Who Moves the World?

Not that which the eye can see, but that whereby the eye can see; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore;

Not that which the ear can hear, but that whereby the ear can hear; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore;

Not that which speech can illuminate, but that by which speech can be illuminated; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore;

Not that which the mind can think, but that whereby the mind can think; know that to be Braham the eternal, and not what people here adore.

-The Kena Upanishads, written over 2000 years ago. 

How beautiful and thought stopping, is that?  Braham, of course, is God.  As you can see I am having a soul seeking kind of day.  :)

Retrieved from a You Tube 2001  video with Eckhart Tolle (Sorry...lost info!)   &  this site:

https://moonlightenedshelves.wordpress.com/2013/01/04/not_that_which_the_mind_can_think/
on April 4, 2017

Four Cardinal Virtues

Lao Tzu once said that  if we want to live life fully there are four cardinal virtues we must adhere to.  These are found in the Tao Te Ching and were written about by Wayne Dyer in his book Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life (Hay House; 2007)

Paraphrased loosely after reading the above book, after hearing Wayne Dyer speak on public television about this and after reading a wonderful article I found on a quick google search (please find the site listed below and be sure to check it out) they are as follows:

1. Have reverence for all life
2. Operate with natural sincerity
3. Be gentle/Be kind
4. Serve

Dyer and the author below explain these much better than I ever could. Please check out these resources:

Resources

Dyer, Wayne ( 2007) Change Your thoughts-Change Your Life: Living the wisdom of the Tao. Hay House.


Azriel ReShel (Sept 2016) Lao Tzu's Four Rules for Living from UpLift.  http://upliftconnect.com/lao-tzus-four-rules-living/     Retrieved on April 4, 2017

A little more on a patient focused and holistic approach to wellness

The cure of many diseases is unknown to physicians...because they are ignorant of the whole. For the part can never be well unless the whole is well.
Plato

More tired than usual the last week or so.  Pooped out lol...even with the writing. Still, it is through writing that I feel better.

Yesterday I felt that health continuum article coming out of me and it was persistent and determined  so I plopped it  down here ...  even though I had already completed my morning fix of an entry a day.  :) Sometimes...I just have to write something specific.  I am not sure why...but it is like out of the blue I hear a little voice saying, "Okay you go sit your butt down right now and I am going to tell you what to do with those fingers of yours."  Next thing I know there is a big long spiel about something that has been on my mind for a while maybe or something I never thought about before ( at least not consciously :)) staring up at me from the once blank page.  It is kind of cool.   This type of "inspired" writing  usually leads to more awareness and more education and more growth.  :) It takes me to wellness!  The teacher, the healer is coming from the inside rather than the outside. Maybe I am channelling Hippocrates or someone lol.

Anyway...just writing that entry yesterday afternoon  has made things clearer for me.  I know where I am.  For the most part, I am very, very healthy functioning at a high level of wellness...physically, however, I am struggling with issues I believe to be disabling and limiting right now.  So I am not in balance nor do I have "complete well being". As Plato quotes above...I am not really well until all of me is well.  My goal is to get beyond that and carry all of me to well being.  How do I do that?  Not by pushing for a  more solid diagnosis and "outside" intervention  but by using my strengths which are my awareness, desire to learn and willingness to grow.  It is all good. I am going to get there.

When I see the limitations of the medical model, I also can detach from my need for validation from others a little bit more.  I see how I do not belong in one neat little spot on the continuum nor do I have to.  Which is a good thing.  Don't get me wrong...I am by no means devaluing physicians or what they can do.  I just believe that the responsibility for wellness belongs to the individual.  The individual determines, achieves, controls and maintains it.  Physicians play a very important "supportive" role in the health experience but they are not the key player...the patient is. We also have to look beyond mental and physical health to all dimensions of health and especially to the role spirit plays in wellness. The only parts of me that are not highly functioning right now...are the physical and the social in terms of employment and finances.  Everything else is A okay.  :) I am confident that my growth is going to take me to a place that will bring these not so healthy parts of me in alignment with the rest of me that is already soaring at a high level of wellness.

All truly is well in my little world.  :)

This condition of holistic health is defined as the unlimited and unimpeded free flow of life force energy through body, mind, and spirit.  ....
The Academy of Integrative Health & Medicine  (https://ahha.org/selfhelp-articles/principles-of-holistic-medicine/)

The Continuum

 



In 1972, a physician by the name of John Travis developed the above scale to help identify levels of illness and wellness in individuals or groups. He believed that wellness was a process, not a static state of being, with individuals moving up and down the scale throughout their life spans.

 Travis was trying to incorporate a humanistic and psychosocial approach that went beyond a disease/ "physician in control" focus. I see a lot of merit in this scale but I also see some discrepancies due to the fact that it is still very much  based on  the medical model.  It basically describes illness (he just added mental illness into the pot)  that can be diagnosed and treated by a physician once disability, symptoms and signs become apparent.  Most of us know by now...that a lack of wellness is determined by much more than a disease (be it mental or physical) found in a medical manual and that high levels of wellness can be obtained and maintained despite a medical diagnosis.  I also do not agree with the suggestion that signs show up before symptoms on the road to disability.  In other words, this model proposes that despite what a patient is experiencing...unless the test results and what the physician determines as sufficient objective data show up... the patient is not disabled or ill.  Doctors are placed in a position where they and only they  can determine how well or how ill someone is.

What is missing from this model, then, is the priority of patient experience over other observation.  What is also missing from this model is a holistic approach with the patient at the center of the locus of control.  Treatment from the outside, with medical interventions, can begin only after signs are determined by the diagnosing physician.  The goal of treatment is to push the patient past the neutral point to awareness. As if to say...the patient is not aware of their experience prior to that point; the patient has no control of their experience when they are "unwell" until someone outside themselves says "This is what is wrong with you and I am going to tell you what to do about it!"  After treatment, the physician "enlightens" the patient and education can begin.  So we had diagnosing based on signs seen by the physician before the patient's subjective experience is questioned.  The patient is pushed by someone outside themselves to the neutral point and only from there  can they become aware enough to seek education from others ( proponents of the medical model) on how to stay well as they grow into a very limited and restricted version of health...which is simply determined by how far away from "disease' one is. The use of  "growth " is limited ironically by the limitations of disease.

The development of the continuum has definitely advanced us further.  It does have its merits. This was a big step in 1972...Our society had to step away from the focus on physical disease and to recognize the disability that mental health can cause in individuals lives.  Mental illness was not accepted or recognized, treated and healed the way it could have been up to that point. According to Travis, just because people do not have a diagnosable physical condition...they still may have a mental one.  So true.

Unfortunately, however, returning to wellness on this continuum  is still a physician controlled process.    It is  saying that patients below the neutral point...still need to be labelled according to their signs, and then their symptoms before disability is recognized and treated. If the label cannot be found in the pathophysiology text, it will be found in the DSM 5.  Wellness then is determined by the absence of physical or mental health. One or the other.   We are still focusing on the absence of disease, are we not?

