Worry and Restlessness

 All life is only temporary. Why worry about anything that is only temporary.

The Buddha

So far I have related three of the hindrances to the story of "me,"  explaining how I...this body and mind... am experiencing them.  I have spoken of desire, aversion, and sloth and torpor.  I am probably more impacted by the forth  hindrance than any others.  I have been experiencing a fair degree of  worry and restlessness  lately. 

Side note: As I write this the squiggly lines in my visual field are slowly turning into dark cloudy patches.  I am not worried about this lol...I know it is just an ocular migraine...just mentioning it in case you notice several typos. ..there will be many more if I lose most of my visual field as I sometimes do. I am determined to write regardless.  I feel I missed five days when I was away looking after my granddaughter. I do not want to miss more. So let's see what happens as I type around these patches. Getting a little worse now.  Cool to observe though.

Worrying About Children? 

Care about your children. Just bless them instead of worrying, as every child is the little Buddha that helps his parents to grow up. The Buddha

Anyway...not worrying about your children is not an easy thing to do. I have been so worried about mine over the last few years, regardless of how I practice "parenting with serenity",  it often  keeps me up at night, sometimes pacing back and forth. And I worry about my grandchildren...those that have just been delivered and those that are about to be.  While my grandson was being born this time last week...I paced back and forth with the phone in my hand anxioulsy waiting for any news especially when my son told me baby's heart rate was dropping with contractions after Mom's water was broken. I worried about problems with the cord ( Yeah...being a nurse does not help with the worry issues lol) and afterwards that he was having trouble latching and not gaining the weight he should. Of course, while they were delivering I was watching my granddaughter and I was worried about her and her sleep and her bowels and her missing Mom and Dad. I worried about that entire family and how they were going to manage with the sleep issues my garnddaughter seemed to be having and their own relationship issues.  I just worried.

And then there is my daughter's pregnancy.  She started going in to labour at 33 weeks . When she went into labour then all I could do is be there for her by phone ( because of COVID) ...man...I paced back and forth then. Then when they stopped the labour in hope of geting to 35 weeks I worried everyday. She was back to the hospital twice since then...worry! She called me this morning and explained to me that she seemed to be having what I feel is amniotic fluid leakage...I worried about her getting to the hospital.  I mean baby is 35 weeks now but tiny...and with leaking fluid I don't want there to be any issues with cord. She gets in the car and texts me they have no gas and I am like...oh no...more worry...will they run out of gas before they get there? When she gets there the swab shows it isn't amniotic fluid but my strong gut instinct is saying...yeah it is! They send her home...worry!  She texts me when she gets home that it is leaking again, more worry.  Now she is en route back to hospital...worry. I am back on the phone...writing here when I am not texting or speaking  there...a bit of pacing in between. And because my vision is going I am worried that I will not be able to see the texts....ugh! Worry and restlessness. 

Okay getting pretty patchy...excuse the typos. 

Awareness: The First step Away From Worry

Being aware that one is getting lost in this hindrance is a wonderful first step to stepping back from it.  I recognize worry and restlessness in me...I see how I am reacting to life events in this habitual way. I am aware of how unskillful this reaction is.  

It is funny, eh, how we subconsciously believe that if we worry it will help us deal with whatever is going on...how we assume in some strange way that worry is a natural and beneficial reaction to circumstance?  I am sure I am not the only person who would worry in  such situations but  normal doesn't mean helathy, skillful or wholesome , does it?  Woryy and restlessness are not skillful ways to be. They are teh exact opposite of teh epace we are looking for. 

Hmm!  I klnow what I need to do.  I need to get back to my center and patient ly wiat for Life to do what Life is here to do.

All is well! 

Quotes from https://www.azquotes.com/author/37842-Gautama_Buddha/tag/worry