Grateful for Weeds

 You should be grateful for the weeds in your mind, because eventually they will enrich your practice.

Shunryu Suzuki (page 17)

Why do we refer to a dandlion as a weed and not a flower? 

Today I am going to talk about weeds.  Now I have written about weeds before asking the question, "Why do we make such a big distinction between the dandelion and the rose? Both have the same purpose in life, don't they?"

I have had great appreciation for the dandelion for a long time. I noticed how bees and butterflies flocked to them every spring as they waited for  the June frost to leave and the roses to bloom.  They were their intermediate food source. The dandelion serves a very, very important function.  

(Okay not a dandelion...but it is  a weed lol) 

Not Ugly; Not Beautiful

And I realized one day while I was shooting them, they are not "ugly" to anything but our  collective conditioned mind that says, "These are weeds.  They shouldn't be.  Mow them down so the lawns are perfect and orderly looking!"  Come on!  Nature isn't orderly nor is she meant to be.  Those dandelions are neither beautiful flowers or ugly weeds...they just are.  They are meant to be on our lawn for a very important reason! 

Resistance and "No Mow May"

I was so thrilled to hear of "No Mow May" in my parts. Environmentalists are encourging people not to mow their lawns in the month of May...to allow for dandelions to grow and  hopefully feed our drastically dwindling bee populatoin.  You do realize that without bees, the planet would not be pollinated...therefore there would be little food to sustain us humans?  We are so dependent not only on our pollinators but on the "weeds" they get pollen from. Yet every year we resist with a vengeance and mow down, or worse add more poison to the earth, in our resistance of these weeds. Weeds that could enrich our planet and at the very least allow for its survival. Yet we judge them as "bad, wrong and shouldn't be" and we struggle to destroy them. 

Even despite  this plea from environmentalists, I am only one of a few households that have not mowed.  Most people around me prefer a semblance of order to feeding bees. They remain unconscious.  That is not a judgement of righteousness on my part.  It is simply the way it is.  I do not blame my neighbours  for that or fight with them for that.  It is just the way it is.  All I can do is focus on my yard and that which I have control.  

Weeds in the Mind

Just like I can only focus on what is growing in my mind.  There are a lot of weeds up there, let me tell ya.  I used to think when I began practicing in my quest for serenity, that I need to struggle against, kill or mow down all the weeds I had in my mind...all the negative thoughts, all the nasty feelings.  I still operated under  the conditioned belief that many of us do.  "Cling to good...get rid of the bad".  In order to do that we had to first look to others to have them help us determine what ws good and what was bad.   Positive thoughts, circumstances and feelings were like the roses, negative thoughts, circumstances and feelings were like the dandelions. In our attempt to create orderly mind-lawns  many of us beleive we really have to get rid of mental weeds. 

Those weeds in our mind, just as the dandelions on our lawns do, serve a very important purpose.  They really do not differ from the roses and the petunias...in anything but our judgement of them. They can help nourish us. Simply allowing and accepting the so called "negative"  can help  pollinate a life of serenity for all of us. Resisting them and fighting against them, pulling them out with force, just keeps us from the peace we long for. Even if we pull them out...we must do so gently and effortlessly and then we leave them where they are to nourish the soil of our life expereince. 

What we resist persists

What I notice about thoughts and feelings  we resist ...is that they just persist more.  I notice too, when I look out at the yards that do not adhere to "No Mow May", the dandelions just grow back more ferociously. What we resist persists.

Anyway, I am learning to be grateful for the weeds on my lawn and the weeds in my mind.

All is well! 

Shunryu Suzuki (1970) Zen Mind, Beginners Mind. Shambhala

 Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.

Ralph Waldo Emersen 

My ego, as you know, leads me to my stats page every morning so I can read what others have recently read.  I came across something from February 2017 about an opposite challenge practice I was doing. In that entry I used  my inability to maintain  my household in a way I liked as the example of what I didn't want in my present set of circumstances. The last column of a working chart depicts the tangible and measurable specifics of what I wanted . Since that entry I will highlight in that column what I actually manifested or came to be.   It is pretty cool. 

What I don’t want in my life right now that I might be stuffing or resisting	I accept	What I want in my life ...the Opposite of what I don't want	Things that will assist this to happen
I have  a house right now that is often dirty, messy, cluttered, dusty, smelly, full of dog hairs, with an oven in desperate need of cleaning, floors that never look clean even when they are. I feel too tired to do more than I am doing and it is getting out of control.  It is chaotic.  I and the kids are embarrassed to have people over because of it.  My daughter is ashamed of it and I feel guilt and shame for this part of my parenting…I am not providing a clean enough environment for my children.  I also worry that others…neighbors and her friends and their parents might not understand my predicament and think I am lazy and neglecting my children because of the state of my house. I do what I can but it is obviously not enough	I accept that my house is not the way I want it or believe it should be right now and that I am not keeping up with 100% of my parenting responsibility; nor am I meeting social expectations....during this time I perceive a lack of energy, and prioritize differently than others might	I want a cleaner home: one that smells fresh when you walk in the door and is free of clutter of shoes both on the matt and or in the mudroom, with walls that look fresh and clean.  I want clean countertops that are limited in harmful bacteria, sinks that look clean, crumb free bread box and utensil drawers. Clean and fresh looking cupboards inside and out, clean stove and oven, clean fridge, a floor that looks clean and is easy to manage, clean windows, tidy table, clean hardwood floors through out, paw print and nose print free glass on French doors, garbage and recyclables organized and hidden from view (and smell), bright airy living room with a couch that is dog hair free (or contained to pet covers that stay in place), clean bathrooms with  laundry organized and put away, clean bedrooms that are completely floored, and limited in pet hair and smell,  Clean, freshly painted  basement stairs and basement …creating a fresh smelling, dust free and welcoming atmosphere for the kids to hang out.    To feel good about welcoming people in to my home.	We could     hire someone to come in to do the heavy cleaning (They may need to pressure hose the whole house down :)) Hire someone to come in once a week      Throw out half the stuff I am clinging to that is adding to clutter         New stone counters that are easy to clean and care for ,I didn't get stone counters...out of myprice range  at this point..but I faux painted my countertops marble with my daughter's help...looked pretty cool for a while.  Paint cupboards with easy to clean paint....daughter and I used a cabinet refinishing kit and painted them a lovely colour Paint walls, purchase a better easy to use mop that I can run through the house twice a week with purchase better garbage/recycling disposal systems for inside and out Purchase a Roomba vacuum to vacuum for me when I am too tired. (which is always lol)  This will help to keep the pet hair down to a minimum...got one as a gift Remove wall between kitchen and living room to open up the space, allow for more air and light to circulate...created a large opening for a pass through lunch counter...really made a difference with the light Better pet covers on furniture Kids to regularly help with chores (do their own laundry!)  Air purifiers Self cleaning oven...when D. move din after his house fire I adopted his brand new self cleaning oven Dishwasher New kitchen floor that is easy to clean ( no grouting!) Minimalize...remove lots of the furniture

I have everything but the dishwasher  and hired help checked off ...isn't that cool?  I wasn't even aware I was completing my list as the things showed up. 

Just thought I would share!

All is well. 

Life Is Difficult

 

Life is difficult! 

Scott Peck , opening line of The Road Less Travelled. 