 

Where I stand on this continuum

 

This continuum doesn't work for me.  I don't fit into any slot very easily. Where am I?...I believe my body is hovering along the yellow, feeling the orange but because others are not looking clearly enough...bypassing the green.  According to others...there is just not enough green to say I am on this side of neutral.  I see enough signs but in this model it is not about what I see and think, is it? My interpretation of my experience is not valued.  I am told I need someone with an MD behind their name to tell me there is enough signs to make my symptoms valid, to give me a label and render me physically disabled.  If I do not get that...I am more or less told I have no business being here and I better scoot my sorry ass up the continuum to at least neutral. If I insist that at least part of me is still struggling down in the green zone...then...it isn't a physical ailment leaving me there  but a mental one.  I must either be lying or  mentally ill if I have symptoms with a limited amount of approved signs.   Any professions of illness on my part have to be validated by a professional in order for others to accept my being where I am.

 

I strongly believe that if some physician was willing to spend the time in examining my family and myself  they would discover that many of us are physically on the orange ( at risk for premature death) and many have actually advanced to the red ( death) because of an inherited cardiovascular condition. I am speaking of my siblings as well as my paternal cousins.  Just in the last 12 years 6 family members including my own sister, under the age of 60, have died suddenly because of a cardiovascular crisis. My father  lost 4 brothers under 60 to sudden cardiovascular related death.  He himself had his first MI at 50.  My other surviving sisters had their MI's or cardiovascular events in their early 50's as well. (40-60 being the time frame in which this undiagnosed condition tends to manifest itself, with the exception of me.  I was much younger when I first started to get symptoms). At quick glance , however, it seems to be much easier for "others" to ignore this as coincidence and  slap me with a liar or  mental illness label to explain my symptomology, then it is for them to explore the possibility of inherited cardiovascular disease. Once that mental illness or dishonest  label is placed on an individual...all signs indicating otherwise seem to go unseen and unvalidated.

 

 

And what about the criteria on the other side of neutral?  Where do I fit there?  Mentally, emotionally, spiritually I am well above neutral.  I am actually very aware of my condition and myself.  I am more aware than most of what my body and my mind are doing.  I am seeking awareness on even higher levels of understanding.   If I am stuck on the other side under a mental illness label, how come I am so aware? No one has told me that my symptoms are real and no one has given me permission to be "disabled".   No one has told me exactly what was wrong and what to do about it.  Yet I am in the blue zone with my awareness.  In fact, I was always aware.  Am I educated?  I am very educated on the subject of physical and mental wellness and lack of. I educate on these subjects.  No one is educating me...because no one is validating the signs.  Does that make me any less educated?   No...far from it.  It spurs me on to learn more about myself and why my body is doing what it is doing. And I am growing over and beyond conventional understanding and this notion of limitation. I am obviously very much in the blue advancing toward high level wellness without "other" intervention.

 

So part of me is on one end of the spectrum and the other part of me...at the exact same time... is on the other.  How can that be?  There is much more to wellness than this continuum allows for. Despite my present (and temporary) physical limitations, I consider myself to be very healthy!

 

The Other Dimensions 





We need to examine the other dimensions of health?  In 1942, the World Health Organization defined health as "a state of  complete physical, mental and social well being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity."   And to take it a step further and a step back to the health practices that have gone on long before Hippocrates, Health is balance between mind, body and spirit. Do we see these things on this continuum or in the medical model?  No

Complete well being is not placed on this model even though the importance of mental wellness is recognized. Why? Complete well being is fostered by the individual, controlled by the individual and obtained by the individual. Complete well being is a spiritual well being! Medicine cannot ensure that.  Oh they can help...for sure...remove symptoms and stop the body and possibly the mind from failing quickly but without inclusion of the spirit...there is no complete well being.

Spirit determines wellness and it tells us we are all in the blue zone.  We all are capable of high level wellness and beyond.  There really is no "disease' anywhere but in our thinking. The only thing bringing us down the continuum ...to the green, yellow, orange and red is our limiting belief systems and our reliance on models like this one.  :)

There are cases out there where people who knew this...people who believed this...people who owned this truth...were able to heal others and themselves.  They were able to go from the orange to the blue miraculously without the help of medical intervention.  Or they...despite what label was placed on their chart by a physician...never did suffer the symptoms or the disability expected. By putting our attention on "growth" through awareness and education ( the relearning of who and what we really are) we can soar into the place where we are meant to be. 

Yes...we travel up and down a continuum of well being. We are constantly learning and forgetting, believing and mistrusting, questioning and testing our beliefs as human beings.  It is for that reason we go up and down the continuum. It is faith and trust in life that keeps us in the blue...not a diagnosis or prescription.

All is well in my world!

Good God , morning!!

or

Good Morning, God!!

You choose , how you position those words.

You choose, how you greet the day.

You choose, how your life will be.

paraphrased from a lecture by Wayne Dyer

 

So you didn't sleep well last night.  You have some stressful things to deal with today.  Your back is sore and your joints are aching.  The alarm goes off and it feels like a kick in the teeth. You are going to be tempted to say, "Good God, morning!!"  Don't!

 

Those first few moments after opening our eyes  are crucial determinants to how our day will be.  We set a precedent for the remainder of it.  How we greet the morning ahead of us is basically how we greet the life ahead of us.  If I wake up and curse God for the morning...feeling only my aches and pains and the dread of what is ahead...I am resisting what is.  I tell myself and the world that life is something to be avoided and feared; that I don't want it. I have already pretty much determined the outcome of the hours ahead of me.  I allow those negative thoughts to determine what day I am going to have.  I chose a life approach based on resistance, fear and hardship.

 

If, on the other hand, I wake up and stretch up tall, smile and say out loud; "Good morning, God!"  I am expressing how wonderful it is to wake up to yet another day and I am honoring God for the blessing of being alive.  I am alive!!! There is a full day of living before me!!!.  I am grateful for the moment and open and accepting of  the day ahead of me. I send good thoughts out into the hours that will make up this day.  I choose a life approach of acceptance, hope and expectation.

 

Every thought is a catalyst for an emotional response.  Every emotion is energy that is stored within or expressed outwardly.  What we think and say to others is going to determine how we feel,  and how we feel will determine our life outcomes.  Those first few moments upon awakening are fresh  moments ...we have a clean slate...and we can build on that with positivity or negativity.  We can greet the day or we can curse the day.  We can accept it gratefully or we can resist it and crawl back into bed with the pillow over our heads. We can stretch into it or attempt to  curl up away from it...but the day will pass regardless.  It can be amazing or it can be ugly.  That is our choice! 

 

So get out of bed, plant a smile on your face, stretch up tall and say..."Good Morning, God!!!"  Say it!  Act as if you feel it and you eventually will!!! This is your day!!  This is your life!! Isn't it amazing?

 

Good Morning, God!!

Accept-then act. Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.  always work with it, not against it...This will miraculously transform your whole  life.
Eckhart Tolle

Yesterday was an eventful day...well eventful in the "emotional" sense of things if not in the action.  I have been so tired the last few days I have been doing even less than usual.  In fact, yesterday afternoon I sat down to meditate for the usual 20 minutes...got up an hour and a half later lol.  I think I nodded off from time to time losing track of the minutes.  It seemed like 20 minutes.  The day before I closed my eyes on the couch and 2 hours slipped past.  My body is demanding rest and I am giving it what it wants.  That is okay.

