Garbage Coming Up

 Cleansing is Spirituality.

Michael A. Singer 

What is Michael A. Singer saying as his closing mantra at the end of each podcast?  It sounds like Chakratif? Is that a word?  What does it mean?  I am curious.

Anyway, before I listened to this video I was down in my studio doing my morning meditation.  I have been inspired by reading Aware to resume my old practice of breath awareness, followed by sensory input awareness, followed by body awareness (inspired by the book....I focused on bones and muscles before proceeding to the inner organs housed in the pelvic cavity [I seem to have  a lot going on down there for some reason so I spent more than a few moments there], then up to the other organs of the body...GI system (observed the tightening in my gut), respiratory system, the heart (could hear and feel the mitral valve click/murmur so obviously), and finished with the brain. 

From the brain I put my attention on both the  area between the eyes...6th chakra and the heart 4th chakra. I began then to welcome any mental formations to come up that needed to come up.  There was, I noticed, a lot of gaps of thought  that seemed like big blocks of colour...I focused on these and I continued to welcome any thing that needed to be heard to come up. ...When a thought stream came in it was more like me reaching down and pulling it up. I explored it for a while, not getting caught up in the content, just knowing it was a thought with a general theme. I watched as it left and I returned to that big block of colour.  

This mental formation observation wasn't exactly passive today. It was more about me reaching down and gently pulling up a thought than it was about me dealing with the fast traffic of a monkey mind. If there was emotional energy around each thought I felt my belly tightening. I focused on that. I welcomed the thought, the feelings and emotions, experienced them and then watched the way they left.  Each thought/emotion/feeling seemed to come from from below my diaphragm, if that makes  sense, and it seemed to depart to the right of me? I would notice that knot in my belly as it came up (years of resistance conditioning). 

Finally, I finished with a loving kindness meditation before coming back and around . When I was finished with this, I practiced my usual Kriya yoga. An hour and a half passed and I literally thought it was only 15 minutes.

The point is, before I began this practice I set my sankalpa intention onr eleasing samskaras.  I have been feeling the turbulent energy of an old shame response beating against the door I have stuffed it inside.  It started when I left the little job I had on Wednesday. I am quite certain I will not be returning as others, more qualified, than me are interested. I was perfectly okay with that from the beginning. And as much I loved working with the kids and truly enjoyed the experience, I literally didn't feel any attachment or clinging. I am perfectly okay with whatever happens in the future. So, I couldn't understand why the energy started slapping against my insides as I was preparing to leave.  I was suddenly doubting everything I did and thought I knew. 

A lovely teacher I had the pleasure of working with handed me a nice plant in a teacher-inspired vase  as a farewell token and the slapping energy inside got even louder, I started hearing "this human"say, "You should have gotten her something, too.  What is wrong with you?"  Things around me seemed to get really chaotic.  I couldn't focus.  I found myself closing/ tightening up.  I didn't hug anyone and I didn't say goodbye to all.  I just left. 

It was a very odd feeling and I found myself  automatically going  through possible solutions in my mind that would diminish that feeling. "Maybe I didn't say goodbye right.  I will rectify that.  I will write emails, send cards, get all the work done so I can close the chapter.  Yeah! Yeah! That is why I am feeling this way.  I just need closure. I have to complete what I need to do.  And finish the books and send them off.  Then walk away and 'whatever damage you have done as you know you are prone to do' I won't have to face anymore.

WTF(front door)? What is that all about? 

I knew then what I was feeling was an activation of an old internal samskara. Stuffed and stored memories wrapped in the emotional energy of shame and unworthiness were emerging from some place deep, deep inside me. I knew this one well. It has been a part of my life for the longest time: This feeling of never being good enough to be included into a team, let alone "thanked" for what I do was making its way up and out, triggered by leaving this role. This energy encased belief that all I could do was harm, never help, was determined to come up. Though my conditioned tendency to push it all back down was also triggered, this time I knew that I had to let it come up. 

 I have been praised, thanked, gifted, rewarded, complimented for my teaching many, many times over the years and though I spent a great deal of energy and time seeking that compensation that I hoped would keep all that shame down, all I ended up doing was covering it with desire. Redeemer ego is no match for Shamer Ego.  Shamer Ego has been around a lot longer than Redeemer and it never felt worthy of any external validation for my worth. Sigh. Covering shame up was not the answer. Letting it come up and out, once and for all, was.  

So, this morning, I began my practice with this sankalpa: may I be cleansed of my most prevalent samskara. Automatically, when I closed my eyes, I could visualize this shame as a large cancerous tumour, with long limbs extended outward wrapping around so many cells of my sushumna...blocking the flow of that light inside me. It was such a clear visualization. I had to ask: How do I disentangle that from my insides? This tumour is so big and there are so many limbs that all seem to be wrapped so tightly  around things that want to come up and it also appears to be so attached to the the tissue of the sushumna itself. I noticed though that the majority of the tumour was fairly close to the surface...like in the throat. It was time for it to make its way out! I had to trust that it would do so. I proceeded with my meditation or mindfulness practice (I don't care what you call it lol) as above. 

I finished my practice and came up here to listen to Thursday's podcast.  I wanted to spend yesterday's practice  re-listening to Monday's podcast as I have been so focused on my little job,  finishing my books, and watching my granson that I didn't get it all. This morning's was Thursday's.  What was it on? Purification of Samskaras. 

This is what I got from that podcast mostly in paraphrased form:

Spiritual techniques are there to help us rise above our personal selves, to transfer our consciousness off the mess inside that we are concentrating on.

Our natural state is not to get what we want and avoid what we fear. It is complete well being.

The ultimate spiritual question is: "If that is my natural state, why don't I experience it? Why am I not experiencing pure joy and love all the time?"

Resistance to what is, suppression and repression are the cause of all our suffering.

You in there who didn't want to expereince this or that pushed whatever it was way down. You shoved contrary energy you couldn't handle on top of your natural energy flow.

We resisted what life has handed us.

"You can't have every experience but please have the experience that was handed you."

We can be healthy inside- experience sat chit ananda- once we transcend the garbage.

It is better to work on being able to handle life than it is to attempt to manipulate life into becoming something we can handle.

"When you start handling the daily stuff, the old stuff is going to start coming up all by itself. And you are going to find out you can handle it. It starts to pull you down and you say, "I am not going to give up the joy that is underneath ." You welcome it [all the garbage] up. Everytime it comes up it gets higher underneath.

That is where I am at in my practice...willingly welcoming all the garbage up.  It isn't pleasant and rather smelly but it is where I want to be. I am going to trust that all this old stuff is coming up on its own exactly the way it needs to.

All is well

Daniel Siegal ( 2018) Aware. tarcherperigee

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (June 13, 2024) Real Spirituality: Committment to Perpetual Purification. https://tou.org/talks/

Turning Our Attention Inward

 

Rather than being swept up into what you think should be happening, you can learn the skill of being present for what is. 

Daniel J. Siegel, page 57 

Hmm! I love it when things I am pondering at the deepest level correlate with things I am reading or learning from others.  It is like validation for what I am realizing and that is why certain teachings resonate with me...they validate what is coming up from inside.  That is pretty cool.

It is like Michael Singer is right there with every new realization that emerges from within me, in a way that is almost uncanny.  And now, lo and behold, I had a similar experience when I was reading Aware by Daniel Siegel. This morning all three things (Singer's teaching, Siegel's teachings, and my own realizations) came together in another one of those "aha!" moments.

I was hard on Seigel.  Though it is true that I wish he would give more credit to the specific "wisdom traditions" he is loosely addressing in his book, and though I see the Wheel as just a fancy rewording of the Buddha's teachings on mindfulness and nothing new at all, there were some things that made me go "Oh yeah!" as I read. He does  seem to be  able to teach about awareness in a way that resonates with me. I do love the "scientific approach" to it.  I love that he is able to give the ancient wisdom some scientific validation. I love that he is approaching consciousness as a psychiatrist, an academic (he is a professor at UCLA) and as a scientist (he is involved in research and work in the field of neurobiology). And I think if I didn't already have a basic understanding of awareness and consciousness that I gained from the wisdom traditions, and if I didn't have as much reverence as I do for the original teachings, I probably would appreciate this book and its writing so much more. 

For those coming to understand awareness for the first time, and for those associating the traditional wisdom of "spirituality" with woo-woo, however,...this book could be very useful! It could eliminate the biases that can block people from understanding and practicing  mindfulness. Maybe that is why he refrains from specifically giving credit to the traditions he is getting his information from? He wants to eliminate the barrier of bias that comes with preconceived ideas and assumptions? It is challenging, I imagine, for a physician, an academic and a scientist to talk about the non-material without losing credit in their professional  community. 

Regardless, some of the things I read in the last few days correlated serendiptously with what Singer was sharing in his recent podcasts and with the meditation realizations I had of seeing myself as "This human!"

