Samuel Johnson
Dear Reader,
I want to thank you for reading this. To those of you who tramped along with me on this journey to self discovery for years now, I want to say a special ( oops...there that's special word again) thank you for being there.
Though I heard little from you, I always knew you were on the other end of my words. I couldn't write without knowing that there was a potential reader out there somewhere. All I ever needed was one reader to complete the cycle. (Thank goodness I am not overly ambitious in the readership intention lol)
When it comes to my writing, I am an intrinsically validated person for the most part. I write for me which makes it a completely narcissistic act sometimes. I do not need a lot of readership, recognition, traffic(which is a good thing because I have little :))
Please know, though, that I do also write for you. There is no continuation of the cycle without both writer and reader. And there is no continuation of learning without both teacher and student.
As a student seeking the answers inside myself, I had to read, research, ramble and get it all down so I could understand it. When something hit an internal chord within me, I had to recite and express my new truths to someone for validation. You were that someone. You were in a sense... my teacher.
I also wanted to share all the amazing things I was learning with you...making me the teacher and you the student, from time to time.
Between the writer and the reader; the teacher and the student...there is an amazing cycle of give and take. The amazing cycle goes around and around and around creating a wonderful healing energy in the world. I write for me and I write for you. I learn for me and I learn for you. I teach for me and I teach for you.
My ego, when it gets all big and inflamed like a swollen hemorrhoid on my psyche, encourages me to push for more recognition. It says things to me like, "Why are you writing everyday when only a couple of people read what you write? Are you wasting your precious time and energy? You want to be a writer, right? You need more hits to be a true writer; more publications, more recognition. You are not a real writer unless you are 'known'."
I get a little deflated with these reprimands from ego. I am not 'known' nor am I really sure I want to be. I have social media. I have friends and social networks. I could put my blog out there and I would increase my readership...but I don't even consider it until ego steps in to my happy finger- tapping experience with its wagging finger.
Then I find myself checking out the sites on line that help build blog readership. These sites speak of SEO's, linking, guest blogging and putting more energy into promoting rather than writing...and I am like "What? I just came here to write and to learn."
These blog sites also stress that bloggers lose interest in their writing if they do not get readers and feedback. I am like, "What?" I have been blogging since 2008...almost every single day...and it is still the highlight of my day. One day I got 98 readers to my site but most days I average 6. I am only averaging about 6 readers a day and the only one that comments on my blog is me :) I am okay with that but ego isn't.
Ego sometimes makes me forget why I write. I write for the pure joy I find in each moment. I write because I love to write...it is who I am, not what I do. I do not need big readership... I just need to write and to know I am reaching someone. Then every word I put down has purpose. That's all I need. Well all I thought I needed. I really thought Spirit had my back on this one.
You know how I always write about the internal battle between ego (the little "i') and Spirit (the greater "I"). I don't like to follow ego. We know what ego wants but what does spirit want? It wants the Greater Good for all.
What is the greater good in writing? Yesterday spirit spoke up and said, "Maybe you should listen to ego. It might be right." . (Okay...lets be clear here...I am not speaking literally lol...these are not voices in my head...just figurative personifications to make a point...just in case you missed that and are pressing 9-1-1on your cell phone right now). I had this feeling that it was time...time to get back out there, beyond the self protective cocoon of your readership and reach more people. Wow! Spirit is agreeing with ego? I am being asked to reach more people?
I mean I do write outside of here. I have been published in magazines and journals before. I wrote for papers. I wrote books and sent them out. So I am not completely new to other publication.
I am also okay with rejection. I could paper-mache a cottage for the kids and I with all the rejection slips I have received over the years ( maybe you younger readers do not know what paper-mache is? As your teacher, I insist you look it up. Or maybe you don't know what a rejection form letter is...back in the day when we used to snail mail out our "type written on a typewriter" submissions...if an editor didn't like your work you would get a check off form letter saying why it wasn't suited for their press.) Going to the mail box everyday became both an exciting and dreadful experience but I got used to it. So I am okay with rejection.
I am okay with putting myself out there. I am just not okay with taking time from writing to promote myself as a writer. Submitting articles and some fiction on line is much easier these days than it used to be but writing cover letters, synopsis, queries, CV's (especially when you have limited credentials) and waiting, waiting, waiting to hear back, forgetting who has what and how long they said they would take to respond etc etc etc ....is.... ugh!!!!
And I have never written about my waking up to anyone but you. That's kind of like ..."Wow! Deep! " Well it is a lot deeper than the promotion of soft skills in nursing or how to build a bird feeder, anyway.
I don't like to promote myself as a writer...I just want to write. I don't want to profess to the world that I am waking up...I just want to wake up! I am what I am. This blog allows me to simply be what I am...to come here and write. It is my safe place!
Now spirit is siding with my big swollen ego and telling me it isn't enough. It is reminding me that it isn't all about me. It has some important things to say through me...so I better get up off my blogger butt and start writing about waking up for submission.
That is where I am at, my dear readers, writing for other people. I guess, I am making our relationship an open one. (We did talk about removing the "special' from relationships, didn't we?) So I made a deal with Spirit (and ego) yesterday.
I will do the writing and the blasted submitting but then it is out of my hands. I leave that part to the literary agents Spirit has lined up somewhere in the cosmos for such a purpose:) Whatever will be, will be.
What does that mean to our relationship? Things will change between us. You won't be my only. I'll have to spruce up the place to make more room. I may also be cutting back on my "daily" meeting with you.
I will write here every other day and write an article for submission elsewhere every other day. God may not have made me the greatest writer in the world but he made me a prolific one (I think I got that on a rejection letter once lol.)
I have lots to write about and I can churn out the articles pretty quick. I will suck it up and do the proper work of submitting to publications that my work seems suited for ...then I leave it there. My part is done and I am all yours.
The more feedback I receive (and not the pretty kind I suspect...there is always wonderful learning in feedback and criticism.)..the better I will get...and the better the writing will be that I bring back to you. So maybe it will be a win-win situation for all. I just have a strong feeling that I got to do this. It is time to get the message out there.
So this is not goodbye to the way things were...just a so long until next time. Change can sometimes be a wonderful thing.
Thank you for reading and getting me to this point in my growth. Thank you for your private comments that told me you were receiving and giving back. Thank you for being there.
Your Writer
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