The Insignificance of the Body and the Nature of Illness

...The insignificance of the body must be an acceptable idea...With this idea is pain forever gone.
-ACIM:TM:II:5.:3:12-4:1

Hmm!  Do you think the body is significant? 

I still must to some extent because I still have pain. lol  I am getting there though.  I am allowing the pain to some degree.  I am not struggling against it.  I am aware when my mind starts to attempt to wrap it up in a pretty package with a nice neat label on it to conceptualize the physical cause and treatment of it. I am aware when that tendency to want to create story with it, using the drama from my past experiences and the memories of so called "insults" from others, to come into play. Being aware helps me to step back from any mental fluff ego stuffs around the pain and to see it and experience it for it is. My mind and body are simply communicating...nothing more, nothing less.  My mind is responsible for the pain. The body listens.

So you foolishly think you just have to  suck up all pain?

No. I don't particularly like pain lol.  I take Tylenol ES when it gets bad.  I am watching it from a physiological perspective as well.  I know if it continues or gets any worse that I will have to "treat the body".  Though I don't focus on the cause, I have a good idea what it is. I will eventually  need to put aside any past painful health seeking memories and  get it looked after by some professional who focuses on bodies.  I know that.

Not there yet!

I am not that evolved where I can use my mind to cure myself.  I am not 100 % faithful in this line from A Course: A patient decides that this is so and he recovers. I am not yet where those people are when they are magically cured by "belief" and are able to get up out of their wheel chairs and walk across the  room after getting a bonk on the head from someone claiming to have the holy spirit flowing through them. I am not there.... yet!

On the conceptual level, I am a firm believer in the Placebo/Nocebo effect and believe all illness is psychosomatic .  I have yet, however,  to  fully internalize that belief on the experiential level. Though part of me knows that I have (well my ego mind has) chosen this pain, this condition, my physical ailments for some bizarre reason I have yet to understand, I still partially at least  operate under an old ingrained ideology that sickness or pain has chosen me.

Until I realize that I see value in pain I will not heal, I will have pain.

Healing is accomplished the instant the sufferer no longer sees any value in pain. ACIM:TM:5:I:1

Value in Pain?? Are you insane?

Yes there is egoic value in pain and yes we are all a little insane until we finally see that we, on some level ( not to be blamed for but to be forgiven for),  choose sickness.  The mind, according to ACIM,  uses sickness to keep us focused on the physical world rather than the deeper one. It tricks us into believing we are victims to the body and that the world, determined by the body's five senses, is all there is. We are at the mercy of that world surrounding us as well as the body's limitations.   The ego needs us to believe the body is more significant than the mind in our experience of life. As long as we are here in this mind-body frame of thinking and living...ego is safe.  It will not be lost to the power that generates the mind. So on some level of egoic thinking...pain has value.

For sickness is an election; a decision.  It is the choice of weakness, in the mistaken conviction that it is strength.  When this occurs, real strength [the mind and spirit] is seen as a threat and health as danger. -ACIM:TM:5:I:4-6

Healthy minds and healthy bodies are a threat to the ego because who we really are is a threat to the ego.  That's all.

How do we get rid of pain and illness once and for all then?

We wake up!  We see who we are and put ego and all its crazy control games to the side.  Without ego Life acts through us.  We heal.  Without ego you are a blessing to the world. (Tolle, What Really Matters, 2019). I am not saying our bodies  won't ever get sick or they won't die.  They will... as is the nature of all things in this physical world.  Our bodies are physical things. Every 'thing' is destined to dissolve. (Tolle, 2019) 

I am just saying the mind is stronger than the body.  The mind doesn't follow the body's lead...the body follows the mind's.  How freeing that could be for all of us to realize that.

I am not asking you to believe it though if you are not ready.  This idea that we create our own bodily ills is a hard pill to swallow.   I know , I myself, have a long way to go until I truly believe that, but recognizing that what happens to my body is not all that significant certainly makes accepting pain a lot easier. Maybe, for your own benefit you could try opening your mind to the possibility of it, just enough to know that you may have some power in getting better and healing yourself.

All is well in my world.

References

ACIM (2007) Manual for Teachers Section 5: How Healing is Accomplished. Mill Valley: Foundation for Inner Peace.

Lipton, Bruce (2005 ) The Biology of Belief. Author's Pub Core

Tolle, E. (Jan 2019) What Really Matters.  Eckhart Tolle 2019.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDU2bNN9ANM

Pain and Healing

Our lives are tailor made for our awakening.
-Adyashanti


A year ago today I wrote about healing from the perception of illness and reclaiming that sense of holistic wellness we are all entitled to. Ironically, as I study the Teacher's Manual for ACIM, exactly a year later,  I come into the teaching on healing. I am also experiencing for the first time in a long time another intense bout of physical pain. It kept me awake for much of the night because I struggled against it or fought to 'label and conceptualize' its cause and what I should do about it.

Coincidence?

I see now that the circumstances  for learning are all laid out in front of me like lessons from some exquisite lesson plan. My life or life situation  is tailored made for my awakening.

So I sat with the pain today.  I just sat with it.  I did not struggle against it.  I did not try to analyze it or conceptualize it by diagnosing it or giving it a label (though I could lol).  I didn't create story around it (though part of me really wanted to because I am so addicted to story:). I just sat with it.  I breathed into it.  I allowed it to be whatever it was and I even embraced it.  It was the most remarkable experience to embrace that pain.  There was a true letting go and in that letting go the healing arose.

The pain is still there but I don't give it any value other than pointing to the reality that the true healing that has to occur in me goes beyond the body. All illness and all healing takes place in the mind and realizing that  is what waking up is all about. We are all  given the very unique life circumstances and the learning challenges needed to help us do that.

The acceptance of  sickness is a decision of the mind, for a purpose for which it would use the body, is the basis of healing...A patient decides this is so, and he recovers...Who is the physician? Only the mind of the patient himself.   ACIM:TM:II:2:1-6

All is well!

The Insult

Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.
-Cordell Hull (Brainy Quotes)

I love this little quote and so see the obvious wisdom in it.  Eckhart Tolle in The Nature of Ego and Identity,  tells his audience that we should not insult people who are still very much unconscious, especially if they are bigger than us. Like the alligator they are likely to "snap" back and sometimes that snapping can result in physical harm. Ouch!

Seriously though...insult often leads to more insult, does it not? The quote applies to everyday human relating. Insults come in many forms during our interactions: verbal, nonverbal, mental or behavioural.  They come from the mouth of others and they come form the voices in our own head. Sometimes they are intentional, meant to hurt and other times they aren't.

We are all alligators to some extent.   We have a tendency to snap back when we hurt don't we and when we do we might be pretty vicious.  As human beings we insult and we are insulted. We play an ego against ego game where no one wins. The river, then, could represent the space of distance between little "me" and the greater Self we have to cross.  Until we are conscious and free of ego identification, we do not want to insult other egos.

Say what, crazy lady?

"Weirdo!"  "You are stupid!" "Lazy!" "You are just not good enough!" "You are not as pretty as she is or as strong as he is."

How do you feel when someone lays one of those babies on you?  I guess, if you are like the majority of us who are not quite fully awakened, you won't feel very good when insulted. You may not initially be aware of how you feel because, as is human nature,  we automatically and so quickly fly off into a counter reaction of some kind when it happens.  The attack-defense-attack all happens so fast we are often  not  even  aware of what is happening internally.

 If we took the time, however, to slow the "Thought-feeling-behaviour" reaction down, we would see that we are feeling very "diminished."  It is almost as if those words just stripped away  all that was valuable about us and left us small, and weak and so, so "less than" everyone else.   Insults sting big time and they lead to a whole chain of so called problematic behavior.

What's happening?

A winding down of the process backwards from the time our palm made contact with the other person's cheek or  the even more damaging counter insult fell from our lips, reveals that a series of things occur inside of us in response to the insult or our comparison to others.

