions and still do nothing? 

Tao Te Ching (Chapter 10) 

Wu-Wei is the process of doing nothing while noticing or comprehending everything. I was reminded of this as I listened to Michael Singer's podcast today.  He was talking about noticing  everything without the need to do anything about it. We need to get to the point where we can observe what is happening in us and around us without "little me's " idea of action, often based on reactivity, getting in the way  Of course, this doesn't mean that action does not take place. Action takes place naturally.

Say what crazy lady?

 I see it like this: 

You are peacefully observing all that is unfolding around you and in you (which takes practice) and suddenly you notice a fire breaking out on the stove in front of you.  You are noticing...yes. You are noticing the fire and very quickly you notice the experience within you( fight or flight activation). There are two ways to approach the noticing of this fire inside and outside. 

The first way, is the way many of us will approach it if we still have a very reactive "me" in the way.  You may jump up and down and run around screaming, "Fire! Fire! Fire!... what do I do?" And with an unclear and "me"- dominated mind, you may do something that will make the fire worse... like running away from it or attempting to stamp it out with your flammable dish towel  etc. You are noticing  and then you are "acting" but not doing so wisely or calmly.  Nothing gets done to stop the fire...it gets worse. Why? You are not in the Tao. the "me" is in the way

The second way is to take a quick mental and even physical step back when you notice the fire, take a breath of air to reconnect with the calm center within---the tao---then to just allow action to take place without the "little me" doing anything.  You  notice probably more in that moment, when your 'reactive me' is out of the picture, than you do in the previous example...and more appropriate action gets done.  You follow the Tao (go with the flow) to pick up the fire extinguisher that you suddenly notice so clearly beside the stove and you put the fire out.  You are still noticing the whole thing taking place within and without you, comprehending it clearly...and ..action takes place. You don't just sit there noticing  your house burn down. Something is getting done.  "Me", however,  is not the one doing, the one acting.  The Tao is.  The higher part of you is. "Me" is out of the way so you can flow with Tao.

I was inspired to go back to the 81 chapters of wisdom the Tao Te Ching provides on this effortless action or Wu-Wei.

So, the sage acts by doing nothing, teachers without speaking, attends all things without making claim on them, works for them without making them dependent, demands no honor for his deed. Because he demands no honor, he will never be dishonored.( Chapter 2)

The way is ever without action, yet nothing is left undone.( Chapter 37)

The highest virtue does nothing. Yet, nothing needs to be done. The lowest virtue does everything. Yet, much remains to be done. (Chapter 38) 

Act without action (Chapter 63)

So, the sage does not act and therefore does not fail...He wants all things to follow their own nature, but dares not act.(Chapter 64)

Notice  and comprehend everything in the four directions and realize that you, as a "me" , don't have to do anything about it.  Just flow with it.  When action is called for, it can take place naturally and non reactively, non desirelessly and non fearfully.  That is the way of the Tao. 

 Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 23, 2023) Just Noticing. https://tou.org/talks/

Tao Te Ching: The Taoism of Lao Tzu. https://www.taoistic.com/taoquotes/taoquotes-05-non-action.htm

 For everything there is a  season, and a time for everything under heaven...

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Karma and the Body

 Some of Sadhguru's Gems of Wisdom from Chapter 7 of Karma

• If you cultivate the body in a certain way, it will actually be capable of taking on more of a karmic load.  page 131
• ...stress is caused when people try to run their life engine without adequate lubrication...page 134
• The practice of hatha yoga helps to knead the physical body as well as the entire system(including the karmic system) in a way that smooths these frictions out.  page 134
• people's systems grow confused because the information within them says one thing, but their life events say another. page 134
• important to live in gratitude...to practice hatha and kriya yoga...can help us attain [and maintain]  an inner state that is untouched by the outside page 135
• Yoga places greater faith in the physical than it does in the mental page 140
• the aim is not to see something, but to simply see page 140
• When you consciously seek freedom from karma through a spiritual practice, you are essentially on fast forward. page 146
• The whole point of the spiritual process is to take on more of a load than your allotted one in order to finish off as much as possible.  page 146
• Only practice, or sadhana, helps break the cyclical movement of life. page 148

Our freedom exists in what we do physically, just as much as it does with what we do mentally and spiritually. Practice your Hatha, Pranayam, and Kriya as you make it your intention each day to be free of your karmic load as soon as possible..