That is a very powerful statement, isn't it? Off-putting even? I remember when I picked up Peck's book for the first time over twenty years ago and I read that line, I was like What? Who would want to read a book that begins like that? 

I think I actually put the book down and wanted nothing to do with it.  At the time, I was looking for inspiration and "feel good" stuff not books that slapped you across the face with the truth I was trying to run from, Life is difficult!

I did end up picking it up again and reading the whole thing.  It was a game changer but in order to be transformed by Peck's words I had to first get through (not over, not around, not under...but through) that statement of absolute truth. Life is difficult.

Is that not, the first truth in Buddhist teachings, "Suffering exists" and are those seeking the freedom from suffering not told that they must first accept and allow for the reality that suffering is a part of life?

I have spent the first portion of my life, avoiding, denying, stuffing, running from and numbing from pain, trauma and challenge so as not to have to deal with this notion that suffering exists or that life is difficult. I was trying to control, fix, manipulate and paint the world "out there"  in rosy colours so I didn't have to feel anything akin to suffering "in here." By the time I picked up Peck's book, in my  thirties, I was exhausted by my efforts and was starting to realize that all the positive thinking, affirmations and visualizing  were not getting me anywhere.  I was not peaceful...anythng but. So that line , Life is difficult, was not only the reason I put the book down...it was the reason I picked it up again.  

This is a great truth. One of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.Once we truly know that life is difficult-once we truly understand and accept it-then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters. Scott Peck

Like I said this book, once I got through that line, was a game changer for me. It changed the way I was approaching life. Instead of running from pain and suffering I began, albeit slowly, to walk towards it and lean into it. I wanted to understand what Life was all about and knew that I first had to understand what suffering was all about so I took the journey I was already on a little deeper. I took it inward and began what many would call more of a "spiritual" seeking than a superficial one. I, however, am not sure I would even call it a spiritual mission, I embarked on.  It just seemed to be a natural  step in my evolution as a human being. 

Recognizing When Someone Isn't There Yet

Yesterday, I spoke on the phone to a loved one who still is where I was before I accepted the fact that Life is difficult. Even though the trauma she endured, the twists of fate  that landed on her shoulders again and again  were like out of this world in terms of testing the human psyche...even though this inescapable  pain has etched its signature in deep dark lines inside her making her bleed all over the place ...she still refuses to turn inward and deal with her suffering.  She runs and runs and runs from it and despite how exhausting it must be she refuses to stop, turn around and face it. After decades of doing the same thing she still doesn't see how obvious her flawed escape plan is to all who watch her run. It breaks my heart.  

I used to exhaust myself chasing after her with my "You need to stop!"and  a mirror in my hand..  "Look!  Look!  Look!" but she just ran around me or over me. My mind was full of "This is bad!  This is wrong!  This shouldn't be!" ...It took me a long time to simply accept that  it simply was.  It was and is what it is. 

Over the years we ( her loved ones)  even threw more than a few obstacles in her path to trip her and slow her down but she just got up and kept going.We put up more than a few road blocks ...she maneuvered around them.  It got too painful to watch...so we walked away.  I am back now, with my new way of approaching Life...watching from a distance, opening my heart  but at the same time I accept there is nothing I can do beyond calling out to her, "I see you bleeding. I know you are in pain. I love you and I am here whenever you are ready to stop." Hmm! 

We cannot run forever, can we?  Even though her fear of her pain is greater than her desire for peace right now...she cannot run forever. Someday, in one way or another, she will realize that it is far easier to accept suffering than it is to spend a life time running from it , won't she?  Well that is my prayer for her...that someday she will stop running, transcend suffering and experience the peace she so deserves. 

Anyway, Life is difficult and knowing that is a wonderful thing...

You are not your life situation, you are Life. 

 Eckhart Tolle

All is well! 

Scott Peck ( 1978) The Road less Travelled.Simon and Shuster

The Background of Perfect Harmony

 When we lose our balance we die, but at the same time we also develop ourselves, we grow. Whatever we see is changing, losing its balance. The reason everything looks beautiful is because it is out of balance, but its background is always in perfect harmony...everything appears to be in the form of suffering [if we do not realize the background].  But if you understand the background of existence, you realize that suffering itself is how we live, and how we extend our life. page 12

I have been inspired to read , Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. And by inspired I mean I forgot to stop a run of videos from automatically playing on my computer when I walked away from my screen yesterday and when I came back, hours later, I heard the audio version of this book playing and it was like, "Aha! I need to read/listen to this book." So that is what I am doing. You may call it an unrelated coincidence, or "airy-fairy" nonsense...I choose to call it being inspired.  :)  

Foreground

So this chapter, I am reading now, is all about understanding the difference between the foreground and background of our existence. In the foreground we see things that are beautiful and ugly...you cannot have beautiful without an ugly; right and wrong...cannot have a right without a wrong and good and bad...can't have a good without a bad. When something is seen as beautiful...it is out of balance...the pendulum has swung too much to one side.

But...

Background

The background on which this foreground plays out is always balanced and in harmony...because it is the middle way, the stilled pendulum, the midway point between beautiful and ugly, right and wrong, or good and bad.  It is here where there is no duality. ...a merging of both poles. So if we are aware of this spcious background  we can just look at suffering as a necessary part of the foreground .  In order to swing to joy, we had to have swung to suffering, in order to return to harmony...we must first have experienced chaos. So suffering, then, makes us aware of our every changing foreground and from there we can desire and return to balanced harmony of the background.  

Only in this spacious background, will we have order and control. 

To give your sheep or cow a large, spacious meadow is the way to control him.page 13

It is All about Letting Go

It is all about letting go and letting be...that which is. Be aware...observe the natural flow of order and disorder without trying to control, manipulate and fix the chaos in the outer world  in a futile attempt to bring order to your psyche.  Just gently bring your awareness to the spacious background and  let it go! There you will find harmony and control.  

The true purpose is to see things as they are, and to let everything go as it goes.  This is to put everything under control in its widest sense. page13-14

All is well. 

Shunryu Suzuki (2020) Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind. 50th Anniversary Edition. Shambala: Colorado

The Whole Works

 The information contained in the image of yourself...is an extremely inadequate image so when you feel you are a lonely, put upon, isolated little stranger confronting all that is...you have an illusionary feeling because the truth is reversed...you are the whole works that there is, that always was and always has been and always will be. 

Alan Watts 

Go along with it!

Shot at Niagra Falls in August, 2015.  Not sure of specs...have to go back to data. 

Alan Watts/Wiara. (Oct 2017) Watch your thoughts and feelings. https://wwhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sT-VLNrk-F8 

Ever Present Reality

 Synchronicity is the ever present reality for those who have eyes to see.

C.G.Jung

From Dream to Reality

Okay we are still on the topic of synchronicty because, lo and behold, the dream I had two nights ago that woke me up in a state of panick telling me  that something had to be done because if it wasn't the person would have a confrontation with the authorities over it. ...happened, just as I dreamt it would. 

When I awoke from the dream  at five am I had the strongest feeling that this something  had to get done before the weekend was over. ...that we couldn't wait until Monday as he so wanted to do. So I spent all of Saturday assisting this individual to get this thing done but it never got done.  After spending hours on it,  I realized I had done all I can do...the rest was up to him.  I then felt the serenity needed to let go.  I still worried about what might happen but knew it was beyond my control.  I did my part: I listened to the dream, heeded the sense of warning in it;  I had told him about it and shared  the sense of urgency I got from it and I strongly suggested he believe it enough to  take action..  He laughed it off as "woo-woo".  