• Someone outside of us or inside of us  (don't forget we often carry around a host of inner critics who love to insult us by comparing us to others) verbalizes, in one way or another, a judgment, an opinion, an idea about who or what we are.
• Our mind quickly owns it and tries to make sense of it with thought. 
• Thought dependent ego gets involved. As is the case for most of us, Shamer ego is standing in the corner of our psyches rubbing its greedy little  hands together in earnest anticipation  for such a comment to be fed to the mind.  It  leaps out and grabs it shouting, "This is what I need to show you (and Redeemer ego)  just how 'unworthy' you are. You are weirder, stupider, lazier, uglier, weaker than everyone else and just not good enough."
• We hear it!    We believe it!!!  We own it as truth! We decide we have fallen short in the comparison game. All that so called positive self-esteem we may have had crumbles and we fall thumping down the ladder rungs one at a time.
• Then we begin to feel pretty crappy.  We feel diminished and ashamed. Shamer ego is in heaven because it seems to have control of us and our experience.  We are not in the moment...we are in our head...stuck on that insult.  It will be all we will hear and the resulting feeling of shame will be all  we will know about Life for a period of time.
• The mind tries to restore it sense of self.  Redeemer ego steps in to rebuild this sense of self or to at least stop the mind and body from experiencing these nasty emotions.  It decides to "do" something about it. (Redeemer is a doer.) It needs to defend or attack to restore the now fragile and broken sense of self.
• We react behaviourally. We strike out in one way or another in an attempt to rid ourselves of this awful shame feeling and to further protect self. We say something even meaner back to the person who insulted us or if the insult came from another body we may even strike the other person . If the voice came from inside we may strike out at the person our mind is comparing us to with some insult.  We may also strike out at our own  body...pushing it harder, making it do more to restore itself-to be more than the other or we may numb in an unhealthy way. Our goal is to take the focus off our defectiveness by making the other person more defective than us in one way or another.  We project any sense of 'insult' away from self.
• We hurt because we were hurt. We defend and attack.

All this happens so fast, like a knee-jerk reaction.  We hear the insult and we react!

Does it have to be this way though?

No, when we begin to  wake up things will change.  When we become more conscious...we will not "react" to the insult.  We will see that it is ego that reacts, not who we really are.  We will see that it is ego that insults, not who we really are.  It is ego that insults and ego that reacts.   Ego against ego cause nothing but unnecessary suffering. 

We will also see when we wake up, that we are not our ego.  We are not this fragile sense of self we have become overly identified with that is at the mercy of Shamer and Redeemer's antics; that gets offended so easily.

We will see that we are not thought and thought cannot determine who or what we really are. We will see that mind has created "an idea" of us that is too limited to be us.

Eventually, eventually after much practice and waking up we will see that we are the spaciousness, the consciousness, and the awareness that watches the ego game at play.  From here we respond, rather than react.

So what  can we do when we get insulted?

When that insult comes our way...and it will someday from some source or another...we do not need to react, we do not have to play along. We can respond from a higher place.

• We work to be more aware in most of our moments so when the insult comes we are already there and prepared to deal with it in a healthy, conscious way. We stay present, stay conscious.
• If we are just awakening, and feeling that need to react, we remind ourselves that there is a better way to handle it. We can use the mantra, "I choose peace, other than this."
• We recognize the ego in the other person and we recognize the ego in us.  As soon as we see the insult and its request for reaction as an ego thing, we can withdraw from it and choose not to partake in a battle of senseless ego drama.
• We allow the insult and the internal feelings. We decide  not to struggle against it.
• We can use a tiny bit of thought, but I don't believe we have to, to see if there is some truth in the insult that we can learn from and grow from. 
• Instead of asking, "Is it true, am I really stupider than that person?" We ask..."Is my ego still trying to control me by getting me to compare or fall into the comparison game? Do I still have a desire to react and does part of me want to hurt that person or myself because of it?"
• Be aware of a tendency to want to project outward, to numb from the shame we are feeling, or to hurt the other person or ourselves.  Be aware of any remaining tendency to defend or attack.
• We stay aware and seek to be forgiving both of the other person and ourselves for not yet being where we want to be.
• Instead of reacting with ego, we can make a choice to respond with spirit. Spirit takes us above thought, not below it.  We can be open to the other person's pain and suffering (as well as our own) that lead to the insult and our internal response.  Just be aware of it and be compassionate
• That doesn't mean we own the insult or that  we allow ourselves to be abused...we just see, understand and walk away
• We decide to sit with the feelings generated by the insult instead of doing something about it.  (That includes to decide not to numb or harm self)
• We look beyond the reactivity of the other person to any pain that might be there and we forgive and remain compassionate.  (Pretty challenging when you feel like someone has just slapped you across the face, I know.)
• We remind ourselves that the real attack is not from the other but from our own minds and this need to protect this identification we have with the conceptual self most of us are stuck on.
• We remind ourselves that we are not this little image we have of ourselves ...we are so much more.  The other person is not what they are portraying to us in that moment...they are so much more.
• We are One. The other person may never realize that.  What is important, is that we do.

Insult me if you like lol. All is well in my world..

References

Tolle, Eckhart (Jan 2019) The Nature of ego and Identity. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEEb84yCQU0

Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can.  Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can.
-Martin Luther King Jr

Attention! World Looking for Teachers: No Knowledge Required

A teacher of God is anyone who chooses to be one.  His qualifications consist solely in this; somehow, somewhere he has made a deliberate choice in which he did not see his interests as apart from someone else's.
-ACIM:TM:1:1-2


I don't want you to get hung up on that word teacher.  I  especially do not want you to get blocked by the  Course's use of A Teacher of God and on its masculine terminology. These are just words and concepts used to express a message ...nothing more. The message behind them is crucial to our understanding. The teacher role is not selective based on gender, special status or degree of knowledge.  We are all automatically teachers in one way or another when we choose to be. According to Eckhart Tolle in The Deepest Truth of Human existence once the "shift" happens in us we simply teach by demonstrating a different way of living than the way most of us live now.

No knowledge is required.

Choice?

The choice we make is not so much in the choice to become a teacher, but in the choice to be present and aware instead of being stuck in the madness of our minds. We unknowingly make a choice to teach, when we make a choice to wake up from the illusion of what we had falsely believed was real and important . We become teachers when we realize in that awakening that we really know nothing.  That is the true learning and it is true learning or 'unlearning" that brings us to this teaching role. (Eckhart Tolle, 2019)

It is the function of God's teachers to bring true learning to the world.  Properly speaking it is unlearning that they bring, for that is "true learning" in this world.
ACIM:TM:4:A:X:3:7

Conceptual Knowledge is not real knowledge

All we think we knew, prior to awakening,  is just conceptual knowledge based on thoughts, ideas, emotions dictated by ego's  "idea" of "me" in "my life".  It is not true knowing.  It is not true understanding of what is real and what it means to "be" who we really are. When we start to awaken and develop the tiniest bit of comfort with not knowing who we are or what anything really is we learn through unlearning and thus have no choice but to teach in one way or another.

In other words it is not conceptual knowledge that we need to be happy and peaceful so therefore we do not set out to learn more conceptual knowledge or to teach it.  We set out to undo the knowledge in our heads that obscures the true knowing. We put down our defenses and our illusions. Once we begin to do so we are guided to teach at a higher level while we discover peace and joy and true knowing.

No one can become an advanced teacher of God until he fully understands that defenses are but foolish guardians of mad illusions....Slowly at first he lets himself be undeceived  but he learns faster as his trust increases.  It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down.  It is safety.  It is peace.  It is joy.  and it is God.
 ACIM:TM:4:A:VI:1:6-15


What is this true knowing?

True knowing  is the spacious awareness that exists beyond all the unconsciousness that plagues our planet today. All the identification with story, "me" and "mine" and "my" is what makes up the unconscious world, the "normal" world most of us are lost in.  The over identification with the "interpretations" our minds make about what is going on in each moment forms the basis for our "conceptual" basis of understanding.  Thoughts, feelings, and actions based on our perceptual experiences determines how most of us live.  And since most of us live this way, it is considered normal.