I have been practicing mindfulness and meditation for decades, though I only became a mindfulness and meditation teacher a few years ago.  Though I respect the ancient wisdom traditions immensely, "this human", when it decided it wanted certification, had to take a course that was taught by psychology professors. Why?  It needed that credibility , that scientific validity because  there is still a bit of  bias left within it, a barrier against the woo-woo. 

As Seigle writes about the methodology of mindfulness training and the benefits of a well trained mind in one's daily life, I realize he is right on the mark. I have been practicing exactly the way he encourages the reader to practice.  These steps were taught to me by many Buddhist teachers.  They are, in fact, the means by which the Buddha taught his disciples: Begin with putting attention on the breath, then on sensory input, then on inner body sensations, then on mental formations: thoughts, feelings, images etc, and then add an element of compassionate thought for others, self, all beings (loving kindness meditation/ Tonglen). Then in my yogic teachings I have been taught to expand this intention of compassion into a sankalpa. Yoga also taught me to expand my focus to that which exists beyond all these formations (Seigel refers to it as bending the needle of attention back toward the hub) by  asking "Who am I? Who is this being that is objectively observing all these things?" etc

This methodology is not new and these teachings are not his invention, but he does word it in a way that gives it credibility and sustenance.  And I love that a scientist, an academic, a psychiatrist that studies and treats the neurobiology of the brain is taking mind out of the encapsulation of  skull in the individual! So he has my attention. 

Who we are is bigger than the body and broader than the brain. page 82

I also love how he describes all the phenomena we encounter inside and outside these bodies as "energy and information flow."   Singer does the same in his own words

So the other day I seperated the Witness, the Objective Observer, the Self from the human living out a drama of "little me" in my mindfulness practice. I found myself in the Seat of Self watching this human sense, feel, think, and have compassion. 

Singer suggests that our  spiritual practice, which is more about what happens off the cushion than it is about what happens on it, is all about learning to stay in the Seat of Self without getting pulled away from it. He tells us we are too often distracted and pulled out of the seat or we willingly leave/close to follow the dramas of a "little  me" when it asks for our attention.

 Seigel teaches the same. He says this "spoke" of attention, when it is focused on the rim stuff, keeps us from the Self in the hub. He tells us this spoke can be pulled involuntarily by Life or we can learn to consciously move it from one thing on the rim to another.  The rim just pertains to that which houses the  formations or skandhas we often get lost in: sensory input, bodily sensations, mental activities and our relationships to other beings and the world. And of course, I am realizing this directly as I examine my own mind as it reacts and responds to Life both when  I am on the cushion and mostly when I am off it.

Will continue to correlate and expand as I read more.

All is well.

Daniel Sieger ( 2018) Aware. tarcherperigree.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 10, 2024) Rising Above Likes and Dislikes. https://tou.org/talks/

Are You Awake?

 No single event can awaken a stranger within us totally unknown to us. To live is to be born slowly. It would be a bit too easy if we could go about borrowing ready made souls. 

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I answered this question the otherday on video.  Are you awakened? Of course the answer was no. I am enjoying this slow process of being born though. What about you?

All is well!

This Human

 That is the key- that is the answer-to be the witness for whatever is happening within you or around you. 

Eckhart Tolle

I was thinking after my meditation practice this morning what it would be like to call this mind and body, this entity I call "me", "this human". What if  instead of using, "I, me, my, or mine" I simply said "This human is feeling, thinking, experiencing this and that....Look at what this human is dealing with...look at how this human is reacting to this and that. So this is what life feels like through this human body and mind." As long as I didn't say it out loud in front of anyone with a psychiatric background lol, it may make a positive difference in my life...ooops...in this human I call me's life. 

Really...I am...you are...we are...at the deepest level beyond all our reactivity and our drama, beyond all our beliefs and our ideologies, beyond what the body is doing or not doing, and beyond all that is happening out there... awareness, are we not?  We are that which is observing and watching "this human" and what is unfolding in front of it, aren't we?  We are not the internal and external "dramas" it is experiencing. We are not that which we are so obsessively focusing on...we are that which is focusing. "This human" and its experience, is simply caught in the light of our focus...so much so we have come to believe that what we are looking at with all its problems and quirks is what we are. 

When we pull back a bit we realize we are not that which we are looking at and have identified with. We are not "this human". We may be "in" this human...if we dare to use the dualistic terminology of in and out...but that is it.  This human form and mind is definitely an important part of our experience here.  It is like our space suit allowing us to navigate around this planet. We need to honor, respect, and care for it.  How would we function without it here?  But we are not it. 

As we become more and more aware...more aware we are awareness...we see that distinction between it and who we are. (As we  go even farther on this journey...we will eventually realize there is no distinction between anything...but for now...stepping back and away from the human identification is helpful.) The being in "this human" is starting to shine through. It is quite amazing.

All is well. 

Not the thing but the think

 People think they have a problem but the problem is not the thing but the think!

The only place where a problem exists is in the personal mind. We know that, right? We think up and create our problems. 

I thought about my own evolution so far away from the doings of the personal mind. It has been a very imperfect, rough and bumpy journey so far.  I keep sliding back from one stage of mental evolution to the next...but...but I keep practicing. 

Each stage can be viewed in context to how the mind speaks to the heart.

Very Early Stage

 The very unevolved and self trampling mind during times of conditoned negative reactivity when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming up to the surface as they are inclined to do in order to release themselves: 

"Oh there you go again heart. Making a mess of things. What is wrong with you anyway? Why are you so bothered by getting what you deserve from life. Suck it up!! Man, no wonder these things keep happening to us. You are always in the way of me doing my job. There is something really wrong with you, you know?  I am trying to hide your defects from the world but you keep messing my efforst up.  Man, I am sick of you! Just let me be in charge!"

Beginning to Evolve Stage

The Unevolved but compassionate Mind during times of conditioned negative reactivity tendency, when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming to the surface as they are inclined to do in order to release themsleves: 

"Oh poor sister heart.  You are not feeling so well, are you? That nasty stuff is coming up again.  Let me see what I can do to fix it. I will do what I can to push it back down so you do not have to feel it.    I will also look out there for something that will make you feel better.  I will try changing this, getting that, avoiding this...and if that doesn't work we will try something else. We will keep trying to find a way to make you feel better. Don't worry I am here for you!"

Evolving Stage

The evolving mind during times of conditioned negative reactivity tendency, when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming to the surface like they are inclined to do in order to be released.:

" Oh my dear sister heart. It's happening again. How wonderful. I know it is painful but we can do this. It is a practice remember.  We do not have to do it perfectly.  We just have to try to stay open. We are blessed with another chance at practicing doing it right, of letting it all go.  I am so sorry for what I have done in the past to you, for the way I treated you, and for stuffing all that stuff on top of you but I was lost and confused in my wanting to help.  I know better now.  I know to stay out of the way when this stuff gets triggered and comes up. Let's breathe together, let's relax and chant, ' We are going to handle what ever happens today'.  We may not do it perfectly but we are standing together and using this moment to practice letting go. We got this!"

The Final Stage

The fully evolved mind during times of conditioned negative reactivity tendency, when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming to the surface like they are inclined to do in order to be released. : 

"Joy, joy, joy.  Bliss, bliss, bliss sister. Isn't this experience amazing?"

Consciousness in the background where it always was observing:

"Well this human finally did it. They allowed the mess they made to get cleaned up. They got out of their own way so Self as Life could shine through. They have transmuted suffering for that which all is: Joy, love, peace, and bliss. Alleluia for Our freedom. "

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 9, 2024) Personal Mind: The Root of the Problem. https://tou.org/talks/

Aware?

 

Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows. 

Daniel Siegel, page 19

I do like those words above.

I am reading Aware by Daniel J. Siegel and to be honest I am having a bit of a time with it. I am struggling to intrepret what he means as he writes. He created some thing called The Wheel of Awareness which is actually named up to six times on every page...as if the writer is trying to create some power of suggestion. To me this wheel is just the Buddha's teachings of right mindfulness and concentration (two of the rights in the eightfold path) slapped into a circle and reworded in a way that triggers me to feel a little "stupider" than the author. (I had to keep going back and asking...what exactly is he saying here about things I thought I  already knew about like objective Observer, awareness, sensory experience, attention and concentration etc)...I am trying to link what I know about the ancient wisdom with what he is claiming to be his novel ideas as I read. His teaching tools are being marketed as a "ground breaking meditation practice" but  in truth, what he is sharing has been around for a lot longer than Seigel ever was. It leaves me a little confused.  I am looking for the novelty and uniqueness in what he is teaching, what he is claiming to be his..." a tool I've developed over many years". Maybe if he referred to what he is sharing as ancient wisdom that has been around for eons, rather than his discovery, I would feel better about what I am reading. I do not think I have heard him mention "The Buddha" once and to me that feels like plagerism...like he is claiming The Buddha's intellectual property, as his own. He does mention that "other cultures" teach some of what he is teaching....but so far, I see that all of what he is teaching comes from other ancient cultural teachings.  