I proceeded to take care of the situation on my own in order to to release my own sense of concern the dream installed in me and then I let go of it. 

Beginning to Doubt?

Nothing happened Saturday. I began to doubt.  

Though I spent the weekend having  this intense startle reaction every time I heard a siren....by 5 PM on Sunday, still nothing. Doubt and other people's reaction to my dream started to play with my faith. 

By six that evening I was discounting everything, asking myself who the heck I thought I was...a freaking psychic or something? Why would I be given such a gift...am I having delusions of Grandeur? What is wrong with me? 

My conditioning and other people's opinion kind of  crept in as time went on, clouding my trust that there might be  something to this dream...even though my gut kept saying. "Listen!  Listen!  Listen!"  

I really began to believe that nothing would happen and told myself  if the weekend went by with nothing happening, like it probably would, then I had to face the fact I was just  being silly, lost in the wanting to believe in the Something Greater of  synchronicity  rather than  having a revelation that I can believe.  Sigh!  It felt so good to believe.

Then I get a call shortly after 7.  It happened.  

From Doubt to Faith

My dream became a reality with many, if not most of the things I dreamt taking place :  intersection, baby in car, female officer...seeking exactly that which we did not get done. 

The person directly involved  still did not get excited over the fact  that it happened the way it did after I woke him up and told him I had "one of my dreams" and that  he had to take care of this thing before the  weekend was over!  Some others in my household just said it was a freaky coincidence. and seemed nonplused about it.   Those, however,  who have been keeping tabs on what they refer to as my "freaky-witchy"  nature were amazed once again...but the "males" in my life weren't.

Amazed into Faith

I was amazed!  I was completely blown away by the accuracy of the turn of events and by how I knew when I had the dream, it was "one of those".  You have to understand something...this thing he had  not going on was not going on for well over a year!  There was well over 365 days for this to happen. Is it not beyond mere coincidence, then, to have it happen after seeing it  happening so clearly in a dream...that by the way interrupted another dream like some emergency broadcast message... giving me a time frame in which it will happen and describing in some detail how it will happen?  

Fortunately, the consequence I was expecting, which could have been life changing instigating such a panick reaction in me, did not happen.   So I was given the amazing gift of him getting off easy, at the same time being pushed by external forces, other than me,  to get done what should have been done long ago and most importantly, I was given the revelation that I can trust my inner guidance. It was almost like it all happened the way it did to remind me that I could. It  seemed like it was more  a gift for me, than  a warning for him! 

I was literally high on that revelation. It was like "Wow!  It happened again.  There really is something to this, beyond random coincidence! Maybe I do have very reliable inner guidance system and  gut instinct." 

Wanting to Leave it At Amazed! 

Now ...that is where I want to leave that...ooohhing and ahhhing over the mystery of Life; the sensing of  this Force that is so much greater  than what we can see and understand in this world ; the hope and the peace one gets when they realize they are open and connecting  to this  amazing ...whatever It is. It is like Wow! 

Will Ego let me leave it there? 

The question of concern is...can I leave it there when I am far from evolved?  You see, I sense Redeemer ego creeping in and wrapping his greedy little fingers around this. "Hmm!  Maybe you are a little more worthy than we and the world originally thought. Maybe you have a "special" gift, meaning that maybe you are special."  

Beware of "Special"

"Special" is a road blocking term on the road to waking up. That right there sets little warning bells off in my head.  I hear an internal warning not to go there...not to give this thing, that would probably happen to every single person on the planet if we were all open and inspired, to a seperate little ego who would run off and do damage with it ...and ultmately close this mind and body I refer to as "me"  down from receiving it. 

Redeemer ego  could, if I don't stay aware,  take the "I" in "I have a special gift"...and make it about "me" when it has nothing to do with this clump of flesh and personality I call "me"...It is much grander and more universal than that and then go on to compare "me"  to others in the seperation game ego so loves. ...  "And if you have something others don't have, you are special... and if you are "special" you are more than what they are."  

In reality, it is much more simple than that.  Every now and again, I , as an expression of Life, find myself open to those dormant faculties Patanjali spoke about. 

We all have them.  The question is are we open to them? Sometimes I am open and sometimes I close them off.  Sometimes these faculties wake up and scream to come through and if I am open just a smigeon they come through.  Other times, it is an intense openness in me that allows my consciousness to reach in and shake these fcaulties from deep sleeep. It is all about being open to that which exists beyond the visible, material realm of existence. There is Something/No-thing Greater there. 

Anyway, I believe that synchronicity is also at play here for your benefit as well. This dream and its manifestation happened while we were talking about synchronicity .  Do you not see that there was that Greater Something at play, providing a real time example of synchronicity for me to share with you in real time? How amazing is that? 

It is all just so amazing to me! 

Anyway,  All is well! 

Some Great Purpose

 

When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all of your thoughts break their bonds. Your mind transcends limitations; your consciousness expands in every direction; and you find yourself in a new, great and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive and you discover yourself to be a greater person than you ever dreamed yourself to be.

Patanjali

Hmm! Today I am focusing on the last sentence, Dormant forces, faculities and talents become alive...to go with our recent discussion on synchronicty.  Something amazing does happen when we are open to the wisdom of the Higher Self, when we are following our bliss, heeding our calling, listening to the muses...however, else you may want to describe inspiration. Things you never even realized you had within you come to life through synchronicity. 

There is a dormant force that comes to life in me when I sit to allow a poem through.  Man, my rational mind does not want to write poetry and it especially does not want me to put it out there or here...but when  some little voice inside me says "poem!" (and I don't mean that literally) I have learned over the eyars to stop resisting and  I sit my butt down. I write a poem.  

Certainly doesn't feel like a great purpose, or an extraordinary project to little "me" but I guess it is important to something within me.  I literally do not even know what I am going to write...one or two lines will kind of "come to me" and then the fingers do the rest.  They come out fast and a lot of times they come out pretty awful lol.  I may revise or  edit and if I do that is the only real ego involvement in it. Otherwise it is totally beyond me. My thoughts break their bonds and my mind transcends limitations.  

The thing about any poem I write is that there are so many synchronistic events that come to my awareness after writing it ...I will hear people referring to the lines in my poem or see something similar  in other context and then I will understand what my poem meant and why I wrote it.  I am so totally disconnected to the actual process and at the same time I am so completely swept away by it. I do not understand it. 

Remember Jung's approach to synchronicity offered in the quote from two days ago? Now...what I do not want to do is paint this process of writing poetry and the synchronicity that follows  as a mystical, fantastical or magical experience.  I want to strip off the magic, fantasy and superstition. I want, for some reason, to remove the "woo-woo" so it is viewed as a real learning opportunity  that involves moving us toward something we have yet to truly understand.

 

What I am learning to do with my poetry, and synchronicity in general,  is the same thing Carolyn Myss says we should do with living: approach  it with no judgement, expectation or concern about what will happen next.

We are ll being taken along some path to some great purpose...let's let go our need to lead and control this journey... and simply follow. 

All is well.

. 

More on Synchronicity

There are many events in the womb of time that wait to be delivered.