So anyway...why was yesterday emotionally eventful.  I am still pondering my need to let go of certain thing as I wrote yesterday;  I feel a little less well physically; I think I finally may be hitting the transition point of a woman's life (well I said that before didn't I lol...but I have had no pain in 5 weeks!  yeah!!!); I got two manuscripts out to publishers yesterday and I am watching my youngest endure her first heart break. There...other than seeing my daughter go through that...I feel so much at peace with everything.  I was walking in the woods yesterday with the dogs and I felt myself settling into the moment.  I was so connected to what I was doing then...there was no fanfare, money pouring down on me; no bells or whistles; no great achievement other than one foot going down before the other...there was no past or no future either...just the moment and I felt peace inside.  I felt the peace I want to feel.  I had what I really, really want from life in that moment.  I found myself saying, "Thank you!  Thank you!" over and over again.  It was amazing.

So about the manuscripts...two in one shot out to an Australian Publishing company that only accepts submissions on the first Monday of every month.  They look for the unagented, unsolicited work of new authours.  How cool is that? Considering the time difference...I was up until midnight trying to rewrite synopsis's and edit sample chapters....but I got them out!   I write to write but I know that publishing is a part of the process.  To complete the cycle...I need readers.  As challenging and frustrating as it is at times to submit...I know it comes with the package.  So when some easy opportunity presents itself to allow that to happen...I jump on it.  Two out in one shot.  That just makes me feel good.  Once it is out I let it go.  I write down somewhere when and to where I sent each manuscript and I completely forget about it...until I hear back, if I hear back. Once it is submitted I feel it is out of my hands.  It is like putting the boat in and letting Life  carry it down stream.  My part was the writing and the submitting...Life takes care of the rest.  So I don't pay any more attention to it. I feel good knowing that I have two of my books out there.

My daughter's heart break is at the forefront of my thinking.  Such a necessary part of growth, eh?  Yet so hard to watch.  At the same time...I know Life is guiding her to something better.  Hmmm!

All is well in my world.

Peace is the result of retraining your mind to process life as it is, rather than as you think it should be.
Wayne Dyer


Of all the things I want in life...I think more often of peace.  I want to feel totally accepting of life as it is without any intense need to fix it, control it, own it.  I need to train my mind to let go of certain things that have happened that I believed should not have happened and I need to see the gift in those things as I walk away.  Learn from them.  Heal from them.  Grow from them.

I want to be able to look within me and around me and say..."Awe...this is exactly as it should be.  It is what it is and I am more than okay with that!"  How much easier our lives would be if we could do that.

It is all choice.  We can choose to resist or choose to accept.  Choose to cling or choose to let go.  Choose attack or choose peace.  Choose the freedom of growth  or choose the prison of self pity.

I had enough of self pity...I choose growth.



With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened  as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing.  You get to choose.
Wayne Dyer

Illness is not a problem.  You are the problem- as long as the egoic mind is in control. When you are ill or disabled do not feel like you have failed in some way, do not feel guilty.  Do not blame life for treating you unfairly, but do not blame yourself either. All that is resistance…..Anything “bad” that happens in your life-use it for enlightenment.  Withdraw time from the illness.  Do not give it any past or future. Let it force you into intense present-moment awareness-and see what happens.
(Tolle, E. (1999) The power of Now. New World Library: Novato)


That is what I am doing...what I have always been  doing (or at least trying)...to let this illness or whatever you describe it as...to force me into present moment awareness.  I want to use it for enlightenment.  Enlightenment is the goal for all of us...if we know it or not.  Maybe this illness is giving me a short cut there.

Illness is not a problem...my egoic mind is the problem.  It feeds me with all this guilt and shame about not working and about "wimping out".  It tells me I should push, push, push and keep going no matter how bad I feel.  When I can't keep up with its demands I feel shame and guilt because I perceive failure.  It is not my physical limitations that are making me feel guilty but how I "think" about them.  I just have to change the thinking.  That is all I ever had to do.

All is well in my world.

Letting Go

Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are  signs of great strength.  However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.
Ann Landers

Hmmm!  I have always had this remarkable ability to walk away from things once I reach a certain point of knowing it is time to. 

Walking Away

That walking away can be merely emotional or mental ...as in not allowing something to consume me... but it can  also be physical.  Once I know it is time and I feel ready...I can turn my back on a person, place or situation and never revisit it again.  I can completely shut it out of my world somehow.

When I leave a relationship, for example, I leave a relationship.  I shut it all down on some level.  I can let it go...with it goes any resentment, wanting, blaming and needing. I forgive and let it go so I can move forward into my life. 

That ability is a gift and a blessing and it has saved me many, many times. The only necessary component for this to happen peacefully  is the readiness.  I have to be ready.  If I am pulled from a situation  by unexpected circumstance or choices made by others or if someone leaves me without warning  when there was no time for proper goodbyes...it is harder to let go.  I eventually do but it takes a little longer because I wasn't ready.

Readiness comes from acceptance.  When we finally put down our futile attempts to instigate change in areas we have no right to control i.e the behaviour of other people; Life's flow; nature etc ...we can begin to make ourselves ready.

 Ready for what? 

Ready to accept life as it is.  When I stop trying to nag, push, cajole and manipulate my children to behave a certain way, for example, I am becoming accepting of that fact that this is their life journey not mine.  When I do that I am ready to let go of any false sense of ownership over their choices, over them, I think I may have.  I let them go.  I turn my back...not so much on my children...but on the people I expected and wanted them to be.  I let that go. 

And what do I find instead? 

The people that they are. I move forward in an authentic and real way.  We all move forward.

That is what letting go offers...an opportunity to move forward authentically.  Holding on and hanging in keep us stuck in the past. I don't know about you, but I want to be pulled into life by all that is in front of me.  I can't be pulled forward if I am held back. Letting go is freeing.

All is well in my world.

Dear housecleaning,

You are not attractive and I am not doing you.

Sorry

(unknown)

Do you remember this from March 27th?  (I am sure you have nothing better to do than remember big long spiels from my entries lol).  I said I would revisit this in a month to see how things are.

A professional cleaning company has come in to clean my house and now I have someone hired to come in once a week to maintain it.  At least half of the previous clutter is gone to charity. I have clean and easy to maintain stone counters that always shine,  I have freshly painted cupboards and walls that are easy to wipe clean. I mop the floor with ease twice a week with this easy to use mop. The new garbage/ recyclable container in the kitchen and the one outside...help to keep garbage hidden away.  Our Roomba works hard so I do not have to...and there is no little to no hair.  The pet covers fit nicely over the bit of furniture  we have and contain the remainders of the pet hair.  The air is fresh in this open spacious house thanks to the wall down and the air purifiers.  There is so much light brightening up everything. Kids are helping out with cooking on the self cleaning oven, taking turns loading and emptying the dishwasher; and washing and putting away their own laundry.   The kitchen floor looks clean enough to eat off of.   Kids have their space downstairs and bring friends over all the time.  I have people in as well.  It is all good."  
  I feel peaceful, worry-free, content, warm, confident and more than welcoming when I look at my home before opening it to others.  When the doors are closed, I feel so content and peaceful in my clean little habitat.  I feel secure in knowing that I am  doing my part in creating a clean, secure environment for those I love.

