Self-Esteem

If you are what you do, what are you when you no longer can do what you do?
-Eckhart Tolle

What is self esteem and is creating healthy self esteem from a low one, a part of our mental reconstruction? 

That is a good question I ask myself and put out there. I ask it because I have been going up and down with self esteem my whole life.  As I mentioned before there are two parts of ego: Shamer and Redeemer.  These two little fellows have been giving me a whirlwind of a ride over the years, let me tell ya.  It took me a long time to identify them in my psyche because they are so bloody sneaky. I now can watch the competitive two in action.  

Shamer and Redeemer

Shamer more or less runs the show convincing me of a certain unworthiness, thus creating a low self esteem. Then Redeemer will step in and push Shamer out of the lime light so it can shine for a bit, creating something that  psychology and society encourages- a higher self esteem. Shamer will rear its ugly head again and so on and so on and so on.  Up and down, up and down I go while these two battle it out. It leads to the question if either is necessary in my life and would I be better off without them.

What is Self Esteem?

Self esteem, is an ego thing.  The self that is referred to is the "little self" and  is the basically the ego.  Esteem is the light in which the ego views us.  When someone has a healthy self esteem, ego is pretty much satisfied with itself as a 'person' based on what that person has, knows and is able to do. Redeemer is in charge. It compares itself to others and says "I have more, know more and can do more."

When esteem is low, ego is not satisfied with itself.  Shamer is in charge. It compares itself to others and says, "I have less, know less, and can do less." 

Low self esteem is discouraged in today's world for all kinds of reasons. It also really sucks to feel shameful and unworthy. It is said that it is better to have a high self esteem than a low one. At least, one feels less self punitive and down trodden if they have a healthy sense of 'little me' don't they?  I, however, question if it is a necessary  thing for Self (not self) to have either.

Why I think esteem in any form may be counter productive to our healthy development as human beings?

1. It is of the ego.  We know by now that the ego is not our friend, right?  It lies, it manipulates, it creates illusions, it cheats, it will strike out at us or anyone around us without a moment's notice. It pot stirs, it creates unnecessary drama...it will do what ever it can in its narcissistic agenda to protect itself. It is crazy.  I think it is best to keep a distance from anything that the ego owns.
2. We are dealing with the wrong Self in psychology's version of self-esteem.  The version here is based only a small portion of us...our bodies, minds and personalities that we present to other bodies, minds and personalities. It is not referring to the deeper Self.
3. The light is distorted. If esteem is the light by which we view ourselves ...we have to realize that it is a distorted light not allowing us to see beyond the surface. If we base who we are on this very superficial version of us, we are definitely not seeing the real us.  Like those mirrors in the fun house...we only see what ego wants us to see in conventional self esteem.
4. It keeps  us separated from one another and sets up reasons for defense and attack. It shines the light on the little self.  When I talk about my self esteem it is all about me, isn't it?  How I measure up?
5. The measurement criteria  leads to competition and comparison.  Fostering healthy self esteem involves viewing one's self in comparison to others to see how we measure up.  We feel good if we have more, know more or can do more.  We feel bad if we have less, know less, or can do less.  If I have a bigger house and more money in my account than my neighbor does, that may foster a "healthy self-esteem" .  If I have less education or less knowledge than my co-workers, that may foster a low self esteem. If I can run a faster marathon, I may have a higher self esteem than the runner who comes in last.  If I want to be a concert violinist but I do not make the symphony's final cut because there are better violinists to choose from, I may develop a low self esteem. Ego gets us comparing and competing endlessly and up and down we go.
6. It isn't stable.  Esteem goes up and down.  If we base the value of who we are on things that are transient, unpredictable, unstable and temporary,  esteem will constantly fluctuate and so will our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and how we respond to Life.
7. It won't satisfy. If we base who are on what we do, what are we when we are no longer able to do?  I once allowed ego to convince me to base my worth and value on what I could do.  When I suddenly found myself in a situation where I could no longer do what I identified my value on...my self esteem plummeted. I had to then question who I was?  Even if we are able to have more, know more, and do more, how superficial and nonsustaining all that is.  Esteem will not satisfy for long.

What is better?

I think it is important to realize that we are much more than what ego says we are. There is a dimension of our being that lies beyond the world we experience with our five senses.  We can transcend conventional self esteem  for a true sense of worth that is stable, non comparative, seeing all as equal, and that is all powerful. This worthiness can be found beyond ego's tricks and plots ... in the formless world of what is, where Truth exists.

So we don't need a healthy self esteem?

No, I don't believe we do.  I think it might even get in the way of our growth and expansion.
A healthy self esteem makes getting there more challenging because we may have what Tolle refers to as a "false sense of happiness," when we are operating from here.  Things are working out for us on the  superficial level so we tell ourselves ( with ego's help) that everything is fine,   If we have a low self esteem , struggling against ourselves, than that suffering may offer a doorway to this world beyond esteem. Our desire to end the suffering may lead us away from our need for esteem of any kind. That letting go may take us  into the true Self where we are just as worthy, just as powerful and just as free as everyone else. Isn't that a better way to look at ourselves and each other?

All is well.

References:

Tolle, Eckhart (Nov, 2011).  Could you elaborate on ego versus Healthy Self Esteem? Eckhart Tolle TV. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VauHIuyPwkM