Mind Moves the Body

The mind moves the body, and the body follows the mind. Logically, negative thought patterns harm not only the mind but the body.
H.E. Davey; Japanese Yoga: The Way of Dynamic Meditation

Day 21 for pain, 19 for other symptoms.

I looked back on the history of this pain today.  It first became quite noisy in the spring-summer of 2017. (I could have sworn it was only months ago...time does go faster as one ages  lol).  I had many of the same symptoms with it then that I do now. It wasn't as intense or as persistent but it was the same thing.  The cluster of symptoms that came with it scared me and I will be honest, I feared the worse.

I had an ultrasound done around that time that revealed a small but not tiny ovarian cyst which was later after a repeat ultrasound(three months later by another gyne I was referred to) called a predominant follicle, even though it had doubled in size.  I was assured it would go away when menopause kicked in. I was absolutely fine with that opinion and I eagerly anticipated the big day, gladly willing to put up with the symptoms. (Don't get me wrong: Though, I have learned to embrace the pain when I get it,  I am not at the point  where I  call it up and invite it over.  I can do without that type of company lol).

I was told that the ultrasound would be repeated in a year. I was shocked to realize today, it has been over a year and a half.

My mind is now jumping in here to build story, to put pieces together, to question, to assume, to speculate and to catastrophize the way it does. What if I am in menopause and have been since the beginning of my symptoms? Then this is not as benign as it looks. What if, what if, what if? 

Man the mind can be noisy lol. I know what the worse case scenario could be and all my symptoms do point that way...but...that doesn't mean that it is what it is.  In fact...it is unlikely because people don't live one and a half years with that possibility. I know that too.  But mind likes to stir up fear and drama doesn't it? If it is going to be something ...it plots...it has to be the biggest something out there. Body reacts.

What does this do to the pain itself? Well my body tenses up in response to the fear response being activated (good old fight, flight and freeze) and with muscle tension comes more pain. With the pain...the other symptoms and more muscle tension...and the body is  activated in a chronic cycle leading to fatigue.  We are sick in the mind, more so than in the body. The body responds to the mind. ...not the other way around.

So, though I do need to suck it up and go get this checked out (have been avoiding for all kinds of reasons), my major goal  has to be in settling the mind...freeing the experience from the mental chatter that surrounds it. This does not have to cause a fear response.  I can work on that.  :)

All is well.