All is well. 

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books. Chapter 7: Karma Yoga and the Physical Body. 

"Neti, Neti" or "Iti"

 

...It is a most difficult thing to give up the clinging to this universe; few ever attain to that. There are two ways to do that...One is called the "Neti. Neti" (not this, not this), the other is called the "Iti"(this)...The former way of obtaining non attachment is by reasoning, and the latter way is through work and experience. The first is the path of Jnana yoga, and is characterized by the refusal to do any work; the second is that of Karma-Yoga, in which there is no cessation from work. 

Vivekananda, Complete Works, Kindle Edition,  Location 3441-3447

All is well!

Neti! Neti! And the Four Possible Meanings For Life

One of the great cosmic laws, I think, is that whatever we hold in our thought will come true in our experience. When we hold something, anything, in our thought then somehow coincidence leads us in that direction that we have been wishing to lead ourselves.

Richard Bach

Neti! Neti!

Sixty years on the planet, 25 years studying yoga, and for some reason,  I have never heard the term Neti! Neti!  until the day before yesterday.(Or at least, I was not consciously aware of it.)  Ever since I came across the explanation of it by  Swami Vivekananda, I was tripping over it in my mind.  I even wrote about it yesterday and mentioned it in a video I  felt compelled to do. (I spelled it wrong in the video lol) . Anyway, it was so in my mind.  I was literally going around the house mentally repeating, "Neti! Neti-Not this! Not this! Then, today I am listening to Michael Singer's podcast and there it is.  

Of course, rational mind looks at this and says it is merely a coincidence but something else tells me there is some cosmic law at work, some kind of unseen connection there between what I write or speak about, and then what he shares. This happens so many times! I can not get over how everything lines up in my learning with him as a teacher. It is a little "woo-woo".

I don't, as I mention, follow anyone.  I make it a point to be  a willing student to any message or teaching that Life provides both in Jnana and in Karma ,if it resonates with the wise self within, and not to get lost as a follower or worshiper of  the messenger or the teacher. Singer's teachings came into my life in a very serendipitous way and they have resonated with me at the deepest level from the beginning. They are so in sync with where I am at in my learning day by day. I have no idea what this means ...but there seems to be some uncanny wavelength connection, if that makes any sense ...I think, write, share things before I hear him saying the same thing (rational mind is looking at this statement as if it and the writer of it are crazier than a bag of hammers lol). I can't explain it.  

Anyway, it is all good. 

The Four Meanings For Life 

Meaning One: Life is here to meet my desires and subdue my fears

The below podcast is speaking to the three meanings we can give to Life (but somehow I came up with four).  We can, as most of us do, make Life all about serving the ego, the psyche, the self concept,  or "little me"  by doing our best to ensure that it gets what it needs to feel comfortable inside and that it avoids what makes it uncomfortable.  The level of comfort and discomfort it experiences is based on what "out there" has the potential to disturb or stimulate  our stored stuff or our impressions from the past,  which are our samskaras. Getting what is desired, and avoiding what is feared, is the major Life objective. What we are doing in this  Life purpose, then,  is taking our amazing light of consciousness, who we  actually are, and shining it obsessively and narrowly on this "little me" with all its dramas.  We identify with what we are shining on and "forget" that we are "Not this! Not this!" ( Neti! Neti!)

Meaning Two: Letting go of the part of self that fears and desires

The second meaning we can give to Life, then, is one of letting go. We realize how conditional and unproductive our goals are in the first meaning.  We start to see how this "little me" we are focusing so narrowly on and identifying with is again "Neti! Neti!" It is not who we are and the things we are putting all our energy towards attracting or averting are so unimportant. We see how Life is not here to serve this me; who we really are is here to experience Life. We start using whatever Life gives us to help us  let go of the part of us that fears and desires, clings and pushes away, so we can do just that....Experience Life fully as the Experiencer and not the ego. 

Meaning Three : Opening up to Shakti

The more we let go of our resistance to Life as it is and our conditional expectations, the more we let go of our false self, and the more we let go of this self concept...the more  we let go of our desires and our fears. The  more we let go of those, the more samskaras will be released. With the natural release of samskaras the more open we will be to the natural flow of Shakti. This is the third meaning of Life: to Free the Shakti.