True Knowing is not Normal...yet

This true knowing is what exists beyond dependence on mental concepts to make sense of our world.  It exists beyond the  need to protect and defend to the point of attack and violence.  It is what exists beyond all the book learning and conditioning that gets us to believe that this body and this need to be "normal" is all that is important. It exists beyond our dependence on judging things as "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong" etc  It is what  exists beyond thought.  It is in  the non judgmental , non interpretative spaciousness of true presence and awareness where  true knowing exists. (Eckhart Tolle, 2019)

It isn't normal maybe but it is what brings us peace. Opening our minds beyond what we think we knew frees us from the need for judgment.  Without judgment we find peace.

Open-mindedness comes from with lack of judgment. ...Only the open minded can be at peace, for they alone see reason for it.....
ACIM: TM:4:A:X:1-2

With this open-mindedness we are pulled into the teaching role more and more. We learn and we teach, and we teach and we learn.

No teacher of God can judge and hope to learn.
ACIM: TM:4:A:III:1:11

It is our goal as teachers, one by one, to make this knowing "normal".

We are not special

Another important thing to remember is that we are not special.   There is nothing 'special" about us as human forms in this role. We are just conduits for the teaching to come through. We are not the teaching! The teaching may come in different forms.  We may overtly teach in the traditional manner through lectures, satsangs or the written word.  We may teach through our examples like many of the Saints did.  We may teach through our creative expressions: paintings, poetry, or music.  We may simply teach through our presence.  When we choose to remain present in the midst of unconsciousness we are teaching.  It doesn't matter how we teach, we are not special.

The Teaching is Beyond Us

It is not about the little "me" in us. We do not necessarily set out to teach, though it may seem that way.  The teaching sets out to express Itself through us. As soon as we begin to choose, awareness has already chosen us. If we are getting ego gratification from our role or begin to see ourselves as special because of it...we are no longer teaching.  The ego can't teach. Only the spacious awareness, the presence, the Divine within us can teach.  Ego just gets in the way.

Egoic power is illusion. Eckhart Tolle

Becoming One

I like the way Tolle explains it.  He says we, as human beings, are ripples and within us is the ocean.  We remain isolated and afraid,seeing ourselves as separate ripples living independent lives away from the ocean as long as we are caught up in ego's illusions. We feel afraid, lonely, at risk for harm as long as we feel separated and disconnected.  Ego, our mind stuff, and conceptual knowledge keeps us believing we are separate ripples.   We do not realize we are the ocean and always have been. 

When we learn that we are the Ocean there is no longer a need to fear.  We have entered the spaciousness of what is.  We find peace and joy.  How can we not share that and teach that so all ripples remember who they are...who we, "as a collective whole" are.  We teach simply through our own choice of staying in the vast space of awareness that is us.

The world is calling us to teach.  We are all qualified.  No "conceptual" knowledge required.

All is well in my world.

References

ACIM 2007) Combined Volume : Manual for Teachers. Mill Valley: Foundations for Inner Peace.

Tolle, Eckhart. (January 2019) The Deepest Truth of human Existence. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sbvm6tYuP1s

The Portal to Miracles

Once a certain level of presence arises…a challenge simply intensifies presence instead of the old reactive pattern [a little me tizzy fit of resisting what is]…The movement of intelligence goes into that moment that is challenging. So a challenge comes and it is faced completely in a field if intense awareness.  ….It is not mentally analyzed… what is dealing with the challenge is not the limited conditioned mind with its conditioning.   What is now dealing with the situation is the one universal intelligence.  You would be amazed how quickly situations resolve themselves through  the simple act of giving full, and complete, non- interpretative, non-judgemental attention- clear space.  Of course that is only possible  if the portal that is the act of surrender is open. …. If you accepted unconditionally whatever this challenge is that forms this moment.

-Eckhart Tolle (see below) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAlh2rIqBhs

Been awake since 444 lol.  Felt the moon shining in and pulling me by some gravitational force to this room. :) A manuscript I was editing was opened on the screen.  I read through that and I thought "Man, maybe that's a sign I need to send this out again.  It reads pretty good. It might even get published." 

Then I heard in my head the mantras I have been writing: Is that so?  Maybe.  It really doesn't matter. I don't mind what happens because it is no big deal.

That's funny because I woke up thinking about my kids  who need me in ways I really do not seem to know how to help.  I recited those phrases then, at 4:44, but it didn't seem to settle me like it does with my writing worries or projections.  The publication of my writing I know really doesn't matter in the big scheme...the wellness of my children still does. I feel like "I should" be worried about that.  Hmmm! 

I think the thing is to start practicing with the small things (writing) and work up to the big until we realize there is no difference between the big and the small...no order of priority or importance to miracles.  The cessation of worry is an indication that a miracle is happening in us:)   What is the actual miracle?  Getting beyond ego, pain body, and mind stuff to  the clear open space of what is. It is all good.

All is well!

References

Tolle, E. (May, 2018) Don't worry about what Happens. Retrieved from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAlh2rIqBhs

I pray for a more friendly, more caring, and more understanding human family on this planet.  To all who dislike suffering, who cherish lasting happiness, this is my heartfelt appeal.
-Dalai Lama

I really have to get out there and shoot...I am recycling old pics again and again.

Drop the Problematic Version of Life for the Real One

You are much more than the problematic life situation you insist on carrying around.
-Eckhart Tolle (somewhat paraphrased)


Do you get that yet?  I mean truly get that? We become so identified with our life situation and begin to see ourselves as them, that we tend to forget who we really are.  If the situation is challenging or what we insist on calling problematic...we are even more identified with it.  "I am broke."  "I am sick".  "I am alone."  "I am destitute."  "I am depressed.".  'I am an addict,"  "  I am desperate." etc etc. We walk around with our problematic life situations attached to us as if they are a part of us.

They aren't! We do not have to live like this.

Instead of being our life situation we can Be Life.  Beyond the circumstance, beyond the emotional and mental reaction to the circumstance (which usually involves struggle and resistance) is what we truly are: the essence of Life.

Once we stop labelling everything as a problem, once we stop creating story and thought around it, once we hold it out and away from us with "Right now, I have" rather than "I am," we step back into what we are. We are presence; we are consciousness; we are Life.

You are Life.  You do not have to be at the mercy of your external situations.  You do not have to get lost in what the suffering mind creates around it.  Instead you can just be what you are. There is freedom in that.  There is joy in that.  And there is wisdom in that.

Drop the problematic version of Life you insist on carrying and Be Life.

All is well in my world.

Tidying up

Give up what you do not want, and keep what you do.
-ACIM: TM:3:A:6:6

Recently, I was surprised to discover once again  just how differently I thought compared to other people.  I was actually surprised to realize just how differently I thought compared to the way I thought a decade ago.  My perception has changed so dramatically. I really am not 'normal'.   lol.  My view of everything is upside down in comparison to what it was and to what others view as normal. 

Why?  The challenges and the loss I have encountered in the last ten years...heck through my entire life....has led me here one perfect step at a time.  People might say it pushed me over the edge a long time ago  lol but I see how it has set me free and woke me up. People might say I am delusional with distorted perception.  I know that I am seeing clearer than I ever have. I am tidying up my mind.  I am actually learning to let go and  trust Life to provide what is valuable.

Say what crazy lady?

Tidying Up

I am going through The Teacher's manual for ACIM again.  There is a section that describes the characteristics of a Teacher.   Now we are all teachers right?  None of us are more special than the other.  We teach simply by the way we live our lives.  Anyway, the number one characteristic for the teacher to possess is Trust. This is where my challenges and my mental tidying up is taking me.

