Rabindranath Tagore
A bit worried today about the bees, my dogs and my peace. lol If I get the peace thing under control all would be well but every now and again I feel the pangs of ego. I do have to struggle a little bit to subdue my need to be right so that I can be kind.
I am trying to be kind more for my own peace of mind than anything humanitarian lol. It is a selfish motivation. I don't want to be burdened by the heaviness of anger, resentment, or self righteousness. My heart is already tired enough lol.
So...I am trying to look past the behaviour of others, skirt around the drama, empathize, see the light and let what they think, say and do go. I am actually doing pretty good and I was totally cooperative with the police yesterday. Though the fine was for "dog at large" which my dog wasn't...I signed my name and admitted guilt I guess because my dog did go to the end of the driveway and bark at her. I did not see it but the witnesses stress the dog did not leave the yard. I take full responsibility for the dogs barking and D. did have her off lead which he, according, to the law, should not have done even if she remained in the yard.
So I gladly pay the fine but my ego is stepping in with a great deal of suspicion..."You know she isn't going to stop, eh? Until she has the dogs away from the neighborhood? You know by signing your name to that...it puts her in a position of power over you...she can call again a couple of more times and the dogs will have to go. She knows what she is doing. She is on a mission and you are the target. Being kind is not going to help here. "
I step back; I see my ego at work; I breathe; I meditate; I remember my father talking about kindness; I picture the big plaque I have on my kitchen wall reminding me to "Be Kind" and I let it go. Every now and again it will pop up in my mind and fester a bit. I have to bring myself back down with reality.
I know I cannot control what other people do. I can only control myself . I have little control of what goes on around me but I can make choices to work on controlling what is within me. If I am at peace...nothing else really matters, does it?
I made a decision yesterday that I will not get rid of the dogs...if they have to go...we go with them. I also made a decision to work on their obedience. They cannot run after people or things and the barking has to be minimized. I totally agree with that.
I fear ( ego again:)) that it won't be enough...that the lies and the exaggerations and the drama may continue until we are out of here and she feels that she has won the war...a war I want no part of, by the way. The truth is, if this continues I do not want to be in this neighborhood. If others are joining in creating more and more drama...I don't want to be around that negativity...that toxic sludge. I don't want, what's left of my life, contaminated by that.
If the healthiest spiritual thing to do is walk away...I will walk away. I have no problems letting her win because I don't want to get tied up in this imaginary ego war she is so intent on winning. I just want peace. And the only person who can give me peace is me. So be it!
All is well.
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