Skill or Chance?

The Game of Life requires a delicate balance of order and chaos; ...a subtle combination of skill and chance.

Alan Watts 

I think I am in the chaos portion of my game?

As soon as I seem to be focusing  on one thing in my life that has  the potential to overwhelm me...that which I wrote about recently ...the sky opens up and pours down on this little clump of flesh and  its  weary mind .  I am reminded of the suffering of others.  Suffering that leads to or stems from choices used to avoid the pain these loved ones are feeling.  I see the consequences of such choices and try to step in so they do not lose more than they already lost, so I don't lose more than I already lost in the form of precious time with precious beings. I discovered , in the last two days, that I have a loved one who is now homeless because of choices and circumstances. They didn't reach out until today. That will be rectified immediately as much as we are able...but man...how did it get to this?  I have a loved one who is  literally a breath away from overdose and who was unreachable, not responding to texts or calls for the last three days. I finally got a text but I spent most of  today wondering if this person was still alive?  

 And I have a loved one who is fulfilling someone else's prophecy for him by screwing up in the way these others have convinced him he will screw up.  I step in ( will definitely not make a habit of stepping in when someone screws up...I believe we need to be responsible and held accountable for our choices!) only to see how judgement and assumption has made these others so uncomfortable with my stepping in.  They have convinced themselves that I too am not capable of caring for this precious being...that only they are qualified and must supervise me to some degree in this role. A line was drawn in the sand ...that says "We are over here...you and yours are over there.  This little one belongs on this side of the line  with us because we are more qualified and more deserving.   But because we are so good and kind and giving...we will allow you to spend time with her even though we do not think you're capable. Of course,  you can only do it in the conditions we can supervise in some way. "   

The last thing in the world we, on this side of the line,  wanted was for that precious little being to become some tug-a-war rope.  So we have not been pulling on this side. Maybe we should have pulled...just a bit.

All we want  is respect for our legal rights...the right to spend a limited and clearly defined amount of time with this being without others breathing down our backs, our right to bring her here, our right to take part in the decision making.  We have our own gifts to offer her, things to teach her and  share with her ...to add to her history. 

 This will benfit her as well.  She loves and needs us too! When they, those on the other side of the line,  declare exclusive "ownership"  of her, they are not only hurting us, they are depriving her as well. 

Anyway, I was dealing with that all weekend but I did eventually  get to spend some time with her ...unsupervised ...with just a few silly check in texts to remind me in  a twisted way to watch her.

Though it hurts to be treated so by friends...I push that out of the way for now so I can deal with the critical things. 

A crisis: someone losing a place to stay, possibly theirr life or their rights to their loved ones is a crisis and a crisis trumps all the chronic unresolved issues I often feel I am buried under, like this tug a war we do not want to play. A crisis...though definitely challenging ... is like a "get out of jail free" card .  It helps to pull me up and away from all this other stuff  while the adrenaline is pumping and the focus is keen and sharp on one thing. It is a bit of a reprieveI guess...that is until it fizzles out and lands on the top of that pile adding to the rubble I have to get to some day. Sigh!

It is all good though.  It may seem so disordely and so chaotic but it really isn't.  It is just Life doing what Life does.I have mastered the skills and can balance myself as she blows this way and as she blows that way. 

All is well!