What have I manifested so far: I got a new garbage can...yeah...may not seem like much to you but it makes my life so much easier. We are looking for a Roomba with every intention of buying one when we find one on sale for a reasonable price. I removed the old pet covers from the couch and put on sheets...not attractive...no...but they stay better than the other covers do and maybe the dog hair is more contained...maybe. :) We are also looking for air purifiers.  Don did very well this week so we can afford them.  Well...about the kids...hmmmm...well my daughter did her own laundry this week.  That is a start.  I am cleaning  a little more...some days.(see above quote :))  I am going to buy that mop that makes cleaning floors easier today or tomorrow...put  a little money away from the child tax credit for that. Whether it works or not, it is going to make me feel better thinking that life will be easier and I will be likely to use it  lol.  It is all a mental game of thinking and feeling better, right?

So how do I feel...now.  I feel more peace than I did.  I worry less about the house.  A little more hopeful if not completely content with my home environment right now.  I won't have an open house any time soon lol but now that I have a "clean home" out there as an intention I do feel better. 

It is all good!

Do not judge by appearances, a rich heart may be under a poor coat.
Scottish proverb


I laugh at that one in one way.  Do not judge me by the clothes I wear please...lol...I may be wearing a poor looking, and almost furry, coat of clothing but I have a rich heart. :) Of course, I have so much more material abundance  than many...so much more.  I am able to pay my mortgage with the income I make.  I might not be able to pay anything else lol...but I can pay the mortgage.  I have the blessing of D. here, helping out, as well.  So I am blessed.

There are people...countries of people who have so much less.  I am overwhelmed by the surprises I find in those countries...I am remembering my trip to Mexico again.  I was surprised to find out what the average income was for the people who lived there.  I was surprised by the begging that took place and the housekeeper's reaction when I gave her a twenty dollar tip....she nearly flew through the roof.  I was most surprised, however, by the happiness I seen radiating from the people...a pure authentic joy and a zest for life, independent of what one owns or does, that I do not always see in the eyes of the people here.  I could not help but shoot these people  ( lol...with my camera). 

I was fascinated by a family that came to the beach one day when we were there.  One could tell they didn't have much but that trip to the beach together was like a million dollars to the children.  There was so much obvious love, excitement  and joy on their faces.  While my kids were complaining about the heat, wanting money to get French fries and water, massages and sunglasses...I put my attention on this little family and I shot, frame after frame after frame( Man I realize now I could have been pegged for a pedophile or something.) Then, when the next day we went by bus to Coba... en route, I got a glimpse of the real Mexico and I was fascinated by the hardworking and happy people I saw...so I shot from the bus as we drove through those areas. 

Not great shots but I felt  they captured the joy of simply being alive.  I realized these people are not poor...far from it...they are rich in ways that matter most....in ways that my "entitled" country men and myself could learn from.

All is well in my world.

 

 

The aim of art is to represent not the outward appearance of things, but their inward significance.
Aristotle

A true artist doesn't just create their work of art...they are it. The piece created is ultimately just an extension and expression of who they are.

We are art

We are all art...masterpieces created by the most genius of strokes on the most perfect of canvases. Everything around us, is a part of that creation...all coming from the same palette and the Mind of the same Master. What types of colours are used, how the paint brush hits the canvas or what shape is made is not significant.  How we look on the outside doesn't matter. What form we breathe through is not important.  Outward appearance has nothing to do with true art. 

What is significant ...is what we are on the inside...magnificent divine creation. We are of the energy of That which held the brush and made the stroke.  We are of That.  We are That. In this art show, we are all masterpieces and all living, breathing expressions of the Master. 

How we see ourselves as less than

That's hard for many of us to believe.  We have these limiting and self deprecating beliefs stamped into our subconscious...that make us cringe at the idea of saying out loud that we are  more than these limited bodies; more than incidental splotches of paint on an otherwise perfect canvas. 

Many of us were brought up to believe it was blasphemous, arrogant and sinful  to say we are God-like masterpieces of Divine beauty. We were brought up to believe we were defective, sinful, unworthy results of creation...definitely not part of the same energy that did the creating.  We were basically "ugly" on the inside. 

Painting over what is already perfect

In order to compensate for that inner insignificance many of us feel we must create an outward appearance that is pleasing...through attention to our physical looks, what we own, what job we do, and how we are recognized by others.  We tell ourselves...we will never be worthy; always be sinful, defective and limited but maybe we will create the illusion of being enough.

We start painting over a perfect Masterpiece creating our own version of art.  But it isn't art!. When we put more attention on outward appearances we dim the inward significance of the creation.  Not from the Master...He will always know what He created...but from ourselves and each other.  We stop seeing the Masterpiece for what it is.  We stop seeing the inward significance of the art.

Would you paint over the Mona Lisa?

Imagine visiting the Louvre in Paris and going over to Leonardo Da Vinci's, Mona Lisa. 

You will likely hear the true art scholars and critiques going on about how it isn't the outward appearance of this woman that makes this piece so beautiful...but something mysterious and spell binding inside her is radiating out. Da Vinci captured the inward significance of his subject.  It is that inner radiance, not the outward appearance,  that makes this portrait a work of art. Few people can describe what that something is.  It is a mystery.

Now pull out your own palette of colours and focus only on the outward appearance...fix the mess Da Vinci made...Do something about those chubby cheeks, that hairline, that awful dress.  What the heck is going on with her mouth...fix that! And those eyes that seem to follow you wherever you go...paint those shut.  Change the colour scheme of what is going on around that ugly woman.  Make it trendy and hip!

There...step back, take a deep breath and see what you have done. Did you make it better?  Do you get the same feeling when you look at it?  Was all that effort worth it?  Did you get what you needed by trying to fix a masterpiece? Well you are finally going to get recognition ...let me tell ya...and it won't be for making something better!

Don't Paint over it

Don't paint over what is already perfect. Of course, in literal terms I am not suggesting that you do not wear make-up and avoid dressing well. Nor am I telling you not to  enjoy a great job,  material abundance or recognition  if it should come your way. If those things make you feel "good" or "better" by all means go for it. 

It is the "feeling good" and the "better" which has inward significance...Joy, I believe,  was the intention of the stroke. ( I see, BTW, a certain reserved joy and confidence in who she is in Mona Lisa's expression...just ready to explode outward).

But if your attention to outward appearance is based on a need to hide who you really are on the inside...please stop.  Stop running away from that inner self...turn around, go inward beyond your unhealthy beliefs, take a good look at just how beautiful  and God-like you really are.

 Look at others in the same way. Get past the physical appearance, the "things' they are surrounded by or lacking, what they do and how they are recognized by society and see who they really are...perfect, beautiful extensions and expressions of a Master Creator.  They are also reflections of you. 

All is well in my world.

Be independent of the need for the good opinion of other people.
Abraham Maslow

Be Independent of...

I love this quote...I made it a part of my daily  mantra a long time ago.   What about you? Are you more externally validated or internally validated?  Whose standards to you live your life by...your own or everyone else's?

Growing Beyond the Need for External Validation

I do my best to live by my own but it isn't always easy. I must say though...I am getting better at it.  At one point in my life I was very dependent on external validation.  I was more concerned about people liking me then I was about liking them.  If someone did not like me, rejected me, neglected me  or criticized me, I would be devastated and do my best to prove them wrong...to turn the tables so they accepted me.  I wanted to fit in...so I conformed as much as I could and avoided  "standing out" and "speaking up." I cared very, very much about how I appeared.

As I grow up and away from my need for the good opinion of others (and it is a slow process) I find I care less about other opinion of me.  I do not want to conform and care little if I fit in.  In fact,  I feel myself pulling away from society a little bit. I don't want to fit in.