Now, I know he is trying to promote a scientific approach to meditation ...which is great...but one cannot deny the real ground breaking work that has already been done by the rishis and the Buddhas of this world.  They were scientists in the truest sense of the word...spending every day in the laboratory of the mind and soul. They did the real work. They discovered and created the real tools related to consciousness he seems to be claiming as his own.

I may be a little harsh here.  Maybe, I am missing something and misconstruing this author's intentions.  I am going to try to step back from my judgements  and this gnawing feeling in my gut that I get when I read certain things where the intention does not seem as pure as I would like it to be.  It is not the author or the book I am having a problem with...it is my reactivity to it that is causing the problem. In all fairness to the author, whom I do not know and who may actually have nothing but the purest of intentions, I need to read the whole book before making a decision of its value. I need to read the whole book prior to recommending it or putting it in my personal library, as well.  

I am going to finish reading it.  And I will get back to you.

All is well. 

Daniel J. Siegel ( 2018) Aware.  Tarcher Perigree

The Human and the I am

 Your human is a child but you are a great being! 

Michael Singer

I had an experience this morning.  I woke up in physical discomfort...the pain actually woke me up-  and with this sense of self pity I had not felt in a long time. I was reminded last evening, after watching a show about the ER, of my health seeking experiences. And when the pain was there upon awakening it just triggered a lot of that stuff to come up to the surface.  I was also reminded yesterday that I may not be as important as I thought I was in a particular team. My redeemer ego was on a rampage  for months in an attempt to build this "me" up into something it wasn't. Of course, I know it could never be what it thought I should be to others but you know how self pity goes...it just digs up every reason it can to justify itself.   So, that was on my mind this morning as well. 

I knew what I was experiencing was all ego and so irrevelant but ego can be nasty.  It stepped  up to chastise me for my self pity and for giving into the pain. Hmm!

I suddenly had a feeling then that the self pity, the pain, and the self recrimination had a purpose beyond the obvious. It was all just a tapping on the inside of the closet door.  Some old stuff wanted to come out

 Don't judge self-pity too harshly. 

Self pity is not something we have to stay in.  It isn't a seed we want to water and grow...but when its grown in the mind already, instead of beating ourselves up for letting it grow...we can simply see that is there for a reason.  It is a superficial emotion that can open us up to something deeper, that can open the door and take us back to the stored stuff. We do not need to revel and roll around in that old garbage i as the ego wants us to do...but it can help us to keep the door open long enough for the stuff that needs to come out, to come out. Self pity can start a cleansing process.

So, I went down to my studio this morning for my morning meditation practice and I allowed the self pity and the physical pain. I listened to the knocking...I opened the door and I allowed something to come out as I observed this human being human.  It did in big salty tears.  Nothing dramatic...just cleansing. 

I need to, we all need to, stop beating ourselves up when we catch ourrselves in self pity.  We do not want to get lost in painting ourselves as a victims and others as victimizers, as the ego searches for jusitification for itself...but we do want to notice it, and observe what the mind is doing. Try not to judge the self pity or the person experiencing it.  It is there for a reason.  

For whatever reason, I have had a lot of painful experiences  in my life as a human being and I stored an awful lot inside. I have been conditioned to believe that I am doing  something wrong  when I give in to physical pain or negative emotions like self pity, when I allow them into my conscious awareness, when I just don't shake them off like I have been taught to do.  The shaking it off, the grasping and the aversion...is what filled my closet with so much junk in the first place. 

I want all this stuff out of me.  I want all the stuff I stored out of the way.  

Anyway, as I was meditating I heard myself saying, 

"Wow! This human me is having a hard time with what it had and is experiencing. It has been through a lot!"

I felt compassion and empathy for this human in a way I never did before. Self pity transmuted into loving kindness. 

Then I heard myself: "I" , the observer, was seperate from the human having the experience. The "I" wasn't experiencing it. The "I" wasn't harmed by it. It was simply watching the human experiencing it. 

I realized that I am not this human. I am in this human, here to experience whatever I can for a certain period of time through this physical and mental form. This human body and mind isn't who I am ...it is just a sensory space suit that I get to wear. This human's  experience was tough, made tougher by its collection of learned experiences, its reactivity and resistance, its grasping and clinging. Now it is tired and sad, full of stored stuff in the way of it experiencing what I am. Hmm! The last thing I need to do is chastise it, shame it further, or beat it up for being what it is...human.

That realization kind of floored me as I sat there. I seemed to see things so clearly.

Anyway, that was the experience I wanted to share with you.  It reminded me of what Michael Singer said a few days ago.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 3, 2024) Levels of Working with Your Energy. https://tou.org/talks/

Nice in there? Open the Door and Find Out.

It is really nice in there.

Nice in where?

Inside you. 

Huh?

Do you believe what the ancient rishis, those  who spent most of their lives looking inward, taught...that it is really nice inside us? 

It certainly doesn't always seem nice out there does it? So why would it be nice, in here? And at the level we dare to look at inside us, it doesn't feel so good, does it?  The level we stop at in our sporadic inner reflections is usually very uncomfortable.  We stop at the crowded part of the closet when we even dare to peek at what is inside us.  Everything is piled up in there at that level. When we open the door to glance inside (or to throw something else in there) everything comes spilling out on top of us. Not fun!  We then in a panic begin kicking all the stuff back in so we can slam the door on it again.  We want to keep that door shut.

We prefer the closed door, so much so  we decorate it with whatever we can find out there to make it as appealing as possible. The outside of the door is what we let others see. It becomes who we think we are. Every now and again something lovely from inside seeps out from the cracks and we feel good...thinking it is the nicely decorated door and everything out here that is making us feel good.  But it isn't. 

Inside, behind all that crammed stuff that keeps coming up and out is a beautiful energy system called Chit Shakti....and it wants nothing more than to come into our conscious awareness and be our daily experience.  It is joy, bliss, peace, love.  It is beautiful.  

Why don't we feel it?  

We do not feel it because we have a pile of stored junk in the way...our samskaras: emotional energy and resistance that we did not process through. It is blocking this energy that is meant to flow, creating a turbulent pile of mixed up clutter and swirling energy ( emotional disturbance). So when we open the door, for whatver reason, that is all we see and feel...the chaotic disturbance of our stored junk. Who wants to look at that?  Who wants to feel that? 

It is easier to look at the back of the closed door, painting and decorating  it to our liking. Hmm!

Do you want to learn what the rishis learned? That it is actually nice in here? 

Open the door that is in the way. Let that stuff in your piles come out.  You see there is an energy behind the mess you made...a bright light that cannot be contained by any closet walls. This energy is meant to flow forward (up) and it will. It will push against your blockages ...pushing them  towards and against the closet door. The energy behind it will push it all out...if...if you open the door.  The energy behind will make its way through, clearing all the stuff away that is in its way..if...if you don't close the door on it.  It will clean out the closet for you...if, if you let it.  But the door has to be open.  You have to get out of the way.

It's scary, I know. It won't be nice having all this stored stuff landing on you.  Most of it was stored in pain so it will come out in pain.You don't don't have to worry, though,  about being buried alive underneath it.  It will only come out bit by bit, naturally, without any effort from you...if, if you keep the door open and let it. And, of course, if you don't put more stuff in on top of it. 

The energy behind it just wants to be free. That's all. It just wants you to experience it...or...I should say... it wants to experience itself through you. Let it.

What about the pretty door I put so much time and effort into decorating and painting? 

It's just a door. It is just something in the way. Whether you know it or not, what you truly want is inside you. What is inside is much nicer  than your door or what is on this side of it could ever be. 

Open the door and keep it open so you can find out for yourself. 

 

All is well.

 

Transmute

 

You took birth to do this...to go back to God.

Michael Singer

Transmutation  goes beyond supressing, bypassing and rising above according to Singer. Science and spirituality are both looking for truth and underneath everything they are finding the very same thing...energy. There is only one force in the world and that is Chit Shakti= conscious energy.

The enegy is messed up  inside becaue we messed up it...we stored things inside that blocked it. The mind is naturally clear and pure...we just created a messy, dirty veil over it. Our goal is to clean up and get back to pure mind. 

In order to do that we need to get past the self concept we created. The only self concept we need, Singer tells us, is one that says "I want this stuff out of me!" That become sour goal then...to stop bocking the natural flow of this stuff out of us.  Ths is transmutation or purificaton in yoga. 

A mantra we can repeat to oursekves often is 

I am not a human being. I am a spiritual experience. 

Wow! When will we really get that:

Every energy inside ypu is shakti but you messed it up. If you let go it will go back to God.  Transmutation is the natural thing that will take plac if you keep your hands to yourself.

All is well!

 

Michael A. Singer (June 3, 2024) Levels of Working with Your Energy. https://tou.org/talks/

Underneath It All

Science and spirituality are both looking for truth, and underneath everything they are finding the very same thing...energy. 