Othello: Act 1,Scene 3

Another Dream

I had another dream last night. Just a scene popped up in the middle of another dream like some unexpected ad indicating that an action is required in a certain area, not for me but someone I love. There was no words ...just this symbolic snippet  and I woke up knowing that if this action did not take place soon then there would be very dramatic consequences for him. I walked around the house at 5 am feeling almost panicked and in need to have this thing I do not feel okay about disclosing here even though it is nothing sinister  taken care of. After a few minutes pacing, I told myself there was nothing that could be done at five in the morning and went back to sleep.  When I woke up again at 8 I was off...didn't feel grounded, felt physically ill almost and I compulsively  proceeded to take care of this thing for the other person, knowing at the same tme it wasn't mine to take care of. Well, I ran into some obstacles  and ws unable to complete the task.  Feeling totally off kilter I resorted to a simple meditation to ground me. It worked.  I will soon begin the task again when I am finished here.  Figured writing about synchronicity will also help settle me a bit more.

Okay...here we go ...these are some of the amazing things I learned or was reminded of about Carl Jung's explanation of the word he coined. 

What Synchronicity Means?

Syn/chronic/ity...can be broken into sylables that mean the coming together in time and timing.  External events will often coincide with internal events.  For example, a dream or a thought (Internal) about, say, someone you have not seen in years, may result in you running 'coincidentally' into that person the next day(external). My dream about something going on in my body was met with several coinciding events within a certain time period. 

Fate and Destiny

The belief then is that this goes beyond mere random coinicdence and is related to what some term "fate" or "destiny" .  It is not random chance but meaningful chance. It is determined by something much greater than our "little" egos and what we believe ourselves to be (mind/body forms) . 

One World

Jung teaches that there is one world, 'Unus Mundus' and this world includes both the consciousness of each individual and every happening in the universe.  Mind and matter are merely two aspects of one reality. 

Bringing the Light to Darkness

There are points of correspondence between inner and outer worlds, between mind and matter that tell us about our destiny. What is our destiny according to Jung? To bring the light of consciousness into the darkness. Our destiny is to evolve...to go from not seeing clearly to seeing clearly and to help others see clearly who we really are. We need to look into our own darkness, our shadow selves, and integrate all the good, bad, and ugly into a unified whole. This may also mean going blindly into our suffering, our 'dark night of the soul' so we can come  out the other side into morning, a new awakening. We are here to reach our whole and full potential. ...what Jung called Individuation.  When we find that we will be fulfilled.

When we are open and ready for that evolution, many quirky things will happen. We will receive guidance from something far greater than our little mes and this guidance can come in the form of synchronicity. Events in the outer world will match up with our internal worlds For me, it comes in dreams, poetry, strange but not random 'coincidences' , very powerful gut feelings, and other kooky things. :) 

Readiness

It will only happen , however, when the time is right.  We cannot force this transformation because it is determined by the One Mind...not our puny little ego minds. We will only evolve to the next step when the time is right and we are ready.  Readiness is crucial.  We cannot force this evolution. The universe will push us and gently nudge us forward when we and it are ready.  That is when we will notice its interventions in the form of little synchronistic events. Our destiny, then, is revelaing itself to us. We can affirm our readiness by reciting this mantra often "I am ready for the next step and I am open to that." 

Being Open and Trusting

This is more of a letting go and trusting that everything around us is a participant in the process by which we evolve,than something we do  It is not something we as a little self does.  We need to let go and let the Higher Self take over.  Thy will be done, rather than may 'my' will be done.  

And we have to be open, paying attention to the "signs" or whatever you want to call them when they come.  Do not ignore these gut feelings, these dreams, these so called 'coincidences' .  See them for what they are...a treasury of wisdom.

Seeking Help from Ancestors

Jung also encourgaes us to seek help from our ancestors who are also participating in our evolution.  He uses the term "collective unconscious" to speak to the energy of those who passed on that still remains around us, guiding and supporting. Why does that sound so 'airy fairy' for most of us? Indiginous people have been seeking guidance from their ancestors since the beginning of human time. Jung refers to what they offer us in the form of memory, genetic transmission, and some deeper , more 'airy fairy' connection as the "treasury of wisdom". 

What are we here to do?

The Franciscan order, following the teaching of Saint Francis, teaches that everyone of us is created for a purpose, that we have a job to do  and we need to ask on  daily basis, "What has God called me in existence to be?"  

The higher Self is always pushing us towards what it is we are here to do and the ego dominated little self is always resisting our growth and transformation. And is the ego that is our demon, not some force outside of us. This demon will inflate us or deflate us in an attempt to prevent us from connecting to our higher Self and our purpose. It is the ego that says, "Don't listen to that nonsense" when things are revealed through synchronicity. 

Tricky Ego 

Yes the ego is tricky and sometimes we erroneously are guided by its motivations, believing them to be synchronicity.  Brother Jude, reminds us in the video, that if we are really honest with ourselves and take the time to stop, contemplate, or meditate over some guidance we assume we are receiving...we will be able to tell if it is ego, what we want to see happening or the Higher Self which echos where we are being called to go speaking to us. Stop, listen and know. or as it says in psalms, "Be still and know that I am God."

Hmm!  So much beautiful wisdom in this discussion.  Please check it out for yourself! 

All is well! 

PSA-SF ( March 2020) The Power of Coincidence on the Spiritual Path -with David Richo PHD and Brother Jude Hill SSF. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDxzFm-GBnY

This is a post dated Add on ( January 12, 2022)

I was rereading this today when I checked my site to see that it was read by another, and though I think I relayed this information in a following entry ...I felt compelled to relay it here. 

Everything, absolutely everything, I had seen in that dream snippet...happened. I knew it was going to happen that weekend and it happened at 7 Pm Sunday night.  I second guessed myself all weekend but the feeling (fear and apprehension, the pull to do something about it) would not go away.  I kept warning the individual involved, told him about my dream, giving him all the details: the 'what', the 'when', the 'how', the 'who' and the 'where'...said "it was one of those kind you can't ignore"...scared him a little... but by Sunday afternoon he was more or less conceding that I was crazier than a bag of hammers... Even after it happened...as I had told him it would... he said it was just a coincidence and dismissed it.  I, on the other hand, was blown away.

Anyway...whatever it was , was pretty darn kooky, don't you think? 

All is well. 

Synchronicity

 

Jung used the idea of synchronicity to strip off the fantasy, magic and superstition which surround and are provoked by unpredictable, startling and impressive events, that like these, tend to be connected. 

-C.G. Jung, Synchronicity  https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/822546-synchronizit-t-als-ein-prinzip-akausaler-zusammenh-nge

Today I would like to write about synchronicity. I often use the word serendipity instead of this one, meaning the same thing, but in support of my adherence to the teachings of the founder of that word, Carl Jung, I will refer to it as synchronicity.

Synchronicity and a Dream 

Now I have been thinking alot about this word, especially after the profound and powerful dream I had, about what would be happening in my body. Let me refresh your memory. In February, I had a dream that I recorded where a female voice I could not explain the source of told me very clearly that something was happening in my pelvic area and not to fret...it was not  life threatening 'yet'. But if changes and my approach were not made it would turn into something. I woke up from that dream with a "Wow!"  

I mean I get a lot of messages in my dreams but they are usually symbolic and cryptic and it takes a great deal of contemplation and research to discover what they might mean...but this one was so easy and straight forward! It was so clear. It stuck with me and I immediately began the next morning  to delve even deeper into this mission I was already on to  determine what changes I needed to make in my life.  I was already seriously contemplating my present living situation. The dream, however,  was not clear at all on what those changes should be.