According to A Course, trust is developed through a six period process of "tidying up" :

1. Period of Undoing: This is an often painful period when "things are taken away".   Not yet at the point of seeing differently enough to recognize that these things are valueless, Life steps in to help out with the process. It removes what we mistakenly value from our lives.  It may take away a certain level of health or physicality (attachment to the body). It may take away our job, our income, our sense of control, our reputation, our partners etc etc  as it did in my case. At first it sucks.  We resist.  We cry out.  We shout out how unfair it is and all sorts of "Why me?"  We may not initially understand what Life is doing in regards to our growth and development. As soon as we realize that it is helping us , not hurting us, we move on to the next stage. (We call Marie)
2. Period of Sorting Out:   Period 2-6 is almost like the experience of cleaning our home the konomari style.  We take everything we think, feel, own, cling to and know as Life and throw it in a big pile. We  then have to sort through it to determine what "sparks joy" and what  doesn't. We begin to look at the things in our ever changing life situations to determine what is valuable and what isn't.  "What will help me as I go farther and what will hinder me?"   There is a certain amount of fear and trepidation in this process because one doesn't want to throw out the valuable into the valueless pile, right?  We fear loss and sacrifice so though we certainly did some sorting, we  end up with much more in the valuable bin, at this point, than we do in the valueless. We are still clinging to certain ideas about who we are and what Life is all about.
3. Period of Relinquishment: In this stage we go into our valuable pile and sort through it again.  We undertake what we think as sacrifice by giving away all that that keeps us from the Truth.  For example, we may see that worrying about what people think about us hurts us more than helps us...so we throw our need for the good opinion of others in the valueless bin. Our valuable pile becomes smaller and the valueless pile becomes larger. Instead of feeling the loss or grief when we look at our small valuable pile, we instead feel a certain lighthearted ness. We discover the less of this old way of thinking and being we keep, the lighter we feel.
4. Period of Settling Down: In this period we really like Marie's message, "Give up what you do not want, keep what you do." We see the value of it.  It seems like a simple thing to do.  We rest here a bit just taking it all in and feeling pretty satisfied with ourselves and our tidying up, before we move on.
5. Period of unsettling:  This is a bit like advancing to the "miscellaneous stage" of the Kondo method. This is a bit of a wake up call where that smug look of satisfaction is wiped from our faces.  We realize that all the sorting out we did so far was kind of meaningless because we really do not know what "valueless" means and what "valuable" means.  All we figured out is that we want to keep what is valuable whatever that is and we  do not want to keep the valueless. We are still in our heads determining, perceiving, labelling and judging.  We really don't know what the heck that "sparks joy" thing is all about.  In our little minds and with our own little mind directed actions we are still judging: valuable and valueless without knowing what it means.  We are still judging "good" or "bad", "right" or "wrong".  We are still attempting to select what we will keep in our lives and what we won't. It is here we realize we know so little about anything...and man is that unsettling.  We might be pretty pissed at Marie, at this point, for putting us through all this work just to get to this point we no longer know what it is for. The lesson is: It is here that we must ask only for what sparks joy...so we need to not "think" about it but simply feel it, allow ourselves to be it...and ask for only that.
6. Period of Achievement: Finally when it is all done and sorted away we realize we know what joy means, we know what tranquility is and we experience peace of mind.  Not because everything in our Life is finally tidy and in order.  No... there will always be chaos and messes to clean up...but we achieve the peace perfect learning provides  when we let go. We just let go and decide to allow Life do what Life does. We trust and we learn to simply be!

All is well in my world.

References:

A Course in Miracles (2007) Manual for Teacher's.  Foundation for inner Peace

Tidying up with Marie Kondo. Netflix

No Big Deal

Reverse the way you see the kleshas [emotional states that tend to disturb us the most]. You could see them as a cloud in the sky and say, "No big deal," and with the attitude of sheer delight, let them go.
-Pema Chodron, How to Meditate, page 151

As we  have discussed, Life can be difficult.  When faced with a so called difficulty  we  are encouraged to ask our selves the  question Eckhart Tolle encourages us to ask, "Is this situation causing me distress or is it what my mind is telling me about it that is making me unhappy?" Nine times out of ten ( and if we answer truthfully) we will say, it is the stuff going on in the head in response to the situation that is screwing us over. Our thoughts lead to a variety of emotions and this emotional energy or Klesha can make us feel terrible.  We may want to avoid it, stuff it or numb from it as a result. Emotions are definitely hard to accept but accept them we must if we want to sink more deeply into the present moment.

Looking at our thoughts and emotions as "No big deal," can help us to not only accept them but embrace them. If we accept our emotional reactions we accept Life for all it is.  We recognize and accept the inevitably of what is.  Whatever is going on right now...a financial crisis, a divorce or an illness...a happy reunion, a birth of a child or falling in love...is going on.  It, whatever that circumstance that is happening in this moment,  is inevitable.  Resisting it isn't going to stop it from happening.  It will only cause more suffering. Allowing it to be and allowing the thoughts and emotions that arise in response to it to be...will free us.

All things of this world are passing clouds .  They are temporary and ever changing.  Good times will come and good times will go.  Life circumstances will be comfortable and blissful one day, challenging and difficult the next.  Nothing of this physical world is meant to last.  It is impermanent.  The sooner we realize that, the sooner we free ourselves from the prison of resistance we create around the life situations we encounter.

Letting things simply enter our experience, our moment, requires much less energy from us.  Whether they be circumstances or thoughts or feelings by looking at them as "No Big Deal," because we know they won't last, we can eventually learn to let go of them and the impact they have on our moment to moment experience. Recognize them, allow them, experience them and then let them go!

In meditation[and in life], our thoughts and emotions  can become like clouds that dwell and pass away.  Good and comfortable, pleasing and difficult and painful-all of this comes and goes. (Chodron, page 5)

All is well in my world!

References

Chodron, Pema (2013) How to Meditate. Boulder: Sounds True.

Tolle, Eckart. (January 2019) Rising Above Thinking. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N2UKj-Mu2b0

It Doesn't Matter

It really doesn't matter.
-Bill Murray

  I watched an interesting documentary on Netflix last night about Bill Murray.  (Please see the link below).  I was surprised to find how awake he was.  I was also reminded of a statement he was often overheard reciting both on and off screen: It really doesn't matter. I see the connection now that that phrase has with his own life and in all of ours actually.  It is a wonderful mantra in itself.  The truth is that all this phenomenon of our living...how it all plays out...really doesn't matter as long as we stay in the present moment.

Eckhart Tolle  reminded  me today as I listened to some of his teaching of two stories I love to tell in relation to this idea that It really doesn't matter. The one called "Maybe" I shared on Sept 25th and this one entitled "Is that so,"  I would like to share now.  Please know that these stories are ancient and have been passed around the globe for centuries...every version, including my version, will differ in many ways but the point remains: It really doesn't matter.

Is That So

 

 

Many years ago in a small Japanese village there lived a very respected and revered Zen master.  Because of his great reputation he received many people who flocked to him for advice and teaching.  Among the students were many of the local villagers including a young 15 year old girl.  The young girl had a free spirit and her parents found it hard to contain her desire to push the family order to the limit. When they brought the girl, kicking and screaming, to the master one day explaining that their daughter desperately needed his guidance, the Zen master stroked his bearded chin and answered in his calm,  unflinching way, "Is that so?"

 

He allowed the girl to become one of his pupils. She was a reluctant student, restless in class and often leaving in the middle of satsangs to return only before her parents arrived to walk her home.  The Zen master offered her the same effort, respect and consideration he offered all his students without trying to control the outcome of her learning or her life.

 

One evening the parents of the girl came pounding at  the master's door. With faces aflame with anger they told the master that their daughter was pregnant and that she had told them that he, the master, was the father. The Zen master, looked at the parents, stroked his long beard and said in his calm unflinching way, "Is that so?" 

The parents accused the master of taking advantage of their daughter and of ruining her and their lives.   They promised they were going to let the entire village know how corrupt and immoral the master  actually was. The Zen master just stroked his beard and answered in his calm, unflinching way, "Is that so?"

Disgusted by his arrogance, the parents stormed away and proceeded to tell all the villagers about the horrible thing the master had done to their daughter. The village was aghast. All of the parents who had children being taught stormed to the master's house to remove their children from the teaching.  They told the master that they would never allow their children to be contaminated by such a man and that he should be ashamed.  The Zen master looked at them all, stroked his beard and answered, "Is that so?"

 His school crumbled and he was left poor and destitute,  scorned and outcasted by the village. People taunted him, threatened to harm him, and  threw things at his house as they passed by. Even the local merchants  banned together and told him one day that they would not sell their goods to him. He stroked his long bearded chin as they closed their doors on him and said, "Is that so?"