Michael A. Singer

Work

 Then we shall find the secret. "He who finds in the midst of intense activity the greatest rest, and in the midst of the greatest rest intense activity, he has become a yogi  (The Gita IV.18 from Vivekananda)

I erronously believe at times that I should work to serve others.  When I do it becomes work, labour, effort instead of effortless action. I become attached to the fruits of my labour rather than just enjoying the process. I feel it is my duty and my responsibility to "fix" my children...or at least to die trying.  I feel it is my obligation to serve and put great effort into those beings in my community who are in need. I put much more time and effort into a ten hour a week job than the average person would.  Why? I erronously beleive it is my spiritual mission to serve. 

Huh? How grandiose does that sound? 

It is not others I am to serve...It is God. It is that Life energy beneath everything that I am to serve...not forms, not egos (mine or others). It is this moment that I am to serve...by truly noticing it, allowing it, appreciating it,  honoring it, and worshipping it!  Not this idea of service. 

It is blasphemy to think that you can help anyone. First root out this idea of helping, and then go to worship.

Say what, crazy lady? 

I need to learn to worship this Life I have been given and the Source of the gift. Someone recently said to me when I was rambling on about how tiring and heart breaking it is to attempt to help others who just do not seem to want to be heped.  About how I was draining my own life energy in an attempt to infuse others with some, "Yeah", she said. "...but this is your Life too." It was like OMG!  It hit me like a ton of bricks. It isn't God's intention for me to suffer through Life as a martyr. I am supposed to experience this Life too, not just help others experience it better. I am not serving God when I am burnt out and tired and sick all the time. I serve God when I am open to the joy already within me. I serve  God when the love, joy, creativity, passion flows freely through me. When I provide service in the physical form I need to see beyond the physical form in me and in the other to the God essence in all...that is what I serve.  That is what I worship! 

Mother Teresa served selflessly but she did so worshipping that which she was serving.

I know I am touching the living body of Christ in the broken bodies of the hungry and the suffering.

We become yogis when our work becomes an effortless worship of all that is. 

I, in March, began writing three little books or learning packages (I guess what we call them is not important) related to this little job I have taken on in an attempt to create something that would be of service to others.  (It would also, I caught myself assuming, be of service to "me", feeding an ego that wanted to be redeemed.) At first it was an effortless action...full of inspiration and creativity. Totally inspired and selfless.  Than it became a bit of a chore as I got more and more attached. It became more about "me" than the other.  In my rush, I just wanted to get them done so I could "show" them to someone before I left this little job...as if to say, "See what I did while I was here! Wasn't my service valauble and selfless?" Man...that is actually the thought running through my mind. How selfless is that? 

Of course, when the free flowing creative expression became effort and work; when the detachment to the fruits of action became attachment...I "lost that serving feeling...now it's gone, gone, gone. oh...oh.oh...oh..oh..oh"  

I stopped worshipping  the essence behind what I was doing and started worshipping the ego with its grandiose assumptions that it was "me" doing the serving. In writing, more than in any other type of service I might do, there should never be a me...I have to get out of the way to let the ink just run through me.  I am just a conduit for an amazing energy to pour through. That process itself is magical and deserves to be worshipped.  It is amazing, just to be a part of it.

But oh no...I too often step in to control it under the guise of "service to others". When "me" steps in, it gets in the way and it  damns up the flow.  I then have to twist and squeeze the writing out of me. The finished product doesn't serve in the way it could have if I staid out of it. 

When we stay unattached to what we do as work, when we use every moment that unfolds in front of us as an opportunity to worship God, to worship Life...an amazing thing happens...

Then work is no more slavery. It becomes a play, and a joy itself. Work! Be unattached! That is the whole secret. 

Hmmm! I thought I had that lesson well learned in my my mind lol. I guess, I slipped again. No problem...I will just get back to it.  I will work at being free by honoring and worshipping every moment...even in those moments when I slip. My work will become my play and my joy.

All is well. 

Swami Vivekananda ( n.d.) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Volumes 1-8. 1.4 Lectures and Discourses. Kindle Edition

Purifying Outside the Cave

 How to attain purity living this life? Shall we all go to the forest caves? What good would it do? If the mind is not under control, it is no use living in a cave because the same mind will bring all the disturbances. We will find twenty devils in the cave because all the devils are in the mind. If the mind is under control, we can have the cave anywhere, wherever we are. Vivekananda

This is what Yoga teaches- the greatest goal is purity. With purity we stay open to Life because we are cleansed of all the samskara blockages that we closed to protect. This is what Michael Singer  teaches. He often says that he won't teach people to meditate, won't  recommend renouncing all our worldly possessions and running off to caves in order to gain purity. 

Why? Because the real work occurs in everyday life. Life circumstance provides the greatest teachings about what is really important. Singer calls it "learning not to close" and Vivekanada  in these passages, (as well as  other yogis), refer to it as staying detached. 

Yoga stresses that it isn't the world doing anything right or wrong...it is our mental reactivity that causes our suffering.  Why do we have such grand mental reactivity?  We have stuffed and stored our attachments.

It is our own mental attitude which makes the world what it is for us.  Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly.

We close to Life with our mental reactivity, our judgements and assumptions as to how it should be for "us". Singer tells us we need to learn to stop closing. Vivekananda and Yoga teach us we need to stay detached.  There is a way to do that.  

Learn to see things in the proper light. First, believe in this world-that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful.  If you see something evil, think that you are not understanding it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

We are reminded that our stuffing and closing to the beauty and mystery which is Life is our doing.  The burden is on us. Instead of opening to the "real" within us, we are attaching to the unreal out there, and expecting that to make us feel okay inside. It can't!

Attachment to the unreal will bring misery. There is only one Existence that is real, only one Life in which there is neither object nor subject...

When we learn to stop closing to this Existence.  When we learn to stop attaching to that which is not real...we will stop closing and opening based on what is happening out there. We will then allow the samskaras to come up and out...we will be purified and we will understand the mystery of Life.  That is true spirituality. 

When we come to that non-attachment, then we can understand the marvellous mystery of the universe; how it is intense activity and vibration, and at the same time intensest peace and calm; how it is work every moment and rest every moment. That is the mystery of the universe-the impersonal and personal in one, the infinite and finite n one. 

Hmmm! All is well in my life...all is well in Life! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 2, 2024) True Happiness-Staying Open to Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Swami Vivekanada ( n.d.) The Complete works of Swami Vivekananda . Volumes 1-8. 1.4 Lectures and discourses, page 220-221. Kindle Edition

Calling on the Something Greater Beneath

 A substratum of peace lies underneath the grief [or reaction to world and circumstance]...I don't call it happiness but something greater than that...

Eckhart Tolle

This "something greater," this "perfection" Vivekananda wrote about as I recorded in the previous entry was also written about  in Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse.  Just as Siddhartha wrapped in despair and hopelessness, completely weary of the ways of the world, was about to take his own life by falling into the river that would later save him...this perfection, this essence, this substratum of peace reached out and spoke to him. 

Then out of remote areas of his soul, out of past times of his now weary life, a sound stirred up. It was a word, a syllable, which he withoout thinking, with a slurred voice, spoke to himself, the old word which is the beginning and the end of all prayers of the Brahmans, the holy "Om", which roughly means "that what is perfect"or "the completion". And in that moment when the sound of  "Om" touched Sdiddhartha's ear, his dormant spirit woke up and realized the foolishness of his actions...

Another sample of serendipity though it will likley not appear that way to anyone but me.

Today when I was meditating ( before I was reminded of the quote above), being the very imperfect meditator that I am, decided to focus on "om".  I feel sometimes as if the years of suffering have caught up with me, like they did with Siddhartha, I too have the experience of a "weary life" quite a bit lately. Psychologists might call this experience "languishing" rather than "flourishing".  Though, I am nowhere near  the point where I want to end my life, as Siddhartha was at, I am weary at times of being so acutely aware of the suffering of other beings. It can sometimes be overwhelming. That is why I practice.

 Every morning I go down to my studio, pop a squat on a yoga cushion, pick up my mala, and I "meditate." Like I said, I am not a great meditator, nor do I have any intentions of being one. My goal is not to reach nirvana or enlightenment during those sessions.  My goal is to simply disconnect from the suffering or at least distance myself from it for a few moments a day.  

My mind is constantly active during my practice. I am okay with that. It isn't my goal during meditation to reach any great state.  I do not attempt to stop the thinking or resist it...I just label it as "thinking" and watch it as it floats off....if it floats off.   I watch myself thinking too. I allow what ever is to be. Without resistance, the mind will often slow down on its own. I do find peace. 

Anyway, I realized that I, as this form and personality,   may never be able to reach that "perfection", that "essence" that " absolute peace" through my practice.  I am fully aware there is a substratum of peace there...I am.  I am also aware that is buried under layers and layers of samskaras and personal identity. My form, and mind may never be evolved enough to dig through these layers in order to dismantle "me". I decided, then, to simply ask this spirit to wake up, do the cutting through the veil and reach "me" instead. Well, not "me" but who I really am so that I am aware, so that most barriers are removed. I was told that "om" would do that. So that is how I meditated this morning. I was asking the "om" to cut its way through all the layers mind created.