The First Synchronistic Event 

Anyway, less than two days after the dream  I began to have postmenopausal bleeding which  was like a "Wow!This is amazing synchronicity! (I probably used the word: serendipity)  At the same time I was tripping on the mystical revelation, I also considered the pathophysiological implications.  I know that postmenopausal bleeding of any type should be investigated as soon as possible.  

Resisting the Message 

But...you knew there was a but coming, right?... Because of the way the idea of having to reactivate  health seeking triggers me and drags up very damaging memories and a certain  hopelessness that I will get help,  I began to discount my dreams. I didn't want to go there. 

All the next day I told myself..." Nah...it is just a silly coincidence. You do not want to open up that draining, painful and very shame inducing can of worms again do ya? Sure look at what changes you may need to make in your life but do not do the health seeking thing again.  The bleeding is probably nothing and it will stop on its own." 

Another synchronistic event

The following day I get a call from my physician for an appointment I didn't even know I had. I mean I had called the pharmacy to get my meds refilled a day or two before  but I did not make an appointment with the doctor.  I did not even receive a reminder earlier that day that I had an appointment.  It was like out of the blue. Just as I was contemplating my dream, I get  a call that the doctor is on the line...bizarre.  Anyway, I took the appointment with the soul purpose of getting my prescription for heart meds refilled, nothing else.  I was not going to tell him about the bleeding....(just like I didn't want to tell him about the mass I palpated a year and a half ago).   He started asking me questions, however,  about my menopuasal health and  despite  my active  conscious resistance, just like I did with the mass,  I blurted out that I was bleeding. It came out from some place deep within me even though I had no intention for it to come out. Once it was out, I definitely tried to down play the whole scenario because I did not want to go back to that department I knew he would send me to for tests and I didn't want to have to depend on the opinion of a certain individual there who I felt, in my gut,  had an agenda that superceded the desire to protect the  wellness of  female patients.  (I have a very strong and possibly inexplicable or even unfounded  distrust in this person's motivations. I can't get around it!)  It would be opening up another can of worms in the  sense of making me relive my  last painful, long, drawn out health seeking experience. 

And Another

Anyway, I reluctantly  agreed to go for tests but was immediately filled with memory and dread. Not only that, that very  night I began to get severe pain with the bleeding especially on the left side. My body began to speak to me big time.  That pain and awful feeling of dread lingered for another two days until I got another call out of the blue.

And Another 

This call came from a medical genetics clinic's office admin.  She wanted to schedule an appointment with me for pre-testing.  I had forgotten that a few months earlier I  agreed to  do the genetic testing I was offered three other times in my life time. I finally agreed,  after recently having  another aha moment where I was filled with a certain worry that my daughters could be predisposed to this thing I had that led to all these unhealthy dealings and long painful waits to rule out cancer. If , I figured, I tested negative, that would reduce my worry for them  and it would make the waits I and they expereinced  much less painful. That was months ago and I had literally forgotten all about it .

And Another

A week later , after I have the test I was dreading getting done in that department , I discover through the pretesting appointment  that my family may be at a higher risk than I originally thought, not only for breast cancer, but also for ovarian cancer.  And it was like a bell went off in my head, "Ting! Ting! Ting!" The thought immediately occurred to me, "This might just be a cyst or  endometriosis but if I do not make some changes it could turn into cancer. Maybe that is what my dream is telling me." Of course, if I test positive for BRC2 the option would be provided me to remove my reproductive organs to prevent ovarian cancer. I am not sure if these are the "changes" that  my dream was referring to or not.

And Another

Now when I finally got my other test results back, as I strongly suspected , there was no mention of the left side indicating to me that what ever is there causing the pain is more deeply infiltrated like an endometriosis. And there is a cyst on the right side. These are both far from life threatening issues...but...they both increase the risk for ovarian cancer in a post-menopuasal woman and if I am positive for BRC2 ...then they greatly increase the risk. The reporter indicated that I could go a year without follow up...which would not be good if I am at risk.  

Connected!

I don't care what anyone says I know in my heart that this dream and these events are all connected.  The question is to what.  What change am I suppose to make? 

What Change is the  Dream Pointing To? 

Has my dream and the synchronicity of the events that immediately followed  been trying to prepare me  and lead me toward testing and the preventitive measure of making physical changes in my body? 

I am not sure if I will test positive but if I do,  I now know what option I will take.  If  I got the call for an appointment before having this dream, I might have, once again, refused the testing...or if  I did agree and I tested positive I would probably not agree to  take the extreme aproach...but after that dream...I will get tested and I know what I will do should I test positive. Synchronicity has spoken.

I also know that the changes I need to make may have little  to do with testing results. It may have to do with my approach to health seeking.  Maybe I have to change my approach, to be strong and assertive, standing up for myself and others so we do not have to go through what I went through...so we get teh help we need.  Maybe my dream was just telling me, "With every health issue you are given, grow a stronger back bone, speak your truth about how you and others are sometimes treated. Trust yourself and your gut instinct. Use this to heal old wounds and become whole etc."   

I also question what I have been questioning long before the dream.  Is this living situation healthy for me?  I hear a big resounding "No!" in my head. Then I wonder was the  dream telling me, if I stay in this situation as it is  I will deplete my energy to the point of sickness?

Hmm! There is no doubt in my mind that what I have been experiencing with and since the  dream was synchronicity.  I know change of some kind needs to be made to protect and preserve my body long enough for me to carry out what I am here to do. And that change involves one or all of the above.  Time will tell.

Just So Amazing!

Pretty cool though, isn't it?  Knowing that there is something so much grander and wiser than this little body and mind we identify as "me" guiding us through this human experience is both amazing and comforting.

Please check out the video I "happened" upon this morning just when I was contemplating this wonderful thing called synchronicity. It was excatly what I needed at that moment in my life.  Amazing!

All is well!

APC-SF (March,2020) The Power of Coincidence on the Spiritual Path. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDxzFm-GBnY

You Got Time

 You've got all the time in the world because you've got all the time there is which is now.

Alan Watts

I loved hearing this today because, as you know, I have been having this recurring feeling that my time is running out ( which actually is a very great way to approach life). Felt I had to get some things in order, leave something valuable behind.  It really inspired me to create some projects and open up conversations with others I may have been procrastinating. It also left me a little pressured to get things done.  Then today I came across this video and these words popped out to remind and soothe my doing tendency. 

None of us know how long we are here on this planet.  It is good to remember that but instead of using this precious  moment, this now  hastily as a means to get to the next before our time runs out...we should really sink into and enjoy the now as well. We all have time to that right? 

All is well in my world.

Alan Watts/ via Matthew Moore ( Nov, 2013) You've got all the time in the world-Alan Watts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co04vu635_M

Irreducible Rascality

 In everyone of us is an element of irreducible  rascality.

Alan Watts

What the heck does that mean?