Meaning Four: Following the Shakti back to the source

The more freely the Shakti flows the more happy, peaceful, blissful and loving we will be.  This is where the forth meaning for Life comes in.  We will feel so good, we will want to find out where this amazing feeling is coming from.  We will trace the Shakti back to its Source.  We will from there realize we are a part of that Source, Singer tells us, and merge back into it, into Oneness, into Yoga. 

How cool is that?

All is well! 

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 20, 2023) Reaching for Life's Highest Meaning. https://tou.org/talks/

Karma Yoga and Dharma (Right Action)

This body and this mind which we see are only one part of the whole, only one spot of the infinite being.This whole universe is only one speck of the infinite being; and all our joys and our sorrows, our happiness's and our expectations, are only within this small universe; all our progressions and digression are within its small compass...You see at once that it is an impossible and childish desire to make the whole of infinite existence conform to the limited and conditioned existence which we know. Vivekananda 3418-3421

Why can't it be the way you want? It isn't supposed to be.  Life is supposed to be the way it is and the world is our perfect teacher . Michael Singer

I love it when pieces of my learning serendipitously come together to reinforce what I am rationalizing in my mind as a somewhat Jhana yogi.  Was reading Vivekananda last night and was getting blown away by the teachings and then I open up Michael Singer today to listen to Thursday's podcast that  echoes what I just learned from the book and I cannot help but think...wow! This learning is meant to be.  I and the world was really meant to hear this.  So cool! 

Both were speaking to the idea of what Karma yoga is, though Singer was focusing on the word dharma. Dharma in hinduism is considered to be the cosmic law governing right action and social order.  In Buddhism it is simply, "the  truth".  I see, though, how dharma and karma are intertwined...our intention for Life is intertwined with the actions we take and the effects of those actions. Vivekananda tells us that karma yoga is the knowledge of the secret of work.  the secret of "why we do what we do".  

Why do we do what we do? Both Vivekananda and Singer say in very clear ways that we do what we do to get free.  

Now, technically according to Yogic teachings there are two ways to get free.  There is Neti, Neti ("not this, not this" ) and Iti ( "this") . Vivekananda explains that Neti is basically Jnana yoga, which is about renouncing what is and using the conceptual  mind to rationalize one's way to freedom,   Iti, on the other hand, is Karma yoga, which  is all about accepting what is and using the world and everything it gives us as a way to free ourselves from these  chains that keep us stuck in bondage. Both agree that Karma Yoga is the way to go, over Jnana Yoga.  I might not give up my Jhana entirely...I am still using my intellectual mind to learn...but I definitely embrace the Karma yoga aspect more. I am, instead of comepnsating for my blockages and bondages, attempting to free myself of them through the process of purification.  We can use our karma to purify, by choosing actions that are not based on desire and fear. 

use of all the bondages themselves to break those very bondages. Vivekananda, Loc 3444

the great spiritual paths are not teaching renunciation, they are teaching purification. Singer

Both also address the need to give up our selfish perspective or at least be willing to expand beyond it.  Our narrowed perspective of the world, of the universe etc  are mind made and  are keeping us from freedom. Anything that is mind made cannot be free so we need to get beyond mind to the reality of what is.

It stands to reason then that there is only one way to attain to that freedom which is the goal of the noblest aspirations of mankind, and that is by giving up this little life, giving up this little universe, giving up this earth, giving up heaven, giving up the mind, giving up everything that is limited and conditioned...if we give up our attachment to this little universe of the senses or of the mind, we shall be free immediately." Vivekananda, Loc 3438

"I and mine" are of the mind and are in the way. Our fears and desires are of the mind and in the way.  This "me" with all its fears and desires is of the mind and in the way. Even our idea of the "universe" is of  the mind and in the way. 

"Each wave in the Chitta that says, "I and mine" immediately puts a chain around us and makes us slaves, the more slavery grows, the more misery increases. Vivekananda, Loc 3473

Singer tells us that as long as we have mental needs, we will continue to take from the world instead of serve it , which is the opposite of  a karma yoga focus. Our selfishness will keep us in bondage.  He reminds us that for freedom we need to stop working hard to get what we erroneously think we want and continue to work hard to get what we need.  We need to, instead, attempt to let go and give up the part that wants. This will free us.  He tells us we can prove it to ourselves by letting things go... and with each part of "me" we let go of,  we will  feel the rush of holy waters coming thru (Singer) and the peace that passes all understanding (Vivekananda) . 