Then, today, after listening to Tolle, I was inspired to open up Siddhartha and find something that related to what he said in the above quote. I found that passage above and realized how much it also related to my practice this morning. Go figure!

Sigh! Maybe something is cutting through after all.

All is well.

Herma Hesse ( 1922) Siddhartha. Amazon.

Eckhart Tolle ( May, 2024) Eckhart Tolle on Transforming Suffering Into Awakening.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2bbqFwKtYE

Yesterday's post.

The Sameness in All

 So the claim is that this sameness, this unity, this perfection-as we may call it-is not to be made, it already exists, and is here.  We have only to recognize it, to understand it. Whether we know it or not, whether this perception assumes the force and clearness of a sense -perception or not, it is there. For we are bound by the logical necessity of our minds to confess that it is there, else, the perception of the finite would not be. ...

Even the most logical and rational mind, hooked on concepts, knows and perceives at some level they may or may not connect to, that the infinite, the formless, the eternal exists in all. 

...the very fact of the consciousness that you and I are different brings to us, at the same moment, the consciousnees that you and I are not different. Knowledge would be impossible without that unity. Without the idea of sameness there would be neither perception nor knowledge. So both run side by side....

If we can perceive differentness...we have no choice but to understand sameness. If we see a right...we must see a left. If we percieve a front, we must perceive a back. If we have concepts and are full of "knowledge", we must also have within us that which goes beyond knowledge and concepts.

Thich Nhat Hanh used to teach, "neither different or the same; both different and the same." 

"Thus, seeing the same God equally present in all, the sage does not injure Self by the Self, and thus reaches the highest goal. Even in this life they have conquered relative existence whose minds are firmly fixed on this sameness; for God is pure, and God is the same to all. Therefore such are said to be living in God." 

We may be focusing on difference, but we can, like the  sage, focus on sameness. We can see the same pure God in all.

All is well.

Vivekananda (  n.d.) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, page 217-231. Kindle Edition. 

Before It Finds You

 Find death before death finds you.

Eckhart Tolle

People have an essence and a personality...more rare for people to have more essence than personality these days. Did Ivan IIIyin say that first?  Well, I guess Christ said it first when He said we must die to be reborn. 

Finding death means being able to get beyond our form identity to our essence identity while we are still alive. Sometimes that form identity, and what we associate with it, is taken away from us. Whenever our identity is basd on form...we will suffer.  We need to get to the essence behind that form. We need to, at least,  de-emphasize that form identity,

All is well

Eckhart Tolle ( December, 2023?) Finding death before death finds you. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmbVYaBVmHU

Get out of the Way

 Purity is what exists when you don't.

Micheal A. Singer

If we were not so much in the way of Life cleansing us, we would be pure. It is our grabbing and clinging that fills us with the junk and our resistance to Life that stops the junk from coming up and out. 

The soul is whole and complete within itself but there are blockages that prevent us from seeing that so we perceive incompletness and seek outward for completeness. 

We just need to let go of the grabbing. .

There is nothing to get...the process is one of releasing not finding, getting, controlling and manipulating. Singer

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 27, 2024) Nothing to Attain. https://tou.org/talks/

We Cannot Explain Awareness

 Even the deeply depressed feel a preciousness inside, that is why they are still here, and that preciousness is consciousness, ...formless essence. ...The Self is realized as formless and timeless but the mind needs to be told it cannot come to factual understanding about awareness, about that deep formless essence. We cannot gain "more" knowledge on this, we can only go deeper experientially. Form may then be perceived through this field of awareness. This creates a peace in us, but not necessarily a conceptual understanding. Pointers may arise in us that we can share and that may be helpful to ourselves and others but conceptual awareness of awareness will never expand. 

Eckhart Tolle (Paraphrased to some degree)

Eckhart Tolle ( May, 2024)The Mind's Limitation in Undersatnding Awareness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XrjHWpBQcFw

Neutralizing Negativity

  A weak base mixed with a strong acid neutralizes the acid to some degree. We can do the same with our thinking. We can neutralize the negativity with some realistic positivity. 

Me

This came to me a few mornings ago when I was waking up from  a bit of a restless sleep. And I was waking up with acid reflux.

Negative and Disrespectful

We do tend to focus on the negative, don't we? Here we are with this amazing expansive consciousness, focusing it down onto the tiny insignificant- in- the- bigger- picture drama of little me. We are obsessively concentrating on our thoughts and feelings at the exclusion of all else there is to shine on. On top of that we have the channel turned to "negativity" rather than "positivity". 

There are an infinite number of zeros in the universe and our consciousness is the 1 in front of those zeros. ( Singer, May, 2024) That then becomes the number of things our universe gives us to experience...Yet there we are narrowing and focusing our attention down onto a 0.001%. And out of that 0.001% we choose the negative.

We have cancer, disease, and death in the world, for example, and our attention goes there instead of the fact that over 99 percent of a lifetime there is health. There are these trillions of cells working together to keep us healthy in the face of all the stuff we are putting into them in terms of toxic substances and toxic thinking...(our fear and our doubt...our erroneous beliefs that we are meant to step in and control their processes). Do we honor and respect these cells for what they do for us without needing any assistance  from us at all? No, we just condemn them when they fail to keep up.

We do not respect the process of Life and even go so far as condemning it when it can't keep up with our expectations of how it should be. We choose to focus this amazing attention onto the 1 percent of time the body cannot keep up with what we are doing to it. We focus on the life processes that are not meeting our desires and expectations. Come on!! 

Once we realize that we are not the controller of these lives...but merely the experiencer, the Observer...we will naturally respect the process. Until then, there is something we can do.  We can start infusing a little positivity into our experiences in order to neutralize the negativity.

Respecting the Process with Positivity

What happens when you mix a strong acid that has the potential to burn and destroy with a weak base?  The strong acid weakens.  It becomes neutralized.  

In the stomach there is a very strong acid called HCL, Hydrochloric acid, that is there to break down proteins. Sometimes it, with other gastric juices, backs up  through the stomach's sphincter and seeps into the esophagus causing heart burn.  If left untreated  it can burn away at the esophageal lining causing permanent damage. If we, however, take a weak base in the form of a TUM which contains Calcium Carbonate, or a spoonful of Baking Soda, Sodium Bicarbonate, we can neutralize that acid and find relief. Consistently neutralizing the strong acid will prevent damage and will allow for healing.  

Like a strong acid, negativity has a tendency to seep into our minds and has the potential of burning away at our life experience. When we infuse our minds and daily experience with a bit of positivity, however, ...(and starting out after years of negative thinking  positivity  will be weak like the base in a TUM),... we can neutralize our negative focus. We can find relief. Once the negativity stops burning away at what is there, healing can take place. 

It will not be as simple as popping a pill into the mouth but it can be as simple as having some positive affirmations on hand to use before and after negativity starts to seep in. 

Realistic Affirmations Only!

I want to stress that the positivity needs to be in a "weak" form.  It has to be less potent than the acid so it doesn't cause an explosion. A Strong acid and a strong base together create a big boom. Even if they are not the strongest in the world, if they are equal in strength they cause a chemical reaction as well.   Have you ever made a volcano using Vinegar and baking soda? 

Our negativity, unfortunately, often tends to be on the strong end of the spectrum. Our negative thoughts are like very strong acids. If I am having some financial difficulty, I may be consumed with thoughts about becoming homeless. Strong affirmations that are strong and far fetched like... affirming that I have a 1,000,000 dollars in the bank when I am worrying about being homeless tomorrow.... will blow the top off of our volcanoes. It is ineffective and makes affirmations useless.  

Positive affirmations must be realistic and believable in a weakened form. I may affirm instead, "It is challenging to realize I do not have enough money in the bank right now.  That's okay though...I got by before, I will get by again.  All events in life: the challenges and the blessings flow in and out. This too shall pass." This base has positivity in it, but it also has a gentle acceptance of what is.  There is no resistance to what is which counters the effect of the affirmation. And it is believable. 

Fill your affirmation lists with realistic, believable truths about the nature of life, about who and what you truly are and you will reduce your mental heartburn, You may even find healing.

An affirmation list can look like this. 

Mental TUMS:

• It is challenging to realize I do not have enough money in the bank right now.  That's okay though...I got by before, I will get by again.  
• All events in life: the challenges and the blessings flow in and out. 
• This too shall pass.
• Nothing that is impermanent, ever-changing, and unpredictable is worth clinging to
• I am more than this
• I am not my problems, I am that which Observes this little me experience these so-called problems.
• What is important is how I am inside...I can clean out my insides and be okay with anything Life offers
• It is just amazing being able to be a part of this experience called Life, no matter what is unfolding in front of me. 
• The music isn't playing for  "me" but I do get to participate in this dance
• I have great respect for Life

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer / Temple of the Universe ( May 26, 2024) Living with Great Respect. https://tou.org/talks/null

The Greatest Service

The greatest service is to recognize the essence or the reality of the other person...who that person truly is beyond form.

Eckhart Tolle

True service isn't about form serving form, ego serving ego, as so much of our human service can be. It is about soul recognizing soul.

