A Dream which is not interpreted is like a letter which is not read
-The Talmud
I had a dream last night that I was drowning in mud.
I was walking along looking for my little dog that scampered off...it was a bit dark and I tripped on something which cause me to fall backward. As I was falling backward in my dream I heard myself saying, "Of course! This would only happen to me!" And when I realized it was mud not snow I fell in, I heard myself saying, "Yep! And it would have to be mud!" I had this bad things are going to happen to me thing going on in my dream. As I sat awkwardly in that mud, more than a bit peeved off for getting my clothes all dirty, I began to see how it was sucking me down. I was sinking into it. I felt fear. "Oh my goodness this is a bog with sink holes. Is this the way I am going to go...to be swallowed whole by mud? There are bodies underneath me too. I will be like them...and people will never know what happened to me. They will think I disappeared without saying good bye. I need to get to my children, And I have not finished my writing projects. I am not ready to go yet! I want to get back up. How am I going to get back up. This pulling down feeling is so strong! I know I can't struggle and panic here...it will only make it worse. I must relax and slowly climb my way out. " And that is what I did. I was so relieved to get out but knew I had to go to the authorities to tell them about the bodies in that hole and to tell them to do something about it so no one else fell in!
Hmmm! I love dream analysis..and when I look at this dream I see so much in it.
Trying to Recover a Being Who Does Not Belong to Me
There I am up in the middle of the night looking to take care of a being that technically does not belong to me ( D. brought the dogs into my home after his house was burnt down and then he brought his son). In my attempt to "recover" this being, I slipped ( made mistakes, wasn't perfect, made sloppy choices) and fell off that path (away from the direction I was going which I believe was my healing path, my Self-realization path and my spiritual path which meant that I was to be non-judgemental, selfless, compassionate and giving no matter what).
Falling
I think the fact that I "fell" into this is significant...Thought I was doing the right thing in searching for what was lost. I was not expecting to stumble ...I took an awkward step off my healing path ( my slip) and it resulted in a whole mess I was not expecting as part of the deal??? ...I fell ...and as I was falling I could see me falling. That represents that I knew that making choices that put others needs above my own would result in a fall of some kind but because it was a "spiritual" thing to do I was expecting a softer, purer landing ( a spiritual reward). The fact that I landed in mud rather than snow took me by surprise...wasn't expecting to fall into something so dark and negative, so dirty both on the outside and the inside of me.
Landing in Mud Rather than Snow
In the dream I was expecting the soft, clean landing of snow...not the messy mud landing ( which is symbolic, I suppose, of the negative experiences I encountered when I stumbled off my path, that would, in a sense end up soiling and harming my body and mind to some degree( the clothes). The mud respresents impurity, a lack of clarity, a lack of innocence ( there was a great deal of residual energy from violent circumstances and experiences that entered my home when a recovering person did, as well as a lack of hygiene) but more than anything it represents a very dark and sticky negative energy that came from outside of me as well as inside of me ( in my reaction...I judged, was resistant, angry, resentful, afraid). I fell off my spiritual path and landed in all that negative energy. It is my mind's way of saying , maybe, there is nothing spiritual about this experience
Pulling "Me" Down
It is so clear to me as I look at this dream. This muddy energy is pulling me down into a deep dark hole. It started just as an angry feeling ( being peeved off) and then it became so much more. I am literally getting depressed as I feel increasingly powerless in my own home and in my Life. This energy which comes from both my external circumstances...being surrounded by "other" energy that does not see, respect or consider "my" needs and from my inner world... the fact that I do not consider my own needs enough... is pulling me down. It will drown me if I don't get out of it. "Little Me" has lost so much already (Only my eye balls are above the mud) and in spiritual terms that is okay...right? This dream is showing me, however, that like there is a force outside of me in this dream pulling me down (the sink hole), my external circumstances and the muddy energy around me has power over my psyche.
Bodies Underneath Me
In my dreams these bodies that were under me were female, I believe. One woman in particular is beneath me in the dream but I dare not go there. I guess, it is symbolic maybe of the female propensity for taking on the martyr's and selfless care giver roles. Many women have given up all they were to do so.
Not Ready to Go Yet
I was almost accepting of my plight when I first thought I was drowning. I was not afraid to die, just didn't like the way I was going to die. Self is not going to be able to do what it is here to do through "little me" if I am swallowed whole.Then I thought of the things I had left to do...tie up lose ends with the children, say my good byes, and finish my darn book and other writing projects. I guess the dream was reminding me that Self had a purpose to fulfil through me ...maybe to finish my book and tie up loose ends.
Don't Resist
Once I decided I wanted to get out of the mess I knew that I couldn't panic or resist. It would only make it worse. All my lessons are paying off...I am getting that lol. I need to recognize, accept and allow this experience of overwhelmn, depression, helplessness before I do anything. Then I relax in it and stay calm. That is the only way out.
Getting Out of the Mud
I was so relieved in the dream when I got out. I made changes in my circumstances. I didn't give in to the energy that ws pulling me down. Though I did surrender to what is initially...I noticed I was sinking in mud, I didn't resist, I allowed it, looked at it deeply and relaxed into it...but then I found the courage and grace to step out of this situation. I got out of teh mud that was pulling me down. I stepped back onto the Path that will take me to where I want to go.
Going to the Authorities?
In my dream I wanted to save those women who were lost in the mud...at least give them back a name. I also wanted to prevent someone else from getting lost like they did and like I nearly did. I see that snippet is telling me to teach and share what I have learned from Life.
After this dream, I definitely believe some change is required.
All is well!
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