Keep your eye fixed on the way to the top, but don't forget to look right in front of you.

Rene Daumal, as quoted in Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening, page 320

Okay, as I sit here trying to focus on my writing my mind is trying to pull me into "planning mode". It is still overly concerned with the 100 plans I want to accomplish lol.  My heart whispers to me to just sit tight, beneath all the: 

"You got to do this!  You gotta get this house cleaned and it is such a massive job, encompassing 100,000 little things that need to get done.  You need to get that novel done too.  You are so close!  And then you need to revise and edit every section of it. You have to submit the stuff you already have written again too...so much stuff.  Those chap books...when are you going to get them done and out? What about looking for a job?---You know you need an income....You need to find something that pays fairly well, that doesn't overtax you physically while it serves, in some way, the greater good.  You do know you are going into more debt...everyday... while you barely make ends meat, don't you? What are you going to do about that... you... who hates owing money? Look at the calender.  Time is ticking away. You have to write that book for your grandsons before Christmas ...what if your artist/daughter doesn't illustrate it...that means you have to find some way of doing so...and you know how you draw!! And what about the blankies you want to knit for them for Christmas? You have to get things done here soon because your kids are going to need some help with their newborns and you need to be available. And...when are you going to make another apointment with your doctor  about the abdominal and pelvic pain that is not going away?  Are you going to let someone know how your ticker has been acting up lately? What good are you going to be to others if you are sick and in pain? What are you doing to take care of yourself these days? You are slacking on the yoga, missy! When is the last time you had a class? When is the last time you were in the woods with the dogs? Get back out there...all of you need that.  And when is the last time you picked up a camera and actually took a good shot? It has been eons...you have some camera issues to fix, don't you?   Man...it is already noon...and you do not even have your morning entry done and the house work even started. Come on...Chop!! Chop!!! Chop!!! You have a million things to do...get going!"     

Man...that is my mind these days lol. Nasty, eh? All this "need to do" pressure leaves a knot in a belly that is already not feeling 100%.  I love just sitting tight and meditating in the morning and evening.  The highlight of my day, I think.  I have to admit though...those 100 plans do slip in between the breaths and carry me away.  I easily bring myself back...but still I am aware they are there waiting for me.  Hmmm! 

When I look at this mental to do list...I see a mountain my mind tells me to climb. I mean...I do want to "do"  and "accomplish" some of these things and that is okay.  In order to get to the top of the mountain , however, I can not be so focused on getting "it all done" ...otherwise I would get nothing done. If I am going to "do" and lets face it we do need to "do" sometimes... I have to break everything down into what really has to get done and what doesn't.  And really, am I going to die if none of this gets done? No.  And even if I get all of it done, how long will ego be satisfied? Not very long. Hmmm!

Sure I want, can and will do alot of these things but I am not going to focus on getting it all done...I am not going to be attached to outcome at all. Whatever task I begin I will remember the line above.  I will look right in front of me and "enjoy" this moment  rather than  strive to get to completion. Yes I can visualize the end goal but I do not need to be consumed by it. I will be consumed by each portion of the doing I am experiencing.  

In the end....if I get it all done... great... but I will not "strive"  to do it all.  If I get none of it done...that's okay too.  All part of the journey; all part of the learning.

It is all good. All is well!