I have been thinking a bit about my need to serve and how I go about it when I happened upon this video from a very wise teacher. 

Over the last year or so, I have been so intent on giving and doing for those who I felt could benefit from my service. I have been spending hours here, hours doing up books and learning packages for others, hours doing what I can for loved ones. I have been giving all I have to my now dependent adult children, draining the bit I have in the bank, draining my energy, draining my time. And though I can be very much present and wrapped in being when I am with these people or "doing" for them...I can also be very egoic, lost in this idea of "me" as helper.  Service is, I realize, a form of redemption for me.  

Do you remember how I often refer to the ego twins: Shamer and Redeemer ego? Part of my psyche is full of stored shame and to keep that shame down in a place where it is contained, ego will often set out to redeem itself through what it does or through how it appears to others. It will seek to become the hero. Part, but not all, of my service here and there is to enhance my self image. I want to see myself as "the yogi that serves selflessly", "the mother who gives all to her children", and part of me, in some small way, wants others to see me in that light as well.That is hard to realize. There is still an ego seeking to redeem itself in me so I do not have to deal with the shame emerging. And of course, the shame is emerging.  The more I practice, the more those samskaras are coming up to the surface for release. My automatic reaction to those feelings of shame is to redeem myself. Redeeming my self -image  is a way of pushing the shame back down.So service is not just a expression of the energy within  using this vessel and mind as its conduit...it is also a game ego is playing. Sigh!

I have to realize when I get all caught up in this idea that I am spending or wasting my energy  in doing for others that:

You are not giving anything of yours because ultimately nothing is yours. The energy is not yours. It is just universal energy coming through.Eckhart Tolle.

There is, though, a genuine desire for this natural and pure expression of service to come out, as well. My serving  isn't all ego derived.  I do see now, more than I ever have, the essence and reality of the other person.  I see myself in them and them in me.  I see less "me". It just seems natural to give time and energy away in the way I do because I see that it doesn't belong to me. I do.

So there I am jumping from one foot to the other when it comes to service and helping others. Up on my tip toes  of one foot, serving to meet ego's needs ( to be seen by self and others as  selfless), and then down solid on the other foot, balanced and connected just allowing all that wonderful loving energy to pour through this body and mind. Then  ego calls me over again when shame emerges to be released..."This is too painful. Redeem yourself by doing  something helpful!" I am told so I go off seeking redemption in service again. Then my practice pulls me back to balance, connection and realization. I serve from there. Back and forth I go like I am doing some kind of funky dance. I am, however,  leaning on that solid leg more and more, spending more time in balance than in self image redemption. It is coming. My aim in service is to be more like the quiet listener Vasudeva, in Siddhartha.

While he was still speaking, still confessing, Siddhartha felt more and more that this was no longer Vasudeva, no longer a human being, who was listening to him, that this motionless listener was absorbing his confession into himself like a tree the rain, like this motionless man was the river itself, that He was God Himself, that he was the eternal itself. Herma Hesse, Siddhartha

Vasudeva did little to serve but be.  He was connected to the Source, the everflowing river of Life, and allowed that energy to flow through him. He did not seek to serve, nor did he seek to be praised or acknowledged for his service, he just was service. In this passage Siddhartha is recognizing his friend as  the essence beyond the form, that which was actually doing the serving. And then he began to see that same natural flow of serving energy in himself through recognizing it in the other. 

I am beginning to truly recognize it in the other as well. I am beginning to recognize it in the essence beyond this form I call "me". 

All is well in my world!

Hermann Hesse ( n.d.[book was written in 1922]) Siddhartha. Amazon.

Eckhart Tolle ( May, 2024) Eckhart tolle on the role of Service in Spiritual Development.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yRESz_CpBVU

The Great Song of a Thousand Voices

 

Already, he could no longer tell all the many voices a part, not the happy ones from the weeping ones, not the ones of children from those of men, they all belonged together, the lamenation of yearning, and the laughter of the knowledgeable one, the scream of rage and the moaning of the dying ones, everything was one, everything was intertwined and connected, entangled a thousand times. And everything together, all voices, all goals, all yearning, all suffering, all pleasure, all that was good and evil, all of this together was this world. All of this together was the flow of events, the music of life. And when Siddhartha was listening attentively to this river, this song of a thousand voices, when he neither listened to the suffeirng or the laughter, when he did not tie his soul to any particular voice and submerged himself into it, but when he heard them all, preceived the whole, the oneness, then the great song of the thousand voices consisted of a single word, which was Om: the perfection. 

Herman Hesse, Sidhhartha (n.d., Amazon), page ?...no page numbers lol)

This was more or less what Singer was speaking of today in his podcast.

The psyche is so compelling and alluring.  It pulls us in and wraps itself around us so it is all we can see.  We feel and think the way it tells us to. We look out at the world through the foggy film it creates over our eyes making it all so dark and distorted. It limits our vision and our experience to the confinement it creates  and we come to believe this is it! We grasp and seek through this distortion for anything out there that might make this imprisoned experience a little better, and we push away anything we assume will make it more challenging...creating a mess inside that we spend the rest of our days trying to protect with our preferences. 

Hmm!

But it doesn't have to be this way. When we realize that we are getting lost in this distraction and  pull back a bit from the compelling drama of the psyche and what the world it creates has on us...just a bit back, without resisting any of it...without clinging to any of it...we could experience what Siddhartha in Herman Hesse's book experienced, what Jesus experienced, what the Buddha,"the other Siddharttha," experienced, what a truly enlightened and evolved soul experiences. We could be free.

Spoiler Alert! If you are intending to read the book, do not read the following paragraph: 

Hesse's Siddhartha represents all of mankind that is on a search for a truth that lay beyond words and conceptual knowing, to the truth that can only be experienced. Raised in the comfortable home of a holy man, he left his father's house to seek truer Self-directed holiness. He became a forest dweller...living a life as a renounciant and self punisher before meeting the Buddha whose wisdom touched him in ways he could not fully realize until the end of the book...Not wanting religion  or the preachings of a teacher to contaminate his quest for experiential knowledge, he left the Buddha and his much respected teachings behind and continued with his search for something more.  He went on to become a rich householder, "of child-like mind", falling in love, and getting caught in the trappings of what the sensual  material world had to offer. He, once pulled into this distraction, became filled with lust and greed and he began to cling to materiality in a way his nirvana driven  heart did not approve. Once he realized what he was doing, consumed with guilt and shame, he left that world behind to become a poor ferryman befriending the  humble tradesman who would teach him the craft of ferrying, and  who would,  unkowingly, prove to be his teacher all along. He is taught, as a ferryman, to listen and honor the teachings of the ever flowing river beneath the boat. Then he experiences something he never thought he was capable of experiencing...the true joy of a love attachment when his son comes to him and the sheer horror of human grief when his son leaves him. It is then, in that challenge of being human, that his listening takes on a deeper focus.  In a way he cound never do with his seeking, chasing, and preaching, he becomes truly enlightened through listening and being. Without leaving the Ferryman's shack he becomes an enlightened master. Without stepping out to teach, he teaches others with his mere presence. He recognizes how much he agreed with the teachings of the Buddha, for he too had reached Buddhahood.

Well that is what I got from it. It was a pretty cool book. There was so much that touched me and made me think.  But I will start with the quote above. 

Through listening to the river Siddhartha could hear all the voices of the world merging as one.  Judgement, preference, and duality fell away to show the sameness of it all. He was only able to hear when he stopped doing and talking; when he pulled himself back from the human distractions, put away his judgements and preferences and recognized from that distance, that there was a unifying essence that held everything and everyone together as one. 

We could learn to listen to the hum of the essenc on which the world flows as well, when we fall back away from the illusion of humanness and rest in the Soul. .

That which is watching the human drama through body and mind is not human.(Paraphrased from something Michael Singer said today in his podcast.)

What we are watching is just human drama, with its ups and downs and all arounds.  We do not have to fix it, or change it.  We do not have to filter through it for that which we like and that which we don't.  We just have to sit back and listen to the wonderful music it is playing. When we need to act we can act but we do not have to consumed by what and how we should do in this world.  We should be more concerned with listening.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 23, 2024) Handling the Big Stuff. 

Clever or Wise?

 Yesterday I was clever, and I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, and I am changing myself.

Rumi

I don't know about you but I am now on the path towards wisdom. (Not that I am very wise at this point lol)  It is challenging, though, to see the suffering in this world and not seek to change it. Hmm!

All is well.

Between Differentiation and Oneness

 The whole universe is a play of differentiation and oneness; the whole universe is a play of the finite in the Infinite. We cannot take one without granting the other. But we cannot take them both as facts of the same perception, as facts of the same experience; yet in this way it will always go on. 

Vivekananda, Complete Works, 1,4 Lectures and Discourses, page 213

All is well!

The Unconditional Peace of Spirit

Spirit loves Spirit.

Yogananda 

To get beyond conditional well being to unconditional peace, love, and joy is what I ask for myself and others. The only way to do that is cutting through the veil preferences create.