I don't like people lol

I am noticing there is a lot of people I don't like out there.  Well...let's focus on behaviour...there is a lot of behaviour I don't like out there.  :) 

I was at one time willing to ignore behaviour in my quest to please.  I was more concerned about these individuals liking me than I was about liking them.  Those tables have turned. Though I tolerate behaviour that I do not like...I do not accept it in my life so easily anymore.  It is much easier to speak my mind and  walk away or simply avoid people I consider to be toxic to my well being (or just plain annoying).

I have no intentions of hurting these people...I just do not want to be surrounded by behaviour and attitude that brings me down in anyway.  I am also standing out more and more and speaking up about what I believe in, despite what others may think of me because of it. 

What is more important than other opinion

What is more important to me now...is what I believe; what I feel; what I think.  I have a sense of morals and values I go by and I do not need sanctioning from others. I do not feel the need to conform to society's standards anymore and am constantly questioning those standards.  I choose the ones that feel right and leave the others behind. I do not need to look good by someone else's standards or put a cent into outside appearance, either.

I have not worn any make up in about ten years with the exception of lipstick maybe at a wedding or something.  I literally have not had a professional haircut in over two years.  I have given away over 60 % of my clothing in January...so God knows what I am covering my body with these days.    I have no desire to impress on the level of appearances. 

Am I there then?

No...absolutely not but I am getting there. I still get embarrassed some times...when I find myself standing next to some one dressed to the nines and I look down to see my only pair of black pants covered in dog fur....but that is becoming the norm...so I am getting used to that too.  :)

I also still react to criticism, exclusion and rejection...perceived or real...especially at work...but it doesn't knock me over like it used to.  It is like a sting I draw back from and I shake it off and keep going.  (I had a lot of rejections or exclusions from editors and agents over the last couple of years and it has toughened me up!  lol). 

I am still very embarrassed about the state of my home and that has a lot to do with social standard and other opinion ( as well as not feeling personally comfortable in it and feeling I am responsible).

I still feel great shame for my situation with health and my limited work hours.  I don't like to speak out about those things at all except to the people directly involved. 

I have no problem admitting to my poverty ( if one would call it that...I find that word hard on my tongue...because I do not believe any of us are poor...but according to the standards of others...my bank account numbers and my debt could be deemed socially as poverty...but I am not poor!).  Let's just say I have no problem saying "I can't afford that right now." "I have debt" or "I might go bankrupt or lose the house " but I do have a problem saying:  "...because I am only working a few hours a week.  I am not well enough to work more."   These things make me uncomfortable partly because of what others may think, and  that triggers what I personally think about my health situation. I still haven't accepted it completely.

This Blog

 Then there is this blog...which is a testament to my growth as well as my need to grow more.  I would never have been able to write so openly about these topics a few years back.  Though I was so excited and thrilled by what I was learning and wanted to share,  I would have been too afraid of offending others and being rejected for my views. Even now when I write...I do not publicize my blog...tell few people about it.  I don't put it out there for my social media friends to click into which would make my readership grow if only because of curiosity...

I am still not ready for that much standing out yet. Few people even know I write.  Attachment to good opinion is still evident here to some extent. At the same time, having limited readership bothers me because it means I am not doing what writers are meant to do...connect...but it is safe.  I don't risk criticism and rejection which I honestly believe I could handle.  So why am I not putting this out there more?

I didn't like seeing the "No" in "No comments...It seemed to add negative to a very positive experience for me. It left me feeling invisible and devalued maybe...so I took it upon myself to change it.  I am committed to writing a comment on each of my blog entries everyday...partly to remove the negative from this experience ( No is a negative) and partly to stroke my ego. 

Not quite There Yet...

Yeah I still have a need from time to time to stroke the old ego which is, of course,  completely dependent on the good opinion of others.  Yuck!  I don't like when I catch myself feeding my ego's need for external valdiation but I still do. So I definitely still have some growing to do in this area but I am getting there.  I really am. 

It is very, very freeing to leave behind the need for other opinion...very freeing.  I wish that for everyone. 

So where are you on this?   

I hope you too are finding the freedom...if only in a small amount at a time ...that comes with being independent of the good opinion of others.

All is well in my world!

Your highest self only wants you to be at peace.
Wayne Dyer ( from Manifest Your Destiny (Harper; 1997))

The Learning Platform of Life

I still think about my honest expressions the other day and I wonder if they were done with the greatest intentions.  Everything to me is a learning platform...every choice I make; every response I have to something outside of me; everything I think...say...or do...is worthy of contemplation, examination and evaluation in order to determine  if it is getting me closer or further away from where I want to be. 

How do we know we are getting to where we want to be?

That takes me to the major way of knowing if we are getting there....to where we are headed...the emotional meter.  How does what we think, do, take in or send out there make us feel?  That is the biggest question to ask ourselves. 

Knowing that the highest self within us, that part that comes from God , wants us to feel peace...we can be more specific in our questioning or contemplation of our actions. :

• Did what I say or do bring peace to me and/or  potentially to others in the sense of valuable life change?  
• Did I feel relief beyond the ego? 
• Did I go beyond the need for the good opinion of others and my need to be right when I proceeded?  
• Does it feel like this action took me a little closer to where I was heading?

If the answer is yes...breathe in deeply the relief of knowing you are heading in the best direction for you and others. You can relax in the flow trusting even more that internal guidance system that led you to make those action choices. 

The Peace Questions

If you said no to any of the above...then know that you are not there yet. You are still guided by ego's wishes and demands.  You have some more learning and practicing to do.  Be sure to take the time to stop and ask this question before you act again: 

"Is what I am about to say or do going to bring me peace and am I considering the highest good or is ego just looking for recognition, revenge, and/or to be proven right? Do I feel peace thinking about doing this and do I anticipate peace as the outcome?"

If peace is the feeling you are experiencing than your highest self is directing.   Let the highest self guide you in your actions, not ego.

I asked myself that question prior to my honest expressions yesterday and I felt compelled to proceed.  I also asked the above questions after I said what I felt needed to be said.  Though I hate the thought of offending anyone or addressing the negative behaviour of others...doing what I did, saying what I said brought peace to me.

 I am fully aware that my ego is still in need of some major deflating and it does gain a certain strength from my being the person who is "right" in a situation...some of that came into play in both cases. I have to work on that.  Still I felt relief beyond the ego...like I was clearing paths and the actions were taking me a little closer to my goals.  I was thinking of the higher good...beyond my own self serving and narrow minded goals.

So I can breathe in deeply  and let the relief guide me. I feel the peace my highest self wants me to feel. I still have learning to do but I am definitely getting there.

All is well.

Memories of Mexico

 

 

 

One of the greatest material  gifts I received was from sister and her family.  She took my kids and I  on  a trip to Mexico  two or three  years ago .  It was an amazing experience.  I still remember the feel of the sun and the breeze on my face.  :) I intend to pay her back in full...some day.  I do not think she is holding her breath though :)

 

All is well.

Un-ease and Dis-ease

By prevailing over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination.
Christopher Columbus

I sit here on this sunny Saturday morning, with a list beside me of things I want to write about.  There are so many things.  How do I tie them in together?  I do not know.  We will see how it goes.  I just  trust the flow when I come here.  I  let the words, thoughts, ideas come out.  I but breathe, I guess.