Though it may look like Life is making it difficult for us, it isn't!  It is in fact supporting us and helping us get to our goal of Self realization and yoga.  It is offering us experiences that will help to scrape the remaining "me" off so we can be who we really are. 

"All this that you see, the pains and the miseries, are but the necessary conditions of this world; poverty and wealth and happiness are but momentary; they do not belong to our real nature at all. Our nature is far beyond misery and happiness, beyond every object of the senses, beyond the imagination; and yet we must go on working all the time. Loc, 3470

When we stop resisting and struggling against what Life gives us in the service of "me", and start using what Life gives us, working with it to scrape the me away, we will be free.  The process of getting there is karma yoga. 

Karma yoga makes us admit that this world is a world of five minutes, that it is something we have to pass through; and that freedom is not here.  It is only to be found beyond. Vivekananda, Loc. 3461

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 20, 2023)The Deep Teachings of Right Action. https://tou.org/talks/

Vivekananda(1989-1999?) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Kindle Edition. 1.2.7 Chapter 7: Freedom 

 

                                                         All is well!

Shining the Light on the Impersonal Nature of All of It.

 The nature of light is that it illumes where it falls, therefore it illumes the part it is looking at...

Michael A. Singer

 What are you shining this precious and powerful light of awareness on?  The world out there with all its impermanent and ever changing forms?  Probably, eh? In the midst of all that stuff you are shining awareness on, is likely to be a mirror, a convoluted one perhaps, where you see this image of yourself placed in the center of all that is happening  around it.  

Making it Personal

When we do that, we begin to see what is showing up in that small beam of light we  are focused on as personal. We personalize it and say that it is "My world", "my life",  and even "me". So in our ownership of  what this light just happens to have  fallen on, we create drama and story based on what should be and what shouldn't be showing up in that beam of light.  We fear what might pop up from the shadows behind it and stand on guard against it. We hope and pray that certain things might come into our view that will make it all okay for the image in the center. We cry out in agony when things within this focus change, as things are sure to do.  We reach out to cling to all that is pleasant as it threatens to dissolve or move out of the light.  We curse at that which steps in the way of us seeing our mirror image clearly.  We get all tangled up in this small beam of light and fail to see all that is outside that beam of light.  We fail to see the impersonal nature of it all. 

Not Personal

What if I told you that what you are focusing on is simply an accumulation of 13.8 billion years of cause and effect that has nothing to do with you?  That whatever gets caught in your beam will go  as quickly as it comes in to focus, as is the nature of things, and you cannot do a darn thing about it? What if I told you that what you are focusing on is not here to please you or to hurt this mirror image in the center of your light field? It doesn't care one iota about it? What if I told you that this image of you is not the main thing in  this scene you are looking at, in fact, it is really not important at all? What if I told you that it wasn't  even real, that it was just a visual illusion created by your light hitting glass? What if I told you that you didn't have to look where you are looking? What if I told you there was so much more to the world, to this light, to you than what you are looking at now with your narrow focus? What if I told you  that there was an infinite number of other things, and experiences hidden in the darkness beyond the patch you are illumining that you could be focusing on simply by moving your beam a little to the left or a little to the right?  Yes, you can control where the beam goes! What if I told you, you were that beam of light and not that which is illuminated?  That you were that which illumes. Not that  which the eye can see, but that by which the eye can see (Kena Upanishads)? 

Would you believe me, I wonder? Or would you just narrow your light focus into the scene and the image within it a little more intensely, convincing yourself, even more,  that it is all so personal?

The Light and not that which the light is shining on

Though, I still narrow my focus, allowing this precious light to fall on the selected field of insignificant again and again, I now know that I am not that which I am looking on but that which is doing the looking.  I am not that which is illumed, I am doing the illuminating.  I also know that, though it still feels so personal at times, there is nothing personal about this Life I am viewing. No matter what shows up in the beam  or mirror in front of me, I know it is just a reflection and not who I am. I know this world is doing what it has always been doing without any help from me.  It is vast and it is amazing!  We  get to experience it all!  We do not need to stay so narrowly focused on that which keeps us stuck. 