All is well.  

A Path of Freeing the Mind

 The mind can be the greatest trap or the greatest liberator.

I got taken away, for an hour or so, viewing videos I recently posted. Why?  Is it ego that wants to make sure that it look's okay to others? Am I still there? Yuck! But I am to some degree.  

I also felt compelled to listen to the message. I listen to the message...the message pours out of this vessel I call "me" when I do those videos...imperfectly sure...but the message is something meant for "me", as much as it is meant for others....probably more so. When I say meant for "me", I mean it is another thing that will help to dissolve this "me". I am on the path to liberate the mind. 

All good.

All is well in my world

Jnana Yoga and "This Mind"

"This Mind"

So infinite and blissful was This Mind,

pure and expansive as the sky,

shrunk down into a tiny form,

cramped and compressed, It cried. 

In strange and new confinement

It lay at Mother's breast,

while memories of the place It left

denied It of Its rest.

Even the sweetest  memories will not last,

and as morning turned to day,

in this strange new world, 

what was known slowly slipped away.

Desperate and lost in unfamiliarity

like a leaf caught in the breeze,

This Ray of Mind now longed for solidity,

and a certain sense of ease.

So, focusing all Its power, 

now so shaky and confined,

It willed the tiny dimpled hand,

when eyes were blue and blind,

to reach up into the darkness

for something solid It could grasp.

 Landing on the warm flesh of other,

It drew in tiny breath and gasped,

"This will be mine," It declared,

as  clumsy fingers dug deeply into skin.

"In this dark and noisy world, 

through flesh, I will begin." 

"This is mine. I am this. I am me." 

the tiny lungs exclaimed,

and reaching here and reaching there

The Mind began to claim  

anything of this earthly world 

It could use in Its defense,

and any bit of outer knowing

that would help the world to make sense. 

Resting in this delusion

The Mind's vessel closed its eyes

and a fleeting hushing lullaby eased

the desperation in its cries. 

The weary Mind fell into dream sleep

where It staid for much too long

while faded memories of what It knew

became a haunting song.

The form expanded as the years went by

but The Mind did not find much relief.

What was left of what It once knew

was buried in strangling belief.

Its focus became so pinpoint,

so contracted was its beam,

seeing only the me and its drama

in this never ending dream.

Its addiction to the world and its elixirs

greatly grew and intensified,

until all the grasping and the clinging

did little to end this nasty lie.

There was no end to suffering, 

The Mind sadly realized,

there was no escaping reality,

there was no real place to hide.

So yawning, Mind opened up its eyes

and began to truly see,

"There is no sustenance to that which I cling,

there is no solidity to "me".  

The Mind fell back and listened, 

to that which lay beneath thought and word

"This is not what you are here for,"

the Song's lyrics could be heard.

"Who is dreaming? Who is singing?"

the mind answered back in query. 

"Of this world and all its pain and pleasures

I am so bloody weary.

Let me remember what I knew before 

I took to lowly form, 

and narrowed this light I am seeing through

to shine on passing storm.

If I am the light, then who are You?

From where does this light  come?

Show me where the light begins and 

the  place of Source I come from."

The answer has yet to come to This Mind

that is slowly awakening,

but there is less holding on to flesh and form

as the world continues shaking.

No longer infant or child, Mind is expanding 

beyond Its earthly form,

and slowly, with gentle grace and ease, 

It is falling  back to Home.

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2024

This is what came out of me after listening to today's podcast on Jnana Yoga ( referred to as Gyana Yoga in the podcast). Such an imperfect poem in so many ways...Remaining ego, in "me",  says, "Are you crazy? Don't post that!!! It isn't good enough. You are supposed to only show parts of yourself that are a certain way that maintains this sense of self you created so the world likes you and is therefore willing to support you and protect you.   You are not supposed to express yourself in such an imperfect way. Man! When will you learn? Yet, this is what came out so it is here for others to scrutinize, judge, criticize, condemn, or possibly even get something from.  Other opinion is and always was beyond me...I was only supposed to put it down. All good.

All is well in my world!

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe (May 19, 2024) Gyana Yoga-Learning to Use Mind for Liberation.  https://tou.org/talks/

Learning from Nachiketa: Death is not the End

 

The intelligent atman is not born, nor does he die; he did not come from anywhere, nor was he anything, unborn, eternal, everlasting, ancient; he is not slain though the body is slain. 

Katha Upanishads Verse 1.2.18

Atman is soul.

I was reminded today of a beautiful story in the Katha Upanishads about the beauty of surrendering to what is...to all that is...even the hardest life experience.  

Our community was  hit with such  a tradgic loss this week.  We were  shook into silence by it. There was little news, little gossip heard since the incident on Sunday. People were even afraid to ask questions or speak about it.  A hushed whisper of what happened and what might be,  is all that could be  heard.  The community was full of a silent "if we don't speak about it, it isn't real" background hum. 

Accepting the reality of how impermenent and unpredictable life is; how it can strip us of the most precious jewels, our chldren, our peace; and how it can reach into any moment and take away that which we think it should never take from us, is somethimes too much for the collective mind to bear. Yet, impermanence, unpredictability,  is our reality as human beings. On top of that Life can do what it does in a blink of an eye. No time to prepare.

Sigh! That is hard stuff.  That, amongst other suffering I have been observing around me has left this psyche I call"me" quite disillusioned with this Life. I guess I really didn't like Life as a human being this week.  It didn't make a lot of sense to me. It just seemed to be full of suffering. Where was the joy? Or even the peace I have been prayng for, for all? More than most, I have had this urge and tendency to stick my head in the sand so I didn't have to deal with what is going on out there.  I had to shut out suffering or at least the knowledge of it. I closed myself off from so many suffering others over the years just to deal with what is in front of me. I was reminded of those I neglected as well this week and I felt shame and guilt. With everything coming together as a big weight on my shoulders, I felt overwhelmed. Life floored me with its heaviness.

How does one cope with such heavy reality?

The Story of Nachiketa and His Three Wishes (Ketha Upanishads)

Nachiketa was the son of a proud Brahmin by the name of Vajasravasa ( sorry no accents). Vajasravasa called himself a true renounciant and often preached how devoted he was. Nachiketa  was an observant boy and an honest one.  He often observed his father taking part in the  customary vedic rituals of sacrificing. One day, when he noticed how his father only took the old, and no longer useful animals to the fire to be sacrificed, he asked, "Since the cow gives no milk and is no longer of value to you,  Father, is it  truly a sacrifice you are making?" 

 This hurt his father's Brahmin pride, as truth will often do. He became very angry with his son and even more distant. To make matters worse, Nachiketa, full of faith (Sraddha), innocence, and honesty continued. " And since you propose to be a renounciant and obviously have no more use for me, where will you sacrifice me Father?"  

His father was furious and in his reactive  anger and haste shouted, " I will give you to Death. To Death, I give you!"

As soon the words left his mouth, the old Brahmin realized his error.  He did not mean what he said  but once spoken from the mouth of a Brahmin,  there was no taking this wish back. His grief became overwhelming.

Nachiketa was swept through the portal between life and death. Fearless and full of sraddha he said, "of many I go the first, of many I go midmost, what is there for death to do that he can now do by me?" (Verse 1.1.5) "...like corn, decades the mortal, like corn, is born again."(Verse 1.1.6)

He was taken  from the world of Life to wait three days in the mansion of Yama in the after life for Death's return. (Yama ( Death) was in the world of the living  collecting other souls when Nachiketa landed there.)  Through that three day wait  there was no entity there to greet him and therefore no water to soothe the fire of death, but Nachiketa remained very fearless, and faithful, willing to accept and surrender his life as the perfect sacrifice.  

When Yama returned he was very impressed with Nachiketa's level of purity and devotion. He told him he could have three boons/wishes for being so faithful/

The first wish from Nachiketa was, " May Guatama[his father...'great sage'] be freed from anxiety, be calm in mind, not wrath against me, that he may recognize and welcome me let go by you-is, oh Death, the first of the three boons I ask." ( Verse 1.1.10)

Nachiketa knew that his father would be suffering great grief for losing his son, as any parent would. He wanted to ease that grief and alleviate any remaining anger his father might be living with...knowing that anger creates suffering for the holder.  He also wanted to ensure that if he were to return, likely in another carnation, his father would recognize him and welcome him. That was his first wish. 

I see how the belief in reincarnation can add peace and a sense of soothing relief in those parents who lose their children.  They could be left with a  sense that their children  are not gone...just transformed . Hindu tradition teaches that reincarnation happens in the same ancestral pool so the ancestral karma can be burned off. In which case, we may meet our loved ones again in another body.

Just knowing your loved one is okay in the after life would be such a peace making experience.  Parents who go to psychics and are told that their child is okay where they now are, are often left with so much peace. 

This is the peace Nachiketa is asking for for his father. 

His second wish was for Yama to teach him how to transcend the fear of death and attachment to worldly things including his own body. 

