Letting it Out

 

Of Itself So!

The Tao Te Ching

Hmmm! Sigh!  Big, big pathetic and drawn out sigh! Can you hear it?  Can you feel it?  

Sometimes we need to trust the spontaneous nature of Life and see the beauty and perfection in all of it. We need to be open to all truths hidden within us. That sigh represents release of that which was preventing us from opening.  I like to think that anyway. 

My Pathetic Sigh 

I am releasing a sigh of complete surrender to what is.  I am recognizing and accepting the months of "aversion" I have been feeling in reaction to my present living situation...the months of "shame and self deprecation" I have struggled through becasue of this aversion. I am releasing months of stuffed and denied feelings and thoughts so that which lay beneath can come out.  This gut feeling, so visceral, so intense, so demanding to be heard from the beginning of this section of my journey, an intuition and knowing   that I have been stuffing and ignoring...is out!  This sad and pathetic realization that the only one I truly was not caring for, not standing up for, not supporting  in the last 11 months or so was "me" (whoever this "me" is...whoever this  clump of flesh and busy mind is... in this situation) is out!  It all comes gushing out in one big,...SIGH!!! 

It is out!

I have been telling others besides the people involved (because they have been acting like they have not heard me) about my decision for change. I have outwardly expressed it in order to get the ball moving. I am not sure what the fall out will be. ...but that is not up to me, is it?

Just after I reached out to others, before I had a chance to once again  remind those directly involved  about this decision originally brought up months before...I get validation once again, that my gut feeling is something to heed....further supporting this decision. Hmmm!

I don't have to beat myself up for the things it tells me. I don't have to beat myself up and writhe in shame and guilt because I am not being kind enough, compassionate enough, understanding enough the way I think I "should" be if I am going to proceed towards awakening.  I don't have to resist my resistance, to deny, supress and repress these feelings of aversion I have been experiencing. I never did .  All I  ever had to do, was notice them, observe them, allow them, look deeply into them and see what inspired action would be most beneficial for all.  And that "all"  has to  include "me", not deny "me". The ompassion, loving-kindness, understanding  and service I am trying to practice was never meant to be exclusive of me...but to include me.  I...whatever this is "I" is...is part of the all! 

Sigh! 

I am not sure what will happen next.  How people will respond or react.  I have no control there.  I allowed it all to come out and now I wait for Life to take over.

All is well! 

Alan Watts/Wiara (June, 2017) See the Beauty in Everyone.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Il30lFERf9A