Un-ease and Dis-ease

As I have written in the last couple of entries, I am feeling  the effects of "unease"...and "dis-ease."  In other words...I am not yet experiencing the ease I long for.  And the question is why? 

I  know, in a sense,  what my life purpose is now...I am to learn and to teach (in some way...I don't know the hows)  that the only thing preventing us from becoming all that we can be is our thinking.  I have been doing the research work, gaining the knowledge, attempting to apply what I am learning...I can see now the direction, if not the specifics of where to go.

Yet ...I am still not feeling the ease in flow toward that purpose.  I mean...I feel great when I think about it...it  seems like a natural course of action and being for me...but ...just as I am learning something new or revisiting an important part of that learning...I am zapped, it seems, with negative contrast to deal with.  I find myself rolling down the hill into unease, disease and negativity. 

Resistance

Yuk!  I am obviously resisting this purpose for some reason and my resistance is leading to this "uneasy" feeling and the resurfacing of bodily symptoms.  I am resisting the very thing that feels so natural and good to me.  I am flowing upstream away from it.  Does that makes sense?

I see the effects of this resistance.  As I wrote on January 21st...resistance equates to crankiness in me. I have less patience for the things that are occurring around me...probably because I see how they interfere with my flow.  If I have things in my life that are counterproductive to me getting to where I want to be...I recognize and resist  them more  than I have ever did. 

An aha moment

Oh my goodness!  I am having an aha moment right here!  I am not resisting the flow toward what I want to do in life...I am resisting the rocks and eddies along the way that could slow me down or  prevent me from getting there.  I know, in some deep level of my being, if I  get stuck in an eddy ...I have to pole my way out of it....that's going to slow me down. I am either poling my way out of these reverse currents now or doing what I can to prevent getting stuck in one. That's why I feel stuck at times. 

If I  see a rock,  I feel this subconscious pull in the form of discomfort to make me aware enough so I get around it.  I am just so much more aware at some level, I cannot even understand, of these things that will interfere with me getting there.  It is not that I am focusing on these negative things and drawing them into my experience...it is that I have gone  a bit too far in my desire not to focus on them ...that I have become blind to them. 

My body is telling me that they are still there...there are always going to be bumps along the road...that's okay...I just need to be aware of them on a primal level so I don't hit them at the speed I am going.  This bodily and emotional unease I feel right now...is not working against me...it is working for me.

Heading Downstream

Oh I am heading downstream alright...and I am going  at quite a clip ...some inner voice is telling me if I hit a rock now ...it isn't going to be pleasant.  So my inner sense is allowing me this in tune perception to see what might pop up in front of me before I hit it ...it is getting me physically and emotionally  ready to do what needs to be done to avoid these situations...thus the tension in my body, the extra fatigue and the extra cardiac symptoms. These internal warning bells go off  when I get close to something that could impede my journey on an emotional or physical level. Wow! 

The Freedom of Honesty

Just yesterday I was inspired to do two things...to open up and be honest with others about certain things that I felt were adding to this experience of tension described above.  I really hesitated both times because I feared my desire to confront or express was based on my crankiness, and that it was my crankiness causing me to over react to these situations...I wanted the honesty to come from a "good" place, you know,  but I feared  the individuals I spoke to or about might  just  be victims to my need to "feel better" in an unhealthy way (displacement or something).  Anyway...the opportunities presented themselves to speak openly and honestly...my gut said go for it... so I did. 

Though I felt bad for tears (genuine or not, I will never know) and for speaking about someone else behind their back as I felt the need to do in the first scenario... I felt this tremendous, tremendous sense of relief both times. That sense of relief that comes with honest expression and a realization of a flow that is taking you someplace better...tells me that I did what had to be done.  I did as I was directed to do by that wise little being within me.  :)  Any consequences for those two actions I own and I take full responsibility for.  But I know it was the right thing to do. 

Serendipity

Just last evening, we were sitting in a Chinese restaurant, and I was thinking about my confrontations earlier  that day... I was feeling a tad bit doubtful and guilty about both.  I was handed a fortune cookie...and do you know what that fortune cookie said?  Get this.   "To speak honestly is a noble thing." How is that for the universe validating one's choices?

The Obstacles are there but I can get around them

My tension...my resistance does not come from me avoiding my goal to learn and teach all I can in whatever way I can about how powerful we are...but from my inner wisdom simply warning and preparing  me to get around the obstacles that may be in my way. I do not need to convince myself the obstacles are not there...that would be disastrous; nor do I have to keep  hitting them head on, like I have been doing over and over again. I just have to accept they are there and that my internal guidance will warn me, with how I feel, that I am getting close to one...and it will guide me with ways to maneuver around them (sometinmes...as it did yesterday...it will simply tell me to be honest).

 I do not have to hit every rock on the road and endure the suffering that results.  I have had enough of that.  I have had enough of the obstacles. I have had enough of all this negative stuff that I have been allowing to take place around me.  I have had enough of closing my eyes to it and minimizing it! (These obstacles  are rocks I keep hitting, eddies I keep getting stuck in)  I have had enough of accepting less than what I deserve!  I have had enough of enduring my life when I am meant to live it!  I have had enough of allowing people to treat me and my loved ones unfairly! I have had enough of accepting this chaos as my birthright! I want more!!! 

That is what this unease and dis-ease is teaching me...I want more. I am getting to where I want to be...I am getting there and the universe is telling me I just  can't get there fast enough!    

All is well in my world.

Feel Better

Breathe.  It is just a bad day, not a bad life!
unknown

I am feeling somewhat better than I did yesterday.  I slept better for the most part...as long as I stay in that one position all night that prevents the shoulder from rolling forward...I am great.  Anyway...the dogs sometimes have different ideas.  I was awakened a couple of times by their shuffling and pulling the blankets off me or lying on top of me. But I was able to stay in my position and keep the shoulder from paining. So it was a better night.  I did wake up with the eyes a little puffy and I am not going to weigh myself .  It is what is I guess...or it is what it isn't (according to some folks out there). 

Feel Better Despite What is going On

My goal is to feel better...not worse...but as if on cue with the instigation of this commitment things come flying at me again:

•   I get a subpoena to appear in court related to that accident in July I was a first responder at...my immediate and intuitive intention was to do good then, to help...and now I may hurt. 
• I wake up yesterday to a ticker that is acting up and the weather instead of cooperating...is brutal for my condition...cold and windy.  
• On the one day...I am feeling so awful I can't drive...I am expected to do more driving than usual and D. , the guy I have been depending on to help with that chore when I feel I cannot...is not around to help.  So that is on the back of my mind all day, "How am I going to drive...how am I going to take her  there, and there and there...I should not be driving today etc etc..." 
• I go into work with that heavy chest and nausea only to find my office brutally hot...to the point it is making me want to pass out...
• I open the window...the wind is so cold and brutal coming in it gives me chest pain...so it was one of those damned if you do and damned if you don't scenarios.  I have to settle with the weak feeling. 
• I get calls from people who need me...when all I want to do is crawl up on the couch.  So I go out again and again...to support, advise and to be there for certain people(and animals) in need. (at their request). 

Between the Moments of Chaos

In between these things ...I staid present during...but in between I felt my thoughts and my feelings dipping...constantly dipping.  I felt this unease, I can't explain...this desire to cry or just pack my bags and go away by myself somewhere. I felt the physical symptoms more intensely.  It was so weird.