I am the light, as you are the light, that does the shining.Why then, do we want to keep our focus so narrowed on some idea of personal? Why don't we just open our hearts and widen our light beams so we can experience what we are truly here to experience....the impersonal nature of all of it. 

Hmm!  All is well in my world. 

Inspired by:

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True () Every Moment has Nothing to Do with You. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_BlUKv5idk&t=363s

Stay on Track

Accept and honour the nature of all  of the things you run into on your way to your chosen goal.

Michael A. Singer ( paraphrased) 

The Question

Do you ever ask yourself this question: "What do you want to do/be with the remainder of your life here? What is your highest goal?"  If so, are you are staying on track to getting there?  

The Long Term Goal

I think I know what I want to do/be when I ask myself that question.  I believe I want to walk towards awakening.  I want to grow at the deepest level. I want to be the best person I can possibly be. I want to leave this place at least a tiny, itsy bit better because I was here.  I want to help in someway, without any real attachment to the fruits of my actions. And I think I am  focusing my precious energy in the right direction and that I am taking the " right" steps (following the eight fold path in my sadhana) to get there. I do. Yet, I still get pulled away into the drama all the time and find myself redirecting that energy onto new short term goals that come up, like , "How do I get out of this mess that I am in right now? How do I make this better so we can survive here?"  I, as a result, often find myself blocked, fighting with or overwhelmed by the obstacles in front of me that come up the form of "real life. "Hmm!

Don't Struggle With the Short Term Goals or the Obstacles

Singer reminds us that it takes much more energy to fight with what shows up in front of us, to see it as an obstacle or an interference than it does to simply allow it and move around it. I see that now.  

We have to remember when we set our life goal, our long term goal to stay on track.  Each long term goal is broken down into a series of short term goals...the steps that take us there. I think it is in the deciding what our short term goals should be where we may take our eyes off the prize and get a bit lost. We may make  getting the money, the job, education, or the relationship our short term focus and forget our long term goal in doing so.  We may be so caught up in our short term focus, our short term comfort, our short term discomfort that we may  fail to ask, "Is this helping me get to where I really want to be in the long run, or is it hindering me?"  

Obstacles in all shapes and sizes are sure to show up in front of us on our way to the life end we are seeking. We sometimes get so caught up in these obstacles, we  make getting rid of them our short term goal. We begin to direct our energies...our beams of light...onto them ...fighting them, struggling against them, attempting to move them, telling ourselves and others that the road blocks  are bad, wrong, shouldn't be. We not only lose focus on our ultimate goal when we do this but we waste valuable energy.  We exhaust ourselves. 

Let It Be and Keep Moving Forward

When these obstacles show up in front of us...say in the form of a financial deficit or a relationship issue or another adverse circumstance for example...we do not need to fight them.  We do not need to push them out of the way.  We do not need to fix them or change them, make them something other than what they are so our path is smoother.  We do not need to get all caught up in their drama. We just need to recognize them, accept them, honor them for having the  nature they do, and simply walk around them. If we constantly remind ourselves where we are going, we won't get tangled up in the real life obstacles that show up.  They won't even be considered hindrances or obstacles...just things that showed up on our journey home. 

Stay on Track

Being in this world but not of it, is a challenging frame of mind to maintain. It is my long term goal, if not always my short term goal, to keep that as my focus. I slip off the path often, center myself, remember where I am going and what I am looking for before I begin again.  But I always begin again...a bit more exhausted each time, maybe, but I begin again. When I reflect deeply, I see I am getting better at allowing these obstacles to be what they are, of respecting and honoring their nature.  I am getting better at  nodding politely and walking around them when they show up in front of me. I am learning. You are likely learning too. But... can we do better?   

I want to do better. Everytime I walk through a door, I will remind myself, like Michael Singer does, that my life time goal is to be free and to help others to be free. I will keep my eyes on that prize and make every short term goal I take on one that helps me get there, not one that hinders my effort. I will do my best to not get tangled up in the short term focus. I will work with each person or obstacle that I meet along the way. I will continue moving towards my destination, no matter what. 

Hmm! What about you? 

All is well

Michael a. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( October 16, 2023) Staying Committed to Your Higher Goals. https://tou.org/talks/