Everyday since he was forced to walk miles to beg for what he needed just to survive. His aging body resented the effort but still he walked without complaint or defense.

 

Eight months later, the parents of the girl came pounding once again at his door.  They  pushed a new born baby angrily into the arms of the master.  "This is your baby.  We do not want it because of the shameful way it was conceived.  We give it to you to look after."  To which the Zen master replied, stroking his chin with his free hand and in his calm, unflinching way, "Is that so?"

 

He took the baby in and took care of it.  He walked for miles with it on his back everyday to get milk and food.  He got up at night with it.  He rocked it. He held it. He showed nothing but pure loving kindness toward the baby. Meanwhile the villagers continued  to throw things at his house and threaten him  whenever he walked by.  He responded to their insults and accusations each  and every time by stroking his long beard and in his calm, unflinching way saying, "Is that so?"

 

Four months later the girl's parents came to the door again.  Red faced with shame they knelt in the doorway before the master.  The girl's mother crying, looked up at the old man , "We were wrong" she said, "We have done you so much injustice.  Our daughter told us that you are not the father, that you have treated her with nothing but respect.  She admitted to leaving the satsangs and going off with one of the neighborhood boys." 

 

"Is that so? " the Zen master replied stroking his beard and with the same  calm unflinching voice.

 

"Yes," the father answered, "And we would desperately like the child back." Again the Zen master stroked his long beard and in his calm, unflinching way responded, "Is that so?"

 

He left the doorway and went to where the child was sleeping.  He bundled her up, packed the supplies he had bought for her and kissing her gently on the forehead  handed the child and the supplies to the parents.

 

"We will make amends," the parents assured.  "We will tell the villagers the truth about you so they honor you once again for being such a good and honest man, one willing to take a child in and care for it even when it was not your own." 

 

Once again the Zen master just  stroked his long beard and in his calm, unflinching way said, "Is that so?"

It really doesn't matter

What the Zen master was truly saying whenever he was confronting the lies, the accusations or even the praise was that none of it mattered.  What people thought of him, good or bad, didn't matter.  What he owned or lost didn't matter.  The truth about who the father was didn't matter.   Any suffering he might have endured didn't matter.

All that mattered was what was taking place in front of him each and every moment and he dealt with that as it came.  The child needed him in that moment so he cared for her even though it wasn't his. Just as quickly as he accepted the child, he gave the child up.  There was no attachment, no clinging, no defending, no attacking and no resistance what so ever. There was nothing  but a complete allowing of Life to do as life does. All else simply didn't matter.

Hmmm! A lot of learning to be gained by his example.

All is well!



References:


The Bill Murray Stories: Life lessons Learned from a Mythical Man (2018) Netflix

Tolle, Eckhart (Jan 2019) A Deeper Knowing. Eckhart Tolle TV. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EFJhXZgeJWU

Life is difficult.

Life is difficult.  That is a great truth, one of the greatest.  It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it.
-Scott Peck opening line of The Road less Travelled

Wow!  I remember reading this book almost twenty years ago and it was transforming, taking me farther along the path I am on now. I don't think, however, I truly got what this line could mean until recently.   I see now that Life is only difficult when we assume it shouldn't be.  It is our resistance to life situation that makes Life seem difficult.  I really, really get that now.

I also see that opening up to challenge and allowing it can , not only bring more peace into our lives, but it can take us to that primordial intelligence that exists in the stillness, in the silence, in the space that exists beyond our crazy mixed up thinking.

Hmm!  Something to think about on this chilly but sunny winter's day.

All is well.

My earnest request is that you practice love and kindness whether you believe in a religion or not.
-Dalai Lama

Shunyata

When we feel tense, when we feel pain, when we feel shaky, we have no encouragement to relax and soften our stomach and our shoulders and our mind and our heart. Any time you want to make something of your life, let go. ...This is how your life becomes workable.
-Pema Chodron, page 170

Are you busy, like I have been for most of my life and recently discovered I still am, "doing" to make your life workable?  In other words, are you using action to numb from what you judge as painful or uncomfortable?

Still Numbing

All my talk, all my meditating, my yoga, my present moment practicing , my reading and writing about sinking into the present moment and I am still very much a doing addict.  I was shocked to realize that. 

My sister, a writer, asked me the other day how my writing was going.  She then asked if I found my new role as a yoga teacher interfering with my writing and my attempts at publication (submission by the way is the most time consuming and challenging part of the writing process).  I didn't remind her that I am also taking a photography course, trying to feng-shui my house the KondoMari way, renovating  and dealing with more family crisis than a soap opera script has on it while I still try to finish my novel and submit other material I have written.  That simple innocent question made me realize that  I am doing a lot.

Doing: The Drug of Choice

Why?  There is so much emotional tension brewing inside me from all that is going on around me, the loss of a beloved career and the identity that goes with it, fear over my future  etc that I am using "doing" as my drug of choice right now in an attempt to make this life at least seem workable.  If I numb, I tell myself without really realizing that I am telling myself anything, I can get through it all. I can fill in some of the gaping holes in my ego with one activity goal after another. I can distract from the demanding with the less demanding.

Ugh!!!  What that actually means is that I am not yet where I want to be.  I am far from still.  I am far from recovered from my addictive tendencies.

Shunyata

Instead of numbing with activity we need to let go and allow all that we deem unpleasant into the space that is us.  We need to let go and fall into what the Buddhists term shunyata,. Shunyata is traditionally known as emptiness.  I prefer this definition offered in How to Meditate: "open dimension of our being."  (page, 154)

We need to allow everything into that open spaciousness that is us, make more room for it if we have to.  All this numbing, this pushing it away, this resistance of what is, does not make the suffering go away. It adds to it.  It doesn't make life workable.

My life isn't all that "workable" right now.  It is busy, scattered, disorganized and I have so many semi-unrealistic  goals I can't seem to accomplish any of them. Like the monkey mind, it is a little crazy taking me further away from my true goal of peace. Letting go of my resistance will make it workable.

Instead of numbing, we need to accept.  Instead of resisting feeling we need to allow.  Instead of doing we need to find more stillness and instead of tensing up to life we need to relax into it. This is the true healing shunyata provides. Let go!

All is well.

References

Chodron, Pema ( 2013) How to Meditate. Boulder: Sounds True.

Self-Esteem

If you are what you do, what are you when you no longer can do what you do?
-Eckhart Tolle

What is self esteem and is creating healthy self esteem from a low one, a part of our mental reconstruction? 

That is a good question I ask myself and put out there. I ask it because I have been going up and down with self esteem my whole life.  As I mentioned before there are two parts of ego: Shamer and Redeemer.  These two little fellows have been giving me a whirlwind of a ride over the years, let me tell ya.  It took me a long time to identify them in my psyche because they are so bloody sneaky. I now can watch the competitive two in action.  

Shamer and Redeemer

Shamer more or less runs the show convincing me of a certain unworthiness, thus creating a low self esteem. Then Redeemer will step in and push Shamer out of the lime light so it can shine for a bit, creating something that  psychology and society encourages- a higher self esteem. Shamer will rear its ugly head again and so on and so on and so on.  Up and down, up and down I go while these two battle it out. It leads to the question if either is necessary in my life and would I be better off without them.

What is Self Esteem?

Self esteem, is an ego thing.  The self that is referred to is the "little self" and  is the basically the ego.  Esteem is the light in which the ego views us.  When someone has a healthy self esteem, ego is pretty much satisfied with itself as a 'person' based on what that person has, knows and is able to do. Redeemer is in charge. It compares itself to others and says "I have more, know more and can do more."

When esteem is low, ego is not satisfied with itself.  Shamer is in charge. It compares itself to others and says, "I have less, know less, and can do less." 

Low self esteem is discouraged in today's world for all kinds of reasons. It also really sucks to feel shameful and unworthy. It is said that it is better to have a high self esteem than a low one. At least, one feels less self punitive and down trodden if they have a healthy sense of 'little me' don't they?  I, however, question if it is a necessary  thing for Self (not self) to have either.