When I was dealing with whatever I had to deal with...I was so there, so in the moment, efficient, productive...but when I was in between all the things on my list yesterday...I noticed my emotional vibration??? The relief hit at about 7 ish when I was finally home again...D. called and he said he was bringing home supper ( one thing off my list) and I knew he would do the rest of the driving for the night.  That relief was sweet...and looking back and seeing how much I did...was sweet.  I accomplished  a lot for others which made me feel good...but it isn't about what we do, is it?    Well I suppose while I was doing...I was feeling okay...just in between sucked! Ugh!!!

What is the point of this big long spiel. 

Maybe with our intention to feel better...we are going to be hit with the contrast head on...the contrast reminds us of what we want.?  Maybe when we think we are on our way  downstream ...we are actually stuck in an eddy...and have to work a bit more at getting out of it?  I don't know...I really don't. Still committed to feeling better...one thought and one emotion at a time.

All is well.

Just breathe.  Sometimes  you are just a few breaths away from feeling better.
Amy Poehler

At this moment I am not as well as I would like to be. 

I experienced my forth sleep deprived night in a row because of the shoulder and my inability to get comfortable for more than a few hours at a time.  Well...last night was better...I found a position I could sleep in and I did sleep off and on until 3 ish.  After that everything negative seemed to join in with the throbbing shoulder...chest pain...nausea...noticed my eyes were all puffy...and of course the thoughts and dreams when I was able to sleep were bizarre.  So I am not feeling 100% .  As I walk around I realize that indeed the ticker is acting up (weighed five more pounds this morning than I did 4 days ago...fluid is back!!)  but I proceed with my attempt to feel better. 

Still Determined to Feel Better

It is challenging. At this point it is very easy to slip back down the emotional ladder. 

I already find myself from time to time feeling sorry for myself...like such a victim...slipping from there to shame for letting myself get to this point...I crawl back up to self pity and from there anger and blame.  So I am at blame (with a tendency to want to drop to self pity)...which is better than shame. 

What can I do to feel better now?

I can crawl up to acceptance which is really not that much of an incline,  right?  (Remember my ticker is acting up...so inclines are extra challenging :))  I want to blame others for not supporting me enough, not caring enough about my experience...for leaving me all alone in this.  Counter that thought:  I remember that I do have legitimate support in D. and my kids.  I do have some support from my family.  More importantly...I am realizing...I do not need support...I do not need people to understand and to care.  It would be nice but my well being does not depend on that...it depends on me.  (That makes me feel much better).  I can pray and get help there...which is an unconditional type of support. 

Right now I do not feel well but I am not alone in this.  I do have support both the physical and the beyond physical kind.  I will be okay.  It is not so much about how I feel physically anyway...right...or what is happening or not happening in my life, right?...it is about how I feel.  My life depends on how I feel...and that part is totally up to me.  I chose to feel better...right now!

All is well

Everything About Living...

Everything about living is about how you feel when you are living.
-Abraham

It is all about how you feel now!

These words just hit the core of me as I sat in my vehicle with the Abraham Hicks: Master Course  audio playing on the car CD.   I was waiting  for D.'s son to finish his appointment and I was getting lost in the listening.  The line  hit me so hard because it made perfect sense...so I dug in my purse for something to write on and all I could find was an old receipt and a broken pencil...but I got it down:)  I felt the compulsion to come back and write those words  here.   Everything about living is about how you feel when you are living. 

Abraham's Message

Okay, okay...I know you may question the messenger from where the message came.  I still do to some extent.  I was first drawn to Abraham by curiosity years ago..I revisit and revisit and revisit because of the message.  I get the message!  I feel the message! 

It is like it is triggering in me something I already know.  It is what is  remembered that puts the "Aha" in an "aha" moment, not what was first discovered .  That is why it suddenly clicks and makes sense.  I don't want to think about where the message came from.  I just want to absorb the truth I feel is in those words because I feel the "aha" in it.  Everything about living is about how you feel when you are living.

The In-Between

We are born into physical form and we die from  that form.  We are eternal, our bodies aren't.  So we have two points between which we "live" in the physical sense: the point of birth and the point of death.  Our human understanding of life is what is in between.

We have two emotional poles from which we experience  life: Bliss on one end,  despair on the other ...the whole experience of being exists between those poles.  Before we were born, we knew the truth about who we really are; we knew complete joy and when we die we will know it again.  In between those two points we go from remembering to forgetting, to remembering again.  We go from joy, to suffering, to joy again.  We go from knowing Source, forgetting Source and  back to  knowing Source again. That is what the journey is all about. Everything about living is  about how you feel when you are living.

Life Happens Now

Most importantly, Life happens now...right now right here...it doesn't happen in yesterday and it won't happen in tomorrow.  Both time frames do not exist anywhere but in our minds.  Life can only happen right now.  The only time we can live is right now. Life is the experience of being right here right now.  How are you experiencing right now?  What does it mean to experience something?  It means to "feel" it. Everything about life is about how you feel when you are living.  (We can add to that...right now!)

So if you want to live fully, have the life you were intended to have, you focus on feeling over everything else.  Life is not about how much you do, how much you own, how much you are...it is about how much you feel!  Everything about life is about how you feel when you are living....right now!

How are you feeling right now?

You want to know what the secret to having a full, and successful life is, then? Feel as good as you can feel now.  Why?  Because....  Everything about life is about how you feel when you are living ...right now

Feel as good as you can feel now.
Abraham

The Body, Like Life, Knows What it is Doing

Listen to your body.  It is very wise.
-from just about everyone who knows anything :)

Sunny right now but it is not predicted to last.  There is a blizzard warning for our region later today.  Schools and classes already closed. Winter, our aging dancer, wants to make one more glorious appearance upon the stage. :) She is feeling a little threatened by spring, maybe...as she should be.  So she is intending to show us that she is not done yet.  Isn't that wonderful and inspiring... we can just sit back, allow her do to do her thing, watch and applaud her magnificent effort...finding the beauty in her last ( or at least one of her last) performances. 

The Choice of Thought

You know, I could resist this fact about the impending weather.  I could travel upstream with all my mental might.  "Oh it can't be...we are not suppose to have snow in spring...but we are getting more snow...that's all I need...and I thought it was over...what a bummer...life is like that, eh?  Just when you think you have it good...another storm hits...nothing lasts...I will never see spring and warm weather...I will be shovelling out for the rest of my life...life is work, work and more work!"  Yuck!
What a horrible way to think.  What a horrible way to feel. 

I don't have to think this way! I don't have to feel this way!  I can choose another way of proceeding, another direction. I can choose another way of being.   I  accept the fact that winter is not ready to leave, even if her contract has expired. This impending storm is beyond my control. What choice do I have but in my thinking? I can sit back, breathe and enjoy the show from Life's perspective, allowing Life to be the director.  I can let go trusting that Life knows what It is doing.   Resisting what is,  takes me away from  the peace faith provides...the joy of the flow down stream. So, knowing that, I choose to go back to my first thought about enjoying the performance.

I learn so much.  I apply so much of that learning to how I live my life...and at the same time I realize just how much I have yet to learn and apply.  That is where I am now. I am catching myself demonstrating a need for more practical education.