Ego remains in all of us to some degree no matter how "evolved" we become...Even if it is not who we are in the big picture,ego  is a part of who we are while we tramp around on earth.  And as long as ego is around we are going to be rascals to some degree .  No matter how much we meditate, do good deeds, and claim how spiritual we are...there will be moments when we are going to be selfish and pleasure seeking ( or at least doing all we can to avoid discomfort). We are going to slip into reactivity, getting lost in anger, resentment and frustration at times.  We are going to behave  in a  less than "spiritual" way every now and again as well. So denying this, pretending this is not the thing to do  and taking up airs of superior righteousness is not the way to go, according to many zen teachings. It is more in tune with our true nature to know that we all have that element of  rascality in us...recognize it, accept it, and embrace it before letting it go. 

So if you get anything from my blogs here, I do hope you get this element of irreducible rascality I have in me as I bleed all over the page with it. I am not claiming to be an awakened master...far from it...just some imperfect human being with a large ugly ego attached to  me as I express my willingness and desire to awaken. 

Disown spiritual arrogance and cultivate spiritual humility.Doug Noll

It is all good! All is well in my world. 

What do we do with what is given to us?

 What is given to us in this lifetime doesn't matter as much as what we do with it.

Jack Kornfield ( paraphrasing some  Buddhist wisdom) 

Sorry...been away for a while working on something else. And to be honest, I am still feeling a little uncomfortable writing here since I discovered that soemone or something was tampering.

Anyway...

I came across this quote this morning in a previous entry and it seemed so timely.  I spent a great deal of my morning praying for a certain guidance and support on how to deal with the same similiar circumstances that keep showing up in my life, especially in regards to health seeking and my present living situation. And every single time it takes me back to original trauma in a flash.  

Man ...when am I going to learn what I need to learn so I can get beyond these repetitive circumstances?  

As far as the health seeking: The test result came back and it, as I feared, does not even mention the left ovary to explain where the left sided pain is coming from.  It does say there is a cyst on the right ovary and recommends a repeat testing  in a year. ...but what about the left side where the  pain is?...not a word! I know I should be very relieved...no obvious mass to explain the pain but I was hoping for a cyst, at least, so I could say, "ahhh....that is what is causing the pain." 

As long as the scientific part of my mind does not have an explanation for why something is the way it is, it doesn't rest. The pain is telling me something, as is my dream. Someting is going on.

The pain indicates something needs to be looked at!  I have a high pain threshold ...like I don't even notice anything on the right side...but I am definitely having pain on the left side...there is definitely something going on there...and there was something that caused the bleeding...because there was bleeding! I was hoping to know what that something was and became so depleted when I witnessed how the old patterns of "I don't know"  are repeating...Whathever it is...I just want to know.  

There  will be more tests ordered, more trips to specialists and the vicious cycle of waiting and waiting and waiting without ever getting an explanation of what is going on in my body continues. I do not want the tests!!! I do not want the visits!!!I do not want to be at the mercy of this waiting game...the same game I was on for the breast mass from Novemeber 2019 until December 2020...I still don't know what that was and is going on there. For my heart issue ...symptoms started in 1993 and I now have a few mini diagnosis' but not a clear picture or explanation. Telling me what something  isn't, does not tell me what it is!  

 I just want to know what my body is doing on a physiological level...that's it! Tell me what it is doing on this level so I can deal with it on the deeper level. What I want is peace of mind not more waiting and focus on the body!

I have spent so much of my time and life energy on waiting for someone to explain to me, in a way that  makes sense to my fairly intelligent mind, what is going on physically within me.  I know disease, illness etc  is all psychosomatic in some way.  I get that.  I know that healing goes far beyond some diagnosis and treatment...but... I also feel that I cannot heal what I do not understand. Why am I not getting answers?  Why does my seeking answers always end up the same way? This  circumstance of waiting, not knowing, suffering without support becasue of...keeps repeating.  Why? 

I am probably right about my guess that it is some endometriosis adhesion that doesn't show up on ultrasound because I had in 2017, again in 2019 and the pain usually starts after the bleeding but will I ever have someone tell me that is what it is? I truly doubt it and my pain will not be taken into consideration. Why?  Because no one else can see it. I was probably right about the mass on my breast too ...which could be seen and felt...when I said from the beginning...it is a "ductal ectasia"...that made absolute sense to me but no one  came out and told me that is what it was.  They just said for well over a year ..."It looks like it might be cancer."....then"It doesn't seem to be cancer but we have to rule it out"...then "this is a concerning sign and that is a concerning sign, might be cancer" ...then "doesn't appear to be cancer." 

So what was it? What about the pain? Nothing 

The dream told me so clearly that something would be happening in my pelvic area ..not life threatening now but if I do not make some changes soon it will be. It was the clearest message in a dream I have ever had. (And I have had many such messages that manifested in waking life) . Two days later the bleeding started; 5-6 days later the pain started and has yet to be relieved. I can probably dismiss the pain but can I dismiss  the dream? 

That brings me to the other thing I seek support and guidance in...my living situation.  Was my dream telling me that if I staid in this situation where my energy is constantly being drained and not replenished, if I continued to endure this perpetual state of stressors...what is going on in my body now will become life threatening as a manifestation of these circumstances? And I can see that in my mind's eye...I can see that happening.  I have detiorated significantly in the last six months in terms of physicality and energy/coping  reserves. 

So that  is where I am at and that is why I am praying for guidance and support so I see clearly where I am to go with this.  

And then what quote do I run into that goes "Ting...ting..ting" when I read it...the above.  

It is not about what is happening to me or around me...it is what I am doing with it.  Am I reacting or responding?  Am I being guided by ego or the wise Self? Am I resisting or noticing, accepting, embracing and letting go? 

Oh man...I have some more contemplation to do. Sorry about boring you with this rampage but it just came out through my fingertips when I sat down to write this morning.

All is well. 

 Happy Mother's  Day to all mother's (and grandmothers).  May you have a lovely blessed day!

Despite a 'Suspicious Mind'

 For the past 33 years I looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself:" If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today? " And when ever the answer has been 'no' for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Steve Jobs https://blog.hubspot.com/sales/steve-jobs-quotes

Well I think (but am not sure) that this site is more secure than it was .  At least the "not secure" icon has been removed from my opening page.  We will see how long that lasts. I just do not like the idea that I have to be hypervigalent here, always checking to make sure that things are not going missing...that my personal information is not at risk...I want to be transparent because I believe that is the healthiest way for us all to be but at the same time I know that makes me 'vulnerable' in more ways than one. I do not want to be trapped in a  suspicious (that is a really hard word to spell...I imagine it tripped more than one spelling bee contestant up lol)  mind .  

Man I just thought of this song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RxOBOhRECoo

We are caught in a trap...and I can't walk out....We can't go on together  with suspcious minds...and we can't build  our dreams on suspcious minds....

I was never a big Elvis fan but I think I am now. lol 

Anyway...despite all my intentions to avoid attachments and preferences...to let go and let be... I really, really want to come here everyday and I have something akin to withdrawals when I do not.  I guess I am attached. Sigh.  

But I can assure you that what is pulling me here is bigger than little me...it really is.  This, what I do here,  almost feels like a life sustaining thing for me. Without an opportunity to write daily in this way , my lungs are air hungry, my heart is trying to push  blood through a closed valve, my neurons are not able to send impulses over the synapses in the way they were designed to allow for all vital messages to get through and my cells cannot make use of the glucose ( the large amount btw) of it I consume to produce enough energy. I feel so "off".