Why I think esteem in any form may be counter productive to our healthy development as human beings?

1. It is of the ego.  We know by now that the ego is not our friend, right?  It lies, it manipulates, it creates illusions, it cheats, it will strike out at us or anyone around us without a moment's notice. It pot stirs, it creates unnecessary drama...it will do what ever it can in its narcissistic agenda to protect itself. It is crazy.  I think it is best to keep a distance from anything that the ego owns.
2. We are dealing with the wrong Self in psychology's version of self-esteem.  The version here is based only a small portion of us...our bodies, minds and personalities that we present to other bodies, minds and personalities. It is not referring to the deeper Self.
3. The light is distorted. If esteem is the light by which we view ourselves ...we have to realize that it is a distorted light not allowing us to see beyond the surface. If we base who we are on this very superficial version of us, we are definitely not seeing the real us.  Like those mirrors in the fun house...we only see what ego wants us to see in conventional self esteem.
4. It keeps  us separated from one another and sets up reasons for defense and attack. It shines the light on the little self.  When I talk about my self esteem it is all about me, isn't it?  How I measure up?
5. The measurement criteria  leads to competition and comparison.  Fostering healthy self esteem involves viewing one's self in comparison to others to see how we measure up.  We feel good if we have more, know more or can do more.  We feel bad if we have less, know less, or can do less.  If I have a bigger house and more money in my account than my neighbor does, that may foster a "healthy self-esteem" .  If I have less education or less knowledge than my co-workers, that may foster a low self esteem. If I can run a faster marathon, I may have a higher self esteem than the runner who comes in last.  If I want to be a concert violinist but I do not make the symphony's final cut because there are better violinists to choose from, I may develop a low self esteem. Ego gets us comparing and competing endlessly and up and down we go.
6. It isn't stable.  Esteem goes up and down.  If we base the value of who we are on things that are transient, unpredictable, unstable and temporary,  esteem will constantly fluctuate and so will our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and how we respond to Life.
7. It won't satisfy. If we base who are on what we do, what are we when we are no longer able to do?  I once allowed ego to convince me to base my worth and value on what I could do.  When I suddenly found myself in a situation where I could no longer do what I identified my value on...my self esteem plummeted. I had to then question who I was?  Even if we are able to have more, know more, and do more, how superficial and nonsustaining all that is.  Esteem will not satisfy for long.

What is better?

I think it is important to realize that we are much more than what ego says we are. There is a dimension of our being that lies beyond the world we experience with our five senses.  We can transcend conventional self esteem  for a true sense of worth that is stable, non comparative, seeing all as equal, and that is all powerful. This worthiness can be found beyond ego's tricks and plots ... in the formless world of what is, where Truth exists.

So we don't need a healthy self esteem?

No, I don't believe we do.  I think it might even get in the way of our growth and expansion.
A healthy self esteem makes getting there more challenging because we may have what Tolle refers to as a "false sense of happiness," when we are operating from here.  Things are working out for us on the  superficial level so we tell ourselves ( with ego's help) that everything is fine,   If we have a low self esteem , struggling against ourselves, than that suffering may offer a doorway to this world beyond esteem. Our desire to end the suffering may lead us away from our need for esteem of any kind. That letting go may take us  into the true Self where we are just as worthy, just as powerful and just as free as everyone else. Isn't that a better way to look at ourselves and each other?

All is well.

References:

Tolle, Eckhart (Nov, 2011).  Could you elaborate on ego versus Healthy Self Esteem? Eckhart Tolle TV. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VauHIuyPwkM

Cease to Cherish Opinion

Do not seek  the truth; only cease to cherish opinion.
-Seng-Ts'an from Hsin-Hsin Ming

Wow! What does that mean and what does it have to do with numbing and mental reconstruction? Well seeking is actually one of the doing activities we may use to numb when we are feeling overwhelmed by emotions. I am a thinking and seeker addict.  This gets in the way of me finding what I want.

If I want to understand Truth...truly transcend into truth...I have to stop identifying with and cherishing opinions, ideas, thoughts and stories. I have to stop believing everything I tell myself...and every thought or idea I have.

Does that ring true for you?

All is well

Feeling and Dealing Instead of Numbing

When this [pain/suffering]happens, we most likely have some kind of strategy: ...  We begin plotting it all out.  Or the strong emotion arises and we go into strategy of seeking comfort. We run and hide from the emotion.  We distract ourselves through TV or food or other addictive, pleasure seeking behaviours.  We might obsess about how we can get away from facing or feeling this particular thing...In all these cases, these strategies are moving us away from the rawness, the realness, the immediacy of the actual experience.
-Pema Chodron (How to Meditate, page 100-101)

I want to numb right now. 

I have been having more and more peaceful experiencing in my day to day Life...amazing really.  I feel myself settling into it more and more.  Reconstructing my mind is my "job" now and I take it very seriously.  I practice committedly...I really do work at it.  And I am truly progressing.  I can see and more importantly 'feel' that progress.

Life is still doing what Life does.  The circumstances around me are numerous and  pretty 'dramatic' at times but I see it all as  a well set up learning environment and am able to process through it a lot better than I ever could. Well so "I think".  I look at challenge differently.

I know that but still...

Last night reminded me, once again, as it always does when I start to become a cocky learner, that there is a lot of work yet to be done. As a result of facing these challenges,  I awoke and felt a whole series of 'unwanted feelings' fed by 'unwanted thoughts' whirling around inside me.  And as is the way, ego just added more thought and more story to the mixture, followed by a lot of resistance until I had a really good negativity  soup brewing.

Now I want to numb.

Well...I wanted to numb then too and I did...I numbed with other feelings and other thoughts...and with resistance and avoiding.  I stuffed some of those feelings down and covered them up with a good layer of thinking. I allowed other less demanding  feelings to float to the surface to help create a  coating too. My mind stirred and stirred and stirred until I really didn't feel anything.  

That's how the mind works, isn't it?  Our egos are the biggest pot stirrers. They love to stir it all up, create drama and make a mess. For a while...it seems like a good thing that they are doing because it is 'self' (little 'self') protective.  As soon as you pull the wooden spoon from the pot though...what happens?...Everything floats to the surface!

Ego made a mess in my mental kitchen last night...let me tell ya! I awoke to face head on those life circumstance I wanted to avoid,  feeling restless, worried, concerned, anxious, afraid, suspicious, angry, guilty, resentful, sad etc etc...so many emotions came bubbling over the side that I didn't want to feel.  So automatically...I slipped back into old patterns of behaving and I began to numb to deal with my pot stirring buddy.

How do I numb?

I numb with thought.  I 'think' my way through things.  I create stories.  I edit and revise stories.  I control the emotional element of the story to create atmosphere...I allow some feelings in and stuff away the bigger ones. I use words to 'explain' my experience; to 'narrate' my way through Life. I 'analyze' and 'actively problem solve' because heck...I see that emotional ingredients in the soup as a problem. 

I don't want to take one spoonful of it so I need to come up with a plan that involves action rather than being.  I won't simply experience those feelings...I will numb them with thinking and doing like so many of us do. I will stir and stir and stir but I will not taste.

We all have our own way of numbing from 'unwanted' feelings.  My way is probably considered to be the 'normal' way only because so many of us do it and it is socially acceptable...even encouraged that we cope this way.  It is, however, still numbing and addictive.  It still prevents us from experiencing Life fully.

If we want to experience life fully...and end suffering once and for all... we need to taste all the ingredients in the soup.  We need to recognize, accept and allow all feelings to enter our experience. So many of us are afraid to do that ...so we numb. We allow ego to stir.

How Does numbing work?

All numbing...whether it is through active drug use; stuffing down unwanted feelings with food; excessive doing, TV binge watching, attachment to the cell phone and social media, sex, gambling, or thinking is there to help us 'not feel" that which we do not want to feel. We resist feeling certain emotions...certain energies that we label, judge and deem as 'bad' and ego provides many ways for us to do that.

Society(which is very much ego based)  labels and judges certain things as "good" or "bad', "acceptable" or "not acceptable" and "right" or "wrong",  therefore determining what is okay to experience and what isn't. It teaches us to actively avoid pain and the circumstances that cause it which it labels as bad, unacceptable and wrong.