Learning from the  Body

As I sit to write today, I feel a certain subdued sketchiness within me.  I am not settling.  I watch my body position here.  I am leaning forward instead of back...sitting on the edge of chair.  My back is so erect, it is arching.  My shoulders are leaning forward.  My head is hyperextended ever so slightly backward as if it is preparing itself for a potential blow. I am braced on the balls of my feet.  I have, in fact,  the same position a scull racer would have.  My body is in the position to paddle upstream as if I was in a race waiting for the gun to go off!  I am not settling into life.  I am perched and ready to resist. I look back and realize this is how I have been sitting for weeks now for hours at a time.  No wonder why my shoulder is keeping me up at night.  My body is also talking to me again. 

I have one body issue, besides the bigger ones, (do I sound like a hypochondriac or what?) that resurfaces as a reminder that I am pushing too hard thought and behaviour wise against the stream: an old shoulder injury.  Think about it...what better body part to be showing signs of grievance at my paddling upstream to support this analogy of resistance to life flow  than a shoulder.  What type of injury do you think a scull rower is more likely to get? My body is telling me very clearly to put down the paddles! Yet,  I have a challenging time putting them down. I have a challenging time letting go!

I have been assured by my physiotherapist that the issue has little to do with the shoulder and more so with how I use my body over a period of time...if I am tensing up in an intense need to get things done, if I am posturally  out of alignment , if I am  not using my supportive core muscles to support me, if I am not leaning back  enough, if I am not "conscious" enough of my body position or where I am in space...it acts up. So what I am feeling now probably began months ago.  I have been slipping into an old bodily and unhealthy way of behaving over a long period of time.  It is going to take some time, then, to undo this tense body conditioning and  to retrain my body to find ease....the ease it knows so well...but has forgotten.

Is this not how our mental behaviour goes? 

Our belief system takes years to develop enough that it  effects the way we live. Dis-ease is an accumulated reaction to an extended period of self-depreciating thinking that leads to a lot of extra exertion in the form of paddling up stream. It has little to do with where and how it shows up...and everything to do with the paddling up stream when we didn't have to.  Extended periods of mental tension from resisting what is, not being aligned with what is intended for us, not leaning into the support of Life energy, not being conscious enough of who and what we are...will eventually lead us into exhaustion. It is going to take time to heal the injury we have done to our minds, our bodies and our perception of Life. 

My body is simply reminding me that I am not in alignment with my life; it is time to refocus and to be patient with myself as I do.  This is not a race.  I can lean back into the arms of the flow downstream  and simply enjoy the ride.

 Life knows what it is doing.

All is well in my world.

The Power of Relief

She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom.
-The Scarlet Letter

Putting the Paddles Down

When we decide that we no longer want to resist our present reality; that we no longer want to fight against it and are at least willing to trust Life...  (actually trusting Life may be a big leap of faith for most of us...start with being willing to do so) ...we put our paddles down, however reluctantly, and wait for the boat to turn.

How are we going to know it is happening, that we are actually turning toward the life that God intended for us?  We must pay attention to how we are feeling and if we listen really carefully we will pick up the resonance of a sometimes very subtle emotion but the biggest cue we are heading in the right direction. 

We should feel relief!

What is relief?  The Merriam -Webster dictionary offers many definitions of  relief.  There are two, however,  that strike me in relation to our topic of discussion over the last few entries. 1) relief: a removal or lightening of something  oppressive, painful, or distressing 2) relief: sharpness of out line due to contrast. Hmm!  Let's look at these two definitions in terms of our decision to go down stream rather than upstream.

Have you made the conscious decision to feel better and declared your willingness to trust Life? Do you feel a "lightening" of your load?  Do you feel a lightening in your workload as you put the paddles down?  Can you breathe easier?  Do your muscles feel less heavy and tense? Do you feel better in any degree emotionally...could be a smidgeon? Is the degree of oppressive, painful and distressing any less? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you are feeling relief.  Your boat has turned in the right direction. Relief doesn't have to come in floods of emotion.  It can be as subtle as a breath of air or a sigh but if you feel better you are feeling relief. 

That's what it is all about...feeling better and better and better one lag of the journey at a time.  The more you tune into this feeling of relief, the more aware of it and it's power you will become.  It will become your internal signal and applause system reminding you that you are getting there to where you really want to be. 

Wait for the lightening...any degree of it...feel it, sigh and lean into Life a little more.  Watch what happens around you and to you as you begin to flow down stream with relief as your compass.  Life will respond to you when you trust it and the ride will become more and more pleasant.  When you hit a bump...determine where you are emotionally...seek a thought that makes you feel a little better.  Wait for that signal of relief again...and then continue moving forward.

Contrast

Relief in photography and the visual arts has a whole different meaning. 

It refers to the sharpness of something in an image  due to contrast.  How then is that going to apply to our journey down stream?  Think about it.

 Feeling better is all about contrast isn't it?  How good you feel now is determined by how you felt then, is it not? How are you going to know what peace is, if you never felt distressed?  How are you going to know what happiness is, if you have never known sadness?  How are you going to know what Love is, if you have never known fear?  Every emotion we experience has an opposite and these opposites sit at different poles.  The experience of life, the sharpness of it...is determined by relief...the contrast that exists between the two poles. 

In order to know I am feeling better and heading toward that beautiful, sharply detailed image of Life I need contrast, I need emotional comparison.  Recognizing the power of relief helps us to realize how much power we have in determining the out comes of our lives. If there is too much shadow, I will add more highlights.  If there is too much black, I will add more white.  That's how we create a great shot and that is how we can create a great life. 

How do we do that? 

By accepting where we are, right here right now  and then changing our thought process so we feel better. Slowly move the dial up and down until we get the life we want.  Change those thoughts until you feel relief . The more sharp the image is...the more we will trust Life to create what we were all meant to experience. 

The journey down stream can be a safe and  glorious ride with relief as our guide!

All is well in my world.

The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.
William Blake

She turned to the sunlight

and shook her yellow head

and whispered to her neighbor:

Winter is dead!

-A.A. Milne from When We Were Very Young

 

 

The melt begins!

 

 

Spring

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created spring.
-Bern Williams

The First Day of Spring

I sit here on this the first morning of spring and what do I hear?  I hear the wonderful sound of birdsong outside my window...of robins especially.  As if on cue from some Grand Conductor we can not see or understand, they began to sing of joy, of new beginnings, of the life that is waiting beneath the frozen earth. 

Spring has sprung!  It's here. 

Yeah we in the Maritimes still have lots of snow and the appearance of winter will last for a bit  but spring is here.  Look at the light...it is golden and bright, warmer than winter light as it shines down upon the earth coaxing it to wake up.  Feel the warmth of promise as you stand outside with your face upturned toward the sky...that promise is trustworthy because it comes from the most trustworthy of sources. Believe it! Be uplifted by the hope that vibrates from every living thing out there...Spring is here.  Live it! Spring, as is life,  is full of wonderful miracles.

I love spring.  I love it for a thousand million reasons but mostly because it reminds me of how wonderful and precious life is.   It gives hope. And even though I am saddened by the news of a dear  friend's mother passing and the grief she is experiencing... I can see the miracle in that as well.  She has passed, like the little stalks of new plants, through the layers of frozen soil into the most glorious of springs.

Life is a series of transitions and springs...is it not? Life is full of hope.

All is well! 

You have brains in your head. 

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself

in any direction you choose.

You're on your own,

and you know what you know.

And you are the guy 

who'll will decide where to go.

Dr.  Seuss