I don't know how much time I have left on this planet.  I really don't but with whatever I have left...I know I am meant  to be writing and teaching and learning in this way.  That is what I know. There may be a heck of a lot of things I am doing that maybe I do not need to waste the precious time I have left doing but as far as this...yeah...this is what I am here for. So I make myself transparent and vulnerable, doing my best  not to get caught in the  trap of a sucpicious mind.  Hmmm!

All is well in my world. 

Embarassing

All through my wild days...my mad existence...

 Well this is really embarassing!! 

I just gave a big speech to the crowd ...one similar to Eva Peron's "Don't cry for me Argentina"speech ...explaining to everyone  that I have to leave even though I don't want to. I go to make a dramatic, sacrificial exit only to realize I don't know where the door is.  I don't know how to leave or as I referred to it, "shut it down". I don't know how to make my blog disappear (if only temporarily to make a point).  

Embarassing! 

I walked into a a few walls but man I cannot find the exit. So I am still here, walking around with my head down and my shoulders scrunched up to my ears, hoping nobody noticed how I didn't actually leave the room. 

All is well!

 As much as I do not want to.  I have to close down for a bit.  Someone or something is able to access my site other than me and remove pics, text and rearrange.  Not sure if it is some kind of a joke or if they are just trying to mess with my head or have something more ominous as an intention, but they obviously have my IP address and can get into this which I have, as you know, been keeping pretty private. The pic that is missing has already been published elsewhere so they are just setting themselves up for some copyright infringement. Well...whoever they are, I hope they find their way to a better way of being. 

Take care for now. 

Lucid Dreaming

 Lucid dreaming lets you make use of thedream state that comes to you every night to have a stimulating reality  

Stephen LaBerge

I am a lucid dreamer, have been for as long as I remember. Lucid dreamers have certain traits that lead them toward a certain lucidity in dream state.  I have a lot of those traits.  

1. Frequent Nightmares: I have had night terrors since I was a little girl and the lucid dreaming arose, I believe, as a way to handle the terror in my dreams and the trauma induced fear in my waking life.  The nightmares  went away after I dsicovered that it was best to confront fear, rather than run from it.  I began to confront it in my waking life and I began to actively confront it in my sleeping life.  If the source of my night  terror was hiding behind a window or a door, instead of attempting to scream for help with a voice that would not come out, or run on legs that would not move , or curl up in a ball waiting for it to come and "get me"...I began to make  myself  walk towards the door or window my fear was behind and open it. I told myself, in my dream, that facing fear was the  only way through fear. .As soon as I opened the door or window I would find nothing there and I would stop remembering my dream from there. The night terrors diminished significantly. 

2. Vivid Dream Recall: I am not saying I remember all my dreams in detail but I remember a great deal. I make it a point every morning to write what I remember from dreams down. Some recurrent themes to dream snippets  are driving...and not quite knowing how to get to where I am going, dressing/changing clothes/ suitcases full of different outfits, caring for people who are sick and or dying, looking after/saving  animals and teaching people about who they really are.  These themes  have been in my dreams for as long as I can remember in varying context.  I see different characters...some I have never seen before and others   are the same recurring  characters in different forms?  I know who they are even if they are in different bodies.  I am not sure what body I am in...it seems to keep changing.  I never really see myself except from a distance the odd time.  I often talk to people who have passed on...usually by telephone?  They call me...I know who they are even though they never talk to me...I talk to them but I know they have a message for me and I try to "guess" what it might be.  They often get frustrated with me and hang up because I keep getting it wrong...even though they do not say anything, I know they are frustrated. Other times...they seem pleased that I got it and they really, really want me to remember it when I wake up. Throughout my dreams both the alive and dead people are relaying important information to me...and I say in my dream, "I am supposed to remember this when I wake up, aren't I?" I promise to remember it but when I wake up I often remember that I was supposed to remember a number or a phrase or a symbol scribbled on a piece of paper or a stanza for a poem I am supposed to write but I often cannot, at least not in detail.  Sometimes the messages are so vague and cryptic and other times they are so clear. I did recall when I was told by a very familiar entity that I could not see, "Something is going on in your pelvic area...don't worry ...it is not life threatening...but it will become so if you don't make certain changes in yor approach." That was days before I started bleeding.  I also remember what I was told in my dream last night by this Something or Someone I could not see...I am often given messages by  this familiar female energy. I won't share it here becaause it does not make a lick of sense...yet. lol

3. Sleep paralysis.  I have not had an episode of this in so very long...knock on wood...but I do at times wake up completely paralyzed.  I can not move my body or make a sound...and there is this heaviness pushing me down.  I know at that time...I have a choice...to fall back into the heaviness or do whatever I can,  fight with all I have, to turn over on my side ( I am usually on my back) . The heavines seems so powerful pulling me back into it.  In those moments it is so hard to turn over but I fear if I give into the heaviness, I will never wake up again. My survival instinct kicks in and I push through it. I can also see and experience some very "unplesant" things in those moments...what I have come to undersatnd as hallucinations because I am still partially in REM sleep.  It is a very terryfying experience so I do what I can to avoid sleeping on my back. 

4. Introspective personality: Well that is self evident by my writing here. :)

5. A person who meditates: I am discovering that I am becoming more and more lucid in my dreaming, the more I meditate.  I woke up yesterday morning feeling  that heaviness, that idea that I have to change my life somehow, that I have been carrying around over the last six months. On top of that I had the pelvic pain. I did not feel 'good'.  So I said I was going to spend a lot of my day meditating.  I did four guided mediations over the course of the day.  I felt better in the  evening, better than I felt in a long while. And last night ...my dream state  was so cool.  At one point ...after I recieved the messages (which still do not make sense to me though they made perfect sense in my dream)  and was looking for a piece of paper and a pen (in my dream) to write it down so I wouldn't forget...I said to the characters around me, "Oh my goodness, I am doing it again.  I am dreaming and I am aware I am dreaming. I am a lucid dreamer , you know? This is a dream. "  They just looked at me and I had the impression they thought  I was nuts. "This is so cool!  " I said, "Watch me." And I decided I was going to make myself do some somersaults in the air. So I jumped up and spun around very slowly and then I did it again even more slowly before landing back on my feet.  I am not sure of their reaction...not even sure if I was looking for it or cared even.  I was just so thrilled that my lucid dreaming had advanced to that point.  It was very freeing.  I woke up this morning feeling so much betetr than I did in a long time. 

Where does a lucid dreamer go from here?   I can use my dream, as Carl Jung would surely recommend, as a means to relieve and  resolve this heaviness/"what change do I need to make in my life" issue.  I can sit down with my dream characters, add those who I trust to the circle, and discuss it with them.  That female entity that cannot be seen...just might be the wise Self within me and she may just be able to provide a clear message that I will remember on waking up. Worth a try, isn't it? 

Hmmm!  

I share this because I have always been fascinated by the healing power of dreams. Thought, by chnace, you might be too.

Check out the articles I found on lucid dreaming 

All is well in my world.

It is actually a scientific phenomena : https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2737577/

                                                             https://www.sleepfoundation.org/dreams/lucid-dreams

                                                             https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-superhuman-mind/201212/lucid-dreaming-and-self-realization

                                                              https://vbchange.com/lucid-dreaming-spirituality/

 

Stephen LaBerge & Howard Rheingold (1991) Exploring the World of Lucid Dreaming.Ballantine Books

Allowing It All Into The Circle

The sound of the rain needs no translation.

as quoted by Alan Watts in the video below

I love the sound of the rain and by the cloud cover out there I think I will be hearing it again soon. 