How Does Society Teach Us This?

We have role models who deal with their pain through a variety of numbing activity: parents or older siblings  who use, adults who work too much or eat too much. Everyone around us have thumbs that are glued to their devices.  We follow suit  and seem to panic when our thumbs get dislodged, don't we?  We sell and buy  products that  are said to eliminate all the unwanted everything from our lives . We have a system that uses the model of "success' like a carrot in front of our faces and we are told that to meet that image of success we cannot be slowed down by pain in any form. The pharmaceutical companies have a field day with that promotion...they are determined to convince us that they can eradicate every pain there is at a cost and end up causing so much more.   On top of that social media creates an idea of how we should be, what's acceptable and what isn't.  Pain isn't in that one dimensional image. Society teaches us that pain in whatever form it comes in is a "no-no".

And inwardly we also  learn that pain does not feel all that good. We instinctively want to feel good.  So  we learn to numb. The addict learns, at a very early age that pain is not only unnecessary but something to be resisted and avoided at all costs.  He or she is encouraged to experiment with numbing...for the sake of being successful, for the sake of meeting social expectations of what is said to be 'normal' and what is 'happy'. Sometimes that fear-based numbing is carried to the extreme but numbing is numbing.

So, with ego's encouragement and guidance,   we will all  begin experimenting with numbing at some point.  With every physical ache or pain...instead of sitting with it, we may  take something for it or 'do' something about it.  Instead of sitting with emotional   pain, even if it is just boredom...we may feel the need to 'do' something about it.  It becomes a pattern of behaving and eventually as soon as we get an inkling of discomfort we panic...thinking to ourselves that that pain must be relieved...must be ended and cannot by any means be felt or experienced.  Pain after all is judged as a 'bad' thing and we must resist all bad things, don't we?


Most of us do this, don't we? Life doesn't go  our way a few times and we judge Life as bad, Life as painful and we focus all our intention on dealing with that.  We assume if Life isn't going the way it is "supposed to" then that means we are expected or "should' be feeling bad or feeling "pain".  Since  pain is a bad thing we either try to change the circumstances or we close ourselves up to it.  We shut down from "the unpleasant moment"  but when we shut down from any moment, we also shut down from Life...We numb ourselves into a pseudo state of comfort.

Proposing that we learn to sit with all of it

Let's face it...this numbing really doesn't make us happy and it doesn't take away our pain.  Avoidance, denial, repression, suppression and all the other  defense mechanisms used in numbing...just stuff emotional energy but like the soup in the pot it will eventually boil over. It will end up causing more pain.  Ask the heroine junkie who is now living on the street how great her life is going or the workaholic who lost his family how happy he  is? Resistance is the problem...not the unpleasant set of circumstances that have seemed to land on your lap, or the illness, or the depression, or the pain itself.  It is your  perception of it and therefore your response to it that is the problem.

We need to look at things differently.  We need to see challenge and adversity for what it really is....not something to be avoided and resisted but something to be embraced.

I think of Eckhart Tolle's words when he is talking to Oprah on her super soul podcast: From a higher perspective being challenged is a good thing....the challenge forces you to transcend suffering to go deeper into presence...humans don't really grow until they face the challenge of suffering.(see link below...may not be word for word).

As long as we are numbing and not feeling...we are not accepting life with all its wonderful challenges and we are not growing.  We are here to grow in our awareness of what it means to be human.  And pain, dear friends...like it or not, is a part of being human.

Numbing is not the answer

Though I feel like numbing...I am aware that it is not the answer.  So as part of my mental reconstruction work..I will allow the challenges in my life and I will sit with the feelings they bring up.  I will take the spoon from ego and  put an end to the stirring and the mess. I will dig deep to taste all the ingredients in Life's soup. I will be fed by it, growing healthily and vibrantly as a result.

I promise you that when you allow yourself to truly experience the rawness of your emotions, a whole new way of seeing the world, of experiencing love and compassion, will be revealed to you.
Chodron, page 102


Hmmm!  All is well in my world.

References

Chodron, Pema ( 2013) How to Meditate. Boulder: Sounds True

Tolle, E. & Winfrey, O. (January, 2018). Eckhart Tolle: Free Yourself from Anxiety, Stress and Unhappiness. Oprah's Super Soul Conversations. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X6LXoN44jxI

A Potential Series: Numbing and Mind Construction

Studying Buddhist teaching is a bit like doing construction work on our mind.
-Dalai Lama

All is good on this lovely Sunday afternoon.  It is gorgeous out there and I have to get out in it.  Have a private yoga session at 2 but maybe I will do a quick walk afterwards. 

I was going to write about numbing but I just spent an hour numbing by going through some old entries.  Sometimes I wonder: What the heck am I saying and doing here?  I need validation that at least some of it makes sense to me if no one else lol.  So instead of writing I was numbing.

I think numbing will be a series lol....numbing and mind construction.  I will begin tomorrow. I have to experience this day!

It's all good!

Give with Compassion, Not Pity

Any love or compassion which entails looking down on the other is not genuine compassion.
-Dalai Lama

That is a lovely and perplexing piece of insight to think about as the season of 'charitable giving' passes. We have all given to the 'less fortunate' haven't we this season, or at some point in our lives?  We have done so with great fanfare maybe or with a hint of grandiosity? We probably genuinely wanted to help someone, somewhere but our desire to offer loving kindness to the particular group we had chosen was likely done because we perceived them...through pity, more so than compassion.

What's the difference?

Well according to the Dana Paramita of Buddhism, which is the most important perfection to be practiced,  there is a big difference between true generosity or true compassionate giving and offerings made from a place of pity. Pity is even said to be the near enemy of compassion.(Pema Chodron)

You see...compassion comes from a state of equanimity...of seeing all human beings as equal...ourselves no better or no worse than someone else, it comes from a place of understanding that the value of a human being has nothing to do with what they own, where or how they live.  True giving nature looks beyond all that. It touches on the reality that my brother's suffering is my suffering. 

Pity on the other hand involves a certain discreet sense of superiority.  We "look down" at those who we label as "less fortunate" , "poor", "destitute", or "pitiful".  Our eyes are half closed as we look down at them because we truly do not want to see them clearly.  We do not want to see ourselves in them. 

We push them and their suffering away from us to some degree when we pity them.  We create a separation between us and 'them' or me and you. We also say we give to others in difficult situations because we feel grateful for what we own...but if you are basing your giving on what others don't have that you do...that is a focus on the "less than" of someone else, on comparison, and on anything but equanimity.  It's pity.

Guess what?  Pity for others is a selfish thing. It  makes us feel good.  Yep...true pity...makes us feel good. Through pity, our ego reminds us we are not the object of our pity... that we, in comparison, have more and are better off.  It reminds us, falsely, that we are better in some way....special. Pity separates, compares, protects and "self" preserves...it is not true giving.


Say what? If we are giving to someone who needs it, how can it be wrong?

Well I think we first have to look at giving and what it really means.  Paramitas are rules or directions for those following the path of Buddha to perfect in themselves  so as to empty the mind and open the  heart.  Few of us will seek Buddhahood but even in the secular sense there is so much wisdom for humanity to follow in this practice of becoming a better human being.  The first paramita is based on the concept of generosity and offering loving kindness to others. It is said that this is the first step because it opens the door to the other steps: Morality, patience, energy, meditation and wisdom. We can not advance in our understanding of truth until we open our hearts in this way. We have to give with a sincere desire to benefit others without expectation of reward or recognition....without any selfishness attached.

What we tend to do, when we allow ego to direct our giving, is to make sure others know we have given.  We might tell others about our charitable acts; we might expect a certain recognition or praise for doing so.  We may expect something back

Even when we are not actively making it known to others that we gave...we may still seek some reward.  We may seek the relief of guilt we are feeling about our over indulgence in material gain, about our life situation or to simply feel better.  Heck ...giving feels good doesn't it?

So we shouldn't give??

