I write not for the sake of glory... but for the sake of my soul.
Beth Nimmo
A few days ago I wrote about realizing that my "intention" to manifest a certain success in my writing did not materialize and how my questions related to intention and abundance were not answered. I didn't get a "sign" from the universe within the time frame I selected for my experiment. Now what I failed to relay is how that proved to be a very positive thing for spirit even if it felt like a blow to the ego.
Why was it a positive thing? It reminded me of what I really want. My intention is to write for and from the deeper part of Self. Yet, ego often steps in looking to get fed by some idea of "success". This experiment showed me, I am still "hoping" , despite all my practice, for the external world to be different than it is. I was hoping that some form of success or validation for my writing would change my financial, social, and emotional reality. Most importantly, I was hoping it would change the direction of my mental energy flow. I assumed if this type of success were to come, I would be able to call myself a "writer", feel productive by society's terms and maybe even make money to get me out of this hole I am in. Just "hoping" for that put a spring in my step. When it didn't happen, this bubble of hope I was riding on burst and I had to come down to earth.
I always loved hope. It was a word I grew up on. Every spring my father would repeat again and again..."Spring brings new hope." He taught us to live with hope...when things were bad we were taught to look to the future and dream about the "whens" that hope provides. "When we get more money, we will get this, that or the other. We will go there and do that." And we depended on that hope...putting all our eggs in one future basket. Hmm! We were taught, so very innocently, to ignore, step over, push aside, and use the moment we were in. I don't want to push away this moment, I want to see the beauty in it. So whenever the hope bubble bursts I am reminded of that.
The only way I am going to have any success as a writer is if I write now. And I do not have to wait until I am successful by society's terms to write. I just have to write. In a dharma talk on right diligence, Brother Phap Lu'u teaches that there are five C's in ensuring our effort is used wisely for the good of our spiritual growth.
Those five C's are: confidence, calm, clarity, concentration and courage. I can apply this to writing for writing's sake. I did not manifest external writing success to date because...besides the fact it is not what I truly need or want ...I have been lacking a certain confidence in myself. I know I can write but I am not sure I write well enough for publishers to pick me up. I am not always calm when I am writing...sometimes I feel the pressure to follow every inspiration I get and I have a lot. This leads me with a chaotic and unfocused approach and feeling a bit overwhelmed and panicked to complete one of those tasks. I lack clarity as to where best to focus my intention...so many projects on the go and I flitter and flutter from one to another...not sure what I should focus 100 percent of my concentration on. And I lack the courage to be myself, knowing that my writing topic may not be what others care to read about. Sometimes I am afraid to put myself out there....to submit. This video made me reflect on the effort I put towards writing for Spirit's sake.
Hmm! Anyway, just thought I would share that. I am very much inspired to get back to my writing...not because of what I might achieve in terms of success but becasue I simply love to write.
All is well!
Plum Village (Jan, 2017) Right Diligence Part 1-Brother Phap Lu'u https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxxUfArBNO8
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