I also love this little quote because it speaks to this idea that we cannot always translate Life and the experience of it into words, ideas, concepts or explanations to appease the mind.  There is simply a "beingness" to Life that can only be experienced.

Many of us are looking for, striving for "knowledge" on how to enjoy Life and ways to spread that joy instead of just enjoying each moment of it as it unfolds before us.  We are too busy trying to get someplace 'up there'  to enjoy what is now. 

To spread joy you have to have joy, to impart delight you must more or less be delightful...you have to do things that are a delight for you....People who are interesting are people who are interested. 

 I come to the realization, that after all the "work" I have done, that  I am still striving for something I have yet to feel I "achieved". My "search" for peace of mind, for joy, for a sense of purpose in this life time has led me full circle. 

I am going around in big bold circle aren't I?  We all are, aren't we? That is Life... a perpetual rhythmic circling...not a linear process of from here to there. 

Throughout my circling "in search of peace" I have had tremendous moments of peace, joy, laughter, clarity and faith, , realization of growth, and moments where I sensed "achievement''.  I have also had moments of turmoil, stress, grief, confusion and doubt, a feeling of being stuck and moments when I sensed failure. 

Even in those dark moments there was a certain, underlying supportive presence, a love that I cannot translate accurately into words. This Something or No-thing that I can not explain, gently guides me and encourages me, motivates me to move around and around and around again even when I am not conscioulsy aware of it.

My mind may tell me "I am searching for peace in order to end suffering " and "when I suffer I have failed in my mission" .  But this loving Something or No-thing reminds me that I am simply circling...moving in and moving out of circumstances,  as circumstances move in and out of me...the way Life intends. 

I am going to keep circling...even if my search for peace, which is nothing more than an idea, is dropped . The more I realize and connect to this Something or No-thing that moves me  the less I have to search or strive for anything. I can witness it all , enjoy it, find delight in it  I will not  get hung up by the dark moments, the heavy circumstances, the apparent failures( which are really no different than my achievements) and this idea that "I am not quite there." 

There is no "there".  It is all just "here".  Living Life from "here" will make me interesting, and allow me to spread joy and impart delight as we are all meant to do. 

How lovely is that?

All is well in my world.

The Exuberance of Nature

What happened here?  There was a pic and a quote?  A pic that I can prove came from my camera? I am going to investigate further.

In Turmoil?

 People think well  it would be nice to have peace of mind, to be calm, to be serene, to be undisturbed by this that and  the other but you see as long as you make all those things objects of your desire you are defining yourself as lacking  them and a person who is looking for peace is obviously in turmoil....the more you strive to stop the interior commotions, the more you are stirring them up. 

I was made aware of something in myself upon listening to Alan Watts speak as he did in the video linked below. "people looking for peace are actually in turmoil." 

I have been on a life long journey of waking up, of seeking peace. Why?  Because I wanted to put an end to this sense of struggle and turmoil I carried with me my whole life. My real goal, as it is for many of us who want to find peace/enlightenment, is to end suffering.  I read what I read, I write what I write, I meditate, practice yoga, surround myself with natue, quiet and solitude because I want to  put an end to the mess 'my' mind is constantly making of things and the unease that causes me. That is my motivation ...to end suffering.

Attempting to Get There

Peace has become some place I will get to...a finish line that marks the end of suffering. I see it as the marker by which I will be able to measure my success, to let me know I got there. 'Getting there' will allow me to  say, "I did it! I got here!I ended suffering because I now have found peace."

So I read the books, I listen to the wise ones teach, I sit to meditate, I practice yoga everyday, I write what I learn here, ...all with the intention of getting somewhere up there in the future. I am taking steps toward peace.  I mean  though there are moments when I feel I am there ...there are many more moments when I am 'struggling to get there". 

But really it is not about going anywhere.  Every thing I "do" should simply be  about doing it completely and living it fully. 

...every moment of it you are simply absorbed in the ripply luminous world...you are not going anywhere.

And what have I been doing on my mental journey to get  somewhere up there?  I have been stepping over peace to get to peace.  I have been stirring up the unease in my attempt to flee from it. 

Not Quite There Yet

I have always had this sense that "I am not quite there yet."  Sure I figure I am getting there.  I see how I am evolving and learning and growing.  I see how I am getting closer to peace ...but I also see that the more I strive to get there...push to get there,  struggle to get there...the more unease Life seems to dump on my lap.  Why? Because Life wants me to realizie  there is no up there, no "golden Goodie" as Watts refers to it,  up there at some proverbial finish line.  What I am looking for is already here...I am surrounded by it.  I am it!

Make this peace seeking whether it be in the form of meditation, yoga or walking around the streets chanting some mantra.... merely a form of joyous energy...instead of a search for something.  Anything, according to Watts, can be a form of meditation. 

It is not the future that holds what we are seeking.  Peace is already here right now and right here.  In fact, we are peace.  We do not need to seek it. 

If you would only realize that the purpose of life is not in the future and if you think it is you will go on and on and on looking for it there and never find it because the future in its own way fades out in the same way that the past fades out.

There is no need to seek or strive.  Peace is now. 

All is well in my world! 

Alan Watts/Wiara (Sept, 2017) Alan Watts-The Real Purpose of Doing Anything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QMpJm_dYbx0

A Reminder to Live

 

Deepening The Wonder 

Death is a favour to us,
But our scales have lost their balance.

The impermanence of the body
Should give us great clarity,
Deepening the wonder in our senses and eyes

Of this mysterious existence we share
And are surely just traveling through.

If I were in the Tavern tonight,
Hafiz would call for drinks

And as the Master poured, I would be reminded
That all I know of life and myself is that

We are just a mid-air flight of golden wine
Between His Pitcher and His Cup.

If I were in the Tavern tonight,
I would buy freely for everyone in this world

Because our marriage with the Cruel Beauty
Of time and space cannot endure very long.

Death is a favour to us,
But our minds have lost their balance.

The miraculous existence and impermanence of Form
Always makes the illuminated ones
Laugh and Sing.

by Hafiz

Isn't that absolutely beautiful? 

Huh?  What the heck does it mean? 

Hafiz is telling us that our span here in this existence is short...we are just travelling through ...we are that liquid that flows between His Pitcher ( the infinite, eternal  Source of everything) and His cup( the vessels we end up in that are finite and impermanent). If we could only allow ourselves to look deeply at the impermenance of form and see our bodies as simply vessels that temporarily hold that which is permanent...we would celebrate and share all we have to offer with everyone and the whole world. 

As the wise ones know, this awareness of death can remind us to play, to dance, to laugh, to sing, to enjoy, to give and to love for the short time we are here, celebrating in the miracle of Life. Yet, too many of us have minds that have "lost their balance" ...that judge things as good or bad, things worthy of considration or things that  need to be denied. Death has become such a thing in this twisted way many of us look out at the world.We consider it dark and something we want to avoid considering.

 When we run from Death...we do not live. We are looking at only one side of existence. When we do not consider both sides, the  contrast, that every bit of light has darkness, every front has a back,  every coming has a going...we are not balanced. 

Let's, instead, learn to look at death and impermenance  as something that balances the scale..that creates equanimity, wholeness and that also offers  a reminder to live.  Hmm! 

All is well in my world.