Nothing is in reality either pleasant or unpleasant by nature but all things become so through habit.
Epictetus
I am questioning something and that inquiry is interfering a bit with my mindfulness practice. I try to spend a few minutes each morning outside just listening, observing, feeling the flow of Life in my yard. I find myself sitting there without thought, just attentive and aware for minutes at a time. I mean sometimes thoughts, labels, ideas, narrations will pop in to "explain" or help the mind to "comprehend " what my senses are picking up...but if these "concepts" are not too demanding I can usually clump them together in a cloud called "thinking" and watch them pass away.
As I was sitting there this morning, listening to the amazing sound of a lovely breeze through the big beautiful trees around me and feeling that same breeze on my skin , I found myself saying..."This is so pleasant". Automatically, my mind went to and got hooked by some questions I have been carrying around with me in relation to what I am learning about the skandas that make up the "I", more specically the skanda of feeling.
My mind went something like this: "Why is this pleasant? Is it universally pleasant or just pleasant according to me? Am I perceiving, judging, preferring when I note that my moment is pleasant? Wouldn't it be best not to judge it either way? Not to make that distinction between pleasant or unpleasant? Does noting it bring me more into awareness of my moment or farther from it ? etc etc "
Let's understand the feeling skanda first
According to Joseph Goldstein (2001), the skanda of feeling is the quality of pleasantness, unpleasantness or neutrality that is inherent in each moment. ( page 151) These feelings are usually a result of past karma...a cause and effect type of thing.
Say for example, you had a wonderful relationship with your grandmother in your past. She has passed on but you carry very found memories of her with you as you continue to grieve your loss to some degree.
Pleasant
Now, in the present moment as you are sitting in a restaurant with friends, an elderly woman walks in that looks like her or you can smell the perfume your grandmother wore off her or hear the pet name she called you in reference to someone else. Maybe this woman is smiling at you and being nice to you like your grandmother was. You may experience a pleasant feeling. The quality of the present moment is pleasant. Now...because it is pleasant... you might want to increase the pleasantness level of the moment by opening up to this stranger, talking to her, doing something nice for her. You may also not want to let the moment go and resist when your friends say it is time to leave.
Unpleasant
What if your grandmother died unexpectedly a few months ago and you were the one to find her. There was something burning on the stove at the time that you discovered she had passed. It was a painful experience. Now in the restaurant this woman who looks like your Nan walks in at the same time you can smell something burning in the kitchen. This smell is going to be very unpleasant for you and therefore the quality of your moment is going to be unpleasant. You are likely going to react to this moment with a certain aversion and a certain desire for it to be over. You are going to feel yourself closing up to it. You may wish to leave it by leaving the restaurant. You will not only carry painful memories of your grandmother with you from that moment forward but also of the restaurant.
Neutrality
Most of what enfolds in our moments is neither pleasant or unpleasant. An elderly lady can walk in to that restaurant and have no obvious resemblance to your Nan. You may have no reaction to her or the moment. The moment is neither pleasant or unpleasant. Infact, paying little to no attention to your present experience, you may not even notice the woman. Your mind may be elsewhere and you may forget all together that you are here and now. The experience leaves no impact. It is neutral and unfortunately easy to neglect or forget.
I am not sure if that is the best example, but that is what came out of me lol.
So in the feeling aggregate there is only three descriptive terms used: pleasant, unpleasant and neutral. We are not talking about emotions, mind states or the details of story...just the nature and quality of the experience. My questions arise from this :
Questions:
- So is it the "thing", the person, the happening that is unfolding, the moment that is unpleasant, pleasant or neutral, or the perception of it?
- Who or what, then, determines the quality of experience? Isn't it purely subjective? Relative?
- Doesn't our determining if a moment is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral require a certain judgement on our parts? Are we not "judging" here? Isn't that reactive?
- If we are not meant to narrate our lives, do we also want to avoid determining that a moment is pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? Is that not a form of narration?
- Is "neutral" our goal for practice in mastering nonduality and equanimity? Do we want to stay balanced between the unpleasant and pleasant in our "perception" of experience by staying in neutral?
- Yet if neutral is often a cause or an effect of not being mindful enough...do we want to avoid it?
- Is the ultimate state of being one that deems every moment as pleasant? Is that our ultimate goal, then, to experience only the pleasant? If we are evolved enough is the quality of every moment pleasant regardless of circumstance ?
- What would happen if we spent a mindful practice just noting: "pleasant, unpleasant or neutral" with each thing that showed up? Would that help us to understand this skanda better or would it be counter productive to our goals of getting beyond thought to what is?
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