His final wish was to know what happens after death.

"This well known doubt as to what happens to a man after death-some say he is, and some say he is not-I shall know being taught by thee. This is the third of the boons. " ( Verse 1.1.20)

Yama desperate not to have to explain that which even the gods sometimes do not understand, tried to dissaude Nachiveta from making  such a wish his third. He encouraged him to want all the riches, fame, lonegvity the world could offer instead of this. Nachiveta was not dissauded.

"Man is not to be satisfied with wealth, if wealth were wanted, we should get it, if we only see thee. We shall also live, as long as you rule. Therefore, that boon alone is fit to be craved by me." (Verse 1.1.27)

In other words, Nachiveta was saying that all the things of the world are impermanent and unpredicatable, they will disappear as long as Death is around to claim them and that man only lives so long. Earthly things are of little value, then, compared to the ultimate knowledge of Life after death. 

"What decaying mortal living in the world below and possessed of knowledge, having reached the company of the undecaying and immortal, will delight in long life, knowing the nature of delight produced by song and sport. "( Verse 1.1.28)

We as mortals are already dying and decaying...only here for a brief flicker of candle flame. Nachiveta, now in the company of immortal Death, realizes how temporal and unsatisfying that flicker is he left behind.  Nothing of this world can bring to man what true knowledge and enlightenment can. He is choosing eternity and  enlightenment over the temporal illusions. 

In the remainder of these Upani Nachiveta what he wants to know. He gives him a mirror to tell him what he sees is not real. What is within is real: Atman/Soul.  He explains there is no birth, so there can be no death for this Atman.There is an eternal Self within that can not be sought and found.  It finds us. There is no "self". Just this Self  which reveals itself through itSelf. "To him, this atman reveals its true nature." ( Verse 1.2.24) 

It will take me forever to go through all these verses but there is one that brings a bit of peace to me during this heavy reflection of what seems like untimely suffering and death. I hope that its truth can someow penetrate the grief so many are experiencing now. 

Subtler than the subtle, greater than the great, in the heart of each living being, the atman reposes. One free from desire, with his mind and senses composed, sees the glory of the atman and is absolved from grief.  (Veres 1.2.20)

Hmm! How I ramble.

May all beings know:

All is well! 

S. Sitarami Sastri/Wisdom Libray (Last udpated: Fenruary , 2021)  Katha Upanishads with Shankara's Commentary.(1928) https://www.wisdomlib.org/hinduism/book/katha-upanishad-shankara-bhashya/d/doc145164.html

Dr Katie Jane/ Embodied Philosophy (April 17, 2021) Katha Upanishads- The Secret Teachings of Death-Embodied Philsophy. https://www.embodiedphilosophy.com/kat%CC%A3ha-upanis%CC%A3ad-the-secret-teachings-of-death/

Dis-ease in the Gut

 

All dis-ease begins in the gut.

Hippocrates

After all the years of a twisting turning gut reaction to stress...my gut is sick. 

Sick?  I thought you said there was no sickness?  

On the vertical plane, in the true reality that exists beyond this superficial world of maya that we walk through...there is no sickness.  On this horizontal physical plane, where most of us are consciously stuck,  there is a belief in illness, therefore the signs of illness. My body is showing those signs.  

My gut has probably always been more active (and reactive) than my mind ever was. I tend to  perceive life first through my gut. Encounter a situation the gut likes and I feel a flutter of butterfly wing in there or a pleasant swooshing before the mind even knows what is going on. If I encounter a situation or person the gut doesn't like...there is an instant  drop, a sudden pull of energy downward, the same feeling one gets on the ferris wheel when it is dropping down.  Sometimes, when my gut is overwhelmed and confused it feels like a whirlpool in my abdomen ...churning, swirling, splashing against my insides like mighty ocean waves resisting the rocks in front of them. 

My gut resists my life...or resists the fact that I am not listening to the way it is telling me to approach or make peace with this life.  My gut reacts to stress. Big time.

I spent my life ignoring my gut. I was so busy straining to hear what my brain had to say about what was going on, I couldn't hear what the Brain's southern cousin, much wiser in many ways, had to say. I didn't take the time to listen to its wise messages, to follow its advice and it is not happy.  So I now have a rock in my gut, it seems, all the time.  I have chronic heartburn that is barely controlled by the medication I am on, and I am having other issues as well.  Constant discomfort. A constant inconvenience to my daily life. Sigh! The gut is protesting my neglect of it.

That is what I am experiencing now, on top pf protests from other body areas.  The billion gut cells (mostly migrant workers in the form of microbs) have unionized and are now standing in front of me with their placard signs shouting into bullhorns so loudly I have no choice but to listen. "Change Your Approach to  Life! Change Your Mind! Protect and listen to us or we are out for good!"  

Is it too late to make peace with them and my life?

I hope not.

All is well. 

Fall Back

Belief is of the mind; knowledge is direct experience. Spirituality is about your relationship with God. You are consciousness...God is the Infinite Consciousness. So, you are the drop that, once it pulls its attention away from the object of consciousness and  falls back into the Ocean,  has the potentional to merge.  The Source of Consciousness is another name for God. 

Paraphrased or indirectly quoted from Michael A. Singer

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 13, 2024) Spirituality-The Journey to theSource of Consciousness. https://tou.org/talks/

A Pure Spring World

The world will change if we change; if we are pure, the world will become pure.

Vivekananda

The first glimpse of the outside world I had this morning...was a peak of blue sky  through my yoga studio window  when I was stretching up into sun salutations. Then when I came up here I caught a glimpse of blossoms emerging on the cherry trees and I just had to sigh.  I may have only slept a few hours...this pain is constantly speaking to me at night waking me up or keeping me awake...but it is all good when I look outside and see spring and its amazing light spalshing across my yard. I am also warmed when I hear the music of bird song. It is all good.  It is all so pure. It is all so very good. 

All is well in my world.

Weary of the World I See

 I have forgotten It, and do not know where I am going, who I am, or what it is I do.  Remind me, Father, now, for I am weary of this world I see. Reveal what You would have me see instead.

-ACIM-W-224:2:2-4

I am reminded of these words today at a time I am contemplating the suffering I see as the world unfolds  around me. I see this suffering in those I live with and it is so in my face. I see the suffering of people who have lost their beloved pets. I see the suffering in the homeless people that walk the streets of this little city in numbers now.  And I see the suffering of parents and an entire community waiting to see if a child survives a life threatening accident. ( I see,as well, the suffering that I imagine will be never ending  in the person who was behind the wheel). Sigh! I am weary of this world I see. 

I ask, Reveal what you would have me see instead. 

Sigh! All of this is Life just doing what Life does, following laws my mere mortal brain will never understand. I don't want to look away from suffering. I want to look upon it with compassion and kindness and love.  I do want to see more than suffering though too....so there is balance. Show me both sides.  

As I say that I know I am being shown  everyday the beauty and joy that is Life as well, but my mind so often directs my gaze downward locking in on sorrow and suffering.  It fails to see the what you would have me see instead. 

What I should be asking is: give me, all of us,  the strength to offer presence to suffering and then to be able to lift our eyes away from its pull, to see the joy and beauty that we are also here to experience. 

All is well.

Happy Mother's Day.

 

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mothers day to all mothers out there,  This day honors the maternal instinct, the caring and nuturing that is so often selflessly offered to the world. It doesn't really matter whether your children are skinned or furred! May you, of loving heart  be blessed with peace and love. 

All is well.

Embracing the Optimal Zone of Difficulty

 The human brain loves a challenge, but only when it is within an optimal zone of difficulty. 

James Clear, page 231

The Goldilocks rule states we reach our highest motivation when we work on tasks that are right at the edge of our current abilities. We are really motivated in what we are doing when what we are setting out to accomplish is just like Goldilocks experience at the Three Bear's house: not too easy, not to hard, just right. 

We reach that Goldilocks zone, that flow state where we lose track of time and the  optimal state of arousal that exists midway between anxiety and boredom (Yerkes-Dodson law), when the task is 4 % beyond our current ability.  We feel intensely motivated when the task  is  taking us a small step beyond the comfort zone but only a small step.  Too big of a leap and it might too difficult leading to overwhelm rather than achievement.  Too small, and it leaves us bored and not growing.

The two little books I am working on now are hitting that 4 % perfectly.  I have never written about the writing process for children before; I never wrote about phonemic awareness before ( infact I didn't know much about phonemic awareness until I started writing this book...it was a means to learn for me just as much as it was a means to teach). I am in the zone when I am working on them...hours go by and I would swear it was only minutes.  I am not too  bored and I am not too anxious! I am just right! 

Hmm!

We can, also, be motivated to grow and expand in life spiritually when we embrace the challenges ahead of us.  Let's make the most of those life challenges that are 4 % beyond what the mind is comfortable with. Take a small step out of the comfort zone you are stuck in. Challenge yourself to go a little deeper everyday. Learn in that optimal state of difficulty.

All is well.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 12, 2024) Using Life for Your Ascent. https://tou.org/talks/