Selfish?

 When you are trying to be unselfish, you are doing so for selfish reasons. 

Alan Watts

Say what???

This pertains to my last few entries.  I have been very busy over the last little while...over the course of my life actually....trying to be unselfish and I have been doing so for very selfish reasons. I was building an image of "the unselfish one, the giving one, the kind one" in order to protect some broken parts of me. Sure I do honestly care about the people I offer this version of the "unselfish one" to but anything I have given was only partially done for them.  I did it mostly for me.  

I could not live with the shame of being "selfish".  It has been conditioned into me that "selfish" is "Wrong, bad and shouldn't be".  So I have been "trying" to do the "right thing". 

Watts also tells us in the below listed video that we can't do the right thing by doing and we can't do the right thing by not doing. 

Huh?

Selfish is an idea because the  version of "self" we have is just an idea.  We are constantly creating and trying to maintain images we have of self as a seperate, individual person ...as an island of consciousness locked up in a case of skin, ...facing an alien and dangerous world. And we are identifying with this delusion, this hallucination we call "I". 

Waking up is a giving up of this "selfish vs unselfish" mentality, this image for the real deal.It is an understanding that  we can "do" so little; that we are what the entire cosmos is doing through us.  

Hmm!  So much to think about.

All is well.

Alan Watts-T & H Inspiration (October , 2020) Genuine. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EEL9OEZKOMU