I am not by any means saying we shouldn't give to those with less.  Give, give, give as much as you can but for your own benefit and the benefit of the world at large, be aware of the motivation behind your giving, be aware of what ego is telling you, be aware of your labels and judgments. 

Open your eyes and see yourself in the other.  Open your heart and free your giving from any judgment or condition.  Give from an open compassionate heart, not one constricted and shriveled with pity. You will benefit from this receiving more than you could ever give.

All is well in my world.

References

Chodron, Pema (2017) The Joy to do What Helps Us. Retrieved: 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXefqcibq-E

O'Brien, B. ( July 2017) The six perfections of Mahayana Buddhism. From Thought Co. Retrieved https://www.thoughtco.com/the-six-perfections-449611

Removing ego from our social relationships

I never look at human beings as the president or king or prime minister or beggar.  In my eyes, all are the same.  So whenever I meet these people I say, "Look at them, they are just other human beings...our brothers and sisters." So this also creates more peace in my mind.
-Dalai Lama

Note:  My kids gave me a Dalai Lama Insight calendar for Christmas (seems a little ironic doesn't it?  A Buddhist calendar for a Christian holiday gift...lol..They actually see me better than I thought they did: someone integrating faiths. Of course, a Christian may deny that I was one of them because I love and express Buddhist philosophy and a Buddhist may say that I wasn't one of them either because I speak of God and a Creator.  I don't label myself anymore because I do not feel I need to be "one of any them".   :)) Anyway...what I am trying to say is that you may see a lot of Dalai Lama quotes because I read one a day. In all fairness...does it really matter if these beautiful words come from  the leader of Buddhism? Would you not like to  hear the Pope saying the very same thing? It is  not the religion, not the scripture and not the messenger that matters...it is the message! And the message only points to something deeper. I think it is important that we remember that.

Anyway....I heard this story that applies to the message above.

Kings or Beggars

Years ago a high ranking  and 'famous' government official was scheduled to visit a monastery. (I will not tell you where or what kind of monastery...so we eliminate any religious bias. :)) .  The Abbot of the monastery was loved by his monks for being a faithful humble man that was free of all worldly ego.  He treated all human beings and all living things with the utmost respect and care, favoring no one or nothing above the other.

On the day of the scheduled visit, the monastery was swept and  cleaned and prepared as it would be for any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars. 

The monks were instructed to prepare themselves, to dress in the same garments they would wear  for any visitor...be they kings or be they beggars.

As the big limousine with its escort vehicles pulled up in front of the monastery doors, the whole assembly stood in welcome as they would for any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars.

The government official was welcomed with the same bow of the head, the same peaceful  smile, and  the same handshake that the Abbot would customarily offer any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars.

He was showed around the monastery and offered the same humble food and drink as any one would be offered, be they kings or be they beggars.

And when it was time for the visit to be over, the Abbot and his monks kindly escorted the government official  and his team, including the press with its noisy flashing bulbs,  out the doors with the same kindness and respect they would offer any visitor, be they kings or be they beggars.

Nothing about the Abbot seemed to change.

A few minutes after the visit had ended, however, the kindly old Abbot called all his monks to the meeting room. With tears in his eyes he announced that he could no longer be their Abbot and that he would have to leave the monastery to recluse himself in prayer.  The monks, stunned by the announcement, asked "Why? How could such a humble, faithful man as yourself feel you could not lead us?"

The monk answered, "When I shook the official's hand while the press was taking pictures, I noticed my own  was sweaty. It does not sweat when I shake a beggar's hand."

Moral of this story:  Do not let titles, fame, ideas of importance get in the way of seeing  what a person really is..."just another human being'.  Don't let any false notions of importance ...ours or someone else's... obscure our peace of mind.

All is well.

On being a spiritual teacher

The question is not whether you will teach, for in that there is no choice.  The purpose of the course might be said to provide you with the means of choosing what you want to teach on the basis of what you want to learn.
=ACIM-Manual-Intro:2:4-5


So I begin 2019 with this notion that I am teacher and so are you.  I also begin knowing that what I teach is my choice and it is a choice I base on what I wish to learn.  I teach what I want to learn.  So teaching, then, is learning, just as giving is receiving.

What do I want to Learn?

I want to learn to tame the mind. I am convinced that by controlling the mind into ripples as Patanjali referred to it, we can end suffering and live the lives we were meant to.  I honestly believe the answer to all Life's many perceived dilemmas exists in the mind.  The Dalai Lama said that: Happiness comes through taming the mind; without taming the mind there is no way to be happy.

Is this idea of taming the mind based on eastern religion? Do I have to be a Hindu, a yogi or a Buddhist to teach this or to learn it?

No...it is actually not based on religion at all.  People fail to realize that both Buddhism and yoga were meant to be philosophies, a somewhat scientific approach to understanding how the mind works, not religions.  Man labels, declares ownership of ideas, and separates to  make religion.  These were two things early yogis and the Buddha were walking away from. The ideas they proposed, wisdom gained  through extensive inner study, were non-denominational and non-secular....meant for everybody. It was man that turned them into religion.

If it is Christian validation you are needing to ensure the importance of reconstructing our minds:
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you will discern what is the will of God, what is good, and acceptable , and perfect. Romans 12:2 ESV

When I think of what I want to teach and more importantly what I want to learn...I think in terms of philosophy, psychology, physiology, and even sociology.  Sure...I love to study scripture and spiritual texts from many different sects but I do not get hung up on specific ideologies or beliefs.  I am fascinated with the something, that really cannot be named or understood by certain trains of thought or ideas or words, that these things point to.

This learning, this teaching goes beyond the limitation of religion. Teachers and learners of the mind  do not have to be religious.  A Course says that teachers...come from all religions and no religion.

Spiritual Teacher?

I would not call myself a spiritual teacher.  First of all, I lack the expertise or credentials and second of all it is not what I am.  I don't like to label myself but if I had to I would label myself first as a learner...a life long learner...then as a teacher of what I have learned. I am probably more of a philosopher because my learning comes from 'questioning the nature of reality' than I am any kind of theologian.  I am not a scientist though because what I offer isn't evidence...just a bunch of 'hypothesis' about what Life is all about. I offer more questions than I do answers. I am not sure how to validate and prove my theories even though I believe them to be true.

Special?

There is nothing special about me or anyone else who teaches.  We are all teachers...every single one of us ...whether we like it or not. Teaching is done through example.  The only difference is what we teach and we only have two choices of curriculum: To teach about Love or to teach about fear; To teach about the world as it is when dominated by ego or to teach about the world when it is freed by God. What do you want to teach? I want to teach about peace because I want peace in my Life. Pretty selfish maybe...and pretty non-special.

 I want to teach about peace and how we can all get it.  I want to lift myself and others up from the prison of suffering into the joy of living. As  I learn how to do that I  teach how to do that.  As I teach how to do that I learn how to do that. I teach and I learn and I learn and I teach. That's how it works.

It's all good!

Wishes for a peace-filled 2019

And if I need but stillness and a tranquil, open mind, these are the gifts I will receive of Him.
-ACIM-W-361-365:1:2


I sat here for a while on this stormy fist day of 2019 considering how I should begin my New Year entry. I suppose I should begin by wishing all of you a very happy and peace-filled 2019. I guess...I actually wish for you stillness and a tranquil, open mind this year because that is what I wish for my self...Self. That is on the top of my resolution list.  I believe with that...and only with that...will peace and happiness and freedom be possible. Ask and we will receive.

So I ask for it for me and I ask for it for you knowing that:

And yet, in truth, it is already here; already serving us as gracious guidance in the way to go.  Let us together follow in the way that truth points out to us.  And let us be leaders of our many brothers who are seeking for the way, but find it not.
-Final Lesson: Introduction:2:4-6

I finished the Lessons from ACIM again and I finished a year of blog entries.  Isn't it ironic that I am almost full circle to the message I started with January 1st, last year.  Teach to learn, and learn to teach.  As we allow the truth to sink in, we learn it and then we teach it so we learn it.

How cool is that?

Thought this video from September 2017 might apply though I think I kind of got cut off before the big finale lol. A retro moment.

All is well in my world.